"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow at the basket hanging off of Buck's arm. He didn't even know places like this had baskets. "This can't be good for your health."
"What are you talking about? This is what you do after a breakup," Buck scoffed, tossing another bag of chips in.
"Is it?" Eddie huffed, sneaking a bottle of pop out and putting it back on the shelf when Buck wasn't looking.
"Yeah, it is. What did you do after you broke up with Ana?"
"The dishes," Eddie deadpanned.
"Well, I guess this is for you too," Buck declared, tossing a bag of candy at his chest.
"Candy corn?"
"To being single!" Buck cheered, raising a fist in triumph.
"Really?"
"Come on, Eds. Don't be such a spoilsport," Buck groaned, eyeing a display of snack cakes. "I know you're all alone this week since Christopher is at that science camp. It's time for you to live a little."
"I'm just saying, you could get some real food from a real grocery store."
"And this is coming from the guy who can't cook to save his life," Buck snorted.
"I can cook, it's just that no one appreciates my style," Eddie said defensively.
"So burnt on the outside and raw on the inside is a style?"
"I'm not that bad," Eddie grumbled.
"Well, seeing as though I don't feel like cooking or ending up in the hospital, I think I'll stick with this. Maybe go check and see if they have a salad or something in the frozen food section," Buck teased, sticking his tongue out.
"Maybe I will," Eddie mumbled, glaring as he walked away to another part of the small gas station convenience store. Buck had barged into his house half an hour ago proclaiming that he was a free man and they needed to celebrate. Eddie wasn't quite sure what that meant, but he'd followed Buck back to his jeep and the other man took off down the road, cheering out the open window.
He'd found out during the drive that he and Taylor had broken up for good. Buck wasn't super forthcoming with the details, but he mentioned something about her always putting her job above him while at the same time complaining that he never made time for her. Eddie didn't say much, just making a few noises here and there to show he was listening.
This wasn't the first time Buck and Taylor had broken up, but it did seem a bit more serious than the other times. Buck was usually down about it, going on about what went wrong and how he wanted to fix it. The happiness made this time feel like it may stick, but Eddie had to be careful. If he acted too happy about it and they got back together, it would be awkward.
Eddie had to admit that he wasn't Taylor's biggest fan. It was kind of hard to see her as anything but the opportunistic woman who had no qualms about exploiting Cap's drug fueled grief. That was something hard to come back from. And no matter how much Buck talked her up in the years since, Eddie still had a bad taste in his mouth.
Of course, there was the other reason he didn't like her. And it was the same reason Eddie wouldn't like anyone Buck dated. He could never admit it out loud, since he didn't want to ruin his friendship with Buck, but it ate at him every day. Eddie wanted to be the one with Buck.
He wasn't quite sure when he fell in love with his best friend. It was something that happened gradually. It was Buck going with him to pick up Christopher after the earthquake or to the hospital when his abuela broke her hip. It was Buck going above and beyond to help him any way he could, like finding Carla and sticking by his side day and night after he got shot. And it was Buck putting his life on the line to keep his son alive during a natural disaster. It was impossible to not fall in love with the man and Eddie was head over heels.
Every time Buck was single again, there would be a tiny part inside Eddie that told him to take the chance and say how he felt. That it could lead to everything he wanted and more. But then he'd talk himself out of it and Buck would get back with Taylor and the cycle would start again.
If Eddie was being honest, his relationship with Ana had started as an attempt to distract himself from what he was feeling. She was who he was supposed to want to be with. Ana was smart and beautiful and everything someone could want in a partner. But when he was with her, he felt nothing. No matter how hard he tried, there was no passion. His face didn't light up when he saw her and he didn't miss her when they were apart. Not like with Buck.
But he was committed to trying. Eddie was even willing to meet her family with a smile on his face. Until that panic attack smacked him in the face and showed him that things weren't working. You couldn't argue with your body literally rebelling against you at the mere suggestion that your girlfriend was more than just that.
So Eddie had broken up with her and resigned himself to staying single and being happy for Buck in his relationship. Even if it meant watching Buck get married and start a family with someone else.
