Artoria yawned grumpily as she hugged her stuffed leather lion..
Wait.
The young girl that'll always stay young blinks away her drowsiness before looking at the stuffed lion with sparkling green emerald eyes as she poked her nose with the lion's nose.
She smiled.
'I've finally had my wish granted!' She uncharacteristically squealed, although made sure to not be too loud incase someone thought the King's having an affair on his…wife.
'I have to go through that all over again..arrgghhh.' Our young Quee-
The writer gets stared at by the King of Ahoges.
Que a Glaring Response
Please stop Arto-
"GET ON WITH IT!" She whispered angrily with an angered look on her face.
Shaking her head, the King smiled once again at the thought of righting all the wrongs that she's done in the past and saving Camelot!
…
"Good morning Artoriathur!" Merlin and Proto greet their liege..
'Wait a minute..why are there TWO Merlins?!' She shouted in her mind incredulously, one is bad enough..another..
A Shiver went down her spine..
Coughing, Saber gained their attention.
"Do you know where..Mordred is Merlins?" She asked the mischievous duo.
"From what I remember, you sent your daugthson away from Camelot, saying something about taking a vacation, a time given by hirs Mofather." Merlin 1 spoke with a smile and nod.
"Oh.." Artoria blinked before shaking her head as a growl could be heard from her stomach. "It appears food is needed once again to sate my nee-"
"No."
"Excuse me?" The King of the Knights roared at Merlin 2, who was simply ignoring the King's outburst before replying.
"Camelot ran out of budget."
Saber became deathly pale..her worst nightmare! NO BUDGET MEANS NO FOOD!
"H-how will I be able to eat Merlins?" She asks both of them.
Artoria blinked as she was given farming equipment.
"From the Farms my Liege! Use your Scabbard that you've somehow recovered and use it on them! If the sheath of Avalon can regrow things.." Sir Biedevere (Artoria notes that the knight looks..too much like a certain comedian) the Wise pops out of nowhere with his iconic cage-like helmet, giving the King words of wisdom.
Somehow, these words assure the eternal youthful King.
"Thank you Sir Biedevere!" Artorathur smiles brightly..to the point the stone wall she was facing begins to turn on fire.
…
"And now Add the Fire Bills my King." Berserkerlot, Lancelot's Twin Brother, grunts at Artorthuria as the firefighters put out the fire from Camelot.
The King groaned..then blanched once she looked at the expenses camelot is spending and the current balance of the treasury.
"HOW ARE WE LOSING MONEY!" She screeched, her once stoic look at this point degraded and battered as every bit of nonsense has knocked her down. Why does she have to pay for the food if the food should pay with their entrance into the King's Stomach? A place of worthiness for food she thinks to herself.
"My Liege," Saberlot comes out of nowhere..but looks like another comedian! "The Maidens have called forth for us once again! Is it time to look for the Holy Grail again, my good sir?" The Knight grinned and became excited at saving more maiden's lives.
"Holy What-now?" Artoria's face turned shocked, why is there a Holy Grail in this time?
"Did you forget during your beauty sleep, your highness?" Sir Robin ('I don't remember him being part of my forces..' Artoria thought to herself) asked with a look of concern on his face.
"If you do." Sir Biedevere cuts in before the King could answer. "The Holy Grail's discovery was ordered to us by the word of God."
"Hmm.." Artoria thinks to herself before nodding with a smile. "I believe we shall be off on our great adventure."
"Isn't it supposed to be 'The Next Great Adventure' by Dumbles? Pretty sure that's his name in the Harry Potter Community." Patsy asked beside Artoria with two halves of coconuts on each hand, making Artoria jump in surprise.
"No no no..it's 'Dumb Old Dore' from what i remmeber." Sir Galahad commented after some time of thinking.
"I'm pretty sure it's 'Old Git'." Merlin 2 mentions from the sidelines.
"I'm sure it's 'Old Goat'." Merlin 1 nods, assured of his answer.
"Enough!" Artorthuria thunders at her Knights, making the jump in surprise and alert. "We shall go now my Loyal Knights!..and Wizards." She looks at the duo before looking back. "We shall be off and search..for the Holy Grail."
'And wish to summon Shirou-kun here to fix these budget and food problems!' She smirked at her genius plan, definitely not wanting to summon her old master for different reasons.
…
Artoriathur stomps angrily in her piss-stained armour along with Sir Bedevere..who somehow summoned his horse and servant banging coconuts behind him to quickly catch-up to his Sovereign.
