Fandom: MF Ghost and Initial D
Title: Algorithms.
Pairing: Ryousuke x Takumi, Keisuke + Ryousuke
Rating: PG-13
Description: (AU) Kanata seems to have a message for Ryousuke from his mentor.
Disclaimer: Initial D and MF Ghost belong to the wonderful Shigeno-sensei.
So…it is true.
The rolling fog dissipates as I stand in solitude on the water-kissed tar track. Just outside, my usual aloofness temporarily freezes and I find myself unable to step through the threshold.
All I can do is quietly watch his figure bending over an open hood, nodding and contemplating to himself. The serenity before me angrily grates against my chest.
How much time have I wasted?
Rising, he turns and the peaceful expression on his face dissolves into confusion.
"Ryousuke-san? What are you doing here?"
Hearing that voice say my name instantly makes my blood burst excitedly to my temples.
Yes, of course you'd unlock any remnant of life still left inside.
Takumi is no longer the teenage boy I met on the mountain passes. Nor is he the man in the project whose legend still stands the test of generations after our own. As projected, he grew far beyond all my data and expectations.
But I'm more overwhelmed by the impact of his presence.
The years of non-exposure almost made me forget how powerful the Fujiwara Zone extended beyond his driving prowess. If Kei were here, he'd be laughing maniacally at how right he'd been the moment Takumi declared his move to England without consulting me. Coincidentally at the time, I'd gotten a severe cold, needing to isolate myself physically on what my mind refused to accept.
And when he'd secluded himself for a while from the media after his accident, I almost broke. Takumi hadn't contacted me and through this, I confirmed he was purposely ignoring me. I uncovered the details of what had occurred, but achingly, my brother told me the unfragmented version without flinching.
What did I do for you to shun me like that?
So his utter bewilderment as to why I'm there in his garage is understandable.
"Your protégé said you had a message for me."
"I didn't send anything through Kanata-kun." He shakes his head innocently. "You know I'm not the type."
Almost in a joke, he adds with a tiny smile. "Too much planning ahead."
He isn't lying.
But Takumi pushes the hood down with his splayed palms resting on it, avoiding my gaze as he says, "And you're not the type to break your busy schedule to indulge someone."
The slight bitterness tone staggers some of the resolve I've had to board the next plane after what Kanata said to me.
/"My mentor has something he wants to tell you."
"Regarding…?" I glanced up briefly from my desk, flipping the papers on the patient's clipboard while comparing them to the data on the computer screen.
The boy shuffled nervously. "I-I'm not sure what."
Tilting my head, this student was just as elusive as his predecessor years ago. The same countenance reappeared through another person as if inherited directly from a living mask.
What's he trying to say?
"It must be important enough for you to mention it to me." But as soon as I replied, I tapped the screen to see a slightly wrong word phrase. It wasn't a 'mistake', but it wasn't as accurate as it could have been. My perfectionist ways were exacerbated from years of mitigating racing energy to 'life' in general.
Forcing a metal tunnel to suddenly bend against its naturally straight form is impossible. Instead, it becomes gnarled.
So somehow, I've lost my way…
What's happening to me then? I love researching, but what's missing? Or rather, eroding? The rush of surgery and racing were exhilarating but dismally different.
I knew exactly why. Of course I did.
"Why are you telling me this? I'm sure he doesn't want to see me. Otherwise, he'd contact me himself."
"You really think so, Takahashi-sensei?"
The boy handed me a paper with a foreign address between his fingers, but I wasn't quite convinced.
I didn't take it./
Tap. Tap. Tap…
My light steps echo inside the garage as I walk inside and through that invisible border dividing us. "Contrary to whatever your conjectures may be, I'll always make the time to speak with you."
Those very lips become a narrow line the closer I approach.
I stop five meters away, but even with this small distance between us, I'm transported back in time and revert to my twenty-four year old self the more I stare. At that moment, the memory stills of asking him to join my team and his current self overlap. This time, I won't pretend to be so smooth and avert myself away.
As much as I try, I know I could never lie to myself about you.
"So, was that message on the track meant for me, Ryousuke?"
"Of course it was." I take a deep breath. "Do you think I've been wasting my time researching in my hospital and the track simultaneously just for my own benefit?"
