Chapter 6


September 12th 1998

The Hogwarts grounds were always wonderful this time of year, in Hermione's opinion. With the greying skies becoming more regular, the trees slowly turned from their luscious green to the autumnal colours of orange and yellow. The wind still held hints of the warm undertones of the summer months as the month progressed, disappearing at the beginning of October. Even when she was a small first year, still navigating this new world, the feelings she received from the castle still resonated with her several years on.

With it being her favourite time of year, these feelings made sense. Memories of a simpler time flashed by: hot chocolates with her mum after another run to the bookshop, Halloween movies with her dad after a long day at school, birthdays sat sequestered in her room reading the new books she asked for. Now the old feelings were dimmed with the loss of her parents but the memories were still some she cherished.

The chequered blanket she sat on was one she had been given for her birthday as a child from her grandmother, for the days you can read outside, she had told her before a younger her ran outside to do just that; now it protects her from the damp grass as she studied. Books were strewn around her like a protective barrier, keeping her from harm, as she scribbled away on rolls of parchment. Only 2 weeks into the school term and the teachers were piling on the homework as if their class was the only subject the students took. The stress of the assignments were beginning to pile up rather quickly but she could always handle it. She always handled it. The hand cramps were something Hermione was very used to, however to have them this early was bizarre to her.

The clattering of footsteps on the cobblestones broke her focus, laughter soon following as the children ran around the courtyard. The light tinkling of their voices echoed around her as they passed her by, darting out towards the Black Lake. The quiet returned shortly after, but the sounds prevailed, repeating in her head as if on a cassette tape being replayed over and over again until all she could hear was that chilling noise. Memories resurfaced from the last time she truly laughed, no forced chuckles to lacklustre jokes or half strained smiles in awkward conversations. True laughter, with real smiles and sore stomachs. She couldn't remember. Not for a long time in her mind.

Her last night at Grimmauld Place came to her as she thought longer.

September 1st 1997

The moon lit up the midnight sky as she sat reading any text she could find in the extensive Black Library about horcruxes. The fire crackled in the living room as she sat on the leather couch, Ron and Harry in front of her going over the plan for the Ministry break-in in the morning in hushed tones. Kreacher's grumbling could be heard from where she sat, with the words 'Master Regulus' and 'The Locket' coming up frequently. The only sounds that could be heard were the rough pages of the books turning in a rhythmic pattern, the scratches of their quills on the parchments between the three friends.

The stress between them was palpable, the gravity of their situation weighing on their shoulders like 10 tonne bricks, rendering them all silent in the vast living room with many unsaid words floating around them. What their lives were turning into, what would become of them during this dark time in their world, would they all survive?

"Do you know what we should do right now?" Ron's voice echoed in the large living room. Her eyes flicked up from her book, eyes catching on Harry's confused ones before turning back to the redhead. "Talk."

"Talk? About what?" Harry voiced her thoughts before the words had left her mouth.

"I dunno, like school and stuff."

"Never in a million years would I hear Ronald Weasley say 'I wanna talk about school'." When she imitated Ron's voice, a snort of laughter could be heard from beside her.

"Oi! I don't sound like that 'Mione."Ron replied, sitting up from lying on the floor.

"You kinda do, mate." Harry replied, causing her to laugh with triumph.

"Well at least my voice isn't so high pitched. Oh I'm Hermione Granger, I like books and my cat Crooksie!" He began to frolic around the living room, causing Harry to burst out laughing while she got up to chase him.

"Stop it you big oaf! I sound normal unlike you. 'I like Quidditch and looooveee sticking my tongue down Lavender Brown's throat." As she finished both of them began to laugh, falling onto the floor in hilarity. By the end, the 3 friends lay on the carpeted floor, laughing and giggling about everything under the sun, their upcoming life changes leaving their minds, if only for a moment.

"Hello? Granger?" A dull voice interrupted the memory, causing her eyes to flick around her, until she spotted the person: Theodore Nott. Hermione jumped when she spotted him, having not heard him beforehand.

"Jesus! What the fuck, Theo?" She exclaimed

"Whoa, never took you to being the swearing type, Granger. Always thought that language was too shocking to come out of your mouth." He replied, getting comfortable beside her. Hermione's eyes scanned him, noting his dishevelled appearance, his flushed face and his muggle attire. "My eyes are up here, Granger. Now I know I look handsome but I do have a girlfriend and she wouldn't be happy with you blatantly checking me out."

