April 16, APPROXIMATELY 19 YEARS LATER

MY NAME IS TELEMACHUS, THE PRINCELY SON OF PENELOPE, DAUGHTER OF ICARIUS AND THE GREAT HERO ODYSSEUS, SON OF LAERTES. MOTHER SUPPOSEDLY GAVE ME THIS AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT, BUT THIS SEEMS IMPLAUSIBLE SINCE SHE ALL BUT FORCED ME TO WRITE IN IT. YESTERDAY, I OVERHEARD HER TELLING AUTONOƋ THE WHOLE STORY. THESE ARE NOT EXACTLY HER WORDS, BUT THEY WILL SUFFICE.

"A LONG TIME AGO, I USED THIS DIARY, YOU KNOW. WELL, RIGHT AFTER THE END OF THE TROJAN WAR, HIPPODAMIA FOUND IT WHILE CLEANING AND STARTED READING IT AND LAUGHING AT ME. OH, I WAS STILL YOUNG AND TOUCHY THEN, AND I WAS COMPLETELY FURIOUS! I HID IT UNDER THE RUG UNDER MY BED, AND VOWED NOT TO TOUCH IT. I IGNORED IT FOR A WHILE, AND THEN I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT.

WELL, YESTERDAY I WAS TAKING OFF A NECKLACE WHEN IT DROPPED UNDER THE BED, SORT OF HALF UNDER THE RUG. AND I PULLED IT OUT, AND FOUND THE DIARY! YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW SURPRISED I WAS. BUT I'M BUSY ALL DAY, AND BESIDES, I DON'T WANT TO READ MY WAILING ABOUT HOW I NEED ODYSSEUS. IT'D BE NICE FOR HIM TO COME HOME, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE FOR A GOD TO VISIT TOO. WON'T HAPPEN. SO I'M GIVING IT TO TELEMACHUS. I'M SAYING IT'S FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, BUT I THINK HE NEEDS TO EXPRESS HIMSELF, AND HE DOESN'T REALLY TRUST ME. BUT HE HAS SERIOUS PROBLEMS, WHAT WITH THE ABSENCE OF ANY FATHER FIGURE AND THEN ALL THOSE SUITORS." AT THIS POINT I SMELLED THE AROMA OF FRESH-BAKED BREAD COMING FROM THE KITCHENS AND SNEAKED OFF TO GET SOME.

PERHAPS I HAD BETTER EXPLAIN ABOUT THE SUITORS, ALTHOUGH I AM NOT DISTURBED EITHER BY OR ABOUT THEM. BUT IT'S KIND OF AN UNUSUAL SITUATION YOU SEE, MY MOTHER IS, WELL, CONSIDERED BEAUTIFUL BY MOST PEOPLE, AND THOSE SAME PEOPLE CONSIDER MY FATHER TO BE DEAD. I DON'T BELIEVE EITHER OF THOSE THINGS. BUT THE PEOPLE (MOSTLY ITHACANS) WHO DO AND ARE BACHELORS HAVE DECIDED TO COME TO OUR HOUSE EVERY DAY AND COURT MY MOTHER, EAT OUR FOOD, DRINK OUR WINE, AND COME BACK EVERY DAY UNTIL SHE MARRIES ONE OF THEM.

I KNOW, THOUGH, THAT SHE WILL HAVE NONE OF THEM. SHE IS STILL FAITHFUL TO ODYSSEUS, MY GLORIOUS FATHER, WHO HAS BEEN GONE MANY LONG YEARS SINCE THE TROJAN WAR. BUT SOMEDAY HE WILL RETURN AND RID THE HOUSE OF THE ARROGANT SUITORS WHO ARE PATRONIZING ME AND HOPE TO WED MY MOTHER. TELEMACHUS

APRIL 21

THE SUITORS WERE GATHERED IN THE HALL TODAY; ANTINOUS AND EURYMACHUS, THE RINGLEADERS, AS WELL AS AGELAUS, PISANDER, AMPHIMEDON, LEODES, AMPHINOMU, LEOCRITUS, CTESIPUS CTESIPPUS, EURYNOMUS, DEMOPTOLEMY, EURYDAMAS, ELATUS, AND EURYADES. THEY DRAGGED IN PHEMIUS, THAT POOR BARD, TO PLAY FOR THEM AND TREATED ME LIKE A FOOL IDIOT LUNATIC WOMAN CHILD. WHEN ODYSSEUS COMES HOME HE WILL KILL THEM ALL.

MAYBE HE WILL KILL EURYCLEIA, TOO. NO, I'M ONLY JOKING, I DON'T WANT HER DEAD. BUT I WISH SHE WAS LESS BOSSY, LIKE TODAY, WHEN SHE SAID MY KNEES AND FACE WERE DIRTY AND FORCED ME TO TAKE ANOTHER BATH. BETWEEN HER AND MOTHER (WHO IS MAKING ME WRITE THIS), I'M DRIVEN INSANE! TELEMACHUS

APRIL 29

NOTHING INTERESTING HAPPENED TODAY. I SPENT AN HOUR LOOKING OUT MY WINDOW BEFORE MOTHER CAME WITH HER INCESSANT CHORES. NOW SHE WANTS TO TEACH ME TO WEAVE! BU, JUST SINCE I HAVE NO MALE PARENT DOESN'T MEAN SHE CAN MAKE A WOMAN OUT OF ME! TELEMACHUS

MAY 3

MOTHER IS AFTER ME TO WRITE. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY. TELEMACHUS

MAY 14

TODAY SOMETHING INTERESTING DID HAPPEN. A MAN NAMED MENTES CAME AROUND - HE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF FATHER'S. AND HE'S INSPIRED ME TO GO LOOK FOR NEWS OF MY FATHER, AND GET SOME TRAVELLING DONE. AFTER ALL, I'VE NEVER LEFT ITHACA! BUT I CAN'T TELL MOTHER, SHE'D NEVER LET ME GO. SO I'LL JUST SNEAK OUT AND IF YOU READ THIS, MOTHER, KNOW THAT I MAY BE GONE FOR A FEW MONTHS. I AM A MAN NOW. AND HONESTLY, I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID ABOUT EURYCLEIA. I DIDN'T MEAN IT ABOUT YOU EITHER. I THINK YOU ARE VERY PRETTY AND NOT BOSSY AT ALL. OH, WELL, I CAN'T LIE, EVEN IN A DIARY. TELEMACHUS