A steady step alerted her to the presence of another breath in the gazebo. Elsa had been wasting time looking across the wide expanse of lake, blurred by the rain. She had romanticised the lake somewhat, hoping that it would endear itself to her and she could justify giving up her villa in Vienna for this endless solitude. She had enjoyed it for the most part but to live here all the time could perhaps be a little dull? She was beginning to rethink her strategy. She did not need Georg, she admitted to herself. She had realised that not long ago. Did she want him? He was certainly the kind of man a widow should want. Elsa knew that she wasn't the most conventional choice. Men courted her for a while but none wished to marry her. She could not be counted on to behave meekly, charming though she was. She'd been brought up well but a wallflower she was not. She wanted someone who could be spontaneous and enjoy the little things in life. Georg was neither and while he'd surprised her on occasion, she was not sure he ever would routinely forthcoming. And then there were the children. The Baroness was not fond of children. She thought that is how it must be if you were unable to have any yourself. Or just hadn't had them yet. But if anyone could debunk that, here she was.
'Maria. You came back.'
Maria stood before her, looking bright and well, if a little sodden.
'Yes.'
'You are aware that Georg hired another governess in your absence?'
'Yes.'
Elsa wasn't sure of what else was appropriate to say.
'I came back to say a proper goodbye to the children. And the Captain.'
Els's heart fluttered on hearing that. She was sure that Georg would have something to say on the matter. And it meant that Maria would vanish from all their lives forever.
'But goodbye? To the von Trapps? Why ever so?'
'I left because something happened that I did not foresee. I could not stay here any longer, knowing that. It would not be polite to my host.'
'You left without saying goodbye. Even to the children.' 'It was wrong of me. Forgive me.' Georg stared at her. 'Why did you?' 'Please don't ask me. The reason no longer exists.' And that was the truth.'I knew there was something between you and Georg. I could see it' Elsa said triumphantly. She must keep up appearances despite everything.
'Are you still going to marry him?' Queried Maria.
Elsa sighed.
'No' she admitted. 'I rather still think he has his eye on you, my dear.'
Elsa's heart dropped at her own words, spoken out loud, she could not take them back.
'Me?' Maria seemed startled.
Elsa frowned at her.
'We did determine this last time, do you remember? In your room. That charming blue dress. He danced with you. I could see it coming before either of you did.'
Maria looked a bit embarrassed.
'There's no need to be shy, I know he must have been on your mind for you to come back for him.'
Maria looked up and stared straight at her.
'You're right. I did come back. But it wasn't for him. I came back for you.'
Elsa was shocked into silence. Never in her wildest dreams did she think it.
'But the way you looked at Georg?'
'I did look at him like that. I was confused. There was so much going on, I didn't know where to turn. I spent more time with him of course and it made me think that is where my affections lie. I will admit that he did awaken something in me. I was frightened. But the way you looked at me…it felt different. I thought it wasn't right. And maybe it isn't. But while I was at the abbey, praying for these feelings to go away, the Reverend Mother called me and asked about what had happened.'
Elsa was astonished.
'You told the Reverend Mother…?'
Maria shook her head.
'Not exactly. You see, it was not lying.'
'Why did they send you back to us?'
'They didn't send me back. I left.'
'Tell me what happened.'
'I was frightened.'
'Frightened? Were they unkind to you?'
'Oh, no! No, I was confused. I felt…'
'Yes?'
Reverend Mother was both curious and mystified.
'I've never felt that way before. I couldn't stay. I knew that here I'd be away from it. I'd be safe.'
Oh when would the whirling in her head stop?
Reverend Mother sighed.
'Maria, our abbey is not to be used as an escape. What is it you can't face?'
'I can't face him again.'
'Him? Are you in love with him?' Queried the other woman.
Maria shook her head exasperatedly. She couldn't reveal the true source of her fright but she didn't want to implicate the Captain either.
'I don't know. I think not. But how am I to be sure?'
Reverend Mother pondered on this. She was a worldly woman, had come to the abbey late in life. She had the best qualities to rise through the ranks quicker than most and it had been recognised. What advice could she give to someone so inexperienced in the ways of men?
'There are times when you can only be sure if you act upon it.'
Maria didn't think she should act upon this impulse.
'The Baroness said I was. She said that he was in love with me. But I didn't want to believe it.'
None of that was a lie.
'There were times we looked at each other. I could hardly breathe.'
Now whom was she talking about? It could have been either of them. But the pull towards one was stronger.
'Did you let him see your feelings?'
'I don't know. I hope not. To have asked for love would have been wrong. I just couldn't stay.'
Reverend Mother thought she knew what was bothering the novice. Maria would not contradict her. She knew how wrong her wish was.
'Maria. You have a great capacity to love. You must find out how God wants you to spend your love.'
'But I pledged my life to God. I pledged my life to his service.'
'My daughter, if you love this man, it doesn't mean you love God less.'
Maria should have felt bad about deceiving Reverend Mother who only had her best interests at heart.
'These walls were not built to shut out problems. You must go back, even if it comes to nothing. Only then I will consider your vacation here. You have to face the problem.'
And here she was. Trying to face the problem. If this didn't work, she'd have to go back to the abbey and admit she'd failed. And spend the rest of her life trying to forget whatever it was she was feeling.
Elsa was speechless. Hadn't she wished for someone spontaneous and entertaining but serious in matters of devotion? Maria was all of that, she had noticed. They stood staring at each other until the thunder and lightning broke. It sounded like the heavens were roiling and cursing, spitting at them for daring to break the peace of this villa. Any moment now and they would be found in a compromising position.
