I Can't Be Silent Anymore

"We lost it all till only love was left,

And that was one thing money can't buy."

"I've been thinking about all the victims and their families. About all of the opportunities they'll never have, and I don't want that to happen...I…"

It's been hours since he uttered those words to her, hours since he tried to tell her what's in his heart, only to be interrupted. This case is brutal and sad. There's nothing that makes the killing of innocent people better. It's an eye opener to say the least, teaching some of life's hardest lessons.

Life isn't promised to anyone, and the thought of losing her before he tells her how he feels is enough to break him. Every chance, every moment he's had, it all flashes before his eyes. He told her it could wait until after the case, but he's not sure he can wait that long. The words bubble up in his throat every time he sees her, threatening to spill over at any minute.

Her strength, her diligence, her commitment to bring justice to the victims, he wants it all, but most of all he wants her heart. Kate hasn't been an easy person to get to know, but he does know her now and he loves every frustrating thing about her.

They've worked long nights since the case started, putting in as much time as they possibly can to try and find the bomber. He's spent the entire day with her, watching her, admiring her - loving her. He's tired of being silent, he can't take it anymore.

On his way to the precinct, he picks up her favorite coffee. He imagines the smile on her face as he hands it to her and it's all the inspiration he needs to decide. He's going to tell her, today, as soon as he sees her.

When he enters the precinct he notices she isn't at her desk so he sits her coffee down. They've had a break on the case and Kate is in the box with the suspect. He finds himself on the other side of the glass watching her. She's a ball of confidence as she questions the suspect, using all of her tactics to get him to break. His admiration for her soars, until her last words bring his sudden inspiration to a crashing halt.

"You wanna know trauma? I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it!"

Castle's mouth drops open and his heart thuds in his chest. She's remembered all this time and she continued to lie to him. His first instinct is to leave, to put as much distance between her and himself as he can, but he's not giving up that easily. He waits for her to exit the interrogation room and when she does he's ready. It's now or never.

He doesn't say a word as he grabs her hand and pulls her down the hall. Leading her to a storage closet and pulling her inside before shutting the door. He's scoped this area out many times, letting his imagination run wild, he's sure it will give them the privacy they need.

"Castle, what the hell?"

He whirls around to face her, the light from the hallway illuminating her face just enough that he can make out her expression.

He knows he shouldn't do this, knows it will probably be the end of his partnership with her, but if it is then so be it. He crowds her against the back wall of the closet, pressing every inch of his body to hers. He doesn't give her a chance to react before he's crashing his lips to hers.

He expects her to push him away, a slap to the face, maybe even yelling. What he gets is quite the opposite. Kate's hands wrap around his waist and her lips part under his, allowing him inside. He closes his eyes, momentarily losing himself, until her hips knock into his and he remembers where they are.

He roughly pulls his lips away from hers, but he doesn't move his body. Their mutual panting is all that can be heard in the room. He knows she's waiting for an explanation, but he just doesn't have one for her right now. He runs a hand down her side and lets it rest on her hip and he doesn't miss the gasp that escapes her mouth.

It's all the incentive he needs to keep going. It's something he may regret in the future, letting his anger run the show. He would never be this forward with her otherwise, but he's already crossed the line. If he's going to force himself to walk away from her, he's going to make sure she knows what she's letting go.

He captures her lips again, tangling his tongue with hers and exploring every inch of her hot, sweet mouth. When she rocks against him again he moves his hand to the front of her pants, deftly unbuttoning them. He starts to slip his hand inside, desperate to feel her even if it's the only time he ever will. In the moment of his hesitation she pulls her head back, separating their lips and whispers her words into his mouth. "Don't stop."

She doesn't give him a chance to respond as she runs her tongue over his bottom lip, biting on it softly before diving back in.

He lets his hand drop lower, slipping it inside the lining of her panties. He's instantly aware of the heat that's radiating from her center and the wetness that coats his fingers. She moans as he parts her folds and it's without a doubt one of the sexiest noises he's ever heard. He drags a sodden finger from her entrance up to her swollen clit, applying pressure as he circles around it.

He wants her more than he's ever wanted anyone, but her statement is still ringing loud in his head. He jerks his lips away from hers, unable to stop himself from asking the question.

"Is it true?"

She hasn't caught on to what he's referring to yet and she shakes her head as she answers him. "Is what true?"

