Disclaimer: again, JK Rowling owns it all - but it is a very personal story. Thanks for reading
The morning rolled through far too quickly for Minerva, she had stayed up most of the night watching Hermione sleep. Through her worry and fears of losing her fiancée she just wanted to watch her a little longer, each moment had turned into an hour which turned into all night. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, despite the heartache they were both facing.
"Have you slept at all?" Poppy asked her best friend disapprovingly seeing her dark panda looking eyes against a white almost grey looking face.
"Not really," Minerva whispered not wanting to disturb her love yet, "I closed my eyes and she was gone. In the end I stayed up .. she looks so peaceful"
"Yeah she does," Poppy agreed, "not too much longer and then it'll be done and she'll be home and recovering with you in your quarters, I'll only keep her here for a few hours to keep an eye on her"
Minerva took a deep breath, "god I hope so"
Once Poppy and Minerva were both ready, the latter sat on the edge of the bed next to her fiancée cupping her face lovingly, "Hermione?"
The young woman stirred and smiled half heartedly up at her lover before reality dawned on her, "hi"
"It's okay," Minerva soothed kissing her head softly and squeezing her warm hand attempting to reassure her, "it's time to go okay? We're going to go via the floo. It's safer for you, but your coming with me"
"Before we go I'm going to check you over alright?" Poppy smiled softly grabbing her wand as Hermione nodded from where she sat on the edge of the bed, "no change, just go easy standing up ok? Your blood pressure is low and I don't want you collapsing"
With Minerva hovering like a nervous bee Hermione stood and instantly wrapped an arm around her waist as she took a few deep breaths, "Hermione? What is it?"
"Just .. dizzy," she admitted between breaths, turning her face into Minerva's body trying to stop the world from spinning around her.
Minerva held her tightly speaking quiet reassuring words in her ear, "I'm going to pick you up, okay?"
For once Hermione didn't argue, instead she just nodded. The older woman handed her bag to the medi witch as she easily picked her partner up, an arm behind her back and the other under her legs behind her knees, "I've got you baby"
The three women left through the floo network immediately, the older witch shielding the eyes of her unwell partner to keep the soot at bay. Minerva was surprised how busy the hospital was as Poppy beckoned her to follow her which she did without any question.
"Lay her on here," Poppy requested pointing to a transfer bed that lay in a bay labelled 'recovery,' Minerva stood back as many staff rushed around prepping Hermione for the surgery she needed.
Hermione reached an arm out to Minerva with wide eyes as panic began to set in, "it's okay, I'm here"
"I'm scared," Hermione whispered tears sliding down her cheek softly, "I'm scared Min, I'm scared"
She leant over her partner and kissed her lips, "I know, I know I am too. But I'll be right here when you get out, okay? Right here baby. Then we can take you home and rest in our own bed, with our own blankets and everything. You'll be fine .. I promise. I'll be there the second you wake up, okay?"
"I love you," she sobbed quietly as the fear of the unknown hit her harder than the knight bus.
"Shhhhh," she kissed her again before wiping away the tears, "I love you too, so much, I need you to be strong for me, okay? It won't be long, it'll be over before you know it"
The scared young woman nodded as Poppy came over, "I'm going to take you in now Hermione, okay? I'll be with you the whole time, I promise"
Tears streamed down both Minerva and Hermione's faces as she was wheeled out and away from her lover, once the doors closed behind them Minerva fell back into a chair and sobbed. This was the last part of the journey their baby would make and it hit her harder than she ever expected it to. The next time she saw Hermione their baby would be gone.
Minerva didn't hear the doors open again, but she felt the two arms around her holding her tightly, a woman's voice sounded in her ear, "it's only me"
"Oh Ro," she sobbed hard onto her friends shoulder as Rolanda Hooch held her tightly rubbing her back.
"I know, I know," she soothed her as much as she possibly could, "she'll be back soon I promise"
"Our baby," she sobbed harder gripping tight hold of Rolanda's clothes.
"I know, I'm so sorry Min, I'm so sorry," she whispered holding her friend as tight as she dared. It took a while for Minerva to calm down, but once she did they both sat down on the hard 2 seater sofa in the room.
~X~
"Min?" Poppy's voice sounded sometime later as she walked into the room. Minerva stood up quicker than lightening looking like she might puke as she approached Poppy, "she's fine, everything went alright. I've given her some blood replenishment already and some fluid as she was a little dehydrated. They're going to bring her out in a minute ok? But she's fine I promise"
"Thank you Poppy," she half smiled at her friend who squeezed her hand reassuringly before leaving the room again, no doubt to get herself changed into her usual uniform and not the surgical scrubs she was currently wearing.
