A/N: This is posted simultaneously on AO3, by the way, in case anyone wants to read on there! My username is the same, teeslover
| An apartment in Metropolis
| 10:45 pm
"Is everything alright?" inquired Jax, turning to also look into the mirror, wondering if she was missing something. No… nothing out of the ordinary, save for the presence of a supposed higher (lower?) being. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're a first-timer too! Wait, are you?" Confusion etched into her features. "I didn't really look into the specifics of the demon I'd be summoning."
Dick glanced down - way down - at her in shock. "Demon? Wha- what are you talking about?"
"Umm, you're like a crossroads demon, right?" Jax went over to her laptop, showing him the page she had left open.
Winchester_sister: Yeah I don't want it… possessing me.
What if it does some weird shit while it's in me?
ExorcistSchmexorcist: I think you can just provide a vessel
My uncle offered up his neighbor's kid for like 20 minutes. He was fine after!
😈deviltongue: hmm don't think I have access to rando people like that
Power-of-ChristCompels: I've found some binding circles for demonic entities, I'll share them here
Supposedly it anchors them so they can be up here in their own bodies.
😈deviltongue: i'll try it, let you guys know what works
"They said a personal summoning ritual was the preferred method of contact now, instead of going out to a railroad or something. Apparently, it's just quicker this way?"
Dumbfounded, Dick read it through. This was a real forum? That anyone could just find? Good lord, why would– shit, wait, am I allowed to say that? Is that blasphemy? Wait, what am I talking about? Who is this? How did this even happen?!
"So, according to the chat," Jax interrupted his train of thought after about 15 seconds of silence. "I'm supposed to just tell you what I want?" She moved back to the front of her room, picking the instrument case back up. "Is that right?"
"I don't know!" Dick cried out, only half-focused on whatever she was saying; he simply could not shift the other half of his brain power that was still devoted to trying to understand his current situation. "I'm not- I'm not a demon!"
Jax swept her gaze up and down the individual she had invited into her bedroom. Mm… if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…
"Ok, I realize that I may look like one right now!" Dick started to pat himself down, then ran his claws down the horns, making him involuntarily shudder. The keratin was sensitive to his touch and it was like he suddenly did know exactly what chewing 5 Gum felt like. He was very not into it. "But this isn't— I'm human!"
"Right…" Jax intoned, clearly unconvinced. "Oh, do you mean you're, like, brand new? You just became a demon or something? Ooohh, am I actually your first client?"
"No! I'm not supposed to be—" Sighing, Dick stopped himself short. He wasn't gonna get anywhere with her, this was something she Googled. He needed to get out of here, find his way back to Zee and John, and hope that they had answers!
"So look, I kinda have to sleep soon, I have an early audition," said Jax, waving her violin in front of her face. "I would like to ask you to make me good. Like, really good. I want to be first chair from now on in my orchestra and I want to be so amazing, the New York philharmonic themselves consider me to be a soloist! Basically, I want to be the classical Robert Johnson*."
Ah, that name sounded familiar… hang on, that's it? That's what this girl was willing to sell her soul for?
"Seriously? Why don't you just— practice more?"
Jax shot him a withering glare. "I've practiced, believe me! For 15 years! But freakin' Mark Chen must be some kind of child prodigy, 'cause no matter what I do, I'll never be as good as him! And don't even get me started on that Ruski bitch, Anya Popov! She doesn't deserve it! I do, I deserve this! Look, I'm not asking to be the best violin player in the entire world, just… the eastern United States!"
Dick couldn't believe what he was hearing. He briefly wondered if this was some kind of phase or thought process all musicians went through. "But you're actually considering going to Hell for… what? The chance to show them up? So they're a little more naturally gifted, it doesn't mean you can't catch up."
"Yes, it does!" Jax refuted. "I've been stuck in fourth chair for years! It's my turn, ok? I've made up my mind, I don't care if I die young, at least people will remember me! And Hell? Whatever, dude, I don't even really believe in that stuff."
