December 848
It was Hange who had let Levi's birthday slip, one day when they were giving you a check up. You'd taken a tumble when you'd twisted your ankle. Hange had declared that your ankle wasn't badly hurt and that, if you rested it today, you should be able to return to training tomorrow. They'd commented on the Christmas market coming up and how much of a pain it was trying to be imaginative when it came to buying Levi a joint Christmas and birthday present.
You kept that in mind, somewhere near the back, as you and Gunther rode into Trost with the rest of Levi Squad, minus the captain himself who had chosen to catch up on paperwork. Now that winter had fallen, the Scouts were mostly occupied with training, freeing up more time for the officers. You've been thinking about the captain a lot lately. On and off duty. You like to think you've done a decent enough job concealing it, considering none of your comrades have teased.
Three years had passed since Wall Maria fell and two since 20% of humanity had been wiped out in the Operation to reclaim Wall Maria. Trost had recovered steadily from the famine that had plagued the Walls and Walls Rose and Sina had enjoyed a better harvest this year. It's good to see the town doing well again.
The market was bustling with cheerful, freezing people and your eyes gazed over many stalls, drinking in baked treats, colourful fabrics and ornaments. As usual for the height of winter, snow has fallen thickly everywhere but there's beauty to it. Children race around, making snow-people and angels. Numerous braziers stand around radiating warmth. People linger around their fires between exploring the stalls. You smell hot tea and sweet baked treats.
By the time a couple of hours have passed, you've picked up some small gifts for your squadmates and friends: a book Gunther has had his eye on for a while (and which Eld promises to keep Gunther for buying for himself), a duck-egg blue sweater for Oluo (which takes some master maneuvering to slip away from his nosy self ), a set of miniature carving tools for Eld since his last set are looking worse for wear, and finally a pair of colourful, patterned scarves for Petra.
Your budget has been all but annihilated when you spot a gorgeous, oak box, polished and sitting centre stage on a stall covered in jars of tea leaves. The box is covered with carvings of tree branches and leaves. You're instantly drawn to it. The stall proprietor opens it, allowing you to see that it contains six different types of tea. Black, green, peppermint, ginger, chamomile and lavender, so you're told.
Your thoughts turn to the perpetually tired-looking captain, slaving away in his office and his love of tea. Hange's revelation creeps back into your mind and so, the Christmas market finishes off the last of that month's wages.
—
Once most of the scouts have gone home for the Christmas break, you take the opportunity to deliver Levi's gift when Commander Erwin calls him to his office after dinner. You can feel your nerves tapping away as you creep into his office and approach the desk.
You frown at the four piles of immaculately stacked paperwork that have taken over most of the desk. You ponder putting it on the chair instead but you immediately conjure the picture of him sitting on it instead and you bite your lip to prevent a laugh.
Cautiously, you slide one pile of papers closer to another, allowing for some space between. You carefully lay the box- newly wrapped in an emerald-coloured scarf that you'd forgotten you'd intended to give to the captain for Christmas. It set the tea box off beautifully. You secure the present and lay the small card of well-wishing on top of it.
You creep out of the room, unable to hide the wide smile on your face at the thought of Levi's reaction. If only you could see it.
Hours later, you realize you forgot to sign the card.
—
There's not many scouts left around HQ lately and so you're all mostly scattered around the mess hall come breakfast time the following morning. A morning which also happens to be Christmas Day. Levi's birthday. You wonder how old he is while you eat. He looks so young for someone of his rank but then again,you've all trained young.
You and Nifa are sharing a table. You've been friendly with her since your training corps days although you tend to run with different groups. However she's decided not to visit her family over the holidays, mentioning something about a massive argument and tensions being horrible at home according to her brother. You don't try and convince her to stay. It's not like you can toot the horn of Christmas spirit bringing the family together. Your family is a topic that's off-limits.
"Hey Nifa," Levi's voice, despite not being spoken that loudly, carries easily across the mostly empty room. He approaches your table, dressed in a grey sweater and black slacks. You suppose that's holiday attire for him. The casual attire looks good on him, you think, in the seconds before you see that he's holding your present - the scarf in one hand and the box in another.
"Happy birthday, Levi!" Nifa chirps with a grin. "Merry Christmas too!"
He gives her a nod and a thin smile before holding up the gifts. "These are appreciated. But you should have indicated we were exchanging gifts this year," he chides her. "I haven't prepared anything for you."
Your jaw drops a tad. He assumed it was from Nifa? Why? Your appetite drops and you feel an ache take form in your chest.
Nifa's eyes shift to the presents in Levi's hands. "We're not," she told him with slightly widened eyes. "Sorry, Levi.I didn't give you those."
Instant suspicion clouds over Levi's face and it hurt you to witness the way he eyes the presents. Confusion wrinkles in his brow as though he can't fathom why someone else would give him such things. He lowers the gifts and steps away from Nifa.
"I see," he answers. "Thanks for clearing that up."
Nifa frowns up at him. "Hey, does it matter who they're from? That scarf is lovely and… what is that anyway?" she nods to the box.
"Flavoured tea."
"Pretty thoughtful gift," Nifa smiles. "Guess you've got an admirer, Levi. Had to happen eventually."
"Shut up," his retort is quick but not as cutting as normal. He's already making his way out of the hall before Nifa can respond with more teasing.
You stare after him miserably. It was like you were invisible. He didn't even consider asking you. You drop your bread onto your plate, all hunger gone.
