Chapter 18 Pepper: Just a little bit of history repeating (Fresh start pt 3)
Pepper's point of view
I was missing Tony terribly... I had met a guy who had started off being sweet and funny, like Tony. Then he turned nasty... and violent.
After he hit me the last time, and violated me for the second time, I decided it was time to end things... I began secretly putting my clothes in my car, saving up money from my three jobs and storing non-perishable food in the trunk. The guy I was seeing was drunk or high, or both most of the time. He lost his job and became a violent, abusive liability, and I had had enough.
"Harold Joseph Hogan, you listen to me, and you listen well. While you are here doing drugs and drinking with your creepy crappy friends and listening to your filthy rap music, I am busting my hump working three damn jobs! I have had it! I am leaving and I am never coming back! I am not your mamma, I am not your slave! I sure as hell am not your doormat!"
I turned on my heel without giving him a chance to respond, slammed the living room door behind me, shattering the glass, and I picked up my suitcase and left. I didn't realize that when he violated me, he did something that would have consequences soon.
I drove from Malibu to Atlanta, and then I sold my car. I noticed I had gained a little weight round the middle and no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't shift. That should have told me something, but it didn't. I flew from Atlanta to New York and rented a small apartment in Queens. I applied for numerous jobs. Anything and everything. Then I found an advertisement for Stark Industries and applied there too...
Tony's point of view
I was worried about Pepper' cos Obie and Dad hadn't been able to track her down. Finally, Dad hired a PI.
"The PI I hired has found a couple of things... Pepper was living in Anaheim until recently. She sold her car in Atlanta and took a flight to New York." said Dad.
"She applied for several entry-level positions here, and she's way too qualified for most of them."
"I want to be in on the interview panel"
"Tony, you can interview her yourself... and then hire her as your PA"
"Perfect"
Pepper's point of view
I woke up on the morning of the interview at Stark Industries feeling absolutely terrible. I was having period style pains. These weren't my regular period pains though... they were much more painful... and I was having to breathe through them... again that should have told me something, but it didn't... I got the train to Long Island and walked to the office.
"Ms Potts?"
"Yes?"
"Mr Stark asked me to take you right to his office."
"OK"
I had expected to see Howard, but in fact, when I got to the executive office it was Tony who was sitting in the big leather chair.
"Ms Potts. I was looking through your applications," he began sternly.
"You've applied for several posts that you are far too qualified for... why?"
"Well, I just got out of an inappropriate relationship and when I left California, I used all the money I had to get to Atlanta. Then I flew to JFK and rented a small apartment just outside Manhattan... I need a job, any job, because my rent is due next week and I have only enough savings left to pay for half of it and I'm in arrears!"
"I see... well, in that case how would you like to be my personal assistant?"
"I would love that..." I began as a sharp pain in my stomach caused me to double over, drop to my knees and yelp...
Tony's point of view
Pepper was in a world of pain... the sharp pain in her stomach had taken her by surprise and she was doubled over kneeling on the floor...
I surreptitiously picked up the phone on my desk and called my godfather.
"Uncle Obie, Pepper is here for her interview, but there's something wrong. She's in a lot of pain... I need Aunt Maria... As soon as she can get here... no it seems to me like it might be a girl thing because the way she's breathing suggests... yes... really? I didn't know that... yes... yes if you could do that... ok... thanks..."
I knelt next to Pepper on the floor.
"You're ok... breathe..."
"Something's wrong... something's really wrong"
"All right, let's get you up off that floor... I know this is probably not the time to ask this, but would you like to get back together?"
"Yes"
"Good..."
As the pain subsided a little, we kissed...
"Lean into me Pep... Next pain, breathe in for 6 and out for 6 ok? My godmother is on her way"
"OK..."
I kept Uncle Obie's revelation about my mother a secret. Partly because I don't think he told me and partly because I knew of my Aunt Maria's infertility. I had a hunch about what was wrong with Pepper, but it was just that, a hunch, and I needed a professional medical opinion.