But if this breakup was the real deal, maybe it was time for Eddie to finally do something. He knew Buck wouldn't shun him, but he didn't want their friendship to become uncomfortable, if it stayed at just that. But maybe it was worth the risk. Would Eddie really be able to live the rest of his life without getting this off his chest? Would all of his feelings build up inside until they burst out in the worst way?
Either way, this wasn't the time for it. Buck needed time to get over his breakup without Eddie coming in out of nowhere and dumping his feelings on him. He needed to make sure Taylor was gone for good this time. Eddie had never been the love triangle type and that wasn't going to change anytime soon.
Eddie stopped in front of the frozen food display, cringing at the sight of a pizza that had probably been there for years. Food poisoning probably wouldn't fit into Buck's plans. Maybe Eddie could relax a little and live off of chips and gummy worms for a night. He'd drag Buck out for an early morning run to make up for it. At least he wasn't filling his basket up with booze.
Eddie made his way back up to the front to wait for Buck to finish. Maybe he'd get a scratch ticket to see if luck was really on his side. He didn't believe in signs, but it couldn't hurt to see if the universe was favoring him a bit right now.
"Give me all the money in the register!"
The universe hated him.
Eddie looked to his right, finding a man with a gun pointed at the cashier. Man might've been pushing it though. Eddie had never been the best judge of age, but this guy looked like he was barely out of high school. It pained him to see someone so young doing something like this.
"D-don't shoot," the cashier stuttered, shaking as he tapped a few buttons on the machine. Eddie kept his eyes on the gun, forcing himself not to look for where Buck was. He didn't want to call attention to his friend and put him in danger. Most situations like these were over in a matter of minutes and ended without injury, so all they had to do was stay calm and ride this out.
But the cashier was just too nervous. He was older than Eddie and had an air about him like he'd worked in this place for years. This was either his first robbery or he'd been traumatized by one in the past, because he was not handling this well. Maybe it was unfair to expect someone to stay calm in this type of situation, especially without training, but it really would've been helpful. The cashier accidentally closed the money drawer after it sprang open, angering the robber.
"You idiot!" he hissed, shaking the gun even more in the other man's face. It would be too dangerous for Eddie to try to disarm him in this position, but he had to do something. It was against his nature to stand by and watch someone get hurt.
"Stay calm, okay? You'll get your money," Eddie said, holding his hands up as the gun whipped around to face him. The gunman had backed up a step in response to Eddie's words, putting him just out of reach.
"Shut the hell up! This isn't your business!" he spat, jerking his chin at the cashier to urge him on.
"It's my business when you're threatening people with a gun," Eddie replied, keeping his voice as even as possible. Coming at this with anger would only make the situation worse. "No one here is going to try and stop you, so no one needs to get hurt."
"I don't have time for this!" he hissed. He smacked his free hand down on the counter, startling the cashier into knocking over a jar of lighters. The sound was deafening in the room and it felt like time slowed down to a crawl. Eddie knew what was about to happen, but he couldn't react fast enough. All he could do was watch as the robber tensed up, bringing the gun up more squarely toward Eddie's chest.
Was this really how it all was going to end? Eddie had survived so much, from his Army days to more difficult calls. And now he was going to get taken out by some guy in a shitty gas station? It wasn't fair. He wasn't the type to lament about the injustice of the world, but this just wasn't right. Christopher didn't deserve this pain. And he'd never had a chance to be honest with Buck. He had so many regrets.
Eddie closed his eyes and braced himself for the impact, which came on suddenly and stole his breath away. He fell onto his back, gasping as his head made contact with the hard floor. But the pain wasn't in just one area like it usually was after a gunshot. And he hated the fact that he knew that feeling so well. This time, there was a heavy weight over his entire body. And the weight felt familiar.
"Buck!" Eddie choked out, finally opening his eyes and finding a mop of blonde hair in his vision. He heard shouting and the sound of running footsteps, but he couldn't focus on anything but his best friend who was currently sprawled on top of him. "Buck!"
"Eds?" Buck groaned under his breath. He shifted a little, then hissed in pain at the movement.
