Knives sat next to the monitor and watched Kiley work herself into exhaustion. The cameras in the gym were not angled right for him to get a good view of what she was doing, but did give him an idea of where she was. It would not do to let a human, any human, go wandering around his ship unsupervised.
Her little trip earlier had worried him. He had set the ship to watch over her, and to warn him when she left her room. When she automatically turned in the direction opposite of the one he was in, his suspicions rose. He had watched as she opened doors, watched as she wandered in and out of mostly empty rooms, watched as she was obviously looking for something.
And had groaned as he realized she was hungry. She was walking farther and farther from the kitchen, but there was no way she could have known that. He sat and observed her progress, waiting until she settled down in one spot to catch up with her, and show her to the food. It wouldn't do to leave too early and lose track of her.
He almost grinned when he watched her enter the gym the first time. Her mien as she took in the room was comical in its enjoyment. Then he had watched her work out, and was enthralled by the grace she showed. She didn't even seem to be working hard, merely flying because she enjoyed it, touching hand or foot to earth or bar because it pleased her to do so, not because gravity dictated that she must.
Then she stopped, and moved over to the punching bag. At that point he left his room and went to the gym to watch more personally. She was incredibly fast, and very precise in her blows. One had to respect that level of skill, no matter who possessed it.
He shook his head, returning to the present. She appeared to have bedded down for the night. He set the computer to warn him if she began moving about the ship again. He turned down the contrast on the monitor and readied himself for sleep as well. Slipping beneath the covers of his bed, he turned off the light and tried to rest.
A bloodcurdling scream cut his attempt short. He fell out of bed and stumbled over to the monitor, stubbing his toe on the chair in the process. The screams had chocked off into a series of hoarse sobs by the time he got it turned back on. His gaze took in a shaking woman and no real threat. He watched as she sat up and went back over to the strength training machines. She worked on them awhile longer before she sought her blanket, again shaking with exhaustion.
He repeated his prior actions, shaking his head a little as he re-sought his bed.
And was reawoken by another scream.
He reached the monitor, stubbing his toe again in the process. Again she sought to work herself into exhaustion, and he cursed under his breath as he realized that she was suffering through nightmares.
His hands grabbed the edge of the desk as he forced himself to stay where he was, to not go and try to give comfort. He was likely the last person she would wish to see. Instead he watched as she worked herself so hard that tears of pain rolled down her cheeks, as she tried to work off the adrenaline rush that kept her awake. As she tried to force her body to rest without dreams, and failed, again and again.
He watched, feeling it his penance to see what his damage his actions caused. Hours passed where he got no sleep and she received only a little, managing perhaps twenty minutes before her mind forced her body awake to repeat the cycle. He wondered at the torment she must be going through, for sleep to be such a place of pain for her.
And it was his fault. Maybe all the pain was not his fault, but this torment that he watched was all his doing. No wonder she had not forgiven him, not with pain this raw lurking so close to the surface of her mind. It was a wonder that she was even civil to him.
He ached as he held himself there, wanting so badly to make this cycle end, to stop the pain that she so obviously felt, to banish her fears, to keep her from breaking her body in an effort to keep from breaking her mind. Finally, he could take no more. When she woke for the eighth time and could hardly even crawl back to the machines, and yet still forced herself to repeat the process, something in him snapped.
He could take no more of this. She would sleep tonight.
He made a quick stop to grab a syringe and some sedatives, then strode purposefully to the gym. She was sleeping when he arrived, but it was only a matter of minutes before she shook herself awake again.
Her bleary eyes took in his presence. Her mind fought to wonder why he was there, and then saw the syringe.
"No…" she croaked, backing up. "No."
"You need sleep," he said patiently.
"No. No, no, no… The dreams stay. I can't wake up and the dreams stay. Don't do that, not that. I can't… I have to…" she rolled over and tried to stand up, but collapsed, falling hard onto her shoulder. He set the sedative down beside him and picked her up.
"No more of this. You will sleep."
"But I can't dream," she whispered from a throat gone hoarse from screaming. "I can't go through that."
"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep this up."
She laughed, or tried. "I already hurt so bad."
"I'm sorry."
"S'ok. I'm used to it. I just hate dreaming so much. All my dreams turn bad. Ev'ry one. Even my hopeful ones turn black and die and hurt me. Again and again and again," she rambled before her words trailed off. "Don't make me dream."
"I won't."
"I just want to sleep."
"I know."
"I wish…" She fell silent, looking at him, her eyes filled with pain and something he couldn't name.
"What?" he asked after a moment.
She sighed and shifted her gaze. "Nothing." A pause. "Let me go, please."
He shook his head as he reached for the syringe. "You can't keep doing this."
She thrashed in his arms, tried to get away. "No! No, you can't! I'll start dreaming and I won't be able to wake up! Don't do that to me!" she sobbed, breaking down in his arms.
He set them back down, wondering what he should do. His hand stroked her hair gently as he thought, his fingers running through the strands as he weighed his options. Gradually, her struggles eased. After a few minutes he looked down and saw that she was asleep.