"My Liege! You can't take this lying down!" He stopped beside the Monarch, ignoring the taunting remarks of the Paladins of Charlemagne led by the King's Daughtson Mordred.
"I'm tired of this farce Sir Bedivere! Summon our five thou-"
"Three!"
"Three thousand of New Camelot's Elite Levies!"
"Aye My Liege!" He yelled cheerfully before fumbling out a small hand-held steel brick, extending a steel stick out from the top of it, and began clicking on the front of the interesting device.
"What is this..piece of metal my good Sir?" The walking piece of excrement asks her Knight with a curious look in her eyes.
"A new invention by yours truly my King! A great piece of science that utilises the air to send messages to other steel sticks!" The man of science smiled at his liege before beeping sounds came out of the strange invention.
"Hello?This is Pizza Hu-"
"SUMMON HIS MAJESTY'S LEVIES PEASANT!" The only Knight alive yelled at it.
"...Ohhh It's you two again!" A familiar sound comes out from the steel brick with a contemptuous tone..
..causing both Knight and King to groan.
"WE'RE NOT VOTING FOR YOU FOR THE LAST TIME! Especially since you sent me to the hospital!"
"Please Peasan-"
"Dennis."
"Dennis" Arturiathur said with a grimace loudly at Sir Bedivere's strange device, "I ask you as your Kin-"
"Quee-"
"KING!" She bellowed suddenly, causing the Knight beside her to jump in shock at her loudness, "in sending New Camelot's leviemen here-"
Beeping sounds could be heard from the phone.
Ignoring the raging and shaking King as she tried to calm her down, her loyal Knight sighed resignedly.
"I guess we have to do this the old-fashioned way." The Loyal Knight pulls out a Viking Horn before blowing on it, creating a loud noise that echoes across the land of Britai-
Briton!
..Britai-
Brinto!
BRINTAIN!
BRITON!
BRITAI-
"GET ON WITH IT!" Arturiatur turned into a dark shade with dark armour and yellow eyes for a moment, throwing Excalibur at the writer of this story.
In fear, the Writer continues on from this point, with the King turning back to her usual self with her sword returned to her side.
It was when the King of Chivalry looked behind her, she gave a large grin at the sight of her three thousand of New Camelot's levies preparing for the battle ahead of them.
"Hello The-"
"GENERAL KENOBI!" The Levies shouted back with a great vigour, making the King of K-nigets stop and gained an angry face before her occasional stoic look came back on her.
"My Loyal Army of Camelot! We have come here to finally regain the Holy Grail from the French Knights that for some reason chose to build a Fort here!"
"KEEP YAPPING FATHER!" Mordred shouted from the Stronghold Artoria plans on sieging down. "THIS NEW ZOO IS PUTTING A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON YOUR MANNERS..KING OF GLUTTONY!" The Out-of-Character Moment occurs as the Daugthson of King Artorthuria laughs with the French Knights with her.
'I shouldn't have sent her away, now she decided to side with the French!' She noted disappointedly before pulling out a familiar lance and getting on a 'horse'.
"I THINK THE KING OF K-NIGETS IS PREPARED FOR HIR FAILURE! HE'S ALREADY GOT HER ICE CREAM OUT!" A French Knight yells, causing more laughter, raising Artorthuria's thirst for blood.
"ONWARDS!" She bellows out as she begins..'riding' the horse with Patsy running after her, banging coconuts. The Same goes for the Knights of the Round Table with Sir Robin going in the opposite direction, bards following behind him..
…
"Soo.." A certain Counter Guardian Archer starts, looking at his prison mate in Scotland Yard. "How did you get arrested?"
Artoria's eyes, once alight, were now dull, empty, and lost.
'How did this even happen? I only wished to be able to fix my mistakes..I mean sure Camelot is alive and well..but how did I and my Loyal Knights end up in Prison?' Artoria contemplates to herself.
"Ahh I see." Archer nods before continuing. "Soo..I got arrested by a baby that hasn't even appeared in the film framing me.." And Archer keeps on talking.
'SAVE ME SHIROU-KUN!' She looks at the Prison Window with a lost look on her face
A/N: If Saber went out of character for you, try putting yourself in Saber's footsteps (Imagine the Off-Screen Shenanigans) and see how long you can survive in a world that takes place Post-Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Might make an actual version that takes place during the Film.
