Nera looked at the words on the chipped wood sign as they entered the town gates, shielding her eyes from the sunset.
Stockenbarrel.
This time the day before, they were feasting and dancing – she was surprised she had any appetite after reciting her vows in a shaky voice, shyly meeting the eyes of the man who was now her husband. Even stealing a glance at him now, she felt giddiness and anxiety bubble up in her stomach and threaten to escape her mouth in words, doubts, cries. She followed a step behind Luca and was surprised when he outstretched his hand to her. She was positive that she was sweating as she took the offered hand, gathering her skirts in her free hand to climb the steps to the inn.
There was still so much about her new husband that she had yet to discover, but there were also particular certainties that she knew about him. Luca was gentle and brave – he had proven that to her several times over in the short time they had known each other. Luca had dropped off the friendly monsters that accompanied him before they were married, and she could see him comforting them with a gentle, doting smile, telling them that he would be back in a few days' time while he and Nera honeymooned.
The previous week or so had felt like a whirlwind of emotions and events. Politely greeting strange suitors, catching Luca's warm eyes and feeling her heart hammer in her throat before becoming overcome with an overwhelming sense of calm. Seeing him return with his father's request along with a very pretty childhood friend who comfortably chatted along with him. The unease began to start.
What could he possibly see in me?
She bit the words back as she stumbled on the steps of the inn.
"Ah, I-I'm sorry!" Her heart sunk and she picked up her skirts in both hands as she felt his hand leave hers.
I will not be a burden.
His soft touch at her waist caused her to stumble once more, and she felt her cheeks blaze with heat.
"It's alright…" Luca's words had a soft lilt to them, and she wondered whether or not he was speaking to her in the same manner he would speak to a spooked animal.
She looked into his dark eyes, trying to read his expression and was startled when she saw that he was already carefully watching her. A kind smile hinted at the corners of his mouth as he took her in, his gaze affectionate. She felt like she was going limp from the very exposure.
"Let's take our time."
He had said the same thing the night before when they could hardly keep their eyes open after the day's events. No rushing their first moments alone together as husband and wife – they had their lives ahead of them, and they were to savor it. Her heart throbbed in anticipation and love-drunk adoration, and she felt that she could continue on.
Quickly collecting herself, Nera walked up the remainder of the stairs with his aid.
They had checked into the room with a revered silence, quietly acknowledging that this was the room where a lot of firsts were going to happen. Nera felt too embarrassed to even look over at the bed, and she felt relieved to see he looked equally as flustered. Simply falling asleep next to one another as they had the night before had left them both a bit giddy in their half-awake state. Between shy kisses and surprisingly natural cuddles, they decided together to wait until they were both more alert and had time to take things slow.
"M-maybe a moonlit walk would be nice?" Luca's voice cracked, and a heavy blush traveled across his entire face. "We could get some fresh air and use the hot springs..."
Nera nodded, certain her face was just as flushed as she watched him add some soap and a couple of towels into a satchel.
The night air was clear, and stars spilled across the sky. Nera stared up at them, silently identifying the constellations she learned about in her years of studies. The lover stars – that's what they were referred to by the casual observer – both hung in the sky. It was the proper time of year for it, but Nera couldn't help but feel that they were there for her and Luca. After all, their relationship had started as a whirlwind, going from strangers to spouses in a matter of weeks. The range of emotions she had gone through in that time had been immeasurable. Nera clasped her hands together as she looked up at the moon.
The chances of us meeting at all were slim to none.
"Nera?"
Luca's voice brought her back to reality. She gazed over at him, but his eyes were locked to the heavens above them, much like she had been just a moment ago.
"Yes, Luca?" Every time she tried his name in her mouth, she found that she enjoyed it more and more.
It was musical. Soft and warm, hopeful. Someone who had seen the ugliness of the world yet refused to believe that was all that existed. When she thought of the few stories he had shared with her so far, she wondered how he could find the strength to continue moving forward.
He clumsily laced his rough fingers with her dainty, soft ones. "I… I wish I could find the right words to express how happy I am." His grin was genuine as he pressed his lips against her clasped hand, and she was certain she caught some mistiness in his eyes.
She felt a lump form in her throat.
"I always hoped that it would be you!" she cried, the dam bursting. "I mean, from the moment you stepped into Papa's sitting room, I grasped onto hope." Her free hand clutched her chest, as if to keep her heart from jumping out of her body.
She could still recall holding her breath as he stepped inside with the other suitors. He was not the most finely dressed, nor was he the most eloquently spoken. But he had such an honest quality about him that left her fearing he would slip out of her fingers, or worse, she would be stuck with one of the suitors that she had felt negative energy from within the first few moments of meeting.
