She knocked on the door of the smokehouse, trying to balance the large pot with her knee, while the clouds of snow billowed around her.
"Ain't locked." She was relieved when his voice sounded strong.
"Hi, Jud. Heard you was feelin' better, but I brought you some soup anyway."
She opened the door to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, polishing his gun. He hadn't shaved in a few days, and the small beard made him seem even more disheveled and dangerous than usual.
"Thanks, Laurey." He put the gun on the table and moved over so that there was room for her on the bed. "Mighty glad to see you. Figured you wouldn't come with all that snow outside." His voice sounded different, even harsher than usual, but she told herself it was because he was sick.
"'Course I came, Jud," she sat down next to him. "Gotta check if you're still feverish." she reached up and felt his forehead, brushing back his thick, dark hair. "Feels okay."
"You still seein' that cowman comes 'round here?" he blurted out.
Her breath caught in her throat. "Curly? Yeah, sometimes."
He raked his hand through his hair."When are you gonna talk to Eller?"
"About what?" she stalled
"About us"
"You want to get fired?" she scoffed "or run out of town? Ain't gonna tell her, Jud. Wouldn't do that to you."
"You wouldn't tell her everythin', just…how we feel. I reckon" he spoke over her as she tried to interrupt "I reckon she'd get used to the idea. You're gonna get the farm one day; sure she'd like to know you were with someone who'd know how to run it. And I've saved up almost thirty dollars, so she'll know I'm reliable. Laurey, you're gonna have to tell her sometime, and when you do, you can stop…pretendin' with other boys like you did in Claremore and you can just be with me, and–"
"Jud" she gaped at him "I don't know what you mean. We never said anything about–"
"I told you I loved you, Laurey. Tell you all the time."
"I thought you–" she took a deep breath, "I thought you was just talkin' pretty at me. I didn't think you really meant…I'm sorry." she faltered, then did her best to gather her strength. "Never promised you anything, Jud Fry. 'Sides, Curly treats me real nice. Doesn't paw at me and slobber all over me like some animal"
He grabbed her by the wrist."I know what you are, Laurey," he laughed, "and I know what you want. Can't pretend with me."
"I think I know what's best for me." She rose to leave, but he pulled her back down on the bed.
"Let me go" she tried to keep her voice level
"No, Laurey, please don't go, I love you so much." He began kissing her and plucking at the buttons on her dress. She tried to push him off, but he was too strong for her. Helpless, she was quickly pinned down as he tore off her clothes. Rougher than he'd ever been with her before.
"Stop it!"
"I've waited for this long enough, Laurey. I ain't gonna stop now."
"Jud, stop it, please!"
"Please, it hurts!"
"Stop"
...
"God's sake, Laurey, can't you quiet down? I said I was sorry. Besides, first time always hurts for a girl."
Heedlessly, Laurey continued sobbing into her pillow.
"Jesus, Laurey, look at me" he grabbed her shoulder, but she pressed herself further into the bed.
"Told you to stop. You should have stopped."
"I'm sorry, I just lost control. Next time it'll be easier and—"
"Ain't gonna be a next time" she mumbled into the pillow before attempting to push herself up.
"If you're pregnant, I'll marry you. Don't have to worry about that" she felt her stomach lurch, wondering if that was why he had done it.
"Wouldn't marry you for anything. Not now anyway" She stood up and heard a faint tap sound and looked down at her feet. Instinctively, she covered her mouth as she saw drops of blood from between her legs drip onto the floor at a steady pace. She wanted to crouch down and start crying, even getting back on the bed seemed preferable to getting dressed and walking back to the house. But she pushed through the pain and took her dress off the floor.
"I can take you back, say you got sick. I can carry you"
"No, Jud"
He reached for her shoulder again, and she pulled back. "Don't touch me!"
"I'm sorry" he raised his hands over his head. "Laurey, you think you can ever forgive me? Because I would do anyth–"
"I don't know, Jud." she didn't bother to brush away the fresh tears that had begun coursing down her face. "I don't know. Just leave me alone for now. All right? Please leave me alone." She opened the door and stepped outside, bracing herself against the freezing air.