"Wha-? How does that make any sense, you summoned a demon!"
"Yeah, but when I die, I'll die, I don't actually think souls— you know what, I don't have time for this! I, Jacqueline Toussaint, of sound mind and body, formally offer you my soul in exchange for becoming the best violinist from, I don't know, Midway City to… Eastport, Maine!"
Without even getting a chance to respond, a piece of rolled parchment suddenly popped into Dick's right hand, a shadowy fountain pen appearing in his left. Jax eagerly grabbed for both items, moving to her desk and unfurling the agreement, immediately touching pen to paper.
"Hey, wait!" Dick protested, trying to reach for the page, but he was too late. She had already finished her signature with a flourish, turning back to return both items. He pushed them back to her. "Shouldn't you read that?"
Jax rolled her eyes, but quickly mumbled her way through it anyway. "Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah, my soul is forfeit for eternity, great!" She pressed the parchment into his hands, only for it and the pen to burn up in a spark of flames, as if they were made of flash paper. "Guessing that means it worked?" She flashed a giddy smile, shouldered her violin case, and offered up a hand to shake, for real this time. "Pleasure doing business?"
"No, not really…" Reluctantly, Dick accepted, there was hardly anything he could do now! He had to get back, John would know what to do, he'd had more experience with this! Probably the only experience.
Right as they shook once, blue flames erupted from the center of the binding circle, before instantly dying down, gone as quickly as they had come. And as Jax recovered from the sudden flare-up, she saw the demon too had vanished.
"So here's what I think happened," Kafir began, pacing the length of the fireplace as Constantine and Zatanna lowered themselves onto the loveseat, awaiting his explanation. He had also since dropped the menacing echo in his voice at the behest of his audience. Remarkably, they had asked because it was creeping them out, but now that he both looked and sounded like Dick in almost every way, they debated whether or not this was actually the better option.
"Before all this, I really was busy, I was about to review my last few appointments for the day. But it's tough to ignore the language of angels and demons, so once I heard your plea, I came right up! Without an anchor and without an obvious vessel offering, I had to make do. Usually, as you know, the owner takes a backseat, but can see and hear everything, while I get access to any skills and memories."
"However!" He paused when he again reached the center brick, pointing a finger at the two sat across from him. "That clearly didn't happen, which leads me to believe that someone else's summoning activated at the exact same time. As I am bound by nature - and law - to appear when called, especially if the correct ritual bearing my name is used, the spells must have collided! And then because I consciously chose to come here, it drew out a soul to replace me! Easy target, we were already mingled. I pushed out your friend and he was sent to my body, so that I could still show up at the location of whoever asked for me."
"I wasn't aware this was even possible," Constantine sighed, crossing his arms and leaning back into the soft leather. Not a half second later, he pushed off the seat with a renewed sense of urgency. "Is he safe? What exactly happens when your lackeys figure out he's not you?!"
"He'll be fine, I have an assistant." Kafir waved him off, all nonchalant. "Believe it or not, this has happened before! Wildly different circumstances, but… still, it has. Rarely, though! We're usually very careful to not let this happen."
"Oh, how's that working out for you?!" Zatanna jumped in, shifting in her spot on the cushions so she could sit up on her knees. "So then, how do we get you two switched back?"
"Easy. Once we're in close proximity, I leave, eject him from my body, and his soul will be attracted back here."
"And I'm guessing the key word there is proximity?" Constantine ventured a guess. "That's why you can't just do that now?"
"There is an… option we could try now, but you would not like it," stated Kafir, choosing not to elaborate. "Anyway, since I don't know where my body ended up, it's best we keep that as a last resort."
Before anyone could ask more, they were interrupted by a quiet buzzing from Zatanna's jacket pocket. "It's Artemis," she relayed as she fished out her phone, exchanging wary glances with Constantine before answering. "Hey!"