Luca had been the only one to ask her how she was doing. Previous suitors had promised a brave return with the rings, claiming that she was the perfect woman to have on their arms. The very memory of those people made her feel ill. Her father was kind and wise, but he also was rather trusting, she thought. Still, she knew that he would not allow her to be wed to someone he did not think would take good care of her.
But what if a cruel person had returned with both rings? What if they were strong but lacked any heart and were simply good at acting kind? What if they were simply marrying for the wealth and status it bestowed?
She had spent several moments awake at night, her stomach twisting in anticipation of what news each day brought regarding her suitors. What would her new life be like? What would her future husband be like? Would he enjoy studies as she did? Would he come from a prestigious school? Would he be a battle-hardened warrior? Would the two be able to relate to one another at all?
This final question often lingered in the edges of her mind, during all hours of the day. She found that the what-ifs had continued in her mind today as they walked along, her eyes not taking in their surroundings until they had reached the open air bath.
"It's late, and I doubt anyone else will show up."
She nodded excitedly, eager to relax but flustered at this new level of intimacy.
The steaming water beckoned to them, and she could feel the cool of the night brush gave her goosebumps as she went to her side to undress and wash up, too hot and bothered to notice his silent invitation to join him. Nera scrubbed herself down with soap, listening to the sounds of the night – crickets, an occasional owl, the ambient wind blowing through the trees. It was a rare opportunity that she spent time like this outdoors, often cooped up studying in her room or at the abbey. As the air caressed her skin, she took in the scent of the fresh air combined with her soap. It was new and different and she couldn't help but wonder how many new and exciting things were waiting in store for them. There had been so many things she wanted to say, so many questions she wanted to ask Luca.
The first had admittedly been why he had chosen her, but she allowed the question to stay inside her mouth; it wasn't becoming of a bride, after all.
Bianca had cheerfully helped comb out Nera's hair and assist her with putting on the wedding gown, but the bride couldn't help but wonder if there was a bit of sadness on her face. Despite her upturned lips, there was a crease on Bianca's forehead that hadn't gone away until the reception when she, like the other guests, partook in all sorts of refreshments and merriment, dancing late into the night.
That's right… we danced so late.
Her feet and legs still were a little sore if she was completely honest with herself. Her father liked to go all out on celebrations, and lively music played on the ship. Luca had been a bit shy about dancing, his cheeks rosy with embarrassment as he clumsily moved with her for the first few songs, admitting that Henry's impromptu dance lessons right before the ceremony were the only reason for his coordination. He had exaggerated, Nera thought. Before the night was even half over, he confidently led his bride across the deck of the ship, spinning her and never leaving her side unless someone cut in to dance.
Crispin had asked for a moment with her and a waltz for old time's sake, and as Nera moved with her new partner, she couldn't help but notice a familiar woman conversing with Luca, tripping on her skirts as he gave her a twirl. They were laughing and joking, both vivacious and jolly.
So carefree and natural...
The night sky was illuminated by the light of the moon and the stars glittering down at them.
I want that same familiarity with him...
She spoke over the divider. "L-Luca?"
"Nera?"
She was suddenly aware of the distance between them. Pulling a towel around her for modesty, she walked over to the other side of the bath. Luca looked up from his bucket, his eyes wide and his cheeks blazing.
"I-I'm so sorry! I should have asked if I could come over here! I wasn't thinking! I didn't mean to intrude!" She tore her curious eyes away from him before they could travel much past the wet hair that hung past his shoulders and his toned torso, small streams of water still running down his hair and skin.
His warm chuckle caught her off guard. "It's alright! I was trying to ask you earlier if you wanted to wash up together, but I don't think you noticed." There was a sadness in his smile that caused her heart to hurt.
Nera clutched the towel around her tightly, realizing that she was still covered in suds. "I'm sorry – my mind seems to be all over the place tonight."
"It's okay to be nervous. I am, too," he confessed. "We can go at whatever pace is comfortable."
Her feet remained frozen in place as she wrung her fingers. "I… I know it's early… Ah, oh so early, in our marriage, I mean, but… I don't want you to have any regrets," Nera murmured. She stared at the steam rising from the water as she bit her lip. "We know so little about each other, and Bianca said that you two grew up together… How could I possibly hold out hope that you would choose me over her for a lover?"
"Nera…" Luca frowned as he gazed over at her. He reached out to her, and she took his hand, quivering. He closed the space between them, and they shared a nervous giggle in the dark. "I chose you because I wanted to be with you. Bianca and I are childhood friends, but… it was you I wanted."
There was deep affection in his voice. He was close and warm and exposed in more ways than one, she realized with embarrassment. She longed to allow herself to lean into his arms, but she felt her throat tighten, the nagging fears getting the better of her. "But why? What could I possibly have that Bianca doesn't?"
"You don't trust my feelings…" His words weren't accusing, but Nera felt her heart drop at them.