Aunt Maria's point of view
Obie had called me when I was lecturing at NYU
"Maria Tony needs you... Pepper came in for her interview and she's in a lot of pain. Tony thinks she could be pregnant and not know it. I need to grovel with Howard and Peggy because I accidentally let slip about what happened to Peggy a year and a bit before Tony was born though I didn't give any details... maybe I'll invite them over for dinner tonight and explain? I did not know that Tony didn't know."
"Good idea"
"I'll come and get you OK?"
"OK"
Obie came and got me from the campus. I called my course director to tell them to cancel my class because I was needed urgently by my family.
When I got to Tony's office, he was holding Pepper, encouraging her to breathe. I examined her. She was dilated to 10 centimetres.
"All right, Pepper, has Tony shared his theory about what's wrong with you?"
"No, ma'am he has not"
"Well, you're pregnant, and you're in labour... you're fully dilated, and it's time to push. When you get the next pain, I want you to take a great big breath in and hold it and then push down hard into your butt like you're constipated. I want you to push for 10 seconds... I'm going to need an extra pair of hands..."
Obie went white
"Don't look at me"
"Bring two chairs over, quickly... and a blanket"
"OK"
Pepper's point of view
"How could I be so stupid? I forgot my pill one night... Harold didn't know I was on birth control... and when I remembered I hadn't taken my pill he... beat me and I think he must have slipped me something because I don't remember doing anything," I said then the next contraction came
"Ready, breath in and big push 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... again 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... one more 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10..."
"You did really well. You're gonna have to try harder, though. Why don't we have you switch positions... Tony, would you help her?"
"Of course"
The next contraction hit very hard...
"Come on Pep you got this... Ready, breath in and big push 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... again 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... one more 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10..."
"That was much better"
Another very painful contraction hit me full force.
"Ready, breath in and big push 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... again 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... one more 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10..."
"Ok in a minute, I'm going to tell you to stop pushing and breathe... or scream if you feel like it..."
"Ready, breath in and big push 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... again 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... one more 2... 3... 4... 5... 6..."
"Stop! the head is crowning breathe..."
"Ow that stings like a motherfucker!" I shrieked.
"OK, three tiny pushes that's it... again... one more... ok the head is out when you get the next pain, big, big push for the shoulders... they've got a habit of getting stuck in this position... that's one reason kneeling stopped being used as a preferred birth position."
"Ready, breath in and big push 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... again 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... one more 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... it's a little boy..."
Tony's godmother tried to hand the child to me, but I couldn't take him... I was too upset Tony took him instead.
"You won't hurt him..."
"I can't... I don't want to see him... I can't be reminded of what happened when he was conceived. My mother was... violated, and I resulted from that and she was hateful... that's why I ended up with the McMahons"
Obie's point of view
Maria's eyes were very sad. Every time she'd had to deliver an unwanted baby it hurt her...
"Ria, if you want to..."
"Really?"
"Yes"
"Is that such a good idea?"
"I'd say send him to his biological father, but he's a wastrel..."
"What about your godparents?"
"No! I'm not talking to them... I haven't spoken to them since I left their care when I was 15... I went to live in El Paso Texas with employees of theirs... then Eddie died and I went to college."
"Are you sure you don't mind us bringing him up?"
"Of course I don't mind..."
"Ria, we'll be moving to Malibu soon..."
"You're right... I'm going to miss being across the road from Howard and Peggy"
"I know, but we'll be back in a year. Howard just wants me to oversee the setting up of the bigger office in Malibu..."
Tony's point of view
Pepper was sobbing uncontrollably... the shock had worn off. She delivered the placenta, and I took her home and we went for a long hot shower and went to bed...
"I hope you like cats," I said
"I love cats."
"Good, because I have two... Pinky and the Brain... Pinky is a big white fluff monster and The Brain is a short-haired tabby. They're both girls and they're very sweet and very well trained in mousing and spider-catching since I'm petrified of those 8 legged freaks and so is Dad."