Rolanda Hooch approached and squeezed her friends shoulder supportively, "see? She'll be back before you know it"
"Thanks for being here with me," Minerva said quietly turning to her yellow eyed friend, "I didn't realise how much I needed someone until you arrived"
"Always," Rolanda promised. The doors opened with an obnoxiously loud clatter as Min turned instantly to see her fiancée being wheeled through, a mask over her face.
"Is she okay?" she asked the nurse who brought her in. She quickly sat on the stool next to Hermione and took her cold hand in her own warm one having her shiver slightly.
The young blonde infront of her nodded, "she's fine, she's just tired, it can take a few hours for anaesthetic to clear the system. She'll probably be tired and sleepy for the rest of the day though"
"Hermione?" Minerva called her partner quietly wanting nothing more than to hear her voice or see her chocolate brown eyes on her own.
Thankfully, Hermione opened her eyes slightly and smiled looking over towards Minerva before closing them again, clearly still too tired from the medication they had given her.
Silence reigned in the room as Hermione slept on with Minerva at her side, Rolanda had left only moments before when Poppy returned to take her place. Minerva couldn't express how much she appreciated both her friends for being there for her today, but they were as always supportive.
A couple of hours passed by uneventfully as Hermione roused a little more, "ready to go home?" Poppy asked eventually as Minerva nodded. Hermione barely seemed able to keep her eyes open as she nodded slightly, "you ok carrying her?"
"Yeah I'm fine," Minerva nodded picking her partner up, she felt Hermione's cool arms wrap around her neck with a deep satisfied sigh as they walked back towards the floo to get home as quickly as possible.
Instead of materialising in the hospital wing, the three women eventually arrived (Poppy before Minerva and Hermione) in Minerva's warm office allowing them to avoid any students or staff by walking up the stairs into their quarters.
No one spoke as Minerva quickly placed Hermione down in their bed and tucked her in, she sat next to her for a few minutes playing with her hair and kissing her cheek softly, "shhh," she whispered as Hermione stirred, "it's okay, you're home and in our bed, sleep baby okay?"
Hermione nodded softly, "I love you Min"
"I love you too," she muttered back watching as Hermione smiled slightly before settling into another nap.
"How are you feeling?" Poppy asked her once they'd moved into the living room, the bedroom closed to allow Hermione some proper rest following her procedure.
She shrugged popping herself down on the sofa as Poppy followed, "I feel like I've been up for months working non stop, I'm so tired"
"Your bound to," Poppy reminded her softly, a hand on her arm supportively, "you've been through the ringer. Not only have you lost your child but you've also watched the love of your life suffer and that's never easy to watch"
Minerva nodded whilst staring down at her hands though she barely saw them at all as her mind wondered to the events of the last few days, "I'm just glad it's over .. well, kind of over. I don't have to watch her roll around in agony anymore anyway"
"I know this next bit is going to be just as hard, processing and grieving for your baby is going to take time for both of you .. but your not alone, neither of you. We're all here for you. All the staff send their love and you know Ro, Albus and I will be here in a heartbeat if you need us," Poppy reminded her as sensitively as she was able.
"I know .. and it means so much, we've decided to do a balloon release for him," Minerva explained, "our own little memorial type thing, we've named him and everything"
Poppy smiled sadly, she hated that her best friend was suffering so badly, this baby had been so precious and wanted, it was devastating to watch from the outside, "what did you decide on?"
"Matthew Asher," she said with small smile, finally looking up at her best friend with unshed tears in her empty emerald eyes, "it means miracle blessing, he was our miracle and no matter what he was definitely a blessing"
The two women came together in a hug as Minerva let the tears fall silently down her face, she listened as Poppy reassured her and reminded her that it would get better, one day it would be a little easier.
It was an hour later before Minerva got into bed next to her fiancée and curled up as close to Hermione as she possibly could, wrapping an arm around her sleeping lover. She breathed her scent in deeply before smiling, grateful that Hermione was home safe and sound.
~X~
Hermione looked surprised when she opened her tired eyes the next morning, the sun shone through the window straight onto her face warming her up. With a puzzled look she searched around the room wondering how she'd managed to get home last night as she didn't remember.
"How are you doing?" Minerva asked her when silky chocolate eyes settled on her own, she still looked confused but thankfully Minerva couldn't see any pain coming from them.
"How .. when .. I .. I don't remember coming home," she admitted easing herself into a sitting position to match Minerva's who put the book she was reading down.
Minerva smiled tiredly, she'd slept some over night but still felt drained, she had been awake for a few hours just watching Hermione sleep, "you stayed in the hospital for a few hours after your surgery and then I carried you home, you've been asleep ever since. How are you feeling? Any pain?"
She couldn't explain to anyone how relieved she was that Hermione made it through surgery and was still with her, she worried constantly that something would happen during her operation snd she'd be coming home without her lover.
"No, no pain," Hermione smiled slightly as she moved her body, "a little sore though"
"In what way?" Minerva asked worriedly.
