Luz stared at the fluorescent lights of the cafeteria ceiling, squinting against their harshness. Numerous dead flies stuck out as black blobs against the white. Her gaze shifted to the wall, where posters advertising various clubs and events hung. Once she might have had the energy to feel sad for the flies, or to look closer at the posters to see if any caught her interest. Now she only looked at these things for the sake of somewhere to land her eyes. No emotion or information registered, it was just a generic background to occupy the physical aspect of her mind.

"It would be better if he literally never existed."

The words in class weren't planned, but once they happened she felt their truth. Her mom probably thought no one had noticed the gray streaks in her hair, but Luz saw them, and she knew they were caused by stress. Caring for six teenagers was a lot. Of course, that wasn't her friends' fault; they were only there because of her. She had ripped people from their lives and trapped them in another realm, and now her mom was forced to care for them. If she had just stayed in the human realm, like her video entry said…

But no. Now, upon reflection, the problems she caused started long before her trip to the demon realm. Every ridiculous outburst, every bad grade, every call to the principal's office. Those wore on her mom. Even when she tried her best to do right, putting in all that extra effort to make the most overachieving book report she could, it failed. She knew the answer was to tone it down, just be like the other kids, and she tried. But her brain was a cyclone, whirling and twisting and screaming whenever she tried to make it behave. The more she tried to focus on the teachers' lectures, the more her brain itched to move and create. And so she failed, over and over again, and her mom suffered for it. She had heard her mom crying late at night, talking to Luz's dad as if his spirit was still there, and asking him what to do about Luz. Well, she shouldn't have to do anything about Luz. Luz should just quietly exit her life, and the lives of her friends, and finally free them.

She wasn't stupid. She knew they would be devastated. But sometimes, heartbreak is necessary to move on to something better. They would grieve, but then they would notice all the things they no longer had to worry about, no longer had to deal with, and eventually they would all be happier. Luz clenched her fist, nails digging deep into the skin.

"I know what I have to do now."

Yes, she knew what she had to do now, but it wasn't to just stay in the human realm. She, Luz Noceda, must stop existing. And now that she saw clearly, she was finally going to do it.

Vee, Willow, and Amity were all snoring softly as Luz lay awake. Amity's faded purple hair spread across the pillow, covering part of her face. Vee's tail dangled down from the top of the bunk bed, twitching every once in a while from some dream. Every once in a while, Willow made a soft hum. Luz would miss her friends. That is, if consciousness continued in the afterlife, which she doubted it did.

Her Palisman egg lay as still and quiet as ever on her desk. If she died, what would happen to the creature inside? Would they also die? Or live as an abandoned Palisman, like the Bat Queen? Would they just never hatch? Well, she couldn't worry over every little detail.

Now that she had made the decision, nothing felt real. A faint buzz was taking over her brain, and her limbs had gone cold. Staring at her hand, it was like it didn't even belong to her, was just a weightless hologram. Was she sure this entire life wasn't a dream? Getting to her feet, she trembled, grabbing onto the bed frame to steady herself. Short pulses of electricity felt like they were running down her spine, a chill racing down her back every time she thought about what she was about to do. Though she had made the decision, it didn't feel real.

What would dying even mean? Right now, she couldn't imagine feeling much of anything, not when the entire world was washed in a chilling haze, and her body felt incorporeal. Even her thoughts didn't feel real, like they belonged to someone else and she was a robot carrying out tasks sent to it by a mysterious entity once called Luz.

She crossed to Amity's bed and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. The sight of Amity's peaceful face was reassuring; at least that was someone she knew was real. "I love you, hermosa." She had never said those words out loud to Amity, but now would be her last chance, and it wasn't like Amity could hear anyway. "I'm so sorry for everything. Goodbye."

Amity stirred, whimpering, and Luz hesitated. Amity often had nightmares, and Luz had promised to wake her whenever they happened. But if she woke her up the plan was over for tonight. She tried to smooth Amity's hair, comfort her without waking her, but Amity was only growing more distressed. Luz sighed. What was one more night? She tried not to feel shame at the relief that instantly took hold, the way her whole body began to gain feeling once more. "Sweet potato?"