"I… I just want to understand. I know that I'm not as hearty as Bianca, but I promise I will try my hardest to not be a burden! I can-"
"Nera," Luca interrupted, "I already said that I want you. I chose you because I love you. I love your sharp mind and gentle heart; the beautiful way you laugh and the kindness you always show everyone. I saw how you were kept in that house, and I wanted to help you become free."
He clasped her hands and she gasped as she felt the towel around her loosen at the sudden movement. It was his eyes she was drawn into, however—those earnest eyes.
I know Papa wanted to protect me, but…
She thought of the years spent behind books in the abbey and beyond closed doors at the mansion. Reading about places and people she could only imagine in her wildest dreams. She was protected, and yet…
Part of her had felt like a bird trapped in an elaborately gilded cage.
She felt tears stream down her cheeks, but Luca carefully wiped them away with his calloused fingers. His hands were still damp, but there was such care behind his touch that Nera once more felt herself wanting to relax against him.
It's too good to be true…
As if on cue, Luca spoke up.
"You deserve to live the life that you choose. I couldn't stand the way the other men talked about you as if you were a gold medal to win and dangle in the losers' faces."
"So you pitied me," the words slipped out, as did a couple more tears.
Where's the true love in that? Pity… is that not what Papa did to me all those years?
With this, Luca threw his damp arms around her, not caring that she was still covered in soap. "I saw that look in your eyes…" His voice broke off and he kissed away her remaining tears. "I promised myself that if I ever saw someone with that kind of hurt, I would do everything in my power to fix it."
She blinked, startled into silence, half from his words, and half from her towel slipping further, feeling the cool breeze against her bare back. He continued.
"I wanted to help you, and when I saw that scared look, I knew that I just had to get you out of there. But when I heard your voice and saw your smile, that authentic smile… and the love that you openly shared with everyone despite everything, I didn't only want you to be free, but I found myself wanting to ask if you'd truly and honestly want to have me."
Nera felt her lip tremble as the tears fell freely again. He placed a soft kiss upon her cheek.
"You don't have to pretend to be anyone else, and I would never want you to. I fell in love with Nera."
It was all too much, and the emotions from the past few days caught up to her all at once. She returned the embrace, burying her face on his damp shoulder. Remembering at once how exposed the two of them were, she felt her cheeks warm. However, his simple touch soothed her, and she listened to the sounds of the night as her crying ceased. His fingers seemed to hold a type of old magic in them that devoured misery and sadness.
"I suppose it's a common thing to grow up hoping to get married. The idea of spending your life with someone dear is an attractive one," Nera began.
As she collected her thoughts, Luca listened closely, leaning his head on her shoulder. His breath against her cheek caused her face to warm, but it left her with a cozy comfort.
Soothed, she continued. "I began to realize at a young age that I had been adopted into a wealthy and powerful family. I know that sounds more than obvious, but in some ways, it put a target on my back. Men would stop by, some as old as my Papa, asking for my hand in the future. They didn't really want me, though. They wanted money, control. In some ways, I felt less like a person and more of a bargaining chip."
"Nera…" Luca hugged her more tightly.
"Don't get me wrong – Papa treated me very well, and he insisted that I would never be treated as such, but it was more of a lingering fear. I kept hope that I would be married to someone I loved, even though I was scared." She looked at him, her lips trembling as they turned up into a smile. "I'm so glad that I never lost that dream… and now it's finally come true."
They held each other out at arms' length and her towel fell, but Nera felt unabashed. Freedom pounded in her heart and she couldn't stop grinning. The couple exchanged shameless looks at one another and shared shy giggles, each pleased to be comfortable around their lover.
Luca took his time rinsing her off, murmuring words of love to her as he did so.
"I didn't grow up really thinking I'd ever have time for love," he confessed. "Ever since I was a child, it's been traveling and going through various… hardships."
He didn't further elaborate, and Nera didn't get a chance to reply, as she became distracted by the kisses he placed over the cleaned skin.
"Now, we agreed this would be an equal partnership," Nera tutted, placing a kiss on his cheek. "It's my turn. Sit down and let me wash your back."
She couldn't help but notice his flush fade as he obediently sat on the bath bench, turning away from her. His long, black hair fell down his back. Figuring he had simply grown shy, she giggled as she tried to make it cooperate, pushing it to the side.
"There, now, let's…" Her voice died off as she noticed what the hair had been concealing. She struggled for the words as she observed the angry scars running along his back. She gently traced her fingers over them, the bubbles sliding down his skin. They were more than mere scuffs and bumps he had attained from his traveling and getting past wild animals. They looked as though they had long since healed, but the marks had implied a viscious attack, repetitive marks covering the skin. "Luca… what kind of beast did this to you?"
She felt his shoulders slouch as he lowered his head. "One of the cruelest I know – man."
A strange disconnected sensation made her feel as if she were watching the both of them from far away. "Luca..." A sob escaped her throat and she threw her arms around him as if she feared he would be torn from her, her wet skin sliding against the soap.