"Easy, easy," Eddie mumbled, moving as carefully as possible to get out from under Buck. Every little whimper that Buck couldn't quite hold back felt like a stab to the gut. Eddie finally got Buck settled onto his back, presenting the whole situation to him with brutal clarity. "Oh no."
"It's okay," Buck mumbled, pulling his eyes open with effort after every sluggish blink.
"It's not. Buck why- why would you do this?" Eddie stammered, ripping off his jacket to ball up and press against Buck's wound. He knew it was only the exit wound and there was another bleeding hole in his back, but he had to do something. Abdomen wounds were always tricky and Eddie unfortunately knew exactly how much danger Buck was in.
"Aren't you supposed to tell me I'm going to be okay?" Buck joked breathlessly.
"You're gonna be okay," Eddie forced out, trying to stop his chin from trembling. He felt like he had during his first rescue in the Army, shaky and unsure of himself and his skills. But this was even worse, because it was Buck. They were all alone and Eddie had nothing with him to help. Losing Christopher was his worst nightmare, but this was a close second.
"I guess you were right about this being bad for my health," Buck murmured, gasping at a new wave of pain as Eddie shifted his jacket to a drier side. This was too much blood. If the bullet hit an artery, Buck probably wouldn't even make it to a hospital. "Your cooking would've been safer."
"That's not funny," Eddie sniffled. He knew Buck was trying to lighten the mood, but he shouldn't be doing that. Eddie was supposed to be the one comforting.
"Ambulance is on the way," the cashier said from somewhere behind him. Eddie nodded in acknowledgment, glad that the man could be of some use. Even though rationally Eddie knew that the man wasn't to blame for what happened, he was still angry that his nerves had made the situation worse.
"Just a little bit longer, Buck. Okay? You with me?"
"Always with you," Buck whispered, reaching a shaky hand up to cup the side of Eddie's neck. "Always you."
"Buck, I-" Eddie gasped out, holding back everything he wanted to say. He wanted to tell the other man that he was in love with him and couldn't live without him. That Eddie couldn't imagine a world without Buck by his side. That Christopher needed him, just as much as he needed Eddie. But he couldn't, not right now. "Help is almost here."
"Yeah," Buck murmured, before his hand fell limply back to the floor.
"Buck!" Eddie shouted, pressing his fingers to Buck's throat. His pulse was weak, but there. That made Eddie sigh in relief, but the fact that Buck wasn't awake anymore did not. "No, you gotta wake up. Come on, Buck! You never let me fall asleep during movie nights, so no falling asleep on me now!"
"Sir?"
"You can't do this to me now. Not before I even had a chance to tell you how I feel," Eddie whispered, feeling a tear drip off the tip of his nose.
"Sir!"
Eddie jolted as he felt a hand close around his shoulder and he almost lashed out, fight response kicking in. He stopped himself before he could, finally registering that it wasn't someone trying to hurt them. The paramedics had finally arrived.
"What do we have?" the female medic crouched by his side asked.
"GSW to the back, exit wound through the abdomen. I've been keeping pressure on it since it happened," Eddie replied, trying to keep the whine out of his voice when his hands were brushed aside and the medic began pressing gauze into Buck's wound. Now that they didn't have anything to do, they were shaking.
"You a doctor?" she questioned, working on getting Buck ready to move. Her partner had the gurney pulled alongside him.
"Firefighter. Medic."
"Well, this guy is lucky you were here."
"He's my partner. He saved my life," Eddie whispered. The paramedic paused for a second to give him a sympathetic look. Eddie wasn't sure if she wanted to ask what type of partner and he wasn't even sure what his answer would be. Saying they were just work partners felt wrong, but Eddie hadn't earned the right to say that they were more. They were best friends and there was no denying that, but Eddie had been too much of a coward to ask for what he really wanted. How did you tell your best friend that you wanted everything?
The medics finally finished getting Buck ready for transport, while Eddie stuttered out Buck's information. Even though he'd been on the other side of this hundreds of times, it didn't make this any easier. The panic made all of his training fly out the window and Eddie felt like he could pass out from the stress of it all. If he didn't have Buck counting on him to stay by his side, he would've given in to the dizziness and dropped. But Buck always stayed with Eddie, so Eddie was going to do the same.