—
If Levi asks around about his mystery gift-giver then he doesn't approach you, yet again. You keep quiet, feeling less and less like admitting to it by the day. Nifa speculates that it was probably from Petra or something and that just makes you feel worse. Yet it's all your fault because you forgot to sign the damn card.
You distract yourself with private training (as there's only you out of Levi's squad staying here for Christmas, he sometimes lets you train unsupervised). When you're not training, you spend your free time curled up in your room with a book and a cup of tea. Although, each cup stirs up regret and the temptation to come out and admit to it, you decide that you've waited too long and questions will be asked that you'd rather not answer.
You also finish a report that you've been working on. It's not due to be submitted until Erwin visits Mitras next week but you take care of it now. The problem is that you have to submit it via the Captain first. As much as you half-wish you had dragged it out longer, you suppose there's no escaping the inevitable.
It's nearly 9pm on New Year's Eve when you knock on the Captain's office door.
"Enter." A flat voice beckons you.
You step inside, holding the report neatly against your chest. "Good evening, sir," you tell him.
Levi doesn't lift his gaze from the paperwork he's filling out. You note that there's only one pile tonight. Good. Maybe he can rest early. You muse as you close the door behind you. The flames in his fireplace are beginning to dwindle.
"Throw another log on there, would you?" he says, again not looking up.
You crouch down and pluck a long piece of log and toss it onto the flames. A small wave of heat wafts at you as you rise. "I have the last report for you," you say as you venture forward and hold it out to him.
It's then that Levi raises his gaze to the paper you're holding out. "Good," he says as he takes the paper. He goes very still when he sees the report.
"Is something wrong?" you ask.
"You filled out the report?"
"Yes sir."
Levi closes his eyes for a moment, placing the report to one side before rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I knew I recognized that handwriting," he murmured.
It takes you several beats longer than you'd like to connect the dots. Your eyes glance to the right where you see that the box of tea is sitting on his desk, with the card atop it. Your stomach begins to churn and a grimace slides over your face.
"So it was you," Levi leans back in his chair, arms moving into their signature fold. "Why not come clean when I asked Nifa?"
You can feel your embarrassment burning through your cheeks. "I was embarrassed that I forgot to sign the card, sir," you admit. "And you just assumed it was Nifa so I felt uncomfortable."
"Nifa is always joking about me being an easy person to gift. How she can just keep buying me tea."
You almost comment on how friendly he and Nifa seem but then remind yourself that it's really none of your business. If you'd have been more aware and less worried about being caught, there wouldn't have been this confusion to begin with. "Oh," you manage to say quietly.
A small sigh escapes your captain. "How did you know it was-" Annoyance quickly swarms his expression. "Never mind. Hange." When you simply nod, he rolls his eyes. "They have a big mouth."
"You- you don't like to celebrate?" you ask. "Sir?" you add hastily.
"Tch. Not much point in celebrating living in this shithole is there? With titans outside looking at us like we're their fucking birthday cake."
You frown at the comparison even though it's not exactly wrong. Even so, Levi's attitude towards his own birthday - while it was his choice to take it - didn't quite sit right with her. Not considering the advice he'd given all of them in his squad, at one point or another.
"I'm sorry, sir but that's a little confusing."
"What the hell's confusing about it? You squish enough humans together-"
You raise your hand, trying to push that visual out of her mind. "Not what I meant," you say. You eye him with some wariness considering you just interrupted him but his eyes invite you to continue. "It's just you're always saying we need to live in the moment because we're not guaranteed tomorrow. That we should do the things we'll regret least or not at all."
Levi's expression shifted only in the raising of one slender eyebrow. "And?"
"And so shouldn't we celebrate birthdays?" you ask, holding out your open palms by your sides. "Shouldn't we celebrate being alive, experiencing things like Christmas and all the good things in our lives? Won't that make all the bad stuff more bearable?" As the speech leaves you, you feel your cheeks redden more.
For that moment, your captain simply watches you. However, after a moment, the corner of his lips tugs upwards. "You're so tender-hearted for someone with your titan kill count."
Despite your deepening blush, you smile. "Yeah."
His sort-of smile drops and he gestures to the present next to him. "What are you doing buying me gifts anyway?"
You shuffle your weight between your feet, holding onto your elbows. The truth is, you only sort of know why and you're not ready to make any declarations about it until you've thought about it some more. But you can still tell him the truth in a way.
"Well Hange mentioned your birthday and I saw that at the market. I thought it would make a great gift for you."
"That doesn't tell me why. You could have just told me about it."
Annoyance flashes across your face and you force yourself not to snap back. "I wanted to do something nice. I thought someone should treat you to something like that. You work so hard." You make yourself stand still. Why did he have to talk like you'd done something to be a nuisance?
He frowns at you, eyes narrowing like he isn't sure whether to believe you. Long seconds pass as he observes you. You let your mind wander over what kind of things could have made him this irked about receiving a present. There's so little that most people know about the captain after all.
When he points to a chair in front of the desk, you sink into it automatically.
"Well," he says, after another tense pause, but you can see his face begin to soften, "as you did not grant me the courtesy of any warning over this gift, I was unable to return the favour."
"Sir, really you wouldn't need to-"
"You've interrupted me twice now, Y/N. It's really not advisable to make it a triple." Your captain cuts you off. "As I could not return the favour, I feel it's only fair that you should join me for some of this tea. Any objections?"
You're too startled to speak at first but it's long enough for the thought of spending time with him, to settle in. For bubbles of joy to rise up into your chest. You begin to smile across at him.
Not a bad way to start the New Year.
"Yes, sir." You answer.
