DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. The boys belong to themselves and the characters they portray to WWE. This is a work of fiction and I claim no knowledge of actual events that went on in real life. The quote at the end was taken from William Shakespeare's "Hamlet" and the story is inspired by the lyrics of Thomas Godoj's song "Lass es regnen".


Shawn's gaze was fixed on the window. Heavy droplets of rain were pounding against the glass, the sound like thunder in his ears. The sky was black, gray clouds not giving any light the slightest chance to break through.

The storm outside was picking up, the wind suddenly howling even louder.

Whereas inside this room everything was quiet, the silence deafening. The soft thud of a drawer closing was like a loud echo within these four walls and pulled his mind back to the reality of this moment.

The reality of Hunter leaving him.

His throat was dry when he tried to speak, "Hunter…"

Hunter paused briefly in his movements but without looking up. Shawn didn't fail to notice the deep breath he took before he resumed methodically folding the shirt in his hands and placed it on top of the others in the open suitcase that was lying on their bed. Each new item deposited inside like a stab right into his heart.

Shawn took a tentative step towards him. He wanted to reach out, stop him… His grip was weak when he touched Hunter's arm. Their eyes met only for a moment, but the anguish was clear as day in Hunter's when he broke free from his hold as if he'd been burnt. To Shawn it seemed like the other man was already gone while he was still trying to understand what was happening.

He felt like he was falling.

Shawn was barely aware of Hunter closing the lid of the suitcase finally and heaving it to the floor. A duffle bag was secured to the handle with its strap before he shouldered a larger second one.

Slowly Hunter made his way out of their bedroom and Shawn followed him down the stairs, through the living room, as if on autopilot.

He was already at the front door, hand on the knob, when he raised his eyes to look at him. For a second Shawn let himself hope, hope that he'd changed his mind… That this wasn't it. But the sad expression on Hunter's face told him that his decision had been made.

"Take good care of yourself, Shawn."

The words hadn't quite sunk in yet when the door fell shut. Shut on their life together.

Through the window, Shawn watched Hunter walk to his car. The rain was still falling heavily but despite that he didn't hurry to stow his belongings into the trunk. Eventually he moved to the driver's side but stopped as if uncertain, raking his hands through wet strands. Shawn couldn't help the unspoken plea, willing him to turn around after all, but then, without even glancing back, he got behind the wheel and drove off.

That was when all strength left Shawn. He slid down, resting against the wall behind him and broke down, sobs wracking his body. He had nobody to blame but himself. It was his doing. He deserved that it had come to this and that was why it hurt so badly.

He couldn't tell exactly when his crying had subsided and nothing more than silent tears were left, staining his cheeks, but it had gotten dark. Shawn still couldn't muster up the energy to rise so he stayed in the same spot, staring straight ahead. His mind kept going round in circles, regretting so many things he did or didn't do while he knew full well it was too late now anyway. And yet he couldn't stop his thoughts from wandering… Why did he have to push the man he loved to his very limit and even worse push him away with every action? They used to be happy. Before. Before he had to excessively drown his sorrows and frustrations in booze and pills, and sober he was just as miserable. Hunter had been out there, still living the life he missed and he resented him for it. And he had resented himself for even feeling this way. Hunter had tried to reach out, help him, be his strong shoulder, but all it did was make Shawn angrier. On better days he knew he was being unfair, but lately those had been few and far between. Instead, he lashed out more frequently, threw accusations at Hunter, stating he was glad that he was out of the picture and could claim the spotlight that had been his. Not too long ago, he'd even spat at Hunter that he was probably screwing all the rats that were sure dying to get their dirty hands on him in every town. The hurt in Hunter's usually warm brown eyes made him instantly regret what he'd said, but he couldn't take it back.

His bitterness and damaged ego wouldn't let him tell Hunter what he really should have told him. He didn't share with him how it was eating him up inside to be forced away from wrestling. From travelling up and down the road with him. He never spoke about his insecurities if, without the business, he was still enough for him. Taking out his anger on Hunter was easier than simply admitting all of that. Or just saying, "I miss you."

Instead, he had finally succeeded in driving him away. For good.

Shawn buried his head in his hands. A fresh wave of tears coming with the realization that he had truly lost Hunter. The one person who always stood by him and loved him unconditionally.

God, he couldn't even remember what exactly had set him off this morning. What had prompted another cruel outburst, hateful words solely intended to cause the other pain and make him feel as bad as he did himself.

However, he realized immediately that he had crossed a line when he saw Hunter's face fall. Hunter had slumped down on one of the chairs in the kitchen, looking defeated.

His quiet voice still rang in Shawn's ears. Hunter told him that they couldn't go on like this. That there was no point in fighting for what they had anymore if Shawn didn't even trust him enough to let him in.