"I don't know. You tell me."
"I didn't think you'd pay attention to my new 'game'."
"That's not fair."
"Finding out about you through my brother instead of telling me like you used to runs along those lines too, don't you think?"
"Then why…" He gives me a subzero expression. "…did you keep silent? And knowing you, you could've just found me. That's what your network is for, isn't it? As soon as they track me, you seize all my information. After all, we live in a small world. This driving one is tiny."
You've really gone far if you're volleying my very words back to me.
"Takumi…I can get all the data I want, but unless you want to divulge it, it's meaningless. I relentlessly pursue whatever I'm interested in, but I don't ever force it. Whatever someone wants to share, I'll take it. I still have to respect your privacy, after all."
He claps slowly. "Spoken like a true champion. I can't believe there was a time I couldn't decipher anything you said."
Stepping forward, I grab his wrist. "Did you want me to chase you down?"
His right hand becomes a fist, tightening around the wrench he's gripping. But whatever the case, all I feel is the intense searing of his skin against my palm.
Looking on with vexed resentment, his mouth remains shut.
"Why did you run away from me then?" I honestly blurt out with a straight-face. Whatever starched visage I wore, it shocks him more than when he'd found me watching him.
I'm not a robot, but you are one of the few people who are immune to pretenses.
Only you could make me question myself.
Even now, you have that power over me. But you're absolutely convinced that I'm always the one with the advantage. That isn't true though.
I only pretend to have it.
And certainly, not when I'm next to you.
Algorithms.
by Miyamoto Yui
Seventy-two hours ago…
/"Ryousuke-san, is that Katagiri-san?" she asked with her eyes focusing on the figure returning to an older model car.
"Hmm?"
The sting of the boy's argument unhinged my mental balance.
She pointed at Kanata-kun as we saw him open the door at the parking lot touching the lake. He took another glimpse in my direction and smiled, shaking his head. And in that one instant, a vague mist wrung my chest raw.
I wanted to call out, say my protests aloud to the person standing behind him.
"He didn't see me, did he?" Disconcerted, she glanced from side to side for traces of her presence. They'd only met on the track, but no one knew I was dating one of the racers.
Shaking my head as reassurance, my mouth was dry. I actually had no words to convey. They evaporated along with my inner foundation.
"I thought you didn't want to be disturbed."
"I didn't. I told no one but Keisuke about this place."
"Then…?
"He said he'd come here on a hunch."
"Mmm." She didn't seem to believe it either way.
Still on the edge of the old, wooden pier, we watched young couples in swan boats gliding on the lake or strolling salaciously along the contours. She pinched my sleeve to tell me it was time to come inside the lodge.
It is the one I'd built when I returned after Project D and my 'time limit'. As my personal retreat, to me (like racing, Akagi, and researching), it is sacred, a place where society didn't touch once I entered its doors.
But I continue to overlook the lake.
"Even though you've created an environment to test your theories, you miss racing in it."
I've never mentioned my thoughts on racing. Even if I did, that wasn't exactly what I was thinking about.
Picking at the metaphorical clay surface, even if I want to explain everything (of how or why it must be), it's impossible to explain every aspect to its last detail. That's what drives me and inwardly frustrates me too. Certainly, there all the experiments I've conducted, variables slightly proving the constants inconsistent, but there is no way to transfer your entire soul to another.
It comes out naturally.
You just connect.
Maybe that is what they call talent. It just is. Sharpening with every second of practice, it disintegrates into your blood and bones, embedded until there is no distinction of what wasn't. Even if I tell my brother, he'd only understand the raw emotion and nothing else behind it. For us, this voiceless agreement is enough.
Or so I thought.
"I created the MFG circuit, but-"
She cut me off. "Who are you waiting to race, Ryousuke?"
I denied nothing.
She abruptly turned away to head back without me. By the time I returned, she'd already emptied her side of the bedroom. I sat on the bed with my hands folded, wondering for a long time about the question she asked.
Night drifted into the room along with distant cars attempting to do time trials. I finally notice the envelope on the dresser and bring it out to the balcony, turning on a dim light to illuminate the note that sliced me open. The frayed edges told she'd held it for a while and was finally able to release it.
