A Relaxing Retreat


Alex had planned this nice hiking retreat. There was extra water, backpacks for anyone stupid enough not to bring gear or water, maps abound, and plenty of food. He had even bought the nice MREs since he was being paid ludicrous amounts of money to do this. They managed to make them not taste like complete cardboard. Alex was pretty sure he did not want-

"I'M HEREEEE!"

Alex looked up to see Walker in a ludicrously colorful shirt. The other man had decided to "match" it with shorts that looked like they had been made from a different Hawaiian shirt. Alex could feel his eyes beginning to burn slightly. "Walker. I swear to whatever deity will take my soul, if you ruin this job for me, I will-"

BAM!

The doors to the bus all but flew off the hinges. Alex looked up to the worst French accent he had ever heard in his life. And that included Joe Byrne.

"Save ze flirting for ze tent you will be sharing."

Alex glared at Klaus. No wonder he had been fucking the accent up. Oliver D'Arc had personally banned him from the accent. "I was threatening him. For safety reasons."

Klaus gave him an incredulous look before pushing his sunglasses back up his nose and flouncing behind backpacks. What in the ever-loving fuck was going on? He checked the list. And squinted. And began rearranging letters. Those motherfuckers. Every last one of the nine customers was one of his classmates, Jet, or Gordon. The bus opened at a more sedate, dignified pace.

Alex narrowed his eyes at the worn face and crop of badly dyed hair. Gordon had gotten most of it blonde, but managed to forget the fact that his stubble and eyebrows were both fucking red. The result would have normally made him chuckle. Gordon was in slightly more tasteful khaki garb. He was followed by Jet, who, thankfully, was dressed relatively normally in pants and a collared shirt.

Alex wasn't sure he would be able to take Jet in a Hawaiian T-shirt. She waved at him before walking over to inspect the backpacks. On the bright side, Alex was covered either way. If one of them died, MI6 would cover it up if he explained the situation. If they all lived, he could menace at least a few of them into decent customer reviews.

Amanda walked out looking very sheepish. Her hair had been dyed bright green. It made her look rather ill in Alex's opinion. Then again, it probably had something to do with her latest cover. Alex was starting to think about making them do disguise lessons instead of the basic camping lessons he had selected. The rest of his very sheepish-looking and badly disguised classmates slowly walked off the bus.

The bus slammed the doors shut and gunned it. Alex had a sinking suspicion that someone

had scarred the driver for life. Oh well, hopefully, he wouldn't be fired from the service. That would be bad. Gordon raised his hand. "Yes?"

"Don't you need to finish threatening Walker?"

Alex glanced at Walker. Walker gave him a sad look. Alex felt his heart soften. "I'm sure he's learned his lesson or whatever."

Walker nodded emphatically. Alex was reminded of several dogs he'd met on missions. Maybe he could get a dog now that he was kind of retired?

Gordon snorted. "Not likely."

Alex ignored him and continued checking backpacks. Walker was hovering about an arm's length behind him. It was a bit annoying, but Alex could deal. Gordon was looking at the two of them with a bemused expression.

"Some things don't change."

Jet promptly smacked him with a nearby backpack. Alex felt his face twist into a slightly sardonic smile. Well, it was time to give a mildly sarcastic lesson. "Okay, everyone. Please walk up to your backpacks. We're going to do the pre-hike check. Each of you should have…"

Everyone dutifully followed his instructions. Alex expected that it was because they wanted to check their gear. After the survival trip with the sabotaged backpacks of doom, Alex had checked every backpack he had ever gotten. Walker had managed to drop two items already. Fortunately, MREs weren't particularly delicate.

Gordon had managed to get through thirty whole minutes without screaming obscenities. Alex had been vaguely aware that the man could behave but it was moderately alarming to see it in person. Usually, Gordon was only nice if the executive board was around or if he was ordered by the aforementioned board to be nice.

"Does anyone have any questions?"

Walker raised his hand. Klaus smacked it out of the air. Alex resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Alright, Walker-"

Groans were heard around the campsite.

"-ask me your question while we walk."

A few people let out slight cheers and began pulling on their backpacks. Alex pulled his on and tried not to wince as Walker tripped over a tree stump. He smiled. "All of you signed the liability release forms, right?"

All of them gave Alex looks that were between scathing and bored. Alright, rude. He was just checking. Walker was rubbing his foot as Alex offered him a hand up. Walker did not let go of his hand. Alex looked at him. Walker gave him the saddest pleading face ever. Alex rolled his eyes. It was fine. Gordon was smirking at him. "You know, they make handcuffs for-"

Jet cut him off with an elbow to the kidney. Alex choked back a snort. Were those rumors still going around? Ah, well. Not his problem. Walker let out a sigh. "So, how are we heating the MREs?"

Alex felt the man's hand wrap around his wrist. Should Walker be going on this trip? Alex was pretty sure at least two people had vaguely camping-related PTSD due to the survival trip. "Campfire and boiling water."

They continued down the trail as Alex led the way. Walker was still clamped to his wrist. He suspected that Walker would still be clamped to his wrist by nightfall.


Based on a prompt by Zyzyax (see story summary). This is the 291st work in the Winds of Change 2022 Alex Rider Prompt event, where a new prompt (plus a short 1-3K work) is posted every day. For more details, see the AO3 collection. We have an index of all the prompts used in this event so far and going forwards - join the discord to get access to the online index (and to take part in our events, chat about everything and anything, and meet a load of awesome people!