The second Eddie stood up with the stretcher, he almost went back down against his will. He had to grab the edge of the counter to regain his balance. It was probably the adrenaline crash and a little bit of shock creeping in, but he had to ignore it. There was nothing that would keep him from riding to the hospital with Buck. Once the medics started rushing Buck out of the convenience store, Eddie fell into step beside them, shaking off any feelings of weakness. Shutting down could wait until after Buck was being taken care of.
Eddie climbed into the back of the ambulance without waiting for permission. He knew where to sit to be out of the way and there was no way he was letting Buck out of his sight. If he woke up, it wasn't going to be surrounded by strangers. Eddie grabbed Buck's hand, praying to feel him squeeze back. But there was nothing.
"His numbers are stable, but he's lost way too much blood," the medic working on Buck called out to her partner. Eddie couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. He should've applied better pressure to Buck's wound. Buck had rolled himself under a fire truck and put himself in the line of fire with an active sniper for him, but Eddie couldn't even keep it together during a botched robbery. If Buck made it, he deserved someone better than Eddie.
Eddie barely noticed the drive to the hospital, keeping his eyes firmly locked on Buck. If there were any changes in his condition, he was going to notice them and do something about it. These medics were probably good at their job, but this was Buck. This was the guy who was there for everyone, without asking for anything in return. The guy who would make impulsive decisions and put his life on the line, if it meant the people he cared about were safe. Buck was the guy who had taken a bullet for him, without a thought of his own well-being.
Eddie almost shouted in protest when Buck started moving away from him, until he realized that they had arrived at the hospital. He waited until the stretcher was clear before climbing out to follow, swallowing down bile as his head swam. Throwing up could wait.
The medics and the hospital staff were yelling things back and forth to each other, but Eddie couldn't catch a single word. He tried to stay present and get any sort of information he could, but his brain wouldn't let him focus on anything other than Buck's face. It was blurry as it rolled along beside him, but it was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Eddie ached to be able to see those blue eyes again.
"Sir, you can't go back there," a nurse said, suddenly stepping into his way and stopping him from going further.
"That's my partner!" Eddie argued, choking on a sob as the love of his life disappeared behind closed doors. What if that was the last time he'd see Buck alive? How was he supposed to keep living without Buck by his side? He'd tried it before and it was misery.
"We'll do everything we can for him," the nurse assured Eddie, guiding him to stand in the waiting area. "Do you think you could fill out some paperwork for us?"
"You should have it all by now. He's been here so many damn times," Eddie whispered, staring blankly at the doors separating them. He felt the nurse pat him on the arm before leaving him to stand there alone. Eddie probably should've sat down to settle in for the long wait, but he couldn't move. There had been too many hours spent in these uncomfortable seats, waiting to hear if their lives would never be the same. And they'd been so lucky, for the most part. But the roiling in Eddie's gut told him that things might not work out so well this time.
"Eddie?"
Eddie whipped around at the sound of the familiar voice, almost breaking down when he saw that he wasn't alone anymore. He hadn't even thought to call anyone, even though he should've. He wasn't the only one who cared about Buck. But Chim and Maddie were still out of town and telling people what happened would make everything more real.
"Bobby," Eddie gasped, wrapping his arms around his stomach to try to hold himself together.
"What happened? Someone said Buck's name over the radio and their captain recognized it and contacted me."
"He got shot," Eddie choked out, feeling himself start to tremble as he said the words out loud. "There was a robbery and Buck got shot."
"Oh Eddie."
"It should've been me."
"Don't say that."
"It's true!" Eddie shouted, letting the anger at himself take center stage. That was an emotion he could deal with. Not the crushing guilt and overwhelming fear. "He stepped in front of that bullet for me! I should be the one back there fighting for my life, not him!"
"You know Buck wouldn't see it that way. He would make the same decision a hundred times over if it meant you were okay," Bobby insisted.
"But I'm not okay! None of this is okay!"