"You're strong, mature, and kind. You pretend to be cool, but you're more passionate than anyone I've ever known. But I can never get close to the real you.
I always feel the presence of something between us.
At first, I thought it was your love for racing itself, but I realized that was only part of it.
When you make your plans, it seems you make them for someone in particular. I don't know who it is, but I've been standing in for that person for a long time now.
Thank you and Goodbye."
But her departure was hollow because the boy's voice kept repeatedly stabbing my thoughts.
When was I ever this transparent?
Over and over, the smirk in his tone reverberates into every corner of me until I'm bleeding my 'self' away:
"I get it now. I understand why he needs to race even when his body forced him not to.
But why hide so close to home? Akina's right next to Akagi."/
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/
"I'm sorry, but I honestly don't have time for this. I have a deadline to-"
"Then if I help you, will you answer me?"
"If I let you, you'll do it yourself and take care of me all over again."
"Is that why you left?"
Takumi runs his hand through his hair and sighs in exasperation. "You make it so easy for me to depend on you, Ryousuke-san."
I'm about to open my mouth, but he interjects, "I don't want you to interfere in my life anymore."
I'm rooted to my spot at the blow he's given me. With all my confidence (and the lack when encountering him), I'd hoped everything would work itself out, that maybe this time I'd be able to hold onto something I treasured more than my own life.
Who'd have thought, besides you Kaori, that I would believe in something against my own inferences?
But it seems the one thing I don't want hear is the crux of your truth.
/"You're being stubborn, Aniki."
"You…" I scoffed lightly. "…are calling me that?"
"Takumi won't get it if you don't tell him directly. You of all people know that."
I coughed and pounded on my chest, my body convulsing despite my protests.
But I shake my head. "Tell him what exactly?"
My brother almost clobbered me as he gave me a non-plussed glare.
"To stay-"
"I told him to explore the wider world. I'm not taking that back."
"But if he goes-"
"Kei. Enough."
"He'll-"
"Regret it if I tell him not to."
Keisuke sighed. "I even…"
"What?"
"Nothing." He sulked.
I got a good look at him, pulling his chin even as he looked sideways, as if this would stop him from spilling the truth.
For a second, I glanced at the ground and then lifted my eyes.
My brother was about to open his mouth, but it instantly closed. Whatever expression reflected itself in his eyes made him shut up completely. I let go of him and got up to walk away.
It was the first time my little brother probably saw the depths I always covered with my stoicity./
I didn't want to be rejected by the one person I wanted to depend on.
Many things have happened in between this moment and the last time we met, but this hope carried me through. Within just a few seconds, it blew out. Any sediment of life ceased to exist.
This time, I bow my head and leave. No traces of my former 'self' remains, closed by his words, and yet, I know all my accumulated choices led to this 'current me'.
Nearly apathetic by the door, I say, "I understand. Have a good life, Fujiwara."
I don't wait for his reaction as I step out into the blinding light outside.
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/
It's all blank to me.
How I'm able to navigate the rental when my mind's far from the body that's driving is astounding. I've had all-nighters from racing and hospital duties, but I've never given up.
But I feel so utterly tired now.
Slowly, the numbing from the inside creeps into my skin and finally invades my brain, absent-mindedness at its limits. I pull over to the side of the road and park, deciding a nap is imperative.
In a foreign country out in the middle of nowhere, I start to laugh and run my fingers through my hair. Viewing the sparsity of dwellings and millions of blades of grass, it offers a strange comfort albeit a hilly English version of Gunma.
For once…no, twice in my life, I can't describe how I feel about this whole situation.
"You would be one to choose some place like this."
I fall asleep.
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/
"Ryousuke! Ryousuke!"
I find Takumi sighing in relief at knocking loudly on the windows. There is nothing but darkness behind him along with a cold breeze when I unlock the door.
"Achoo!" I unsteadily get up.
He immediately grabs my forearms to help me sit on the freezing hood. As soon as I'm settled, he takes off his jacket to wrap it around me and all I can do is sleepily watch him as he does so, the brushes of warmth stirring inside me. I want to reach out, but his words stun me from doing anything.