Peggy's point of view
Tony came home with Pepper. Obie called to invite Howard and me for dinner.
I went upstairs to check on Pepper and Tony and found Pepper asleep in Tony's arms. The two cats curled up beside her. Tony was watching a movie with the sound down.
"Are you two?"
"Yes... Pepper just had a baby... Aunt Maria and Uncle Obie are going to raise him... and Pep met these two rascals... and they like her... so far"
"Pepper had a baby?"
"Yes... her ex... violated her... she had a little boy. Mom, Uncle Obie accidentally told me that the same thing happened to you before I was born, but if you don't want to talk about it I understand... I think that's why he invited you for dinner"
"Oh... I don't think I can talk about it right now..."
"That's OK, mom, it happened long ago..."
"It's still hard to talk about"
"I understand... I mean I understand that it's hard to talk about, but I can't imagine what it's like..."
"I know what you meant."
I turned and ran...
Straight into Howard.
Howard's point of view
Peggy suddenly came flying out of Tony's room... tears streaming down her face. She crashed right into me and landed hard at the top of the stairs. I picked her up, and we went to our room.
"What's the matter Peg?"
"Tony knows..."
"Knows what?"
"About what happened before he was born. Obie told him accidentally, but he didn't give details... and then Tony said the same thing happened to Pepper this morning..."
"Maybe that's why Obie invited us for dinner"
"Tony said it was"
Obie's point of view
When Howard and Peggy arrived, Peggy looked like she had been crying...
"Dinner smells wonderful..."
"Maria is upstairs getting little Adam settled for the night."
"Adam?"
"Didn't Tony tell you?"
"Sort of"
"Oh, right... Let me explain... Pepper arrived for her interview and she and Tony had a long talk, she's going to be his PA but then she started experiencing pain like she'd never experienced before - turns out she was in labour - and Tony recognised the signs. She had absolutely no idea that she was pregnant... Tony asked me to send for Maria and she delivered the child... Pepper doesn't want to keep him because her mom was violated, conceived her and treated her like garbage which is why she ended up with the McMahons just before her mom died. She doesn't want that for her little one so Maria suggested we raise him"
"And Pepper is ok with you living across the street?"
"Well, we won't be for a while because we'll be establishing the Malibu office"
"Of course... I'd forgotten about that"
"Are you having second thoughts about it?"
"If you two go out to Malibu, Maria won't be able to teach. It makes much more sense for Peg and I to go out to Malibu and oversee the new office... we could take the little one"
"I appreciate that Howard, but I've asked for and been granted a sabbatical year"
"OK, well that's good"
"You're going to have to tell Tony about it soon... the others too and... about the serum"
"Of course... we'll tell them as soon as you come back from California."
"It could take 6 months, it could take a year, it may even take longer than a year."
Peggy's point of view
*FLASHBACK*
Something extremely strange happened when they reached the top of the stairs outside the clinic. I had a severe pain, and then there was a massive gush of fluid.
I gasped
"Doctor, do you know what's wrong with her?"
"Yes, I think I do... I'm going to have to do some checks though"
"Would you mind sharing your theory with me?"
"Of course I don't mind. I think Ms Carter is experiencing a denied pregnancy"
"She's pregnant, but she doesn't know she's pregnant?"
"Yes"
"She's in labour. She's had no prenatal care?"
"Exactly"
"It is as I suspected... Ms Carter, you are in labour"
"No! I can't be... I can't be pregnant... Steve and I didn't and Howard and I haven't yet even though we're soulmates... we've gone so far, but we want to wait for a little while before sealing the bond... not unless..."
"Ms Carter, what do you remember about the month before you were rescued from Captain Rogers?"
"Are you insinuating that I could be pregnant because he?.."
"Raped you or drug raped you? Yes, that's exactly what I am saying..."