She shook her gently. "Are you okay?"

Amity's eyes flew open and when she saw Luz she reached for her hand, gripping it tight. "You're okay," said Amity in relief. "I had a really bad dream."

"About the demon realm?"

"No. About you. I dreamed you left." Tears welled in Amity's eyes.

Luz stiffened. "I'm so sorry, Amity." She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and Amity immediately nuzzled up to her. The warm, gentle touch shocked her out of the strange dream state. This was her body, her arms, and she, Luz, was here holding her girlfriend.

"I don't want to get into the details but…it really scared me," said Amity. "I kept wanting to hold you and you weren't there."

Luz remained silent, not wanting to disturb the wonderful feeling of being real.

"Batata?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm listening."

Amity's brow furrowed. "If something's wrong, you can tell me. You seem off. Like more than usual."

Luz shook her head and pasted on a smile. "No. It's just your good old Luz, distractible dumbass, at your service."

Luz sat up to do a dramatic bow, and Amity giggled. "I've missed you doing stuff like that."

Luz's smile faded. "Yeah. Well, I'm sorry about your nightmare. Glad I could wake you up from it." She made to go back to her own bed.

"Wait. Luz you…you never reassured me."

"What?"

"That it was just a bad dream. That you're here."

"Well you can see I'm here," Luz chuckled nervously.

"Yeah but usually…I mean…can you stay in my bed? For tonight? So I can feel you next to me and I won't get scared again?"

Luz sighed. "Mamá won't like it."

"I don't think she'll mind it this once." Amity hesitated. "She loves you a lot, Luz. I know you and her had some problems before, but I think she really wants to understand you, and you and her might have more in common than you think. I can tell you're her daughter."

"I love her too, and I wish we could be closer. But I'm nothing like her."

"I know it's not the same at all, but I felt that way with my dad a lot. And nothing seemed to work until we just…talked." "I talk to Mamá all the time." "I mean really talked. Sorry if I'm overstepping or something, I just…maybe you could have a deeper talk with her? Several of them? I think she'd be open to it."

"Maybe." The idea of doing anything like that made Luz sick to her stomach. What was there even to talk about? Nothing but how hard Luz had made things, though Camilla would never phrase it that way. No, she couldn't talk. She wouldn't put even more emotional labor on Camilla. She didn't know what Amity was saying, acting like they were similar. Her mom helped people, brought joy and love to their lives, and she wasn't bogged down with stupid fantasies and obsessions. She was wonderful, and Luz didn't deserve her.

Luz lay back down and returned to cuddling Amity. They lay in silence so long, Luz thought Amity had fallen back to sleep until she whispered faintly "Goodnight, Luz."

"Goodnight, Amity."

A long pause, and then the faintest whisper from Amity. "I love you."

Luz's eyes widened. Was this a dream after all? But the words felt real, and they didn't bring back that strange, disembodied feeling. "I…I love you too, Amity." Amity sighed contently and interlaced her fingers with Luz's. Luz closed her eyes, trying not to cry as as Amity ran her thumb over Luz's hand. Every affectionate touch reduced the buzzing in her brain, though she knew it would come back all too quickly.

Long after Amity had finally fallen asleep, Luz lay staring at the ceiling, the subtle bumps and patterns in it, and the nerdy posters and decorations visible from the walls. A much more comfortable ceiling than the one at school, but the feeling that had been with her in the cafeteria still remained. Lessened, maybe, but still there. She looked over at her Palisman egg, nestled safely in its blanket.

"Hey little guy," she whispered. "You ever think about hatching any time soon?"

Nothing. Luz sighed. She would stay for Halloween. It was her favorite holiday, after all. One more Halloween with her friends, one more holiday to try to make things right with her mom, and then if things hadn't changed, she would do what needed to be done. Turning to her side, she wrapped her arms around Amity, holding her close and letting the gentle rhythm of her breath keep her grounded, keep her here as Luz rather than the cold automaton that usually took over. She finally cried, trying to keep her tears silent.. One more Halloween. She closed her eyes and finally drifted into sleep.