Disclaimer: JK Rowling continues to own the everything, the characters are her own.
This was the hardest chapter to write .. so deep breath and off we go ..
Valentine's Day arrived for everyone quicker than lightening. Minerva had returned to her teaching role mid January, Albus had offered to continue for a couple more weeks just before the start of the new term for which she was relieved. She was struggling but she knew Hermione was on a worse scale after many breakdowns over Christmas.
Hermione had arrived in the staff room the day before term was due to start again and burst into tears when everyone so much as looked at her. After numerous hugs and support from Pomona, Ro, Albus and Filius they had reminded her to take the time she needed and she had. She had been back in her role as an apprentice for just over a week now, Filius had kept a close eye on her but it appeared being back and busy was helping her for which Minerva was beyond thankful.
Today however they were going to bury their son and plant a tree over his ashes in his memory. It was a Sunday and many students had thankfully taken the trip into Hogsmeade.
They had decided to do the Hogwarts one first in the company of Poppy, Albus, Pomona, Ro and Filius before travelling to McGonagall Manor to do the second one just the two of them.
After the war a memorial garden had been placed in the grounds, originally it was just for the dead in the battle of Hogwarts. However over the years requests had been made for a bush or plant to be added for a close relative of one of the deceased and Albus hadn't been able to say no.
The majority within the gardens were bushes and flowers. The Weasley family, like many others, had planted some of Fred's ashes and covered them with an orange rose bush. It had flowered some of the most beautiful flowers during the summer months and they often came by to see it.
After much thought they decided to add their son to the garden also, but in the furthest corner out of the way being he would be under a tree. Albus had refused entry to anyone for the morning and had cast charms to protect the area so no one saw the very private moment.
"Ready?" Minerva asked Hermione who stood at the massive window in their quarters looking out. Both ladies were dressed in black robes with something blue on their attire. It was the one stipulation Hermione had had. Minerva wore a blue silk scarf with a baby loss pin attached to the front of her robe whilst Hermione had added a blue rose to her hair and wore bracelets of blue leather that held a small plaque with their sons name and date of death on it.
She turned her head to her partner and tried to smile but couldn't, "not really"
Minerva wrapped her arms around her fiancée's waist and kissed her neck as Hermione sighed leaning back into her hold, "I know love, I know this is so so hard .. but we're there together okay? We can do this"
After returning from Christmas, Minerva had explained what they wanted to do to both Poppy and Albus. Both of them supported their wishes and made sure it was organised and sorted so all the two women had to do was show up.
"I know," she sighed turning in her arms and burying her face in Minerva's chest. She smiled at the kiss she felt pressed against her head, her eyes closed as she savoured the feel of Minerva's arms wrapped around her, "thank you"
"You don't have to thank me for anything love, we're in this together .. the good, the bad and even the downright ugly!" she promised her as they parted slightly. Minerva offered her hand to Hermione who took it with a smile, "come on"
Their journey down to the memorial gardens was quiet, most students they passed left them alone for which they were beyond grateful. The students hadn't been told anything, just that Professor McGonagall and Professor Granger had had to take some extended leave for personal reasons. No one had dared ask any questions out of fear of Minerva's reaction.
By the time they arrived Poppy, Albus, Ro, Filius and Pomona were stood there dressed in black with the added blue as stipulated. Once inside the memory garden charms were cast silently to protect them all, though Albus doubted anyone would be around. The gardens weren't particularly close to the castle allowing anyone who visited some privacy of sorts.
They approached the corner in question to see a hole had already been dug out, tears were already streaming down Hermione's face as she held her son to her chest tightly in a small wooden box the size of her palm. It had a golden plaque on the top which read 'To our son, Matthew Asher, loved snd missed always.'
Minerva wrapped her arms around Hermione tightly as she felt tears sting at her own eyes. This would be Matthew's final journey and the last time his mothers would hold him in their arms.
