Chapter 4 Howard: underneath all that bravado is a terrified, lonely 40-year-old who has been broken repeatedly by life and others.

Howard's point of view

I was nervous… Peggy was coming for dinner for the first time. Under Ana's supervision, I made a Sunday roast.

"Are my shoes clean? Do I look OK?"

"You look wonderful sir"

"Should I change my shirt?"

"I don't think so"

"Does my hair need more Brylcreem?"

"No sir, it looks fine"

"Mr Stark, would you like me to call Dr Stane?"

"Yes… no… I don't know… I'm…"

"Ana dearest, I think you'd better call Dr Stane…"

"All right"

The doorbell rang, and I freaked out and ran upstairs and hid under my bed…

"Dr Stane, I was just about to call you…"

"Where's Howard?"

"He ran upstairs as soon as he heard the doorbell"

Maria's point of view

Ana took me upstairs to Howard's room…

"Howard… where are you?"

"I think he's under the bed"

I got down onto the floor and sure enough, he was hiding underneath his bed…

"Howard… I came over to help you get ready for your dinner with Peggy… I know you're nervous…"

"Can we cancel it?"

"No. Ms Carter will be here any minute."

"I'm…"

"Howard… look at me…"

"She's going to find out about…"

"Come on, Howard, look at me."

*Sigh*

"You'll be fine."

"How?"

"Just be yourself"

"I tried that before, remember what happened?"

"That was different"

"How?"

"You were being manipulated. What happened wasn't your fault."

"What do I do… should I tell Peggy about that or… I don't know what to do."

"Do you feel safe with her?"

"Yes"

"Well, maybe you should tell her"

"It's still…"

"I know… but you're moving on"

"I don't know how she'll feel… If… When… If… When… If… I tell her"

"You should talk to her, Howard, she won't judge you."

"How do you know?"

"Peggy… is different."

"Really?"

"She isn't judgmental… If you tell her what happened to you, she will listen and help you. She respects you… and then some" said a voice… "Howard Anthony Walter Stark, you come out from under that bed this minute and stop acting like a spoilt child. You promised to take me to Coney Island, and that's precisely where we're going, or I'm going home. And I'm never going to speak to you again."

I rolled out from under the bed and straightened my shirt and tie out. I brushed down my slacks and combed my hair.

"Right… come on, let's go"

The colour vanished from my face and I whispered

"is this a flying solo date?"

"We could triple if you'd like."

"All right"

We flew to Coney Island. Since I flew the plane, Edwin drove us from the air base to Coney Island.

"It's an 11-mile drive" he said

"OK"

When we got into the car, I took Maria aside and said

"It's time for me to tell her now, before I get cold feet."

"Yes, I think that's a good idea."

Obie and Maria were in the back of the car, they dozed on the long journey. Peg and I were in the middle and because Edwin was driving, he and Ana were up front.

I took a deep breath in, slipped my arm around Peggy and said

"Peg, there's something I need to tell you… it happened a long, long time ago but… I don't want it to spoil… our relationship, and the reason I'm such an anxious fractious out of control mess right now is… this situation that I'm about to tell you about."

"OK, Howard, I understand."

"Years ago, before the war, I was… in a serious stable relationship… or so I thought… I was about ready to put a ring on it. In fact, I tried to put a ring on it and… well, it backfired…"

AN: Yeah, I know, I'm evil leaving that one shot on a cliffie… I will explain this in my National Novel Writing Month Novel for this year which will be up some time in late January or early February, so watch out for it… (National novel writing month is in November I am taking the entire month of December off from everything because personal reasons… and my writing tutor says we should leave our work alone for 6 weeks minimum when we finish it… 6 weeks from the 30th of November is… January 11th 2023 and that's when I will start editing it. With everything else going on in my life, it'll probably take me about 6 weeks to edit it…