Disclaimer; I don't own any of the characters, songs or anything else that's included in this fan fiction. That joy goes to JK Rowling of course.

I haven't published any of my musings since I was a teenager I believe. However, today is the 20th anniversary of the Wave of Light which was formed to commemorate all the babies gone too soon.

I am giving this story a trigger warning because it does go through an incomplete miscarriage. This was something I have personally suffered and it's .. worse than I can imagine. On the last page I will be sharing my story (I think) because there just isn't enough known about this.

Thank you for reading and please do protect your heart if you need to.


Chapter One

"Why don't you go and have a nap, love?" Minerva suggested to her fiancée quietly from where they sat together on the sofa infront of the roaring open fire. Concerned emerald eyes stared into Hermione's pale face, her eyes dark from exhaustion and her lips chapped.

Hermione was curled into Minerva's side resting her weary head on the older witch's shoulder. She never slept well that way these days, she was restless, sickly and beyond tired. The pregnant woman often complained of discomfort and headaches, Poppy reminded them both this was entirely normal. Sadly, Hermione had suffered from morning sickness from 7 weeks, at now 11 weeks it was taking its toll. She needn't have worried however, Minerva did everything she could to make her wife to-be's life as easy as possible.

She nodded feebly, it made Minerva worry all the more, it seemed to take all the effort she had just to do that, "let me carry you, okay?" Minerva whispered softly cupping her face tenderly as Hermione smiled weakly at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired," she mumbled feeling Minerva's cool hand behind her back, the other reaching behind her knees as she carefully lifted her off the sofa.

Minerva kissed her head lovingly as she carried her into their bedroom, "it's okay baby, just sleep okay? I'll wake you for some food later"

Before she knew it, Hermione was curled up in the comfort of her bed, her favourite soft blanket over the top of her, smiling slightly. Minerva kissed her head tenderly from where she sat on the edge of the mahogany made bed, a squishy duck feather pillow below her head, "I love you"

"I love you more," she whispered back resting a gentle hand over her lower abdomen, "both of you. Sleep okay?" she got no response as Hermione had already fallen asleep.

She wished more than anything she could take away Hermione's suffering, she hated to see her so ill and tired all the time.

Without making a sound, she moved back to their living room and sighed deeply as she sat back on the sofa, pulling the marking she had been ignoring towards her.

It was the middle of December, the school year was in full swing but it was bitterly cold outside, snow had already began to fall. Not wanting Hermione to get sick, she stayed within the confides of their quarters more than not. Minerva had tasked her house elf, Carmen, to watch her whilst she taught her classes. The second classes ended she was back with her love looking after her, Poppy regularly popped in to check on the health of mother and baby.

2 hours passed before Minerva sighed deeply putting away the last of the essays she had been marking. It was always clear who paid attention and researched in her class and whom got by on the skin of their teeth. She recalled Hermione's year group with affection, a happy smile creeping up on her face.

It had been 6 years since her lover had graduated Hogwarts, 4 and a half since they finally stopped dancing round each other and got together. In Minerva's opinion it had been the best 4 and a half years of her life. Now however, they were embarking on the biggest journey of all; parenthood.

The transfiguration teacher had been besides herself with happiness to hear they were having a baby, she firmly believed parenthood had passed her by. She had already discussed a nursery in one of the spare rooms she had in her quarters and taking leave with Hermione when the baby was due.

What sounded like a fall pulled her from her thoughts as she turned towards the bedroom and frowned, seeing the bedside light on, "Min," a gasping panicky voice sounded as the teacher stood and quickly moved towards their bedroom.

~X~

Hermione's eyes snapped open as the young woman looked round the dark room, she wasn't sure what had startled her from her sleep as she relaxed back against her pillow. The only light she could see was coming from the door that led to the living room where she knew Minerva would be infront of the burning embers.

As she moved onto her side she stiffened realising her pyjama pants were wet. She quickly moved the blanket off her and got off the bed, turning the bedside light on as she made her way into the bathroom.

She shivered dramatically at the chill of the light brown tiles on the bathroom floor, fear and dread filled her body like ice as she reached the toilet. She was scared to look incase what she was about to find was blood.

Taking a few deep breaths as tears prickled her now very alert eyes, she pulled down her pyjamas and pants. She gasped, her hand immediately going to her mouth as tears quickly formed and fell down her pale face. Bright red blood could be seen in her underwear as she sobbed gripping onto her pyjamas.