"Oh please, as if. I noticed your clothes and was just surprised is all. Where were you anyway?" She questioned, trying - and failing- not to sound nosy.

"I was training."

"Training? For what?"

"Quidditch Tryouts obviously. Is your brain working this morning Granger?" He asked jokingly, tapping her head to emphasise his point. "Anyways besides that, I saw you here looking a bit out of it and I came to check if you were alright." He continued, his eyes flicking over her face before turning to their surroundings. His comment made her pause, he came out here to check if I was okay? To see if I was alright? No one had really done that for her before. With Harry and Ron, they would leave her be, not really worrying about her too much lest they get in her way with one thing or another. Ginny would try but she was always busy with Quidditch or some other task, so she never had the time. The gesture stunned her silent, her heart warming with his statement. They were barely 'friends', if that's what you could call their fragile relationship, and he had done something that showed his feelings to her, if only subtly.

"You okay? You went quiet on me there." His voice was hesitant, worry etched into his voice. His hazel eyes met her amber ones, the same concern in his eyes.

"Yeah. Yes I'm fine. Thanks Theo." She replied hesitantly, unsure on how to feel about the small moment. The air around them shifted, turning slightly sombre as they sat there, no words being said between the two. The wind rustled in the leaves of the trees, the sound filling the silence. Theo cleared his throat before standing up, holding a hand out to her. "What?" She asked, eyeing his hand sceptically.

"Let's go. We're going for a walk, my friend." He waited patiently for her to grab his hand, shaking it for emphasis. When she made no move to grab it, he began to pout. And whine. "Oh come on Granger, I promise it will be fun and we can even have cake after."

She paused for a moment. "What type?"

"That's the bit you focused on, not the prospect of spending the day with yours truly?" Theo asked, gesturing to himself.

"Who could deny cake?" She replied, a smile creeping onto her face. Theo paused for a moment, before answering: "Chocolate."

She hesitated, leaving him in suspense."Oh fine. I'll go." She conceded, grabbing his hand before being dragged off into the castle.


Their journey through the grounds was quite a bizarre one. Many people stared as they passed, shocked that 'The Golden Girl' was hanging about with a 'Death Eater', and willingly also. They probably thought she was under the imperius curse. Honestly, she thought as they walked the corridors to the Astronomy Tower, a light conversation between them. The cool air hit her in the face as she finished climbing the stairs, her eyes looking at the hills around the grounds.

Theo was beside her as she stood at the balcony, his eyes focused on the scenery. She was still for a few moments, before she spoke her voice hushed, "What did you mean the other day? In the library?".

Theo turned to her then, his facial expression different than before. Gone was his goofy smile and kind eyes. Now his face was blank and emotionless, unrecognisable to her. "What when I said we were more similar than you think?" He asked her, a cold tone lacing this time as he spoke. She nodded at his question, not uttering a word. His eyes turned back outside, him silent once more.

"I was- was just wondering-um-how-" Hermione stuttered, but she was cut off by Theo's chilling voice.

"What did I mean by it? How could I have similar problems to the war hero, Hermione Granger?" His eyes remained on the outside, not glancing at her as he continued to speak. "The war killed a piece of all of us. Everyone's trying to act normal and sweep it under the rug, but it happened. The Light won, us Death Eaters-" He spat the word, as if it were pure poison on his tongue - "get punished for our crimes. Crimes we committed to survive from a halfblood maniac who killed people for fun." His body was tense, hands gripping the railing as he turned to her. Hermione could see the emotions in his eyes; hurt, anger and… something she wasn't sure about.

"But you're different. No longer sticking your hand up to be the infamous swot that you are. You barely speak to anyone who isn't Weasley or Longbottom, and you don't sparkle." As he said this, her mind began to think. Was it that obvious? That someone who barely knew her, could tell within a glance? "I want to be someone who you could talk to 'cause I think we have a lot in common and could use someone out of our comfort zone." He finished turning towards her, his face back to its usual relaxed expression; but now his face was more open, as if he was letting her in.

She contemplated her answer to him for a moment before answering with a confident tone: "I'd like that very much." As the words left her mouth, 2 arms circled around her, pulling her into a tight embrace.


September 15 1998

"Ginny I've said this for the hundredth time, I don't need a party-"

"Of course you do! It's your 19th Birthday. Your Golden Birthday! Of course I'm throwing you a party." She exclaimed as they walked, causing several people to turn towards them.

