MiracuCrack #PD1A: And You Thought Your Parents Were Strict
by DFC
(Timeline: Whenever.)
Hovering outside of Adrien's bedroom door, Nathalie Sancoeur listened carefully for certain telltale signs.
Giggling, but a lack of audible conversation: Check.
Advertisements cycling on the television, as if they'd turned on a streaming service but not gotten around to choosing a movie: Check.
Locked door: Check.
As if that actually keeps out someone who has the master passcodes, Nathalie sighed to herself, punching in an override code. Why don't you just post a note on your door, saying "You don't want to know what we're doing now?"
She held her breath as she entered Adrien's bedroom, wondering precisely what she would find. The bed itself was unoccupied, fortunately for all concerned, which left Adrien's sofa as the primary location of interest.
"Ahem," she coughed loudly as she approached...
RIght on cue, two alarmed faces popped up over the sofa's back, one with blond hair and one dark with pigtails. Their positioning made it clear what their positioning had been like moments before.
Quickly, Nathalie typed out a message to Gabriel on her tablet:
[Nathalie] The flower is blossoming. Repeat, the flower is blossoming. Checking for severity.
"I cannot believe that you would just storm in here like this," fumed Adrien. "N-nothing was happening!"
"Y-yeah!" agreed Marinette. She tugged lightly on her blouse, demonstrating that it had not left its current location any time recently. "We weren't even th-thinking about... we wouldn't have..."
"And it wouldn't have been your businesses if we had!" Adrien declared... then turned to Marinette with a reddening face. "Not that I was planning on asking... any time soon..."
A wave of Nathalie's hand stemmed the tide of flustered protest. "I can see that you were being affectionate, not... adventurous," she conceded. "At this time, at least. I am not here to morally judge either of you."
"Then, why are you-"
"I am here," Nathalie cut him off, "because the two of you have clearly passed the shy-glances and handholding stage of your young relationship. You know very well what that implies, Adrien."
His defiance faded slightly in volume. "You shouldn't have to do this. Not any more," he grumbled.
Turning to Marinette, Nathalie's voice remained reasonably pleasant in tone. "Marinette, would you walk with me for a few minutes, please?" she asked, though it sounded like more of an order than a request. "Adrien's father would like you and I to have a little conversation... woman to woman."
"O-okay?"
Leaning towards her tablet, Nathalie directed, "Protocol: Trust But Verify. Code Yellow. Begin preparations immediately," then gestured to Marinette to follow her.
"Adrien?" asked Marinette, looking to Adrien before taking a step. "What's going on?"
"...It's okay. It kind of has to be, I guess," he frowned. "My father is being my father. Just... stand up for yourself, okay? Don't agree to anything that you don't want to. You know that neither of us has done anything wrong! Not even a little."
"I trust you," she told him, then followed Nathalie to a small room down the hall.
As the two of them sat down, Nathalie behind a small desk and Marinette in a chair across from her, Nathalie tried to defuse the tension somewhat. "Adrien is right," she allowed. "There is nothing... wrong about what I just walked in on."
"I know there isn't!" Marinette blurted out. "We weren't even... we didn't..."
"Take a breath, Marinette," Nathalie directed her. "You're not in trouble, either of you. I am not about to throw you out on your ear or declare that you will never see Adrien again. It doesn't work like that."
"It d-doesn't? Good."
"Adrien is certainly allowed to... care for whomever he chooses," said Nathalie, phrasing things carefully. "He is remarkably mature for a handsome young man in his position. He could likely date any young woman in Paris, but he appears drawn to those of a certain..."
"..."
"...character. Self-awareness. Inherent dignity," Nathalie continued. "You are not some chattering fangirl, as I once dismissed you as being, or a social climber intent on using Adrien for your own personal gain. I trust that we both recognize whom I am referring to by that."
"Two names come to mind, yes," murmured Marinette.
"You see more in Adrien than a pretty face and a bank account," said Nathalie. "And he is well aware of that."
"...How do you know that?"
"Marinette," smiled Nathalie, "you are one of his primary topics of conversation. Driving to and from school, chatter over the dinner table, overheard phone conversations... there are days when he's spoken of little else. Even before your recent breakthrough of sorts."
"Wow," marveled Marinette, a bit overwhelmed by that.
"And as such, I took the liberty of performing some routine background checks on you," Nathalie added, her professional demeanor returning. "As you can imagine, Mr. Agreste is quite fussy about the nature of those his son associates with, and keeps an eye out for young designers with future potential. You have not escaped his notice in either sense."
"...Stop. Gabriel Agreste knows who I am?"
"He does. Which is a big reason why I am not throwing you out on your ear. You have passed his entrance exam, so to speak," said Nathalie, soothingly. "But Adrien was, and is, a public figure and the face of the Agreste business."