Reaching into the draw next to the toilet, she grabbed a fresh pair of pants, a sanitary towel and quickly took off her wet ones. She did it automatically as the tears continued to fall. The pain and anxiety that filled her was killing her as much as the niggling abdominal pain was now doing.

"Ow," she cried leaning forward gripping her abdomen as tears fell down her cheeks, "why? Why me? Why my baby?" she muttered to the silent room.

Once she had cleaned herself up she stood and took a step forward just as a harsh pain gripped her abdomen causing her to fall to the floor and cry out, "Min!" she gasped loudly as she curled up in a ball on the floor and cried, she couldn't explain the heartbreaking feeling she was going through in that moment as the knowledge that she was most likely losing their baby hit her hard.

It was seconds later when the door opened and Minerva gasped seeing her fiancé curled up on the floor in clear distress, "oh god, Hermione?"

Emerald green and chocolate brown eyes connected, she knew instantly something was wrong not only by how Hermione was laying on the floor but by the pure devastation and pain written on her face, "Min-" she groaned curling her knees closer to her body, her knuckles white as pain swept through her, "it hurts"

Minerva quickly swept her fiancé up in her arms and held her tightly rocking her gently as she learnt against the bath. She used her wand silently as she saw her cat Patronus disappear silently before her attention returned to her distraught partner, "I'm here baby, I'm here"

"The baby," she sobbed curling into Minerva's shoulder as the older woman's eyes filled with tears, "I can't lose .. not my baby"

She rubbed her back soothingly as they both cried, Minerva trying to be strong for her partner, "I know, I know. Poppy's coming"

15 minutes passed before Poppy arrived but it felt like hours to the couple who still hadn't moved from the floor, their tears had calmed slightly but Minerva kept tight hold of her love whispering in her ear how much she loved her and how she was there for her.

"What's happened?" Poppy asked briskly as she knelt down before the two of them, wand firmly in hand.

"I found her on the bathroom floor, she's getting cramping and she's bleeding," Minerva choked out tears filling her fearful eyes once more.

As expected Poppy kept her expression neutral as she nodded to her closest friend before turning her attention to the clammy pale woman in Minerva's shaking arms, "Hermione?"

"I think I-I think I'm losing my b-baby," she sobbed as a fresh wave of tears drowned the young woman, the pain that she was going through obvious to everyone around.

Taking the young girls hand in her own, Poppy squeezed it, "I'm going to check you out, okay?"

Hermione nodded grabbing Minerva's hand tightly when Poppy let hers go, the older woman squeezed it before kissing her head, resting her cheek on Hermione's head as she watched Poppy work with much trepidation.

"And?" she whispered once Poppy sat back, Minerva could tell whatever her best friend was about to tell them it wasn't good news.

"I'm sorry," she smiled sadly at each lady in turn, Hermione had folded herself into Minerva's arms at the two simple words, heart wrenching sobs filled the air at the news they were both dreading, "there's no heartbeat"

"Noooo," Hermione screamed in anguish as she held onto Minerva tightly, her body shaking with pure despair. Tears slid almost silently down Minerva's cheeks as Poppy squeezed her best friends arm supportively. She knew this would hurt both women drastically and hated to see the pain it was causing them already.

"I'm so sorry," Poppy muttered rubbing Minerva's arm as the other woman nodded mutely trying and failing to be strong as she wrapped Hermione up in her arms as tightly as she dared.

All three woman sat on the floor in silence for what felt like forever. Hermione's whimpers and cries of pain filled the room on the odd occasion. Poppy supported them both silently as they needed but didn't move to leave, she wanted to get Hermione tucked into bed with a pain potion before she left.

"Hermione?" Poppy said kindly after she'd been quiet for a while minus the pain filled gasps and whimpers, "how about we get you into bed? You'll be more comfortable there and I can give you a pain potion for the pain"

The young woman gripped onto her partner tighter but didn't utter a word, "I'm staying with you baby, I'm not going anywhere, I promise," Minerva vowed kissing her head again, "come on, let's get you to bed"

With the help of Poppy, Minerva managed to manoeuvre Hermione and stand without having to set her down anywhere. She carried her to their bed and tucked her into her side before Hermione looked up at her with pure fear refusing to let go of her hand.

"Let me get into my pyjamas and I'll get in with you okay?" Minerva assured her as Hermione nodded reluctantly letting her hand go. Poppy took her place as she held Hermione's hand.

"Why me? What did I do wrong?" Hermione asked Poppy almost despondently.