Albus stood at the edge of the hole and cleared his throat, Minerva had asked him to say words that she knew neither herself nor Hermione would be able to, "today is a day none of us hoped to ever have to witness, saying goodbye to a life that had just begun, a little boy who was loved so much by both his parents"
He gulped before he continued, "it is always hard to accept the death of anyone, but especially that of a baby. Losing one so young .. shatters the dreams of the future, shows how vulnerable life really is. In turn it threatens our own being; it asks the question, what's in store for us?"
"Matthew was a joy to behold to both his parents, the bond and love they had for their little son so strong already. But thankfully he knew nothing but love, safety and protection. Sadly he left the world far too early, too beautiful to be here on this planet, Earth. Today .. with his parents at his side .. he completes his journey here with us, his parents, his family as he's laid to rest in the grounds he would have grown up in and come to know as home"
He nodded to Minerva and Hermione but Hermione froze, she couldn't do it, she couldn't move to put her son in the hole in the ground infront of her, "love? Do you want me to do it?" Minerva asked as tears cascaded down her own face.
"I can't," Hermione eyed her partner with the eyes of a heartbroken woman, "I'm sorry"
"Shhh, shhhh it's okay," she promised her kissing her lips tenderly, "I'll do it okay?"
Hermione nodded passing the box to Minerva as Poppy took Hermione in her arms and held her rubbing her back supportively.
Crouching down infront of the hole Minerva took a deep breath and placed her son down to his final resting place, "we love you, always," she whispered unable to say anything more as she stood back up and walked back to her fiancée who was sobbing silently on Poppy's shoulder.
"We ask today," Albus began again, "to whoever is listening. That you provide Hermione and Minerva with the strength to keep going, to help each other through their heartache and loss of their son, to see the glory and wonder in the world and continue to make their son proud"
One by one the teachers present moved and placed some earth on top of the box. Now back in the arms of her wife-to-be, Hermione threw the single red rose she had been holding into the ground where it rested on top of her little boy.
Rolanda moved round with a muggle music box and pressed a button allowing soft music to fill the area quietly. Hermione smiled softly hearing Celine Dion's voice fill the room. They had opted for the song 'Fly' by the amazing artist.
There wasn't a dry eye around as everyone stood and listened. On the last words of the song the music ceased and Albus magically moved a 6ft three into the hole before moving the earth back to cover it up. Poppy, along with Rolanda's help, placed a black headstone on the floor and made sure it was secure before moving away.
Discreetly the teachers left leaving two heartbroken women to stare at their son for a few minutes more.
"I like the words on the stone," Hermione whispered what felt like hours later but in actuality it was only minutes.
Minerva nodded, "me too"
The stone was square, a small angel with wings curled up in the top right hand corner as if sleeping with a silver plaque attached which had his name and date of death written in thick black writing and below that read the phrase, 'a tiny flower, lent not given, to bud on earth and bloom in heaven'
"We've got the same one for home too, so it's all the same," Minerva told her quietly. It was the one thing Hermione couldn't bring herself to do, decide on words for the stone they wanted. She'd left it to Minerva knowing whatever was chosen would be okay to her.
~X~
By the time they arrived at McGonagall Manor both felt entirely worn out. They curled up on the sofa together similarly to how they'd fallen asleep that first afternoon back after losing their son.
"You don't have to do this today if you don't feel able to you know," Isobel reminded them both gently, "there will be other days"
Hermione shook her head, "I don't want this lingering anymore. I feel like it's been at the front of my mind for weeks knowing it was all going to happen today. I want .. the closure .. I want to be able to move on fully," she admitted quietly before turning to Minerva, "and I want to try again, I feel ready .. to try again"
"Me too," Minerva smiled kissing her partner lovingly on her soft plump lips, lips she could get lost in time and time again, "on all accounts. I also want to talk to you about getting married this summer. If this has taught me anything .. life is too short, I don't want to wait to be joined together"
She smiled softly up at the bright green eyes above her and nodded, "can we discuss it tomorrow? I am absolutely up for that, I can't wait to become your wife .. but I just don't want to discuss it today"
"Of course," Minerva smiled holding her tightly before sighing, "come on, let's get this over with okay?"
