The phone rang at the Grossberg Law Offices and John Phoenix answered.
"Hello my name is Helen Trailer and I want to sue someone."
"Consider it done," said John Phoenix.
John Phoenix went to the trial in the case of Helen Trailer VS Hideshi Kamila and he was representing Trailer.
"Can the defense please make its opening statement," said the judge.
"Heh heh heh yes," snarled Vex Vulper a prosecutor infamous for being the Red Devil and John Phoenix wondered why the Red Devil would be involved in this case. "Helen Trailer says she was offered 4000 dollars to voice Bayonetta but she's lying and I call my witness to explain."
Hideshi Kamila came to testify.
"UNTRUTHS!" he screeched.
"Objection," shouted John Phoenix. "Truths!"
"BLOCKED!" screeched Kamila and he blocked John Phoenix on Twitter (the trial was being hosted on Twitter due to Coronavirus).
But John Phoenix used his psychic powers to unblock himself!
"The fact that you're running away proves your guilt!" John Phoenix pointed out which was smart.
Kamila could not argue with that! So he raged.
"SHUT UP, YOU FILTHY LITTLE INSECT!" Kamila screamed and cried and rolled around on the floor like a man child and people started editing his Wikipedia article to account for this recent discovery that he was a man child and they were right.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Vulper.
"Thank you John Phoenix," said Trailer. "Jesus Christ thanks you too."
John Phoenix raised an eyebrow. Jesus Christ? Why would she bring him up now? Could it be...
John Phoenix looked across the room and the opposing attorney, Vex Vulper. "Of course!" he thought.
"Now then," said the judge. "I rule in favor of-"
"OBJECTION!" shouted John Phoenix.
"John Phoenix what are you thinking?" said the judge. "I'm about to let you win!"
"A lawyer's job isn't defending his client, it's revealing the truth!" said John Phoenix and he was right, it's what Ace Attorney teaches you after all! "Client you just said Jesus. That means your a Christian, right?"
"Uh, no! I meant that as in "Oh sweet Jesus fucking Christ I thought we were going to lose" nothing else."
But John Phoenix wasn't so sure. He clicked his client's name and her Twitter profile came up (remember the trial's still being held on Twitter) and he checked her liked tweets.
"Kill all gay people," said JP Rowling the author of Turnabout Everlasting.
John Phoenix slammed his fist on the desk. He knew it. His client had been deceiving him all along. But unlike his stupid uncle Phoenix Wright who mopes about it when such things happen, he was going to take matters into his own hands!
"Trailer, it's clear from the evidence that you are a conservative Christian. That's why Vex Vulper the Red Devil is here fighting against you, because even the Devil hates Christians! Furthermore, since you're a nazi, that means you're probably lying about how much you were offered, too!"
So John Phoenix checked the report again and saw that she was indeed offered 4K dollars.
But then he read the next two words!
It turned out she was actually offered 4K per session! Meaning her total pay would be 20K!
"Y-Yeah that's what I meant to say!" said Kamila.
"Shut up Kamila."
Just then a Twitter user joined the thread.
"Umm actually even Hitler deserves to be paid a fair wage? You're a corporate bootlicking idiot, John Phoe-"
The Twitter user got banned for sympathizing with nazis, and also hate speech against John Phoenix.
The trial ended and Trailer had to pay John Phoenix 20,000 dollars in Conservative Fees.
Happy Ending
