Disclaimer: I've been reading fanfic for decades and we're still doing these. Surprise, surprise, I don't own BNHA.
This story is pretty tame though there are a couple quick mentions of some flirty behavior on Toga's part.
A/N: I was not expecting this to be my first attempt at a fic in a few years. I have a TON of ideas for BNHA fanfics I haven't done anything with and somehow a Toga-centric fic what what I'm starting with. Huh.
This was actually part of an abandoned idea for a bigger story but I couldn't make it work after a few attempts. I looked back at what I had so far and thought it kinda worked as a story on its own so here it is!
I hope you enjoy my brief exploration of Himiko's twisted ideas about love.
Himiko Toga was a villain. Plain and simple. The pressures of polite society were chains binding her soul and she wanted to be free; free to make life easy. Free to live and be herself.
But heroes wanted to stop her. Everyone did! Her parents had said they loved her while they berated and beat her for her quirk, for her thirst for blood and for the fascination and obsession that depriving her of it created.
She couldn't take it anymore and she fled; she ran away to live life on her terms. Life on the streets was hard but she was free from her parents' abuse; it was easier than living in that prison they called "home".
That freedom gave her time to think about what she wanted, what she loved. But her idea of love had become warped and corrupted. Her parents had told her they loved her as they tormented her. The bloodthirst that her quirk had burdened her with grew into something tantalizing; once she was free to take what she wanted, what she needed, she decided that she loved blood.
And to get blood on the streets you had to shed it yourself. Before long all of her disparate thoughts on love combined into a twisted mess; love was pain, love was blood, love was how adorable it was to see people hurt and bleeding!
Stain dealt in pain and blood so Himiko decided she loved him, too. And through him she learned of Izuku, a hero student that had impressed even her hero-killing idol!
The more she learned about him the more she grew to love him. He was always hurting himself to help people. To make their lives easier.
It was confusing to her; heroes always seemed to try and stop people from living free, like they had done to so many of her "friends" in the League of Villains. Always trying to enforce their laws and limitations on them with violence and force.
Always trying to make life harder for them.
But Izuku was different. He gladly threw his body away, breaking himself, bleeding to save everyone. To stop people from suffering.
She loved seeing him bleed for her. But after a while she began to question that. If he bled for her, she could become him! The ultimate expression of love.
But...when she really looked closely at him from across the battlefield, she saw how much he was hurting. Not just from the pain he put himself through breaking his bones, but because he hated having to fight. He didn't want to hurt people, not even his enemies.
Not even her. And for the first time the thought of seeing someone hurt tasted sour on her tongue.
He fought because he had to; to stop the League, to stop HER from hurting people. To stop her from making their lives hard to live.
It was confusing; she fought to make her life easier because no one else would.
'I wish he had been there to save me,' she began to think. If Izuku had come and saved her from her parents, maybe she wouldn't be so broken. Maybe she wouldn't want to hurt people.
Maybe Izuku would love her.
She was head over heels for him but she knew if he hated having to fight and hurt others, there's no way he would love her for taking delight in it.
They kept meeting in combat, a fated clash brought on by the constant struggle between heroes and villains. On the outside she was always giddy to see him, even as she slashed and stabbed at him with a knife. Of course, she always teased him, too, giving him a show by seductively wiggling her behind or asking what he thought of her latest pair of purloined panties. As fierce as he was in a fight, he was so bashful and innocent; her flirting and feminine wiles never failed to fluster him, to throw him off-balance.
It would've been so easy to capitalize on that, to swoop in and slit his throat.
But Himiko never took advantage. She didn't want to kill him.
She didn't want to hurt him.
That realization began to weigh on her. Why didn't she want to hurt him? Why didn't she want his blood anymore? She loved him! Love demanded suffering! Love demanded blood!
Her confusion started affecting her, much like her flirting affected Izuku. She, too, became distracted in battle and one such distraction occurred while they were dueling on the roof of a building. She was caught unaware, lost in her own thoughts and wasn't paying attention when she slipped and fell off the building.
'This is it!' She wrenched her eyes shut as she fell, accepting that her story was coming to an end. She had lived free, if only for a fleeting moment, and now it was time to die young. Gravity kept pulling her down, her arms, her legs, her skirt all flapping wildly as the wind rushed beneath her.
She accepted that she was about to die, smiling sadly as she closed her eyes. Then she stopped falling. But it wasn't the hard pavement that ended her descent; it was a pair of strong, warm arms holding her close to a heaving chest.
She opened her eyes and saw him looking down at her. It was Izuku! He was panting hard from his desperate dash to save her, panicked and worried eyes staring down at her.
Toga always enjoyed teasing him whenever they met, always adding a dash of friskiness to their fights. It was hilarious and adorable to see him blush just from a playful wink and stutter when she lifted her skirt to gift him with a seductive glimpse of her underwear. It was fun to feel him shudder as she slipped past his guard to sensually lick his ear. She loved throwing him off-balance, loved that she had such a big effect on him.
But this time the tables had turned. She was frozen, captivated by his eyes. She felt her cheeks burning, blushing as he stared at her. Stared into her.
Finally Izuku caught his breath and spoke.
"T-toga-san...are you alright?"
"What?"
"Are you hurt?"
Himiko blinked. For her, every meeting with Izuku was a game. Every fight was a date with the person she loved. She was delusional and psychotic, for sure; she decided they were lovers and no one could convince her otherwise!
But she wasn't stupid. She knew, deep down, that Izuku didn't feel the same way. To her, he was her dream man. To him, she was a villain, an agent of chaos and violence that needed to be stopped.
She knew he didn't really care for her, not like she cared for him.