They hadn't wanted to go through the hell of planting a tree at the same time as burying their son at home, so they'd compromised. They brought and planted a tree just after Christmas, it was about 5ft in height and sat several metres from their fire pit so that whilst they sat there on a night they were close to their son too.
Minerva made a small deep hole infront of the tree snd this time Hermione placed him into the hole. There were no meaningful or meaningless words spoken, there was no music, just silence and the odd sounds of birds twittering around them.
"I love you so much my baby boy," Hermione whispered eventually from where she knelt infront of him tears falling down her face.
The two women sat together, heads resting against the other as they both tried to wipe tears away from their clouded eyes.
Eventually Minerva filled the hole and placed the stone above it to signify exactly where their son was. They both sat there for a while in each other's arms talking about their little boy and what they felt the future held for them both.
An almost violent shiver ran through Hermione's body, Minerva looked down at her from where she sat between her legs, "you okay?"
She nodded, "just cold"
"Come on, let's go inside okay? He's here always now .. we can come out to him whenever. He wouldn't want you sitting here freezing and neither do I," she reminded her gently as Hermione nodded.
"Love you baby boy," Hermione whispered as she began to walk back to the house.
Minerva lingered for a second longer, "I love you .. always .. my little boy! Watch over your Mummy for me okay?" she smiled sadly before following Hermione back towards the house.
Once inside the warmth of the farmhouse Hermione groaned, "god I didn't realise how cold I was"
"We were out there quite a while," Minerva admitted, she frowned at the clock on the mantlepiece. She wasn't surprised by how cold her lovers skin felt as she took off her cloak, "god baby your ice cold come here"
She wrapped Hermione up in her arms moving slowly to stand in front of the fire, she rubbed her arms gently trying to help warm her up but she kept shivering regardless.
"How about a bath?" she asked softly, "we need to warm you up"
Hermione nodded, "sounds good"
"Stay down here and talk to my mother and I'll go get the bathroom ready and I'll turn on the under floor heating too," she told her partner kissing her lips before she disappeared.
The young witch got onto the sofa and wrapped herself in a blanket as she tried to relax knowing she'd warm up quicker if she did. She tucked her feet up hoping they would warm up quickly, they were hurting from the cold.
"How are you feeling darling?" Isobel asked as she watched the young woman infront of her. Despite seeing the love between her daughter and Hermione, Isobel happened to adore the young witch and felt grateful she was in their lives and frustrated that she couldn't meet her in person.
"I feel relieved," Hermione admitted in surprise as she thought about it, "it's been playing on my mind and I guess I didn't realise how much I needed to do this. How important this closure was so we can move on and continue with our lives"
Isobel smiled softly, "I'm glad it's helped you, that's the main thing. How's my daughter doing?"
"Good days and bad days," Hermione admitted peeking at the door to see if she was returning yet or not, "some days it's constant tears and other days she can talk about him normally. It's been so hard trying to come to terms with this and not blame myself. She's hurting because I couldn't protect our baby. I feel like I've let her down"
"It is not your fault, Hermione," she reminded her firmly, "you haven't let a Minerva down at all. I too felt like that for a while, but then I had to remember that I didn't control the situation, it wasn't on me. Same as it isn't on you"
Hermione smiled at her future mother in law, "I want so badly to have another baby. It won't replace him .. nothing will. But my arms ache, my heart aches, I'm not saying having a baby will fix that but .."