"I know," Bobby said soothingly.
"I can't lose him, Bobby," Eddie cried, blinking rapidly as his eyes filled with tears.
"You know Buck is going to fight with everything he has to come back to you. You've both survived things that others wouldn't and I think that proves it. You'd never choose to leave each other," Bobby said firmly.
"Bobby? I got here as soon as I could…" Hen called out as she rushed in, letting her words trail off once she got a look at Eddie's clothes. He looked down, finally noticing the fact that he was still covered in blood. Buck's blood.
"Oh God," Eddie mumbled, stifling a gag as he felt the tackiness on his skin. He needed to get this off of him. Eddie stumbled off to the nearest bathroom, ignoring Bobby and Hen as they asked for him to calm down and wait. But Eddie didn't think he could go another second with Buck's blood on him.
The bathroom was empty when Eddie finally crashed into one of the sinks. He turned the water on as hot as it would go and it felt like it was burning his skin, but he didn't care. He needed to get clean, even though it felt impossible. Buck had told him once about almost rubbing his face raw after Eddie had been shot, needing to get every trace of blood off. Eddie prayed he'd never be on the other side of it, but here he was.
He pumped as much soap as he could hold into his hands and started scrubbing, not caring at all if he made a mess. The water dripping off of him into the sink was an obscene shade of pink. The sight of it spurred him on even more, and he frantically clawed at his shirt, scraping his fingers into the fabric. But no matter what he did, he couldn't seem to get rid of the blood.
"Eddie."
"I can't get it off," Eddie panted, turning to face Bobby, who was standing at the entrance of the bathroom. He felt lightheaded with panic and leaned heavily on the edge of the sink, staring down at the fresh blood on his hands. "It won't go away."
"Eddie!" Bobby shouted, rushing forward and grabbing him by the shoulders. It was like the touch broke the last of Eddie's resolve and his knees buckled. He would've hit the ground if Bobby hadn't been there to control his descent. Bobby knelt down, setting Eddie's head across his lap. "Are you hurt?"
"Buck got shot," Eddie whimpered, losing all control of his emotions. Only Bobby seemed to be able to get this out of him, with his steady paternal nature.
"I know," Bobby murmured, checking him over from his position. Eddie let it happen, feeling a numb detachment settle over his body. Why was anyone worried about him when Buck was the one who was hurt? "Dammit."
"Huh?"
"Hen, we need help in here!" Bobby yelled. A few seconds later, Hen burst into the room, staring down at them in shock. "Eddie's been shot."
"Shit! I need a doctor!" Hen shouted, rushing out to get someone.
"Not me, Buck," Eddie mumbled in confusion.
"Just hold on, Eddie. You're gonna be okay."
"Not me, Buck," Eddie said again. He didn't understand why Bobby was saying this about him, when it had been Buck. But the pain when Bobby pressed a hand against his stomach helped clear some things up. "What?"
"You've lost a lot of blood, but you're gonna be fine. The doctors are going to take care of you."
"A lot of blood," Eddie murmured, resting his cheek on Bobby's leg. He thought about all the blood Buck had lost. More than he should've for his injury. Eddie couldn't stop the relieved chuckle from puffing out of his mouth. "Not just Buck's blood. Mine too."
"Stay awake for me," Bobby said, but Eddie could feel his eyes closing without his consent. There was a flurry of activity around him, but that wasn't enough to rouse him. Eddie felt bad that Bobby and Hen were going to be left to pick up the pieces of their team. The last thing Eddie saw was the worried face of his captain staring down at him.
Waking up in a hospital sucked. And it was annoying that Eddie had so much experience doing it that he recognized where he was before he even opened his eyes. It was the smell, the sounds, the pinch of an IV in the back of his hand, the texture of the bed. But mostly it was the uneasy feel of the place. You rarely went to a hospital for something good and this time was no different.
Eddie peeled his eyes open, trying to cling on to the drugged haziness in his mind. It was strong enough that he couldn't quite remember the events that had landed him there. And he really didn't want to have to face just how screwed he was. The bags of blood hanging above his head weren't comforting.