He narrows his eyes, annoyed that she's playing the 'I don't know' card right now. "You remember?"

His hand is still buried inside her pants, his finger still coated with the evidence of what she feels for him, and yet the temperature in the room suddenly goes from scalding to ice cold.

He's tired of excuses and even more tired of lies.

"Kate, you've been lying to me all of this time. And you chose to tell a suspect instead of me."

He sees the flash of panic on her face before she schools her features. "I didn't…you were – you were listening outside the room?"

"Yes, I was listening." He can't have the rest of this conversation with his hand in her pants, touching parts of her that he doesn't want unless he can have her heart as well. He pulls his hand out, ignoring her whimper and takes a step back from her.

"For the past few days I've wanted to tell you…I need you to…" he's stutters. What confidence he had is gone now. If she couldn't tell him she remembered then she obviously doesn't feel the same way he does. "I guess it doesn't really matter now."

She takes a step towards him but he backs up.

"It does matter. I'm so sorry, Castle. I didn't mean for it to happen like this. I didn't want you to find out this way."

"Well then why couldn't you just tell me? Even after all this time, if you would have just told me, I would have understood. I asked you multiple times if you remembered. Am I worth that little to you that you feel you couldn't just tell me that you don't feel the same way?"

"Castle, I – wait what? You just had your hand down my pants and you think I don't feel the same way?" She takes another step towards him, backing him up against the door of the supply closet.

"Lust and love are two completely different things, Kate. I don't want to do this with you if I can't have all of you. My heart can't take it anymore, this is too damn hard." He's looking down at his hand; the sticky evidence of her arousal is still glistening on his fingers.

"What are you saying, Castle?"

He still won't meet her gaze. "I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending I'm not madly in love with you. I think this will be my last case, I need to walk away from this."

Tears blur her vision as she thinks about him walking away from her. She grabs his face and lifts it, connecting her lips with his, her kiss furious and bruising. She pushes her tongue into his mouth, battling his own.

Pulling away for air she keeps her hands on his face, forcing him to look at her. "Richard Castle, you listen to me. I love you, I am hopelessly in love with you and I have been for some time. I don't want anyone but you and I'll be damned if you think you're going to walk away from me."

He doesn't respond right away, the meaning of her words taking longer to reach him than usual. She sees the moment he registers what she's just said. "You love me?"

She smiles at him then, the first real smile since before this case started. "Yes, I love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you and I'm sorry that I lied to you all this time. Please, don't walk away, I want this, I want you."

She barely finishes her sentence before he's reversed their positions. His mouth reconnects with hers at the same time that his hand finds its way back inside her pants.

She whimpers when he resumes his previous attention to her swollen clit. He isn't shy this time, pushing first one and then a second finger into her dripping wet heat. She lifts her leg, hooking it around his hip and opening herself up more for him.

He thrusts his fingers deeply inside her, curling them slightly until he hits the spot that has her hips jerking and her knees buckling,

She bites down on his bottom lip to keep herself from screaming. She has to remind herself where they're at right now. He smirks against her lips, pulling back slightly to look at her as he presses his thumb harder against her clit. "Tell me Kate, are you holding back right now? Do you like to be loud when you come?"

She mewls, her teeth biting down on her own bottom lip this time. "Yes, but only when I imagine that you're the one making me come."

His eyes widen and a low growl rips from his throat. "Well, what if we get the hell out of here and I make you scream all night long?"

She breaks apart at his words, throwing her head back and closing her eyes. He continues working his fingers inside her until she whimpers and lifts her head. This time when he pulls them out of her he brings them to his mouth, licking each one clean.

She watches him, the arousal that he just thoroughly sated rebuilding instantly.

When he's satisfied that he's cleaned it all off, he leans in and kisses her again. She only lets him linger for a moment before she pushes him away from her. "Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to go to the bathroom and freshen up, then I'm going to talk to the boys about Bobby and I'm going to take rest of the night off. Wait a few minutes and then slip out of here and head to the elevator. I'll meet you at my car and we can go to my place."

He smiles at her as he reaches down to fix her pants. "And what might we be doing at your place, Detective?"

She leans in close to him, placing her lips right against the shell of his ear. "Oh, we're going to make up for lost time. And Castle?"

She steps away from him then, a salacious grin spreading across her face.

"There's going to be nothing silent about it."