"But I'm not a party person and you know this, Gin. I would rather have a quiet night in my common room with my friends." The fact that she referred to her new common room, instead of the Gryffindor Common Room was not lost on her, or Ginny. However, she ignored it and continued on. "I know it's meant to be a 'special birthday' and all but I really don't want one. Please?" Hermione pleaded to her friend as they walked to potions on that Tuesday morning. As they turned the corner, her eyes landed on 3 figures that she could recognise just from their hair. Theo, Blaise and Malfoy. But instead of carrying on like she usually saw them, they seem to be arguing, if going off of Malfoy's irate expression.

Blaise's eyes connected with her before turning back to his friends, ending the debate as Ginny and Hermione neared. Ginny's voice sounded from beside her. "Trouble in paradise over there?" Her voice echoed in the corridor.

"Not anymore than usual." Blaise replied, rolling his eyes in the process. By the look on both of the Slytherin's faces their argument was not over as they barged into the classroom.

"Honestly, what age are they both 5?" Ginny asked as they went inside.

"Mentally they are." The remaining Slytherin replied, following closely behind. After the debacle that just happened, Hermione walked into the classroom, not saying a single word at all.

The class went on as normal, with Slughorn setting them another revision potion, keeping the 'more interesting' potions for later. Today they were brewing Draught of the Living Death. This particular potion brought back some unsavoury memories for Hermione, flashbacks to 6th Year spent competing and working tirelessly to make such a difficult potion.

Malfoy sat beside her, dutifully cutting up the ingredients for their potion, silent as usual. Her eyes scanned the steps, making sure they were doing it correctly. The only person to complete it the first time they tried was Harry, but he had a graffitied textbook. Cheater, her brain thought, some old resentment returning. The low baritone voice of Malfoy sounded beside her, turning her attention to him. "So how has your day been, Granger? Any new gossip going around with those Gryffindorks of yours?" He asked, a polite, neutral tone noted in his voice.

"Not that I know of, Malfoy. However, Ginny is doing my head in with a party." Hermione replied, not used to this side of Malfoy. Ever since their 'truce', Malfoy had been slowly speaking to her more. Little comments and questions here and there, asking her about classes, Head's Duties and other random inquiries. So she was doing the same. "What about you Malfoy?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. What's this party that you mentioned? What for, Quidditch hasn't even started yet?" He questioned. Hermione hesitated, for a moment. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to know about her birthday, thinking that might not be on that level just yet. However, Theo knew and he couldn't keep his mouth shut so she took the risk.

"Yeah for my birthday on Saturday but I'm not really a party person. As you've probably guessed." Hermione answered, unaware of the fact that Malfoy's eyes widened slightly, almost in panic, at her statement. Her eyes flicked back to the potion, continuing as if nothing was amiss. They were silent for a few moments, the dull murmur of the other pairs filling the room with noise.

"Well, I'm sure that you will enjoy it, even if you aren't a 'party person' as you put it." Malfoy's voice surrounded her, a softness to his voice that she hadn't heard before. She turned to look at him, seeing 2 eyes of molten silver staring back at her. The seconds stretched on, feeling like minutes, even hours, as their gazes never moved from the others. The dull crackling of the fire was the only sound she could hear, everything else disappearing into the background. "Or you could not go, stay in your dorm with a book and that damn beast of yours."

"Crooks is a cat Malfoy and he's not a beast." Her voice lowered, as if she were telling him a secret. He leaned in slightly, his face tilting down, looking at her with all his attention, as if he were all he could focus on. Their gaze never broke for a moment, turning more heated with his movement. The light from the flames reflected in his eyes, with fractals of light illuminating the silver pools that were his eyes. Hermione felt an odd sensation begin to arise, an unknown feeling she hadn't felt before began rising in her stomach. Their proximity was doing something to her, and she didn't know what it was.

The clearing of a throat broke their connection, 2 pairs of eyes turning to Theo and Ginny, who were standing smirking at them. "Are you done cause I'm starving and in need of a turkey sandwich." Ginny asked, looking at Hermione with a look that said, we will be discussing this later. Hermione stood, grabbed her bag and all but dragged Ginny out of there, the redheads booming laughter following them.


