For et219, who pointed out such a ridiculous typo in Last Sacrifice, I had to make a whole one-shot about it. (typo has since been edited)
I had a problem.
Well, I had many problems. The one plaguing me today, though, was that I didn't know when to quit, especially when it came to practical jokes.
Which is why I was now waiting by the gym, five minutes until afternoon practice, biting my nails down to the quick as I waited for Dimitri to arrive. There was no way this wasn't getting back to him, and I wasn't quite sure what the fallout would be.
It started with a single word. Not even a word, as Dimitri was all too eager to remind me that first day.
Scandalicious.
I can't remember exactly how I had used it that morning during practice, but after explaining the cultural phenomenon that was Fergie and the iconic song 'Fergalicious,' Dimitri had shrugged the word off. He was just happy that Lissa and I were finding time to do stupid teenage things like throwing impromptu dance parties in her room and making random TikToks with Lissa's new roommate, Amy.
I had thought it was all over until that next week when he decided to use it just to mess with me. It worked. Oh, how it worked. The made-up word that already sounded nonsensical somehow managed to feel utterly cringe-worthy coming from him. Perhaps it was the accent, or perhaps it was the fact that Dimitri was typically well-spoken, well-read, and well…Dimitri. His vocabulary included things like 'deltoid' or 'irresponsible' or, my favorite, 'zanoza v zadnitse.' I'm pretty sure the last one was something less than complimentary, especially since he only grumbled it under his breath if I got on his nerves.
Still, he found great fun in tormenting me. For days, he would find the hands-down stupidest reasons to say it.
"Rose! Don't drop your shoulder on the second jab! It's practically scandalicious."
"Good job, Rose. You beat your last scandalicious record."
"You're scadaliciously late again. That's the third time this week, so hit the track. We're doing wind sprints."
So I decided to fight back a little. What else was a girl to do? He was declaring war, and I wasn't about to back down from the fight.
Whenever I could, I'd pull out my phone and take a picture or little video. Sometimes it was as simple as Dimitri putting on his duster. Other times it was a little more drool-worthy like watching him bench press my body weight with ease. Some he knew about, like when he stared at me in confusion as I asked him if he could snap and insisted on video evidence. Other times, my secret mission was carried out in a much more clandestine manner. All in all, the photos and clips meant nothing on their own, but once I had them all nicely lined up in a video with 'Fergalicious' as the soundtrack, it became a work of art. Scandalicious art.
I swear. I never meant for it to get out, much less become a viral sensation around the school.
After I had finished, I had sent the short video to Lissa. Her roommate caught a glimpse and found it utterly hilarious, immediately asking if she could have a copy, too. I was hesitant, but Liss assured me that it was no big deal. After all, Amy had been part of our initial mini-dance party, too. She understood the inside joke. Unfortunately, Amy felt like the joke was entertaining enough to share with the entire student body. All it took was one upload to TikTok, and the rest was history.
Horrible, anxiety-inducing history.
I winced as I heard the song echo from a nearby phone. I hesitantly glanced to the side, and a new wave of guilt flowed through me. It was one thing to have the students passing it around. However, the guy watching it beside me was one of the younger guardians on campus. He was one of Dimitri's co-workers and peers.
I was so dead.
Eventually, I saw Dimitri's tall form cross the courtyard as he approached the gym. A couple of Moroi seniors passed him, staring a little too long as they walked by before bringing their heads close and snickering between themselves.
Dimitri didn't say anything, but his furrowed brow let me know that he had obviously clocked the strange reaction. That confusion lingered as he finally reached me.
"Sooo," I said, dragging out the word and the rapidly closing window before he realized I was the one at fault for this. I was the one responsible for him being blasted from every single corner of the grounds. "How was your day."
"Odd." He opened the gym door for me, letting me in first as he gathered himself. "It's probably all in my head, but I swear people keep staring at me. And I keep hearing that one song. The scandalicious one."
I groaned, wishing I could be anywhere else at that exact moment. That seemed to trigger something in him as the first pieces of the puzzle started falling into place.
"What did you do, Rose?"