Poppy sighed deeply, "I wish I had an answer for you, Hermione. There's no rhyme or reason to you losing your baby, there was nothing you did or didn't do. I'm so sorry it's happened. I know it's not any consolation but .. most women go onto have perfectly healthy babies after a loss"

"I wanted this baby," she sobbed as Poppy grimaced.

"I know sweetheart, I know," Poppy soothed fully aware of the sobs coming from Minerva from where she was changing in their dressing room, "but I promise you, you did nothing wrong, nothing at all"

After a few minutes Minerva returned and got into bed behind Hermione wrapping her arms around her partner who held her hand tightly, "I'm here, I've got you," she whispered nasally.

"Hermione, take this pain potion for me," Poppy told her firmly but Hermione shook her head from where she laid head buried into the pillow tears streaming down her face.

"Baby please," Minerva begged anxiously, "please take it, you don't need to be struggling with pain during this, please"

"I don't want .. I just want my baby," she cried as Minerva looked at Poppy, worry and panic laced her pale face silently begging the medi witch to do something.

With a soft smile Poppy turned to the grieving woman, "your not going to do yourself any favours by suffering with the pain these cramps give you, Hermione. I know this hurts, I know it does .. but your baby wouldn't want you to suffer and Minerva doesn't either .. you need each other right now, but watching you suffering from these stomach pains .. if you won't take it for yourself, take it for her, please?"

"Please love," Minerva sniffled feeling Hermione tense every time another wave of pain hit her.

Eventually, Hermione nodded and moved slowly to face Poppy who handed her the vial containing the pain potion. She downed it in one before grabbing Minerva's hand and wrapping it around her again clearly needing to feel safe and loved.

"Thank you," Minerva murmured kissing her cheek softly, holding her tightly.

"Try and get some sleep, okay?" Poppy requested firmly as Hermione nodded finally feeling the physical pain ease as tears continued to fall silently down her distraught face.

Poppy smiled sadly and indicated that she'd be out in the living room as Minerva nodded showing her understanding. She was exceptionally thankful that her best friend was lingering, she wanted her around incase something happened to Hermione.

Once alone, Hermione turned in her lovers arms and cuddled into Minerva securely, "shhh, I've got you, I'm here love"

"I'm so sorry, Min," she whispered emotionally gripping hold of her pyjama top for dear life.

"Hey," Minerva said shock evident on her face, she pushed Hermione back a little forcing her to look up at her, which she did, "this is not your fault do you hear me? You have nothing to apologise for love, nothing at all"

Hermione nodded as a fresh round of sobs filled the almost silent air, "but our baby"

"I know," Minerva shook with her own emotions as a tear slid noiselessly down her cheek, "I know, I wanted our baby too. But it's not your fault, it's no one's fault okay? I love you so much, Hermione, so much"

"I love you too," she admitted tiredly a few minutes later allowing Minerva's words and touch to soothe her some.

It took another wave of tears and Minerva's reassurance before Hermione fell into an uneasy sleep. Once she was sure she was asleep she kissed Hermione's forehead tenderly, "I love you," she gently tucked her partner in before getting out of the bed and moving to the door.

Minerva watched her for a minute or so, thankful that she was asleep before she closed the door behind her and ventured back into the living room.

She wasn't surprised to see Poppy sat there reading a book. She sighed deeply, moving further into the warm and inviting room, her hand brushing through her hair tiredly as Poppy turned towards her, placing the book she had been reading down on the mahogany side table before she stood to comfort her friend.

"Come here," Poppy muttered seeing the emotion Minerva was trying to hold back, she opened her arms to her best friend who stumbled into them as sobs wracked her devastated body, "I know, Min, I know. I'm so sorry," she soothed rubbing Minerva's back holding her just as tightly.

It was several minutes before the room fell silent, nothing could be heard except for the crackling of wood in the fire behind the two women who continued to stand together, Poppy still holding her friend.

"I wish I understood why," Minerva whispered into Poppy's neck almost inaudibly.

The medi witch sighed, she hated to see either of these wonderful women suffering but typically they both now were. She knew they'd both try and blame themselves which made this even harder to watch, "there's no rhyme or reason to it, Min. Neither of you have done anything wrong. Neither of you could have done anything to prevent this. This baby's heart just .. stopped"

"I wanted that baby so much," she confessed tearfully pushing herself back to stand, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, "I never thought I'd be a mother and then .. god, this is so unfair"

Poppy nodded sadly, "yes, it is unfair," she took Minerva's hand and gently pulled her to the sofa where they both sat down together, "you will both make amazing mothers one day"

"Do you think we will be able to have a baby?" Minerva asked through tear filled eyes, despite the sadness Poppy could tell she was looking for some hope somewhere.