His hands covered hers and held them fast.
"Why…?" she dared, her voice a whisper. "What would possess anyone to do something like that?"
Luca shook his head, but he didn't speak.
She looked at the scars, which had darkened from the warmth of the water. "It was a whip, wasn't it?"
A single nod.
She pressed her body against his, her cheek covered in suds, but she didn't care. "I won't ask any more if it hurts to talk about it."
There was a brief pause.
"It felt like a lifetime," he replied softly. "After my father was killed, I was sold and forced into labor. Ten years of it… whipping and beating if we were unable to keep their impossible demands while we constructed that tower."
She scrunched her face up and wailed into his back. "My Luca!"
She felt his shoulders silently wrack and knew that he must be crying as well.
"It's alright – let it all out," she hiccoughed, stroking his chest as she listened to his heartbeat through his back.
Audible crying. She wondered if he had allowed himself to do that since he was a child. They sobbed under the stars together, the water in the bucket beside her reflecting the moonlight from above.
"I was so hungry and scared all the time." His voice made him sound so small, and Nera squeezed him even harder.
What did one even say in reply to such a statement? Nera stroked him once more, nuzzling her cheek against him.
"I thought about giving up hope, but I saw what that did to people," he continued quietly. "If you give up in a situation like that, you aren't given ten seconds to change your mind. We were all disposable."
Nera gathered some soap and knelt behind him, massaging his scalp with bubbles. He relaxed at her touch, leaning his head back into her and looking up at her with sad eyes, although she saw a heavy blush rise in his cheeks when he realized what he was using as a soft pillow. He straightened himself with a stammered apology.
"It's alright; you can lean back. Relax with me," she coaxed, her words honeyed.
He leaned back once more, his head resting upon her breast, looking up at her. She wondered if he could hear her heart pounding. His cheeks remained rosy and the long suffering expression slowly melted from his eyes as they gazed into hers.
"I'm glad you didn't give up."
She dipped her fingers into clean water and traced them over his lips. They shyly tilted upwards as he kissed the tips of her fingers.
"Oh, Nera… I don't deserve you."
She shook her head. "Luca, you deserve the world."
"As do you. I want to live a life with you where we are both free to make our own choices."
"You will always be free when you are with me, Darling," she gushed, color rising in her cheeks at how naturally the term of endearment flowed from her lips.
"We can both be free," he confirmed, holding her hand to his cheek. "Traveling can be like it used to. Papa took me on all sorts of adventures and I always felt like I had nothing to fear because he was right there with me." He paused with a small sigh. "I know it won't be exactly the way it was, but… we can find our own way together." He cupped his hand over hers and closed his eyes.
"Luca," Nera murmured, resting her chin atop of his head, "you've given so many people so much. I want to be able to do that for you, too. To live a happy life. A full life."
"I'd love nothing more than to spend all my days with you," he replied, "my gorgeous wife."
He had never complimented her so openly about her appearance before, not even at their wedding. She had chalked it up to shyness and tried not to dwell upon it too much. After all, there were many suitors who had attempted to gain hers and her father's good favor by paying her compliments, usually about her appearance. The words lost meaning with time, and they left her feeling hollow. However, after hearing the words from her lover, she found that it ignited a spark within her breast. She could only wonder if he could hear it hammering as loudly as it was within her ears.
They rinsed off and joined in the open air bath, relaxing in the warmth of the water and the comfort of holding hands.
He motioned for her to come closer and Nera felt her inhibitions swept away as she made her way towards him. He looked at her the way no man ever had before – there was a hunger in his eyes, yes, but it was a deep love reflecting in them as well. Nera smiled so hard her cheeks hurt, allowing her body to be openly exposed to both the cold air and her husband.
Emboldened, she sat in his lap and wrapped her arms around him. He was blushing fiercely, but he hugged her tightly as their lips met again and again.
How wonderful it was to love so openly! Nera was grateful that he looked just as pleased as she was sure she did.
"We belong to one another now," she cried in her joy, no longer embarrassed of her emotional exclamations, for they were all very genuine and true. She saw her husband reflecting the same expression and chuckled with delight.
"Yes, we do. Nera, I will always want you and love you and protect you."
"I am yours," she murmured among kisses.
"And I am yours," he replied. "I can't remember ever being this happy in my entire life."
She boldly pressed her lips against his, taking his breath away. "Let's make each other's lives filled with love each and every single day."
He nodded, throwing his arms around her. She felt their hearts beat together and closed her eyes, taking in all of the wonderful feelings swirling about her.
"I will make you the happiest man in the world!" she declared with an enthralled laugh.
"Oh, Nera, I already am."
"Then you will be every day!" she replied.
He scooped her up bridal style, laying several kisses all over her face. "And you will be the happiest woman, I promise you."