"I love you, Shawn. I always will. But how can I expect you to still feel the same way when you can't even love yourself? I'm not gonna continue to stand here and let you take it all out on me. You can't make me hate you just because you hate yourself so much. I won't let that happen. But it's also why I have to leave."

When Hunter got up to start packing, Shawn had known that there was nothing left he could say or do. It was over.

Lightning outside illuminated the dark living room momentarily and Shawn looked up. Biting his lower lip to hold back more tears, he pushed himself off the floor. His limbs felt heavy, not as heavy as his heart, though.

There was no going back. He'd done too much damage.

And now he'd have to learn to live without Hunter.


The start of a new year was looming and he was alone, as he was so often these days. His sister had invited him over to celebrate with her family, but he really hadn't been in the mood. He'd rather wallow in a bit of self-pity and reflect on the past few months. Not that it would do him any good. But after tonight he was determined to finally turn a new page in his life. He had to.

A glass of whiskey in hand, Shawn stepped onto the back porch, a gust of wind sending a small shiver down his spine. He was looking up at the darkening sky above. A downpour was to be expected before the clock struck midnight and it seemed fitting to end the year on such a note.

Absently he sloshed the tumbler's contents from side to side before raising it to his lips. The dim light from the living room caught in the crystal surface and captured his attention. The color of whiskey had always reminded him of Hunter's eyes. Sometimes he wondered if that was the reason why it had become his drink of choice.

He sighed. Shawn usually tried not to think of Hunter all that often anymore if he could help it, because the truth was it still hurt too much. They hadn't talked since he had left and while it was understandable, it stung. There'd been moments he was tempted to pick up the phone, but he didn't feel like he had any right to get involved in Hunter's life again.

However, with every fiber of his being, he had to believe that Hunter somehow knew that he had indeed truly loved him, more than anything. By now he'd come to admit, at least to himself, that he had simply been too messed up to let Hunter in and show him how much he cared… Because he never thought he deserved Hunter's love to begin with. It had been easier to push him away than to face his own demons.

If only he could turn back time. His biggest regret was what happened to them, that he had let things get so bad… and that he hadn't even tried to stop Hunter from leaving. He prayed that deep down Hunter knew that he was sorry, even though it wouldn't change anything at this point. That part of his life was over and done, as much as it pained him to acknowledge that fact.

Slowly it started to rain, small puddles already forming on the ground. He didn't want to go inside yet. Instead, he took a step further out into the open, not caring that he was getting soaked. In a way it was soothing his mind, the sound of the storm building in the distance, the water drenching him.

Shawn laughed. Or maybe he was just going crazy.

Eyes locked faraway at the horizon, he let his thoughts drift back to Hunter. He wondered how he was doing, where he was right now. Even if it was without him, he genuinely hoped that Hunter had found the happiness he deserved. That he'd found someone to call home. And selfishly he wished that Hunter sometimes maybe still thought of him and had forgiven him, for everything he put him through.

A lightning bolt lit up the sky and loud thunder immediately followed. The sound unexpectedly being so close made Shawn jump and the glass slipped from his fingers, shattering on the porch's stone floor. The remaining whiskey mixed with the pool of water at his feet.

Only then, he became aware of his wet clothes sticking to his body and the cold seeping into his bones because of it. Reluctantly he headed inside and went upstairs to change into some dry track pants and the warm sweater his mom had given him for Christmas. He considered briefly to call it a day already and go to bed. Why should he stay up by himself merely to listen to the clock tick towards twelve? However, he knew he was still too restless to sleep so he went back into the living room and poured himself another drink before he sank down heavily onto the couch.

The roar of the storm outside wasn't as prominent in the shelter of his home so he leaned forward for the remote. Some foolish white noise to keep him company and maybe lull him to sleep.

When he grabbed it, the pile of letters on the table that he had discarded as bills shifted a little and his gaze fell on an envelope. He'd recognize that neat handwriting anywhere, so unlike his own messy scrawl. His heart was pounding in his chest and eagerly he reached for the letter. His hands were shaking when he tried to open it so the enclosed card fell onto the carpet. Suddenly afraid, he hesitated to pick it up, the blood rushing in his ears. He blinked. His mind was probably playing tricks on him. It couldn't be from him.

He drew a calming breath, bracing himself for whatever was written inside, and carefully opened the card. Tears were threatening to fall when he started reading and there was a huge lump in his throat. It didn't say much, but it said all he needed to hear.

Shawn,

Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.

~ Hunter

The words became blurry and swam in front of his eyes. Faintly he heard the old wooden clock in the corner strike midnight and ring in the new year.

The rain was still falling against the windows as before, drumming the same steady rhythm as on that night so many months ago. But somehow now it felt like there was a chance it could put out the fires he started in the past.

Clutching the piece of paper to his chest, for the first time in what seemed like forever Shawn dared to hope.