'Well, here we are. Caught in a rainstorm in this charming little gazebo' said Elsa with a little laugh, trying to cover up her reaction, trying to shy away from the other woman's beseeching eyes. Maria couldn't be serious, she couldn't be. Elsa had been trying to conceal her attraction to the wayward nun for a while. She knew she'd done a good job. Neither Georg or Max had noticed. But lately, Maria had been the only thing she could think of. And it was the reason for her recent lacklustre response to the one she was supposed to devote herself to.
'I have said goodbye to the children. And the Captain. I was prepared to say goodbye to you. I truly do not know how you would feel. But I had to try.'
Elsa tried to think of something clever to say. But for once, she had nothing.
'Baroness. If you would let me tell you that I have not thought of anything else since I left the party. You, me, the Captain. You, most of all.'
'Maria, my darling…I'm sorry.'
All of a sudden she was flustered. She hadn't meant to say that. It had taken on a new meaning.
'I didn't mean…actually I'm not sure…of what I'm saying.'
'I want to know what you are thinking' insisted Maria.
Elsa steeled herself to look at her determined adversary. She had to take the risk or forever wonder about what could have been.
'I suppose, I'm lonely' Elsa admitted warily. 'I'd like to be rescued from loneliness. I imagined a light-hearted more spontaneous man. Someone who likes to spend my money thoughtfully yet joyously. Someone romantic. I miss intimate company. Someone who can take care of me, emotionally. But Georg can barely take care of his own emotional needs. I have wasted too much time now trying to convince all of us that this could work. I suppose that the qualities I seek, I see more of in you than I ever could see in him. Or maybe I don't bring those traits out in him. Which leaves me rather confused about whom shall be my knight. Or if I shall ever have one.'
Maria's smile was of delight.
'You and me both, Baroness.'
'Do you like being confused, Maria?'
'Well, no. But if you feel the same way then we would agree. And perhaps, unlikely as it seems, I could be your knight.'
Elsa took a step forward. Reached out a finger and brushed strands of Maria's damp hair away. Kept her hand on Maria's cheek.
'You are quite the most unusual creature I have been fortunate to become acquainted with. I would hate for you to be unhappy. And now I'd have to admit that I do care for you, much more than I would have realised.'
She should have realised. When did she stop listening to Georg and start caring about what Maria said? He had professed that she had been his saviour. But Elsa thought that he didn't need one. Or if he did, it couldn't be her.
Maria gently took her hand, kissed her thumb. She'd never thought of being someone's knight before. But she liked the idea of it. Elsa could not remember the last time she'd had attention like that. This is what she'd yearned for. She'd missed romance more than anything. She sighed and whispered, to get Maria to come closer. Like in a dream, Maria did. Maria remembered the moment that she had truly fell for the Baroness.
She'd dropped a puppet. The goat one. A silly thing. The Baroness had leaned over and retrieved it, handed it back, fingers grazing hers. Maria exclaimed sharply.
'Oh, my dear, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.'
It was just a scratch but the Baroness picked up her hand and lightly kissed the slight mark she'd made with her nails.
Maria's heart felt like it was going to leap out of her chest and her skin burned in the queerest way. She mumbled something and turned away.
She kept a close eye on the Baroness. She was called one of the most charming women in Vienna. Maria had never seen anyone so glamorous. Some of it was a gracious artifice, her manner at times seemed deliberate, practiced. She never let herself speak irrepressibly despite her sparkling personality. She could also be a little cheeky at times, revealed the perfect soupcon of wit. Maria did admire that as something she couldn't do. But she wouldn't have wanted to be like the Baroness. Perhaps there was joy in being the life and soul of the party. Maybe it warmed her heart, thriving on a buzz and bright lights. While she wasn't ill at ease at the villa, she clearly wasn't used to such solitude. There were thoughts and feelings she didn't dare share. Maria wanted to know everything about her, peek behind the reserve. Maybe the encouragement to do so was what she needed.
'I know you're what I need. I can't say I've wanted to admit it but I'm sure of it' said Elsa.
'Take me away. I might feel differently after a week without the mountains. But right now I need to leave. I feel like too much has happened for me to be comfortable here.'
'I'll bring you back to the mountains whenever you want' promised the Baroness. 'But I have to ask, are you sure you want to leave? You could have all of this.'
Maria turned to look at the villa, blurred through the tears of heaven.
'But so could you. And you're prepared to walk away because it doesn't feel right. And so must I. I won't pretend that it wasn't a wrench to say goodbye to the children. And Reverend Mother' she admitted. 'But she told me that sometimes the only way to find out is to act on it. I'm ready. I'm sure.'
Elsa paused and looked at her in a way that made her blush.
'You must get out of those damp clothes. They are quite clinging to you. I have some furs in my car. I will wrap you in them.'
She let her hand slide down to Maria's shoulder and fingered the wet fabric.
'I must get you some new clothes' she murmured teasingly. 'Perhaps something from the women's department instead of the haberdashers.'
Maria looked down and grinned ruefully. She felt that queer sensation again. Tingling down her spine, feeling flushed even though the night air was cold. All of a sudden she couldn't wait for the Baroness to wrap her in furs. Not all the finer things in life were expensive and she would not budge on that. But to be kissed so sweetly by the Baroness in that instant, to be tenderly shrouded in a warm mink coat in the car, to be kissed again, was one of the best feelings she'd ever known. It was the first time that the window did not open to where she thought it would. And that was no bad thing.