"Hey, is Dick still with you?" The archer's voice crackled out over the speaker, a tinge of concern about her words. "Wally and I've been trying to call him, he's not picking up."
"Uhh, yeah, he's here. One sec." Muting the call, Zatanna flicked her eyes over to the… being in question, pointing at her phone as a prompt to get his out. Kafir felt around his person, finding the device in his back pocket. Palming it, she woke up the screen, seeing a list of missed calls and texts scroll through. "Did you not feel this vibrate?"
"Is that what that was?" Kafir asked with uncharacteristic, yet understandable, naïveté. He plucked the electric brick out of her hands, holding it with two fingers. "Modern technology always tends to elude me."
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Zatanna huffed out a breath and continued the call. "Sorry, Arty, he's fine. Well… sort of, there was a—"
"Wait!" Constantine whispered, snatching the phone and hitting the mute again. "You can't tell her, you can't tell anyone!"
"What? What is wrong with you," Zatanna hissed, grabbing it back. "Why not?"
"Because it'll get back to Batman! If he finds out I got his son possessed and likely sent him down to Hell, he's gonna kill me!"
"John, I'm gonna kill you!"
"Yeah, ok, but at least if you do it, it'll hurt less!" Constantine clapped his hands together in the prayer position and begged, "Just give me until morning to get Dick back! No one else ever needs to find out!"
Though she was going to continue fuming silently, Zatanna had to admit that even if they told the team, it wasn't like they could do anything except worry. There were others (Dr. Fate) in the League, sure, but that would surely just net her a lecture, and she was not in the mood. The two magical people best suited to remedy this, as well as the two to blame, were already here. "Fine! But if he's not back literally by sunrise, I'm calling in the cavalry."
As she ambled off to come up with an excuse to reassure their friends, Constantine turned back to Kafir, who paused for a second, recollecting his thoughts. "As I was saying, souls and essences can be… fickle things. I mean, yes, I could leave and try to take my body back, but there's a chance I don't find it, there's a chance Dick doesn't find his way back and then we're both left wandering the hells and the earth, plus you'll have an empty meatsuit on your hands— It's just too much trouble."
"Yeah, don't want that! What if we just summon him - you - with the binding ritual then? Or with my spell, worked a charm the first time 'round!"
"Won't work, he wouldn't understand the Enochian, it's not meant to be heard by humans. As for a normal summoning…" Kafir let his head droop out of embarrassment. Of all the times slacking off would bite him in the ass, this was definitely one of the worst! "It'd work, we would just get a delayed response, likely 3-5 days."
"What? Why?"
"It's been a busy month, all right? I have a bit of a backlog, sue me!"
"But you said someone must have summoned you at the exact time we did. If there's a backlog, how did a new ritual immediately cause a soul swap? Oh, hang on!" Constantine rushed on before any answer could be given. "Can't we just follow along your queue until we track him down?"
"First of all, I said a summoning was activated," Kafir enunciated, putting extra emphasis on each syllable. "I'm a popular choice in the deal making business, so I've judiciously implemented a 'take a number' system; first come, first served! Secondly," he pressed his lips into a thin line, reluctantly admitting, "I don't actually know who's next up… that's what I have an assistant for. He's very good!"
Constantine's following facepalm was almost instantaneous. On one hand, at least Dick would have someone to help on his end. On the other, that threw yet another spanner in the works. "Ohhh, what are you doing to me…"
"I'm a demon lord, I don't do logistics." Shrugging, Kafir upturned his hands in a what can you do motion. "Wait a minute," he immediately sobered, shoving a threatening finger under Constantine's nose. "He better not fuck up any of my contracts or collections! If he does, I swear to Lucifer himself, Johnny, when you get to Hell, I will hunt you down and torture you myself!"
"Whoa, hey, how is that my fault? Wouldn't that be your secretary's responsibility?"