"He's not modeling any more, though. He told me... his father told him that," argued Marinette. "He's not a public figure any more."
"No?" countered Nathalie. "He is Adrien Agreste, a face known to every Parisian. Tens of thousands of people see his face and hear his voice every time they activate their Alliance rings. Gabriel is certain that this little rebellion of his is... just a phase, you know? And that he can talk Adrien into resuming his modeling career before long."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Marinette frowned.
"At the very least, the prominence of Adrien and the Agreste name ensure that Adrien cannot simply... resign from being a public figure of importance. This requires considerable discretion when it comes to romances, both on his part and on yours. He is not Boris Johnson; there are rules to be followed. Do you understand what I am getting at here?"
"I do. I would never act in a way that would make Adrien look bad, or get caught at... you know," blushed Marinette. "We haven't even talked about... going further."
"Says the young woman who was photographed in her pajamas once, hand-in-hand with Adrien in a movie theater and in the streets, leading crowds of paparazzi on a merry chase."
Marinette closed her eyes, briefly. "I can't... even begin to explain that day," she allowed.
"We have some routine protocols to follow in these circumstances," Nathalie insisted. "No one is saying, 'You can't be Adrien's girlfriend.' Far from it. But will you agree to participate in some brief... exercises, to verify that you will be prepared for the responsibilities that accompany that?'
After thinking about it for a moment, Marinette nodded. "Y-yes, I will."
"Excellent. This shouldn't take up too much of your time, and then you and Adrien can return to... that."
"Um... do you really think that either of us will still be in that mood, after all of this?" wondered Marinette. "I'm just saying."
"That is up to you," noted Nathalie. "Now... follow me, please."
The two of them walked down another hallway and down a short flight of stairs, ending up in front of a series of doors.
"All right. I'll leave you here," Nathalie stated. "I will meet you again when you get to room three."
"There are multiple parts to this? Whatever... this is?"
"Oh, yes."
Nathalie took a deep breath, reentering emotionless professional mode...
"Room one, in front of you, is where you will sign the standard non-disclosure agreements," she began. "You will be expected to engage in the utmost discretion regarding your activities with Adrien. You will not disclose to your parents, your friends, or especially the press any information about Adrien's physical features, any peculiarities that you may note about his anatomy..."
"What peculiarities?" interrupted Marinette. "What would be there for me to find?"
"I would not know," shrugged Nathalie. "But neither will the remainder of the Western world. There will be no... gossip about his... strengths or weaknesses, shall we say?"
"I wouldn't know, either," Marinette mumbled, feeling her cheeks reddening.
"There will be no articles on the gossip sites or in the newspapers about what you and Adrien do in private. There will certainly be none about what you do in public, as you will not be doing that sort of thing in public. This includes places that you think are private; an alleyway, the back of a deserted library, an otherwise-unoccupied movie theater... because paparazzi are like cockroaches. They will pop up with cameras flashing in spaces where you couldn't imagine they could ever reach."
"Okay..."
"Any hickeys, bite marks or other blemishes left upon Adrien's visible body may leave you in a very actionable legal position," Nathalie intoned. "I am required to inform you of this according to section three, subclauses five through nine of the standard contract."
"Yikes," gasped Marinette. "Kagami never told me that she had to go through any of this."
"That is because Kagami signed and honored the proper non-disclosure agreements," chuckled Nathalie. "These are not negotiable."
"...Fine."
"Once those have been signed and notarized, you will move to room two, where your medical examination will take place."
"W-what?"
Nathalie allowed herself a small smile. "Marinette, one look at you tells me that you are... how shall I put it... innocent when it comes to physical encounters. You and Adrien are similar in that way. Your manner tells me that you take all forms of physical intimacy seriously, and that you are very choosy about whom you collaborate with."
"That is my own business. But you're not... wrong about that," a flustered Marinette confirmed.
"As such, I am recommending only the basic set of verifications."
Marinette's eyes widened as Nathalie rattled off phrases like "STD tests" and "battery of blood tests" and "OB/GYN examination" and "regular checkup schedule"-
"STOP. This is... this is insane," she gasped. "I'm not about to just... give myself up to a bunch of doctors that I've never even met!"
"Have your family doctors conducted tests of these nature within the last three months, and are you willing to sign disclosure agreements to share the results of those and future results with Mr. Agreste's private medical staff?"
"Uh... I had a checkup last month... but that doctor only looked in my ears and throat. I don't... why am I even telling you this?"
"Again," Nathalie stressed, "I have no expectations that your physical health or your personal history pose any threat to Adrien's health or well-being. I am not implying at all that I expect that you would be hazardous to either."
"Good."
"But we would be extremely negligent from a business and financial sense if we did not at least verify those basic facts before allowing Adrien to engage in potentially... risky behaviors," deadpanned Nathalie. "And we will certainly allow you to choose from a variety of approved birth-control methods. We will not dictate which one is best for you."