Hermione chuckled quietly only able to think of one way to explain it, "the only way I can describe it is .. it feels like we've had endless sex for days .. both the normal way and with the added .. fun? And I'm just sore," she smiled tiredly, "hopefully it'll go soon but for now it's alright"
"Okay, do you need anything?" Minerva asked her, "a pain potion? anything to eat? Or drink? Or .. anything?"
She placed her hand on Minerva's cheek with a loving smile, "relax .. ok? I'm okay"
The older woman nodded as tears settled in her eyes, "I hope so"
Hermione cocked her head to the side as she watched her partner, it wasn't until a tear slid down her cheek that Hermione moved instantly to her side, "oh Min," she quickly wrapped her arms around her as Minerva broke down and sobbed onto her shoulder, "it's okay, let it out love, let it out"
"I'm sorry," she sniffled sometime later sitting herself up leaning back against their headboard wiping away her tears as Hermione watched, holding her hand, rubbing tiny circles on it with her thumb.
"Hey don't ever be sorry," Hermione chided her as gently as possible, "the last few days have been hell for both of us. Talk to me Min, tell me what's going on in that brilliant head of yours"
Minerva looked at her fiancée with sadness laying on her like a heavy blanket, "I was so happy, I never thought we'd have a baby and then .. you were pregnant with our little boy. Then we lost him and you were in so much pain, I couldn't do anything to stop it, I couldn't take it away from you," she took a deep breath to steady herself before continuing, "then when you needed surgery because the medications didn't work .. you were so pale, Poppy said your blood pressure and blood was low, you were so unwell .. they wheeled you away and I thought I'd never see you again. I was so scared I was going to lose you too"
"Oh baby," she sighed desperately wishing she could take Minerva's pain away, moving closer to her Hermione wrapped her in a hug as Minerva rested her head on Hermione's shoulder small sobs wracked her body, "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Merlin .. I love you so much"
Half an hour passed before only the odd sniffle or sob could be heard from the head strong woman. Hermione still hadn't let her go as her hand rubbed up and down her arm lightly, "I'm sorry, I should be supporting you"
Hermione scoffed, "you have done! For days and weeks on end, Min. But we're in this together .. there'll be days you'll need me more just like there'll be days I'll need you more, heck, they'll be days we'll just need each other to get through this. I know I went through the miscarriage but we both lost our baby, not just me! Let me support you too," Minerva nodded silently as she continued to curl into Hermione's side, "come on, you are so tired.. let's lay down together ok?"
"Okay," Minerva whispered nasally as they both worked their way down their bed together, getting as comfortable as possible under the quilt. Hermione moved her arm and pulled Minerva closer to her body.
"You can lay on me it's okay, I'm not in any pain," Hermione promised her as Minerva looked up at her skeptically, "I promise I'm okay and if I'm not I'll let you know ok? I like feeling you on me too and I know you need it"
She nodded moving herself over until she rested onto Hermione's side, her head on her chest and her leg over Hermione's leg, they both sighed contentedly at the feeling, "I love you so much 'Mione"
"I love you too, Min," she whispered back an arm wrapped around Minerva's body whilst the other played with her fine ebony hair, a sure way to her her to sleep, "sleep okay? I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere"
It was a while before Hermione felt her partners body grow heavy against her own, she had to admit she loved how it felt to have her so close again, smiling she closed her own eyes and allowed sleep to pull her under.
~X~
Poppy moved soundlessly into the room mid afternoon, she wanted to check on both women after the last few horrendous days. She smiled seeing Minerva asleep, her head on Hermione's chest, an arm settling over the body where the young woman rested with her own arm over Minerva protectively.
"Hey," a quiet voice whispered as Poppy looked surprised to see Hermione staring back at her.
"How are you doing?" Poppy asked her just as tacitly not wanting to disturb her best friends sleep.
"Tired, sore .. I'm just .. gutted," Hermione admitted feeling the emotion swirl round her as Poppy took her free hand and squeezed tightly.
She nodded, "it's understandable on all accounts, I would like you to keep taking a pain potion twice a day, ok? Just for a few days, let your body heal physically. I also need to check you over in terms of your blood levels and blood pressure. They've been exceptionally low"
Minerva stirred stretching cat like as she opened her eyes, "oh!" she looked surprised, "hi Poppy"
"Hey," she frowned looking at Minerva's sunken eyes and pale cheeks, "how are you doing? Your looking very pale"
Before she could say a word, Poppy quickly cast a diagnostic test on her best friend much time Minerva's annoyance, "I'm ok Poppy no need for that"
"I'll be the judge of that," Poppy stated professionally, she sighed deeply before ending the spell, "you are exhausted, dehydrated and you have a tension headache!" she added watching Minerva rub the back of her neck. She reached into the box in her arms and handed her the vial, "it's a pain potion for your head"
She looked irritably back before downing it, "thank you," she said seconds later realising how bad the pain was now it was gone.