For all I know, this could be either a dream or hallucination. I don't really care anymore…
"Your brother called me because you never made it to your hotel. Thank Kamisama that you were only a few kilometers down." He covers his face, blocking his eyes. His voice cracks, "You of all people-You don't know…ahhh~!"
I make no gesture to move and watch him carefully. His frustrated face is still cute to me even after all these years.
He finally notices I'm just openly watching him so he glances away.
Kanata's words at the lake forced me to catch the first plane here. They shoot into my veins as I quietly regard this person who changed the course of my entire life.
/"I've been doing these races for a while, but step-by-step, from the very beginning, I noticed a pattern."
"And what was that?"
He patted his chest. "I know Takumi-sensei deeply because this is his craft. But you're developing this so that he'd be able to continue your 'game' together, aren't you?"
"He even told you about that?"
"It's one of the few times I saw him smile like a kid."
"It's not because of you, but you yourself," his choking stare said. That wordless poison hurt all the parts I'd locked away.
"Even now, you're still chasing one another."/
"I've always thought ahead, but I was wrong. You won that night and you became my inspiration to see what I truly wanted to do with my life. Though I'd been pushed to continue medicine, I wasn't going to be held down completely.
I had my brother and I had you.
Project D was my perfect moment."
Takumi's eyes lift up to meet mine, surprised at my confession. He appears to want to find another way to run away, but instead, he leans over to hug me, wanting to listen. His chin rests on my shoulder as I close my eyes to absorb his being.
"But you can't hold onto those circumstances forever and we all pursued our different paths.
This one in racing…I thought one day it'd lead you back to me. That no matter how far you went, this one thread I'd bet on would hold on for dear life."
Until I'd said it, I hadn't known how much I'd drained my spirit away by following and rebelling simultaneously at any given point in my life.
I cross my arms over his back and hold him against me. "I never meant to bother you so thank you for listening. After this, I'll go."
Inside this fragile stillness, I patted his hair and we were quiet for a few minutes.
But as soon as I signal that I'm about to let go, as much as it killed me to, he clung on harder. I stopped moving.
"The one thing I hate about you is that you never tell me anything. And after years of going around round and round myself, you show up. You had to mix me up all over again."
"Don't worry. This will be the last time."
Before I get attached all over again. Who am I kidding though? I'll never get over you.
"When the accident happened, I looked up and thought it was you in front of me."
"Going in and out of consciousness, you were the only person I thought of."
Taking a deep breath, he whispers, "The only one regret."
I look up to the roof of the car, seeing beyond the stars of its glass ceiling. Even now as my hand cups the back of his head, I haven't grown older. To me, I think I'll always think of the eighteen-year-old who swept me away from my current reality and demanded me to dream as Kaori had pushed into my heart long before.
"I came as soon as Kei told me."
"What?"
"When I saw you were okay, I left."
"Why didn't you stay?" He slowly pulls back, but still holds my shoulders firmly.
"I was the one who told you to explore, Takumi."
He searches my face in his confusion and then down his own body. "Then I didn't imagine it was you who-"
I put my hand on my mouth. "I couldn't lose another treasure."
"Maybe that's why I couldn't leave this profession as much as I fight against it."
A blink of his injured face and body passes through my eyes and I start to choke up.
"I couldn't do anything for her and she wouldn't let me. You looked like you didn't need me anymore.
That helplessness of not being able to do anything either way…
People tell you you're smart. And with that, you can have anything within your hands. And then when the time comes, those very hands are useless with those you care for the most."
Sighing, I shake my head. "I'm so exhausted, Takumi. There are times even I don't know what to do, as hard as it is for others to believe."
"I know. You're constantly calculating to no end." He thrusts his fist into my chest. "But keep fighting, Ryousuke."
My eyes squint as they scan the floor until they focus on his feet.
"You'll never accept rest..." He laughs. "…but I guess I'll have to force you to."
That's when I look up and hug him until I thought he'd break.
"On the day you left, I became depressed. And ever since, my fighting spirit's been diminishing. I thought I'd get over it one day, but as much as I tried...
Everything that I knew as 'myself' died that day. I know it sounds ridiculous-"
He shakes his head. "It sounds about right. Passionate as you are, you never do anything in between…I just never believed I was one of those things."