Words failed Marinette.
"I would suggest that you have no more interest in illegitimate children with Adrien than we do. Am I correct?" snapped Nathalie. "Mr. Agreste feels that this is a reasonable request and a sensible precaution to inquire about such-"
"I am done listening to this."
"I am passing on Mr. Agreste's instructions," shrugged Nathalie. "Along with his note that, should his terms and arrangements prove unworkable, or if violations of the terms of conduct are noted in future, his front door is right there for your exit."
Looking over the agitated girl, Nathalie added, "...Is he worth it?"
"He is worth anything in this world," Marinette retorted. "But you and his father... I need to talk to my parents about this before I agree to anything."
"Certainly," agreed Nathalie. "As long as that does not violate the non-disclosure clauses you will have signed in room one."
"...Kagami put up with this?"
"I cannot say," Nathalie replied. "Telling you that would violate the non-disclosure clauses that she may or may not have signed."
"If I do agree to all of this... poking and prodding and violation of my privacy," asked Marinette. "That's it? I can go back to kissing Adrien in peace?"
"Well, at that point, you and I will meet in room three. There, we will lay out your schedule for the coming month, including your debut as Adrien's companion for the press."
"You're serious."
"I am."
"Would you pardon me for a moment? I may need to throw up," Marinette grimaced. "What are you talking about?"
"Adrien Agreste is the face of Agreste Fashions," Nathalie pointed out, "whether he wants to be or not. He is the lead model - or was, anyway, but it is expected that he will return to that - and the future of the business. He has responsibilities, and that includes managing his public persona quite carefully."
"He's a fifteen-year-old boy! One who's still figuring out what he wants to do with his life!"
"We will need to schedule public dates for the two of you, so that the paparazzi do not go insane speculating about Adrien Agreste's New Mystery Girlfriend. Lord knows that they've already had their eyes on you in the past," stated Nathalie, as if she had heard none of Marinette's objection. "Obviously, Adrien's bodyguard will need to be looped in on those, as your chaperone and protection. We may need to acquire the service of a second bodyguard; we will negotiate his living arrangements with your parents should that become necessary."
"..."
"Likewise, you will need to be measured and scanned for your persona in the Alliance rings," continued Nathalie. "I imagine that Miss Rossi will throw a fit when she hears about this, but that possibility was accounted for when she was chosen for her current role."
"...!"
"Perhaps we can have the two of you battle it out in Adrien's upcoming mobile game. It's a simple match-3 title with DLC elements, but our writers can certainly work you into its storyline mode-"
Nathalie paused, watching Marinette's imminent explosion carefully. "Are you all right, Marinette?" she asked.
"May I... speak with... Adrien for a moment, please?" countered Marinette, through gritted teeth. "Alone?"
"Once you have signed the requisite non-disclosure and behavioral contracts, yes," said Nathalie, her face showing no emotion. "The staff in room one will give you whatever time you need to decide," she noted, gesturing for Marinette to enter the room. "They're patient, I assure you."
She watched as a silent Marinette stormed into said room, Marinette's hands clenched into tiny fists, then strode upstairs to meet with her employer.
Gabriel turned to face Nathalie once he heard the sound of her clicking heels approaching.
"Ah," he greeted her. "I trust that the protocols are being followed?"
"They are," Nathalie confirmed. "Marinette is meeting with the legal staff as I speak. She did not look happy about any of this, but I did not expect that she would."
"It is regrettable that such matters are necessary," mused Gabriel. "But as a prominent asset of Agreste Fashions and as an Agreste, the heir to my empire, Adrien must be protected at all costs. Check in with them, please."
Nathalie punched away at her tablet momentarily. "Michel says that it's a bit of a standoff, presently," she informed him. "Marinette is switching between scanning the paperwork and glaring at him. 'If looks could kill, my troubles would be over,' he says."
"Hmmph," snorted Gabriel. "I was hoping that she would be sensible and simply agree to all of this without a fuss, but she does seem strong-willed. In that way, she matches my son, but I can guide his preferences away from her if it proves necessary..."
A thought occurred to him. "Nathalie," he interjected, "when you caught the two of them and escorted Marinette away, did you confiscate Adrien's phone?"
"I did not," said Nathalie. "It didn't seem necessary at the time."
"And he is aware of the protocols?"
"He appeared to be," she confirmed. "Surely, he wouldn't do anything rash, would he?"
Tapping at her tablet, Nathalie frowned, then exclaimed, "Ah." She turned it around to show Gabriel the feed from the front-door cameras.
"Sir," she apologized, "we appear to have guests. There seem to be an angry buffalo in a baker's apron and a tiny ball of white-hot incandescent rage here to see you."
~fin~