"Try and drink more, Min," she reminded her gently before sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at Hermione whom had sat herself upright, "right young lady your turn"
"Okay," she smiled grabbing Minerva's hand, whilst it didn't hurt Hermione had admitted that since the war she panicked when someone pointed a wand so closely at her body.
Poppy cast the spell quickly and efficiently, "better, still a little dehydrated so please get some fluids into you, blood pressure is normal for you, blood levels are slightly out but nothing to report home about, infection markers are normal so that's good. I can understand why your feeling sore, you're a little swollen and inflamed down there but it'll be fine in a couple days, just take the pain potions ok? Your body will heal quicker"
"Thanks Poppy, any other restrictions?" Hermione asked feeling Minerva's lips against her temple as if reminding her she wasn't alone.
"No strenuous activity, no lifting for the next week or so, no apparition," she stated seriously, "and absolutely no sex, ok? You need to heal. If in a week you don't feel sore then go ahead and restart your sex life ok? I know this is going to be challenging for you both as you turn to sex during times of stress but we need you to heal properly first"
Minerva nodded, "don't worry we'll keep to it, the last thing I want to do is hurt her," she admitted rubbing Hermione's arm, "I'll carry her everywhere if need be!"
The medi witch rolled her eyes at her best friends dramatics, "don't be so melodramatic, she can get up, walk about, potter around," Poppy told her best friend before turning to Hermione, "go for walks, potter about but listen to your body, if your tired then stop, ok?" she nodded.
"Thank you Poppy, for everything," Hermione smiled softly, "we couldn't have got through the last few days without you"
"Anytime," she promised squeezing the young woman's hand, "I've also had a chat with both Filius and Albus," she looked between the couple, "Filius doesn't expect to see you back until your ready Hermione, he said he'll catch you after Christmas to see how you are but he sends his love. Albus has also relieved you of duty until after Christmas, Min. If you need longer then let him know. There's only what? 4 more days of lessons now. I think he's quite enjoying himself teaching again"
She chuckled, "I'll bet he is! He always loves stepping in especially for Transfiguration"
"Indeed," Poppy agreed rolling her eyes, "might I suggest you guys get away for the time your off? Maybe go back to McGonagall Manor for some respite?"
The two lovers looked at one another with a soft smile, "What do you think love?" Minerva asked Hermione, she felt excited at the prospect of going home for some time together but she didn't want to push Hermione if she wasn't ready.
"I actually like the sound of that," Hermione nodded, "it'll be nice to go home and not have to worry about who we bump into"
"I can always pop over if you feel unwell or anything but I think you'll be just fine," Poppy admitted with a smile but Minerva could still see some nervousness in her best friends face.
Minerva's emerald green eyes stared into bright blue ones with a little curiosity, "Poppy? what is it? You look nervous"
Now she'd mentioned it Hermione could see it too. She had got to know the staff a lot over the last few months. At the start of the school year, Hermione had begun an apprenticeship under Professor Filius Flitwick, who had decided that when the talented witch was ready he wanted to semi retire. He had taken Hermione on who was going to take over years 1-4 at the beginning on the next year whist she worked on her advanced mastery so that when he was ready, Hermione would be able to take over permanently. He had admitted that probably wouldn't be for at least 5 years yet but she was excited at the prospect of getting to teach.
"I want to talk to you guys about the baby," she admitted looking between the couple who now looked anxiously back at her, "I spoke to a friend who works in pathology, she personally has taken care of doing the tests and such on your son, all the tests came back negative, he was perfect. I wish I had a cause for you but I don't, it appears to just be one of those things. Usually they would .. dispose of the remains .. but I asked her to send him back to me. I .. don't know if that was the right thing to do, I just thought you might like to .. have him home?"
Hermione looked at the medi witch emotionally, "I appreciate that but .. what can we do?" she looked between the two women a little confused.
"Can I suggest something?" Poppy smiled softly as both the women infront of her nodded, Hermione tearfully so, "I have a friend who works for a funeral service that does miscarriage cremations, why don't you have him cremated and then bury the ashes and plant a tree over the top? You could potentially half them if you wanted and do one here at Hogwarts and at McGonagall Manor if you wanted to? Then whether you're here or home you have him with you. Don't decide on anything now, ok? Have a chat about it when your ready and let me know .. for now he's in stasis and he's perfectly safe"
They both nodded as tears fell down Hermione's face, Minerva held her tightly kissing her neck and reminding her she loved her, "thank you Poppy," she whispered shakily in awe of her best friends thoughtfulness.
She smiled sadly at them both before reaching over and wrapping them both in a hug, placing a small kiss on each of their foreheads, "I know this is so hard and I know this hurts .. we're here for you okay? All of us"