"You know, when I take a bullet for someone, I prefer they don't get shot as well."
Eddie choked on his breath, whipping his head around at a speed that wasn't the best for someone his age. All of his memories came rushing back to him as soon as he laid eyes on Buck. Alive and awake Buck.
"Buck!" Eddie cried out, trying to sit up and immediately regretting his decision. Pain exploded in his abdomen, stronger than what even the medicine pumping through his veins could handle. He fell back onto his pillows, panting through the sharp burn.
"Easy, Eds. Bobby will have my hide if I try to climb out of this bed, but I will to keep you from hurting yourself," Buck warned, flashing him one of his trademark smiles. Getting the chance to see one of those again helped chase away the pain.
"How? What?" Eddie stammered out, as soon as his breathing allowed. He couldn't wrap his head around his last view of Buck being wheeled away from him while unconscious, to the current one who was sitting up in bed with a grin.
"Apparently, when I got shot, the bullet went through me and into you," Buck explained, shaking his head. "Pretty rude of it, really. It kind of put a damper on my heroics."
"But you're okay?" Eddie demanded. He was tempted to press the call button to get someone in there to tell him the whole story, in case Buck held anything back. But he also wanted to stay in this bubble of just the two of them. Once people saw them awake, they would probably have nonstop visitors.
"I'm good Eds, thanks to you," Buck assured him. "The bullet missed everything important. In both of us, actually. Who else can say they shared a bullet with their best friend?"
"The bullet didn't miss everything important!" Eddie snapped, letting anger wash over him now that he knew Buck was okay.
"Eddie, what-"
"What were you thinking? Why would you step in front of a bullet like that for me?"
"What kind of a question is that? Of course I did."
"How dare you almost die like that! What do you think I would've done if they couldn't save you? How would I be able to live with that?"
"Eddie, there is no world where I stand back and do nothing while you get hurt. Not when I'm able to do something about it. Watching you get shot by that sniper and being so helpless was the worst moment of my life. So put me in that situation again and I'm doing the same exact thing," Buck said seriously. Eddie knew that tone meant that no amount of arguing would change Buck's mind. He was so stubborn and infuriating and brave and amazing.
"I thought I was going to lose you before I got a chance to tell you I-" Eddie whispered, cutting himself off before he could say what he really wanted. He had the chance he'd wished for, but now he was terrified. What if Buck didn't feel the same? What if this near death experience made him realize that he actually did want to be with Taylor? What if he ruined their friendship by making things awkward?
"Eds?" Buck questioned. Eddie looked up toward the blurry vision of his best friend, realizing that he'd started crying at some point. He wiped the back of his hand across his face, trying to dry his tears. "Tell me what?"
"It's nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing."
"Buck."
"Eddie."
"I'm in love with you!" Eddie blurted out. He closed his eyes, hiding from Buck's reaction like a coward. There was no going back now and their relationship would never be the same.
"Eddie." Eddie pressed his lips together at the sound of Buck's voice. It was so soft and understanding. But Buck might've been gearing up to let him down easy. "Look at me, please." Eddie reluctantly peeled his eyes open, letting out a sob at what he saw. Buck had his hand stretched out between their beds, reaching for him.
"Ev."
"I'm in love with you too," Buck said, letting his own tears fall down his cheeks. "I was going to tell you tonight, but I was scared you'd think you were some sort of rebound. But this is so much more than that."
"Really?" Eddie asked, still not believing what he was hearing. No one ever chose him. Not like this.
"I meant what I said when I was bleeding out on that floor. It's always been you, Eddie." Eddie couldn't find the words to respond, so he just nodded his head. "Now, will you stop leaving me hanging and hold my damn hand?" Eddie huffed out a laugh, stretching his hand across and grasping Buck's. It was so warm and alive, just like it was meant to be.
"Are we interrupting something?" Hen asked from the doorway to their room. She and Bobby were standing there with knowing smiles on their faces.
"Hey guys. We're in love," Buck said, speaking with so much confidence that Eddie had the urge to propose marriage on the spot. But that could wait, at least for a couple weeks.