"I know," Isobel soothed adds best she could, "I know, it's not easy to explain but trust me. I know. My husband and I felt the same and honestly .. falling with Minerva was the best thing that happened to us. Pregnancy was never the happy easy going thing it could have been. I don't think she's opposed to it either honestly, losing Matthew I think has reminded both of you how badly you want a family of your own"
"It really has," Hermione confirmed staring down at her hands for a second, "I just hope .. this time it doesn't end the same way"
Isobel sighed, "I wish so badly I could be there to give you both a hug, so so much. I am praying your next pregnancy goes swimmingly and you have a little one to bring home at the end of it"
The young witch wiped the tears from her eyes as she nodded, "I hope so too"
It was 5 minutes later when Minerva came back downstairs. She smiled seeing her fiancée curled up on the sofa under her favourite blanket, she looked so peaceful despite being cold from where she stared into the blazing fire infront of her.
She jumped as Minerva entered the room, "you okay?"
"I'm fine," Hermione smiled softly, "just bloody cold! Remind me next time to go outside with heaters on my feet!"
All three women laughed at her comment before Minerva kissed her sensually and took her hand, dragging her out of the room and up to their massive bathroom.
~X~
"God your amazing!" Hermione gulped down deep breaths from where she rested back on their bed.
"I love you so much, Mione," Minerva grinned happily as she too tried to calm her body down after two amazing orgasms.
After the duo returned to Hogwarts, Hermione had admitted how much she wanted her lover. With passion in her eyes, Minerva had been more than willing as they first made love on the floor infront of the fire in their living room, before moving to their bed and making love together once more.
"I love you too," she whispered back rolling onto her side and kissing her partner lazily, "you are the best part of my life"
Once they finally calmed down they curled up together in bed, Hermione resting on Minerva's body, their legs intertwined as the older witch played with her wavy hair absentmindedly.
"Are you sure your ready to try for another baby?" Minerva asked her seriously sometime later.
"Are you seriously asking me that after that mind blowing orgasm you just have me?" Hermione chuckled and looked up at her partner in surprise, "yes .. I'm ready to have another baby, are you having second thoughts?"
Minerva shook her head, "no, I want to have another baby, I just want to know your definitely okay .. after last time .. I just worry about you"
"I know and I appreciate that so much, your love for me is just .. more than I can .. quantify I guess," Hermione smiled at her thoughtful loving partner, "but I'm ready now, just because we lost our son doesn't mean we'll lose another one"
"I know," Minerva nodded nervously, "I guess I just want to keep you safe, I worry about you .. I love you so much. I'm just scared right now"
"You will make an amazing mother, Min! Any children we have will be lucky to have you my love!" Hermione spoke softly before kissing her breast lovingly, "it'll happen when it's meant to okay? Soon hopefully!"
The older woman chuckled, Hermione's excitement on the subject of having a baby together was infectious, "children huh? how many do you want?"
"I've always wanted 4," she shrugged thinking back to how she saw her future so many years ago. It was different than how she imagined but a good different, it was better than she could have ever imagined, "when I was younger I thought about how I'd have 4, 2 of each gender, I picked names and all sorts. The delights of growing up in a dreamworld, I guess. Best laid plans n'all that. What about you? Did you ever envision having children?"
She nodded, "I did, as I got older I just assumed it would never happen. Now .. I feel like I've not only got a second chance at love but a second chance at a family. I like the number 4 by the way .. in my head I'd be like my Mother and have 3. Right now .. any child with you is a blessing, whether it be 1, 2 or 4!"
Hermione smiled, "I love you so much"
"I love you too my love," she kissed her gently, "so very very much. I can't wait for you to become my wife"
"I like the idea of getting married this summer," Hermione admitted quietly resting her head back against Minerva's warm body, she traced her belly button with her finger so lightly it made Minerva shiver.
"I thought .. maybe July," Minerva tentatively suggested reaching for her partners hand and stopping it, "sorry that tickles, I can't concentrate"
Hermione giggled, "sorry .. I like July, do you think we have enough time to get it ready?"
"I do," Minerva nodded, "and you know our family and friends will help us"
"Let's do it then," Hermione grinned excitedly glad that they had something happy to look forward to after months of despair. She closed her eyes, promising herself a few minutes rest, as she let the happiness and love surround her and fill her up.