"But we wouldn't be in this situation at all if it wasn't for you! You couldn't have just taken the risk and chucked Lurgo through a portal, could you?" (The risk being potentially letting in denizens of Hell before the gateway could close, so even if he didn't agree, he figured that wasn't on their list of options at all.) "You just had to experiment!"
"Boys! We've got a problem." Zatanna returned to them, considerably more distressed, flicking through her phone. "Well, another one."
"'Course we do…" Constantine moaned, cradling his head in his hands.
"Scarecrow broke out of Arkham. He's taken a group of college students hostage and the GCPD report he's started to test a brand new toxin on them."
"Ok, sounds like something Batsy deals with on a monthly basis."
"Normally, yes. But Scarecrow's demanding to see Bats or one of his 'bird boys' in the next hour to use as his star guinea pig, or he's going to start killing hostages." It really seemed that perhaps the universe itself was conspiring against them, as Zatanna went on, "Batman's off-world, Robin's with the Titans three thousand miles away, and Red Hood is deep undercover. That's why the team was trying to get a hold of Dick— he's it."
"Fantastic." Constantine exhaled a long and heavy sigh. He knew that was flippant of him, but they really had bigger fish to fry at the moment. "Right, well, here's what we'll do. If I can get close enough—"
"He's threatening to stab someone if he sees anyone that's not a Bat within a 20-foot radius. Whatever you were about to say, it's too risky. What if-"
"Did you say Arkham?" Kafir cut in, somewhat belatedly. She mentioned that, like, 15 whole seconds ago. "As in the asylum that's been a sinful cesspool and hotbed for demonic activity for years, the one at the heart of Gotham City? That Arkham?"
Though slightly perturbed by such a description of its less than stellar reputation, Zatanna nodded.
A smirk slowly spread on the demon's borrowed face. "This Scarecrow character is asking for your friend? I'm in, let's do it!"
"Like we're about to let you engage with that psycho? No way, you're gonna get Dick killed!"
"Well, no, I'm immortal, so I'd be fine. And as long as you heal any holes I accumulate in this body, he would be fine upon returning as well."
"Which would just raise more questions if anyone saw you!" Constantine added, before narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "Why the sudden interest?"
"Uhh, pfft," Kafir spluttered out, gears visibly turning as he tried to come up with an excuse. "You said he has hostages! I'm offering to help you save them?"
If his voice hadn't gone up in pitch like he was asking a question, they may have fallen for that. But it did… so they didn't. Both mages shifted to fully face him, arms crossed, sharing identical dubious expressions.
"Yeah, I wouldn't have believed that either. Ok, there's been some chatter among the inferior classes that Gotham City lost her patron demon, the Gothodaemon, and is overdue for a new one." Taking full advantage of Dick's megawatt, perfect smile, Kafir adopted the sweetest countenance he could manage. "I may be somewhat interested in the role and this is as good an opportunity as any to scope out my hunting g— th- the playing ground!"
Incredulous, Zatanna shot him a look that just screamed you have got to be kidding me. "No! You cannot become the new Gotham demon! What does that even mean?"
"Well, if you don't know, why are you so against it?"
"To be fair, Zee, sooner or later, someone will eventually swoop in and do it. At least we already know Kafir," proposed Constantine, literally playing devil's advocate.
"Oh, and you think Batman's just gonna let something like that slide?"
"For your information, little magician girl, all I would do is declare it as another one of my domains and feed off what the city's already full of: violence, crime, and sins. I wouldn't be encouraging it in any way, just making sure it doesn't go to waste."
Constantine sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth when Zatanna didn't respond and simply glowered at Kafir. "What the fuck did you just call me?"
"Ahh, we can solve all this later!" The warlock suggested, immediately hooking an arm around Zee's shoulders and steering her towards the door. He frantically motioned with his other hand for Kafir to follow. "Let's focus up and go save those kids, huh?"
A/N: *Robert Johnson: An American blues musician rumored to have traded his soul for mastery over the guitar!
Thank you for reading! (and any favorites/follows)