September 19th 1998

They hadn't even made it to the portrait hole and Hermione could already hear the booming music. She rolled her eyes, tugging insistently on Ginny's hand. "Ginny what did I say?"

"I know but-"

"I told you no. I'm in no state to have a party." She exclaimed.

"You don't have to stay all night. Plus there's a surprise waiting inside for you." Ginny answered, dragging her along. The portrait hole swung open, the music blaring so loud, she was shocked the walls weren't shaking. Many eyes turned to them, their exclamations of 'Happy Birthdays' were barely heard over the music. Her eyes scanned the common room, taking in the changes. The couches had been moved creating a dance floor in the centre, table lined the back wall with alcohol and food. Multi coloured lights flashed in the dark room making her unable to see where she was going, only being guided by Ginny's grip on her arm.

They made it to a group of people in one of the far corners of the room, 2 heads of recognisable hair coming into her darkened vision. "Harry?! Ron?!" She yanked her arm out of Ginny's grip, running and throwing her arms around 2 boy's necks, pulling them into a bone crushing hug causing the 2 of them to laugh.

"Jesus Hermione, are you trying to kill us?" Ron's voice sounded in her ear, having to shout to be heard.

"Yeah, I had a feeling you missed us but not this much." Harry laughed, his green eyes filled with mirth as he stared at her.

"Of course I missed you both. You're my best friends." She replied, a smile overtaking her face. The muscles felt stiff, probably due to the lack of use in the facial expression. Her eyes scanned the 2 as best she could with the poor lighting. Harry was dressed in blue denims with a dark coloured flannel chucked over a white t-shirt. Ron was dressed with his usual baggy clothes, a pair of kicked up trainers on his feet. She felt a warmth spread through her at the sight of the 2 of them.

"So how's Auror training so far?" Hermione queried, launching the 3 friends into a tirade of questions, catching up on everything as if they hadn't seen each other not even 3 weeks prior. By the time they were finished, it had been nearly an hour since she had arrived. Hermione left Ron and Harry in search of the refreshments table, in need of a drink. She stumbled around for a few minutes before finding it. The array of alcohol available was quite appealing to her, seeing as she hadn't had a drink in awhile, due to being in school. One won't hurt, she reasoned. But one turned into two, then three and now she couldn't remember what number she was on.

Her night continued on in a blur, the blues and pinks of the lights blurring her vision, her ears deaf from the music, red embers of candles on a cake flashing past her eyes. She couldn't focus on anything. Her mind was in such a haze from the buzz of alcohol she felt numb. Numb from the underlying pain for the first time in a while. The feeling comforted her greatly, finally having a weight lifted from her shoulders. Then she heard the popping.

Hundreds of pops were heard around her, Each crack louder than the last. Pop. Pop. Pop. The memories returned in a flash, spells whizzing past her eyes in an instant, the gruff shouts of the Death Eaters filled her ears. Get them! Don't let them get away! Potter's little Mudblood whore! That's all you are scum! They went on and on and on, never stopping. She could feel the bile begin to rise in her throat, her stomach churning as fast as car tires on a highway. The invisible hand began to wrap around her throat, cutting off the minimal air from the stuffy room. I need out, she thought as she scrambled out of the crowded common room, shoving and pushing people out of her path for the door.

As her feet hit the concrete of the hallways, she ran. She ran as fast as she could away from the dreaded party, ignoring the calls of her name as she went. Running away from the horrors of war that would never leave no matter how hard she tried. The ironclad grip of the torture held onto her shirt, never letting her get far away from them. She didn't know how long she ran before she came to a stop, her guts landing on the floor due to the fear and exertion. Her limbs ached from her sprinting, a sudden dizziness taking over.

Hermione collapsed on the nearby wall, her breath leaving her in pants, the weight of darkness becoming heavier on her chest with each inhale. Her hands covered her face, now realising she was crying, the tear tracks on her cheeks prominent. The guttural sobs left her throat as the voices became louder, echoing in the vast corridor, the comments of past tormentors berating her. Mudblood. Know it all. Swot. Teacher's pet. Scum. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood.

The word scorched her skin like a brand as the word replayed in her head, the burning intensified with each shout of the horrid slur. Her nails scratched at the word, trying with all her might to rid herself of it but it was no use, only blood. Dirty blood, a voice whispered in her head, the echo making her skin crawl.

She was so lost in her panic, she didn't notice the person turning the corner until her name was called. "Granger!"