"You…" I find myself smiling from ear to ear as I lean back to look into his eyes. "…turned out to be the best anomaly in my entire life."
"You know what? I didn't believe him."
"Hmm?"
"Keisuke."
"About what?"
"That you'd come all the way to just see me."
"I would have done the surgery myself if I could've made it on time."
Takumi blinks at me.
"You're doing it again. You're making me hope."
"Who do you think I made MFG for?"
"That's impossible. I'm only-"
"I never wanted us to lose our connection." I hold his hands gently. "Then you sent Kanata-kun to me, didn't you?"
He nods his head in acknowledgement.
"The life that suffocated me became breathable again. Somehow, you were there and I was satisfied with this. That's all I wanted you to know."
Needing closure, I came on a whim, much to my secretary's and schedule's chagrin.
"Takumi, good-"
He pushes my shoulders down and I end up lying on the hood looking up at him, startled.
"Don't go."
Shaking, I view his tormented visage. "I watched Kanata wishing I could drive the 86 even there."
I reach up to his face. "Whatever you want, I'll do anything."
Closing his eyes, he starts to cry. "I know. That's why I could never give up on you no matter how much I wanted to. I even moved out of the country, but…"
"Down in your soul, we are the same." I hit my chest, wanting to bruise my own heart.
"I am fighting in here too. Even when the world is telling me I should be slowing down and settling, giving in when I followed all its rules. But I don't believe in it, Takumi.
I still don't prescribe to their bullshit of what must and must not be. That's why I love racing. You can change all the factors and circumstances, but there will always be a concrete answer.
Then again, there's us. You especially.
Humans aren't meant to be measured, but to just be alive and enjoying life.
We put all these lines and pressure on ourselves, but in the end, it's all about the experience.
And then, like the finish line, it's done. All the excitement slowly vanishes.
Even now, I don't want to give in."
Pulling him, I come to such a simple conclusion and chuckle.
"You know that this eludes to the fact that I'm still trying to chase down the Akina Downhill Specialist. Just a more updated version."
Takumi laughs and gives a shy sideways glance.
"I'm always wondering if the leader of Project D thinks I can keep up with these new obstacles on the road."
"I have always believed in you, Takumi."
With all his heart, he smiles before leaning forward to kiss me. "Me too, Ryousuke."
A refreshing summer breeze flows through and it's all beautiful under the stars. The silence makes the moment more poignant.
For these few seconds, this is the perfection we've fought for, isn't it?
"Tag, you're it." He plops into my lap as I sit up with my hands holding onto his lower back.
"What?"
"You know this is going to bother me now that you're here and we have a track…" He points his index finger the way we'd come from. "…right down that street."
"And what does the winner get when they win?"
His teasing grin tickles my chest as it always does.
Whatever happens from here, I'll take all the sacrifices.
I don't want anything else. I won't need those algorithms anymore.
Eyeing him with renewed conviction, I smirk.
Instead, I'll recreate the whole damn system from scratch.
Owari. / The End.
-
Author's note: I have absolutely no idea where this idea came from. Months ago, it popped up randomly and I wrote it down on an envelope I carried in my bag. I wrote "MF Ghost conflict", thinking about an alternate Takumi and Ryousuke. Seeing as I've only read the first ten manga, please take this lightly.
Ever since I wrote Invincible, I wondered if I could write something else for Initial D and it bothered me because I know there's a timeline somewhere that will allow me to explore more ideas. I've always counted on those possibilities in every fandom because of the freedom it gives.
I wanted them to race at the end, but maybe that's for another fic. Just coming to an understanding is enough for me. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to squeeze myself dry, especially playing Initial D (Infinity) and finally getting full-tuned after all these years.
As you know, I love Ryou and Takumi to death (as a couple and as individuals). I wanted Ryou to be less than perfect here and Takumi to be more aggressive.
Also, I'm constantly thinking of what all the constraints, both mentally and physically, calculate to in our own lives. Well, that's why I'm still here writing. I still think it's unquantifiable and that's the true beauty of people and nature.
As always, thank you Seshat-sama. I dedicate this to you.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!
Love always,
Yui
10/18/2022 10:27:57 PM – Los Angeles
10/19/2022 2:27:57 PM – Tokyo