"Yes I do," Poppy nodded with a small smile, "Hermione is understandably at her peek for her fertility, she's very fertile. Due to the power you have as a witch it has slowed your reproductive system down, you are still rather fertile. If you both want to try again .. there will be other babies"

Minerva nodded thankful for the positive information, "I just hope .. this hasn't put Hermione off forever"

"This is a hard and traumatic thing for both of you to be going through, let yourselves grieve for this baby, you both need that. With Hermione going through this physically her body is .. going to need to recover after, it'll take its toll," Poppy reminded her gently as she wrapped an arm around her friend who rested her own against the medi witch's shoulder.

"What will happen now?" Minerva asked worried for her partners health.

Poppy sighed, "the cramping is like a contraction, it's trying to force the baby out of her body. So there will be a lot of tissue, probably something that resembles a baby too," Minerva looked at her alarmed, "I know, it's horrible .. she'll keep going with the contractions and bleeding until it's all gone. I'll be back to check on her tomorrow morning ok? I'll check on her twice a day until it's over. I don't want her losing too much blood and I want to keep up with the pain potions"

Minerva nodded, "thank you Poppy"

"Anything for you two," she promised her squeezing her hand, "go and get into bed with her and try and sleep okay? I'll go and let the headmaster know he needs to cover your classes for the rest of the week, she's going to need you here even once it's over"

"Thank you, you can tell him why, Albus knew she was pregnant," Minerva thanked her best friend, glad that she had been around.

"Any problems overnight and call me okay?" Poppy said firmly, "I don't care what it is or what time it is .. just shout"

She nodded, "I will"

Both stood together as Poppy gave her one final hug, something they didn't often do which showed the medi witch more than ever that Minerva needed her.

Once she departed, Minerva got into bed with her lover and wrapped her arm around her tightly to keep her as safe as she possibly could. Hermione rolled over to face her and curled sleepily into her chest, "shhh, I'm here.. I'm here"

"Don't go," Hermione whimpered softly.

"I'm not going anywhere, ever," she kissed her forehead lovingly, "you can't get rid of me 'Mione, I love you too much"

"I love you too," she whispered back grasping Minerva's hand in her own, holding it to her chest.

~X~

Poppy knocked at the doors to the headmasters office, "come in," she chuckled humourlessly at the surprise in his voice as she opened the door.

"Poppy!" he looked even more surprised at her presence in his office, he rarely got visitors this late at night. Minerva used to visit him often, however once Hermione joined her that stopped as she spent most of her down time with her partner.

"Hello Albus, I hope I'm not interrupting?" she smiled softly his way.

"Not at all, please come in," he offered her the chair infront of his desk which appeared to be buried deep amongst paperwork and letters.

She sat herself down gratefully in the seat he offered, he stood and moved to the cupboard, grabbing a bottle that he shook infront of her offering her a drink, "I shouldn't but .. after the night I've just had a small one would be lovely"

"What's wrong?" he asked once he had handed her her drink, she thanked him with a small smile as he sat down next to her. He knew whatever had happened was what she had come to see him about.

"Hermione's lost the baby," she admitted once she had downed the shot of fire whiskey.

Albus Dumbledore sighed, "oh goodness no!"

"She's in a right mess, they both are understandably," Poppy placed the empty glass down and rubbed her face tiredly, "Min even let me hold her"

"I'm gutted for them. What can we do?" he asked her thoroughly understanding why she felt so deflated.

Poppy shrugged, "just be there when they need us, obviously Min isn't going to leave Hermione so you'll have to cover her classes for at least the rest of the week"

"Of course, of course," he waved her off at the thought, "not a problem. I remember Min coming and telling me they were having a baby, she was so excited"

"She really was," Poppy smiled sadly as she recalled informing the couple of the pregnancy, "I remember the smile on Min's face when I told them, they were shocked but .. she was over the moon, she never thought she'd get the chance to be a Mum"

Albus nodded, "she told me the same, Merlin, this is going to kill her"

"I know," Poppy said staring up into the sky blue eyes of the headmaster.


A/N: there is no beta for this story and I do have a form of dyslexia, so apologies for spelling / grammar issues. This story is exceptionally personal and has been very difficult to write. But honestly so helpful for me as well. Please be kind :)

I've also tried to change this so there's a gap between chapters - it's not working - any suggestions? I wrote on Microsoft on my phone ..