it's all father's fault.
i was four years old when my mother left my father and three siblings. i heard yelling one night and woke up along with my siblings. mother and father were arguing. we could hear mother crying, screaming how she was so tired of this life. and us... father tried to convince her to stay, that everything was going to turn out fine. it didn't work. everything didn't end up fine.
mother ended up leaving father with a scar. my brother, the second sibling out of everyone, tried to stop her. he begged her to stay. he said he'd be a better son and that he won't get bad grades anymore. that didn't work either. she pushed passed him and out the door with all her belongings. taking her own car, she left everyone hurt and confused.
ever since then, father wasn't the same anymore. he was cold and disconnected. yet, he still cared. he just couldn't show it anymore. father had to work harder than ever. he worked in the day and came home at night. it left my oldest sister, the first child, to be in charge.
Desmond. she didn't change that much to be honest. mother and her never had a good relationship. Desmond avoided her like a plague and never wanted to talk to her. mother gave up trying and just went on with her life without her.
Ollie. he was the one who tried to stop her. it was obvious, he was a momma's boy. he loved her. probably more than he should've, but that never stopped him. he would've done anything for her. anything. that's why, when she left, he blamed all of us for it. said it was our fault that she left. from that day on, he was never the same. always angry, quick to pick a fight, and never spent time with anyone. we all stayed away from him and he stayed away from us.
then there was me. the third child. i was the type of person who never wanted to be alone and i made sure of that. i never knew why, but i made sure to always stay near somebody and i did. no matter who it was, i stuck by there side. i was clingy. i know. but i didn't like to be alone. it scared me. my habit never broke after mom's leaving. in fact, it grew worse. i was growing paranoid. but i never knew why. there was just something bad out to get me. i know it.
lastly, is my little brother. Callen. he was a year old when mother left. everyone shared a three year age difference. I remember Callen crying. he didn't know what had happened but he knew it was bad. he knew that mother was never coming back. it broke my heart and i cried with him.
my sibling's relationships were stale. everyone had a decent relationship with each other except for Ollie. he hated us. even Callen and father.
after two years, when i was six, that's where my life officially gotten worst.
i never slept alone. i always cried when father tried to convince me to. i usually slept beside Desmond or father. Maybe Callen, if i had a good enough day. but Ollie was never an option. i tried once and he kicked me out.
one night, i decided to sleep with father after a rough day at school. instead of being comforted with warmth and reassurance, i got the opposite.
father was drinking. he was sober, but i could smell the alcohol on him. he was always good at hiding secrets from us. it's basically a talent at this point.
i was holding my teddy bear named Angel. he was an albino bear that I would never let go. he protected me from whatever i was scared of.
anyway, i remember laying beside my father, holding Angel as father held me. the room was dark, quiet, and i didn't know that father had also had a bad day as well. i was scared. so i let him know. it was a bad idea.
"father," he hummed, acknowledging me. "i'm scared."
"of what? the monsters?" my eyes widened.
"m-monsters...?" the thought scared me.
"you didn't know?" I couldn't see his eyes, but I caught him smiling. and it wasn't one of reassurace. "ellie, their watching you."
i remember it all too well. my heart sinking, eyes widening, fear rising, and realization hit. that's why I've been so paranoid. there was always something watching me. that's what I've been afraid of for so long.
"i don't wanna die." that's how i responded. it was my first thought. father ran his fingers through my hair. he was amused. he was feeding off my fear.
"i can't promise that you won't. i'm sorry, darling, that you have to deal with my demons. but once you do die, they'll die to."
i cried.
i remember running out of his room, and towards Desmond's. she let me in quickly and i told her everything. i told her about what father had said, how much he scared me, and i even asked if he was telling the truth. i didn't cry alot, but it made her sad when i did. Desmond was angry. she told me she would have a talk with him tomorrow and she did.
it was a calm arguement. the two weren't one for yelling. father and Desmond disliked loud noises for similar reasons.
i was playing with Callen at the time, so i had no idea how their conversation went. but Desmond did come back angry.
i never slept beside father ever again. i stuck with Desmond. i was afraid of getting Callen involved if i slept beside him.
unfortunately, i wouldn't be safe for long.