Except here she was, safe in his arms. She knew he hated hurting people, hated that it was a necessary part of hero work. It was perfect for him that she fell off that roof; she would be stopped, permanently, and Izuku wouldn't have to dirty his hands to do it! All he had to do was let it happen.
But he didn't. He dove after her, desperately, and caught her.
He had saved her.
"...Why?"
Izuku frowned at her question. His eyes looked confused, like he was the one who didn't understand.
"What do you mean, 'why?'"
"Why did you save me? Why would you save a villain like me?"
Izuku squeezed her just a little bit tighter in his arms and Himiko blushed again. His eyes bore into her with a determined gaze.
"Because you needed help. I couldn't let you die!"
He couldn't?
Himiko didn't understand. It didn't make sense! This wasn't how things worked!
Himiko loved Izuku. Love required pain, love required blood! So she had danced a deadly dance with him, over and over, for love's sake. And heroes only wanted to stop her fun, to take away her freedom, to make life hard for her and lock her in another agonizing prison, just like her parents had done.
But Izuku had thrown her whole world on its head. He saved her. He didn't want her to die. He was a hero but he didn't want to hurt her; instead he swooped in and rescued her just because she needed help.
What...what was this? They were enemies but still he cared?
For her, love was something sheathed in pain, something she sought after with the edge of a knife. But for all the ephemeral pleasures that stealing blood from her victims brought her, her heart was always left longing for something more.
But right now, in Izuku's arms, she felt content; she felt safe! He had saved her, and her heart was fluttering. It was full.
Had she been wrong all along? Wrong about love?
Because right now, knowing that he cared enough to save even her, Himiko knew she loved Izuku. More than any shallow passion or delusional devotion she had convinced herself of before.
All of a sudden she understood. Love didn't mean trying to hurt someone; love meant trying to save them!
Stain always said Izuku was special, that he was a "true hero". He had his own reasons, steeped in blood and sacrifice. Maybe he wasn't wrong, but Himiko realized he wasn't entirely right.
Izuku was special, for sure. He WAS a true hero. Not just because he was willing to give everything. It was WHY he was willing to go so far.
Izuku loved everyone. Izuku cared! No matter what, he wanted to save people. Even people who didn't deserve saving.
Even people like her.
In an instant Himiko's whole world was turned on its head. She didn't want to fight anymore. Didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. She couldn't.
"Izuku…" He looked at her and listened, giving her his full attention.
"I surrender."
Izuku couldn't believe it. Himiko Toga had surrendered. Without a fight! He was cautious at first, thinking it might be a trick, but no, she really did give up and let him take her into custody.
The days that followed were bizarre. Izuku was celebrated for taking down such a high-profile member of the League of Villains, but he didn't pay it any mind. He had never wanted to become a hero for the credit or the accolades; he just wanted to help people.
He was happy that Toga surrendered, that they didn't have to fight anymore. It was clear to him that she hadn't had an easy life; Toga's brand of crazy didn't just pop up out of nowhere. He was glad he could save her from falling to her death and he hoped he could keep on helping her so she could heal from the wounds she had inside.
Toga was interrogated and interviewed; her mental state and her physical health were assessed. It turned out that, for all the blood she had spilled and stolen, she was still severely malnourished. The hospital began supplying her with blood, legitimately sourced, and for the first time in her life she felt...normal. A fog began to lift from her mind and she began to feel freer than she had ever felt, even as she was confined to her barred hospital room.
Her health began to improve. As her body got the blood it needed, she found her appetite for normal food grew, too. The balance of nutrition she needed was being restored and she started putting on much needed weight.
Well, "much needed" according to the doctors. She had rather liked her cute, slender figure, but she couldn't deny that she felt better now that she was getting enough to eat and packing on some more meat on her bones.
She was punished for her crimes; there was no escaping the repercussions. But there was some leniency as doctors and police evaluated her. Her parents' abusive treatment of her to suppress her quirk came to light, too. After that, it was decided that at least some of her erratic, violent behavior stemmed from the forced neglect of her quirk and the denial of the resources, the blood, it demanded. She was thinking more and more clearly, first from the epiphany she had when Izuku saved her, then from getting her body back into shape.
But even that came with a price. She was able to think more clearly now and more and more she was faced with terrible regret for her actions. For hurting people and calling it "love".
She was surprised, but grateful, that Izuku kept reaching out and kept trying to help her through it all. He would come visit her after her sessions with her therapists. Neither of them knew what to say; Himiko was still in love with him, but she had thrown herself at him so many times in the throes of bloodlust that she knew he would never feel the same way.
But Izuku surprised her again. He was awkward and shy, but he asked if they could be friends.
"Really? Why...why would you want to be friends with me, after everything I've done?"
Izuku was an angel; he had to be. "I think you need a friend. Life is hard and it's even harder when you're alone." His eyes clouded for a moment as he got lost in his mind, in his memories. Toga tilted her head, wondering what he was thinking, then he shook his head and looked at her again.
"I want you to get better, Toga-san. I want to help! I think being your friend is the way to do that. I...I can't imagine what you've been through in your life, but I know...I know all too well what kind of difference having a friend can be and how much it hurts to not have anyone in your corner."
Himiko stared at him, speechless. She still didn't understand, but she was happy. It wasn't what she thought she wanted, but if this was what love really felt like she knew she needed it.
She began to cry and nodded her head. "Yes! I'd love to be friends, Izuku! You're...you're my hero after all."
Izuku blushed hearing that and started tearing up, too. After a few anxious moments his shivering hand reached over and clasped hers. She gasped and stared at him and the soft, wobbly smile she gave him. It was so silly; so shy and timid.
But it was so perfect. Himiko squeezed his hand and smiled so brightly.
Himiko Toga loved Izuku. So much.
