Contains spoilers for Season 5 Episode 7, 'No Mans Land'. Errata, I previously erred in saying that THT Season 5 only had 8 episodes. There are 10, meaning that there are 3 episodes left, more than enough time to round out all the MIA plot points left unattended. If they put their mind to it!

Thank you to Arallute for her feedback!

Season 5 Episode 7 - B+

HEY MARK, GROW A PAIR

Commander Joseph Lawrence: Who the hell is in charge up there, Mark? In Canada?

Agent Mark Tuello: I don't know what you mean, Commander.

JL: That, right there is your problem, Mark. You forget, we here in Gilead, we have read all your secret files - CIA, FBI, NSA, all the stuff we inherited when you decided to scamper off to Alaska. A lot of it about Canada. Me, I've sat at the old Resolute Desk in the Oval Office - it's all shot up, a reminder of when our citizens came to their senses. More than half of America's civil service, they just do-si-do'ed and allemande-left'ed to work for us. Pensions are a powerful thing. You wouldn't believe what I've seen about The United States before saner heads prevailed.

MT: I still don't know what you mean. The American Ambassador to Canada, she's still in Ottawa, still very much in charge.

JL: No! In Canada! Who's in charge in Canada!

MT: I don't know what you're playing at, Commander. The Canadians, they're in charge in Canada. That's what the PMO tells me, in any event.

JL: Canada, it's not even a real country. Voltaire called it, 'a few acres of snow'!

MT: - sigh - If you're not in the mood, we can talk some other time, Commander.

JL: No. We can't. It used to be the ol' US of A which called the tune in Ottawa and Toronto. Now that you're there 24/7, you're simply impotent.

MT: Do you have a point, Commander?

JL: Yeah, I have a point. The point is you should grow a pair. You're actually going to let Canada control its own borders? Control them for the sole purpose of arresting Serena Joy Waterford? Why don't you just tell those Dudley Do-Rights that Serena, she's an American.

MT: Serena would have to do that, Canada's position is that she renounced American citizenship, had every opportunity - esp. since Fred's death….

JL: ….. Fred's murder!

MT: …. which she didn't. She always referred to Gilead as her country.

JL: Okay, let's try this another way. The kid. What's his name, 'Noah'?

MT: What about him?

JL: The United States is a signatory to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. Both The United States as well as Canada are bound by that. Both of you have the obligation to ensure that Noah Waterford has Statehood. That 'State' is Gilead. He was born here.

MT: He was born in No Mans Land. What, now you're claiming No Mans Land?

JL: Neither the United States nor Gilead ever ceded it to anyone. The Canadians, they've always stayed on their side of the 45th. Except for 1812, when they burned your White House.

MT: Argue all you want, Commander. Your argument is with the provincial child care agency.

JL: They've arrested Serena for illegally crossing into Canada - having had no status, not even a refugee one. Why aren't they arresting June Waterford for human trafficking in Stateless people?

MT: All Mrs. Waterford needs to do is declare that she fears persecution!

JL: Yah! From where? From Gilead or from Canada!?

MT: Ms. Osborne, Canada is lauding her here as a hero. Again. She is more than covered by taking both Mrs. Waterford and her baby straight to a medical facility. She's covered under Good Samaritan laws. Both were quite dehydrated, not good for a new mother or newborn. She saved their lives.

- the two men held their respective telephone devices in silence -

MT: Can I ask you a question, Commander?

JL: Shoot.

MT: Bad choice of word, Commander! I was going to ask about your recent coup d'état.

JL: - yelling - It wasn't a coup! High Commander Putnam was tried and sentenced by the High Criminal Court of Gilead!

MT: Yeah. One convened by four New Gilead Commanders, including yourself, in the middle of the night, just hours before Putnam was shot - right in front of his wife. Not to mention all the other New Gilead Commanders!

JL: Don't raise your voice at me! Warren Putnam was a repeat offender. Crimes against handmaids. I bet that tiny tidbit never made your papers. We were protecting vulnerable people in our Bilhah program!

MT: You also removed a major roadblock to New Bethlehem. That's at least coup-lite, Commander Lawrence. - silence - But let me tell you about the watercooler convo we in the US Consulate here have - no, not about you. About Commander Blaine.

JL: Nick? Why Nick?

MT: I don't wish to insult your intelligence, Commander. We in the Consulate here have quit asking why you're still alive. After Angel's Flight, that one is a real poser. No, the one that puzzles us now is Nick Blaine. Okay, I get it, he's married to High Commander Wharton's daughter. That alone will buy someone a lot of armor. He was groomed by no less than High Commander Pryce.

JL: You're now just advertising your ignorance, Mark.

MT: Okay, maybe so. I just don't get it. We have some smart people up here, Commander. Smart political analysts. They're scratching their heads.

JL: Maybe the smart ones stayed after the revolution, Mark - they're now running the Guardian's service, the Eyes of God, the Angels. It's why you should get comfortable, freezing in Alaska.

MT: No, we'll figure him out, Commander. He took control from you when it came to Fred Waterford. He delivered the coup de grâce to Putnam. He's also quite taken with June Osborne, yet he's married other people, not once but twice. One of them a smart match, the other not so much.

