*sings the angst song*

*******************************************************************************

Vash came back a few moments later, scooped her up, and dropped her back under the pile of blankets. She considered protesting, but fell back asleep instead. Her last conscious memory was of Ace squirming around behind her, and somehow ending up in her arms. Knives lay stiffly against her back, but she didn't mind. He was still warm.

When she awoke again, Vash and Meryl had left. She asked Knives what had happened to them, and he merely scowled at her.

"You ate all their food," he said accusingly.

She flushed, but said nothing. He offered, she thought. I didn't realize I was eating it all. They could have had some of ours. Words and excuses flowed through her mind, but she vocalized nothing. She was still mad at him.

She sat up slowly, body still sore. Grimly, she stretched muscles gone tight, shoulders knotted with tension and pain. She'd have given much right then for a massage, but managed to at least regain a semblance of mobility on her own. She stood and shakily walked over to the pool, then drank her fill. She sat at the end with her hands dangling in the water, wondering at the feel of it on her skin.

Wet. Such a concept. She felt the tension on the water, could feel it pull around her, a barrier between what she could see and what she felt. Looking around, she could almost sense a similar barrier between her and the world. She knew it was just exhaustion, just a weary mind misinterpreting signals from the senses, but she disliked the feeling all the same.

She didn't belong here. She didn't belong on this planet, didn't belong in this body, didn't belong anywhere. If there was an afterlife, she was sure that this wasn't supposed to be it.

But then how different from hell was this? If she deserved a place of pain and suffering, had she not found it here? Never one to be properly dismayed at the thought of a conventional purgatory, she had scoffed at the notion of physical pain and torment as a means of correction. She knew pain of the body too well to be afraid of it.

But this was a hell of the heart, and she was finding that she knew this sort of pain not at all. She had blithely let herself get close to people, and look what they, no, be precise, he, did.

Not worth this… she dwelled on that. Was she worth so little, then? Not that she had really wanted Ace to get hurt, but the child was only trying to protect her. From her vantage, she could not see that Kiley was taunting Meryl, could not see that she was in control of the situation. She merely thought that her friend was threatened, and responded accordingly.

The thought of Ace getting hurt over her turned her stomach, but she accepted that pain came when you tried to protect those you loved. Knives… obviously didn't feel that she was worth being loved. She was a fool to have ever believed differently.

"What is your problem?" The irritated voice cut into her reverie. Well… think of the devil and he appears.

"You," she said, responding without thinking.

"Me? What did I do?" The question did not truly ask for an answer, but she supplied one anyway.

"You…" she struggled to find words to cover the hole in her chest. "You didn't care," she finished up lamely.

He sniffed, and looked past her. "Why should I care about a vermin?"

"I guess it's all just my problem then, isn't it?" Stupid her, for ever thinking differently.

"No."

"No?" Her heart soared.

"I'm pissed at you as well."

"Me? What did I do?" Her heart fell again, and the pain was worse as it hit the floor once more.

His gaze shifted back to her, and she was surprised by the malice she saw there. "You used me."

She blinked, thinking furiously. "What?"

"When you made that shield thing. You used me, me and Vash."

She thought back frantically. "I did. I'm sorry. Would you have rather I died?"

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not some power source, for you to tap into at will."

The light went off. "Oh." Her eyes narrowed as she thought. "Does it seem like I'm going to make a habit of such behavior? Had I ever done it before?"

"You shouldn't have done it at all."

"Would you rather I had died?" she asked again, not rhetorically this time. "It's normal for me to pull from the surrounding area when I need more power. Normally, there's a biosystem in place for me to grab from, but this benighted planet doesn't support enough life." She grabbed a handful of sand and watched it trickle through her fingers, then brushed at what had stuck to her still damp skin.

"Why me? Why did you have to suck at me?"

She looked up at him. "You don't get it, do you? You absolutely reek of power. You plants… hold enough life in you to make this planet seem almost as alive as earth."

"So? It's my life! What right have you to any of it!" He leaned down and grabbed her shoulders.

She looked in his eyes. "You were happy to share with Ace."

"Ace is worth saving. You and my brother's pet… why should I care if you live or die?" He punctuated the question with a shake, then let her go.

"All this time," she mused, then fell silent.

"What?"

"All this time together… and you still hate me so much. What did I do to you?"

"I don't hate you," he said, glaring at her.

"No? Then what is your problem?"

"You aren't worthy of my hate. You aren't worthy of my time. You are nothing." He turned and walked away, picked up Ace, held her close. He asked her something, something Kiley couldn't catch, but the girl let out a cry of dismay and squirmed in his arms.