"I think he might have drug raped me because I can't remember anything from that time at all except being really really ill and then waking up with Howard. I can't be sure, but my gut feeling is that. I can't believe how stupid and naïve I was… He treated me like I sinned against his mother… he was catholic… we slept in the same room but in separate beds and he often woke up in mine… and his excuses were lame… he said he missed me or he was cold… and when I questioned him about why he couldn't do that when I was awake and why we couldn't share a bed, it was like Satan himself spoke to me! Then he kidnapped me and started using much harder drugs..."
Peggy's point of view
Dr Turner left me in Nurse Robinson's care.
"It's time to push now, precious," she said. "We'll get you up on your knees and Mr Stark can support you because you're going to need every ounce of energy you can muster," she added
Howard took his shoes off and knelt on the bed, holding me up.
"OK now, when you get a pain, take a deep breath and push long and hard into your bottom, for ten seconds if you can. Three good solid pushes per pain if you can."
"OK"
"I'm here Peg, lean into me... I got you"
"Thanks... OW!"
"Big breath in and really push down... 10... again... 10 once more... 10 good..."
Howard's point of view
In between pains, Peggy rested against me...
"You're doing so well Peg... I'm proud of you"
"OK, listen now Peggy because this is very important, I saw the baby's head that time... so you need to listen closely because I'm going to tell you to stop pushing and just breathe in the next couple of minutes... I'm going to get Dr Turner. I'll be right back... since this is what we call a denied pregnancy - meaning you didn't know you were pregnant - I'd like his input."
Peggy was exhausted. She was leaning against me.
Dr Turner and Nurse Robinson returned... just as the next pain came
"Big push... 10... one mor stop. The head is crowning. Breathe... ok little push... again... breathe... ok the head is out so now you need to push to deliver the shoulders... one more... You have a daughter"
Peggy's point of view
By some miracle, the baby was alive and well... screaming her head off. But I did not want to know.
"Would you like to meet the baby?"
"No... please... have her adopted. I don't want to resent her... she's innocent in all this, it's not her fault that she's here and I couldn't raise her knowing that she was a by-product of a crime.."
"OK... I understand... Do you have a name in mind for her?"
"No... I can't even think of that"
"I have a name in my head that would be suitable"
"What?"
"Jane Elizabeth"
"That's beautiful...Sister Frances is going to deliver the placenta. While she's helping you do that Mr Stark would you mind coming with me while I take this little lady to the nursery?"
"Of course I don't mind if Peggy doesn't"
"This is the part I'd rather you didn't see Howard"
"OK"
We kissed and Nurse Robinson and I took the baby down to the nursery. I looked down at her sweet, innocent little face and sighed.
"Something on your mind, Mr Stark?"
"No, Peggy's decision not to keep this little sweetheart is right... I would willingly support her, but... I know she's right. It wouldn't be fair to expect her to raise a child who is a by-product of something that Peggy didn't want to happen, but still... I wish we could raise her.."
"You can give her a bottle if you want to..."
"I'd like that"
Nurse Robinson made up a bottle for little Jane and I fed her it.
"Kiddo... none of this is your fault... your mom is a wonderful person but your father... is not... he really hurt your mom when he did what he did to her... You're going to be adopted by a loving family who will bring you up properly. I'm not saying that Peg and I couldn't have brought you up... I'm saying that it wouldn't be fair to you or her. Your mom's decision is one I wholly support... You'll understand when you're older... you're going to go far... you deserve to have a good life… and I have just the couple in mind to adopt you…"
After I fed her, Nurse Robinson winded her and changed her, and I wrapped her up and took her to California with me…
END FLASHBACK
Howard's point of view
Peggy was awake the whole night… she did not sleep a wink… She got up and went through to the living room… I followed her…
Tears were streaming down her cheeks in silent rivers.
"Honey, look at me"
She looked at me and that made her cry harder.
"I'm going to have to tell Tony and the others everything…"
"You don't have to do that right now Peg… listen, it's late, and we're both exhausted… why don't we go and have a hot shower and…"
"OK"