"I didn't post it, I swear!" It was probably the most suspicious thing I could have said, and I saw his shoulders tense as he went on high alert.
"Rose…"
"Okay, I took the pictures and made the video, but I only showed Lissa." My rambling was making things worse, but I couldn't stop. "Amy saw it and…"
"Rose. Please, just tell me."
With a sigh, I reached into my gym bag and grabbed my phone, leading us both to one of the benches against the wall. He should probably sit down for this. I pulled up the app, opened the video that was now covered with over a hundred hearts and comments, and waited as the longest 30 seconds of my life played out beside me.
I knew the video by heart now. I could hear every single beat of the song and knew exactly what image was showing at any given moment. He rewatched it again. And then again. After the fourth playthrough, I saw his finger hover over the screen, and it only took me a second to realize what he was about to do.
"No, wait!" I reached for the phone too late, watching his eyes widen as he revealed the ever-growing list of comments.
The thirst. Oh, the thirst.
I mean…I got it. He was hot. It was undeniable. I don't think Dimitri had a bad angle to him, and watching him in his element was damn near glorious. Still, I never wanted everyone to see him like that.
I grasped the phone out of his hands before he could read more than one or two of the comments, but it was obvious that whatever he had seen had shocked him a little.
He turned to look at me, his eyes flicking between me and the phone. After a moment, his gaze flipped to something more curious, and I felt my cheeks heat as his eyes narrowed slightly and one brow raised over the other. I wasn't sure what he was thinking about, but it made me feel self-conscious, as if he was trying to peer into my mind and figure me out.
"I am so, so sorry, Dimitri. I never meant for—"
"Stop," he interrupted, cutting my apology off mid-sentence. "It's fine, Roza."
"Really?" Now it was my turn to be a little surprised and confused as he reached for my hand to pull me up off the bench. "You aren't mad?"
"Mad? No." He started towards the free weight area, with me falling behind like a very confused little puppy. "Maybe a little annoyed, but it would take more than a 30-second video of me working out to 2000's pop music for me to be mad at you."
My mind screamed 'why' over and over again as I tried to make sense of why he wasn't storming out of here or cursing me into next week. I decided to take what I could get, though. "I'm still really sorry. It was supposed to be a funny little joke, and it got out of hand."
As I went to start my circuit, I felt his hand come to rest on my shoulder. "What have I told you about rumors and gossip?"
My mind instantly fell back to months before. We had been right here, almost in this exact spot, as he tried to comfort me after learning about the nasty lies Jesse and his friends were saying about me.
"All things pass," I said, giving him the same words he offered back then.
"Yes." He gave me a soft smile that I probably didn't deserve right now. "This will blow over eventually. In a week or two, nobody will even remember it."
'I will,' I thought, knowing better than to speak the words out loud. Yes, the video was meant to be funny, but I saved a few of the original clips and photos that felt more personal, including one or two that might make people question our mentor-student relationship if they ever got out. Nothing obvious, mind you, but I don't think many mentors smiled and laughed the way Dimitri did with me sometimes. It could be, well, scandalicious.
"However," he said with a tone of warning lacing his voice, "until that day comes, you're gonna be running extra laps. Five extra miles, now go."
He shoved me towards the back door leading towards the track, and as I glanced over to my shoulder to give him a playful grin, I could see him laughing to himself as he shook his head in exasperated amusement.
I could hear his faint whisper of 'zanoza v zadnitse' as I slipped out the door, making my heart feel lighter. For once, it didn't sound like a curse.
For once, it almost sounded like a term of endearment.
Author's Note
This is probably my silliest one-shot to date, but when reader et219 pointed out that I had written "scandalicious" instead of "scandalous" in chapter 15 of Last Sacrifice DPOV, it created an odd little wormhole into Dimitri making the made-up word part of his general vocabulary and going viral on tiktok for dancing to Fergalicious. Obviously, that was just a fever dream that would never happen in real life or VA canon, but it did make me laugh so this is the result of my amusement. I both apologize and hope you enjoyed the weirdness.
"zanoza v zadnitse" translates (affectionately) as "pain-in-the-ass"