JL: Tricky Nick, that's what we call him here.

MT: We'll figure it out, Commander. Other than that - I'm not quite sure what we've accomplished, other than you think we can order Canadians around.

JL: Do you know the last time one of their teams won the Stanley Cup?

IT WAS STILL WARM

The plan was simple. Blaine would handle the wet work. Lawrence would keep an eye on the Guardians, particularly the armed ones. The ones armed to the teeth. Count noses, make sure that he and Nick had more noses than 'they' did, whoever 'they' were.

Most of the Guardians present at breakfast, they were singly assigned to individual Commanders. Technically, Lawrence calculated, he and Blaine (and Scott and Calhoun) were outnumbered. Yet in a testament to the maxims about 'Command and Control', Blaine and Lawrence brought a dozen otherwise unassigned Guardians - they as a bloc were under Blaine's command. Basically the same guys who had intercepted Commander Waterford up at the border…. how many weeks ago had that been?

The element of surprise was a wonderful thing. While Putnam was on the ornate patio bleeding out, while a frantic Naomi Putnam was being restrained by two burly Guardians, all the other Commanders were sitting on the veranda still eating breakfast. Each one making quick calculations, then giving silent shaking motions of their heads to call off their own security details. No one of the others knew who was in on this, therefore everyone stood down.

The anatomy of a successful coup, thought Lawrence. Surprise, and Command and Control. And the body was still warm.

As Naomi Putnam was spirited away into a speeding SUV, as Guardians wrapped Putnam's body in a right-proper body bag, complete with Gilead logo (there just for the occasion), as marthas started cleaning the veranda tables… as Commanders and their single Guardian body men sauntered over to the meeting centre…

….. Steven Scott came up to Lawrence and a bloodied Nick Blaine. Scott said, "that should have been you, Lawrence, you apostate." He then turned to Blaine, "for all that's holy, Nick, don't come to council like that!" Scott then looked back at Lawrence and said, "really, Joseph, really!? At breakfast! Just before the meeting? In front of the Wives?"

Lawrence quipped, "well, everyone was here, so we took advantage of saving travel expenses."

Scott scowled, "you've got a lot of Commanders standing around with their dicks in their hands! Also, thanks to you, Grace is out of her mind. My body man got Grace into the SUV before she could race over to Naomi. Me, I'll be in shit when I get home. She knows where I was last night." He sighed, "I'd wanted her to know I hadn't been at Jezebels."

Lawrence said, "there's never a bad time to get laid, is there Steven?"

Blaine made his excuses. Nick had a dozen Guardians with him and he said he needed to change. These were the guys who'd been in Chicago with him. He said that after changing, he was going to put in an appearance at Council. As he walked away, he said, "me, too. I think I'm in shit at home."

SYLVIA HUNG OUT HER COUNSELING SHINGLE

Nichole was now settled upstairs. Fed, changed, with a story.

Rita came down the stairs and remembered, 'shit, Sylvia is here.' When Rita turned to go clean the kitchen she heard Sylvia's voice….

"Oh no," Sylvia said, "get your butt in here. We're going to talk."

Rita pivoted and obediently sat on the couch opposite. It really did look like a counseling session, Sylvia in a hard chair, Rita on the couch.

Being awkward, Rita said, "I got a text from Luke. He said there's been a snafu. Asked if I could stay with Nichole for a while longer."

Sylvia said, "wow, that's what I wanted to talk about, too!" Rita looked perplexed, Sylvia continued, "Can you? Can you look after Nichole?"

The silence in the Bankole/Strand/Osborne livingroom was stark. Rita was realizing what was coming, to her dread.

She'd been caught. Her dreaded secret - it was out.

Rita pleaded with Sylvia, "look, I can quit, I can manage it. This was just an episode. Please, please do not let on!"

Sylvia said, "You know what I think, Rita? I think they know. I just don't think that they know that Nichole, that she'd been in harm's way."

A rare flash of temper from Rita, "I had everything under control!" Rita descended from rage to tears in one second flat.

"They're going to know, Rita!"

Rita said in tears, "how can they possibly find out?"

Sylvia laughed, "for one thing, the empties. For another, I'm going to tell them."

Rita got up, secured her bag, and went for her coat. At that point she spied the dried vomit on the carpet, right below her at the couch. At the sight she collapsed back down and started to bawl. Fiercely. Like it might not stop. Rita, the every-Sunday Christian, the every-Saturday night confessor at the church - Rita started to howl through her sobs, "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," as her fist slammed onto the couch cushion.

When things settled down, Sylvia was still there.

Sylvia said, "I'm here for you, Rita. I'm sure as fuck not going to lose another to that fucking place."

They sat in silence for what seemed like ages. Then Rita's text-notification rang out. Picking up her phone, she said, "shit, I didn't respond to Luke. All he's said is, 'You won't believe who's in hospital here!? In handcuffs!'"

Sylvia said, "That can wait, Rita. Let's you and me, let's clean up this mess. The vomit, I'll do that one. No martha should have to clean her own mess alone….."