Yeah, after contemplating on this, I've decided it's best to just go with my original plan and abandon this account.
This is for several reasons:
1) Personal circumstances; I don't want to get more specific than that
2) To be honest, writing about Persona characters, Ann especially, doing just, really messed up things to ugly people, hurting and torturing, and murdering them, really does help me; writing out my fantasies of doing stuff to ugly people via fictional characters, in a way that doesn't hurt anyone is a healthy outlet for me. It helps me deal with my cacophobia. But sure, I've come to realise that people don't necessarily want to see this, that it can be upsetting for people to see such things, and that people might even feel threatened by it. Hence why I'd much rather just write out fanfictions of Ann & other characters doing this kinda stuff, and keep them to myself, which is what I'm going to do from now on.
3) This site is kinda dead. I mean, the admin seem to be entirely inactive, and it's a bit of a graveyard by this point. It's also about as shitty as it can get, regarding ease-of-use, which makes it particularly frustrating to use at times.
4) Honestly, I've just begun to realise that it's the satisfaction of writing the stories about cacophobia that makes me happy. Expressing them to people is all well and good, and it is nice to get my voice out there, but it doesn't exactly give me enough feedback to make me satisfied in the first place.
5) I'm sick and tired of attracting memers & stupid trolls to this account, and that doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon; the type of people who come here from places like okaybuddypersona and are like "I lOVE ReadiNg YoUr StOries tHeIR sO FuNi". Like I don't know how many fucking times I can take telling people I'm being serious, and to tell these types of people to fuck off, until I'm blue in the face. I brought this up in another notice that I've since deleted, so it's worth repeating. It's gotten to the point where it's killing any and all actual satisfaction of expression I'm gaining from expressing myself with fanfictions on here, and it's starting to legit piss me off. I cannot gain any satisfaction when I cannot even tell if the minimal praise I am getting is sincere, or if the person is a stupid memer from reddit who thinks they're being funny. I'm trying to express myself in earnest, but that's clearly not working, as people who can't seem to take any of this seriously have made it too difficult for me to be able to do that. The meming crowd who take everything I write as weird meme entertainment and the people who sincerely like what I'm doing have become too intermixed, and it's turned this whole thing into a big perceived joke. Which just saddens me, and makes me wish I had never even tried expressing myself on here in the first place (and if this was the goal, then good for you, it worked, I guess. But I don't think it's something you should be proud of). It also makes me realise that, for a fandom that formed around a franchise about self-expression, they do love to bully people who are trying to express themselves an awful lot (since I'm on this subject: as much as I appreciate comments like, "you're good at writing, write stories that don't involve cacophobia", such comments do not help in the slightest. It only furthers the feeling of unsatisfaction I get from my attempts at self-expression. I only have motivation to write when I'm writing about cacophobic subjects)
What I'm gonna do, I think, is to just not update anymore. I would delete this account, but since I can't do that, I'm going to just delete all the stories I've still got up, and only keep this notice up. Either way, this really will be my final update (I know I've claimed that a few times before, but this is for real. I have no reason to continue with this account at this point, not when it doesn't give me any satisfaction, or means of outlet, to upload anything to it.)
(Incidentally, to any stupid fucking memers, you can go and fuck off. You're part of the reason I'm deciding to do this in the first place)
