Rabukome 3
When the Men Get Home

Quick note:

Hey people! Thanks for still being here! I just want to ask you for some advice. What title should I give to Chapter2?
And I'd like to thank everyone who has been patient with me with this fic and with "A Date...". I would definitely finish them,
I'm just waiting for some inspiration to hit me!

Anyway on with the fic!

And please continue with you reviews and c&c's. I appreciate all of them.



Rabukome Chapter 3
When the Men Gets Home


We see them trudging along a hillside heading for Tokyo, some of them looking filthy and haggard. Most are carrying heavy equipment across their shoulders. Some of them are carrying hot pots and other kitchen utensils that they have used. Of course our heroes are still looking oh so fine with Saitou heading them and Hike just a step behind, obviously not wanting to acknowledge Saitou's higher rank over him. The men have traveled all across Japan and have gathered men to take a much needful few day rest and to re-group and finally finish those damn rebels and get on with their lives...which basically was not much different anyway. Fighting, drinking and basically stupid stuff men do, but of course, they sorely miss their number one source and entertainment and life, though they'd never dare admit it, the women.


SAITOU: Forward! Swiftly, keep them in step! Oh, you children! Forget your shoulders. I know that the equipment are heavy -- but duty boy! Duty!

YAHIKO: (cringed at the booming voice) what's his problem? I'd like to give him a share of my load! He's the only guy who's not carrying anything at all! Well, except for his katana, which he would never let out of his sight...

SEIJIROU: (laughs his usual laugh and scratches his head) Um, ano Yahiko, you shouldn't speak so loud, you know Saitou-san might hear you and we'll get into trouble.

KENSHIN: He's right de gozaru, we shouldn't complain much. Saitou has been working hard these past few weeks; it's hard to command a whole army to fight for...

HIKO: (bops him in the head) Shut up baka deshi. Don't you dare give him all the credit. Never forget that I, Hiko Soijirou, the greatest master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, am still the moving force in the recent success of the government's effort to extinguish the uprising rebellion. I am a silent worker indeed.

CHOU: Silent worker, all right. Don't feel ashamed to announce it to the whole world...not just to the whole troop. (Mutters darkly)

OKINA: I am the oldest here, therefore, I should be leading this army, when it comes to experience and strength and looks, I always come first.

HIKO: I beg to disagree old man...

OKINA: Who you callin' old man?

HIKO: Why, not the skinny boy with my baka-deshi definitely, who else you baka?

OKINA: (lunges forward, but Aoshi was quick to grab him and settle him down) Why you arrogant...let go of me Aoshi, lemme at him, lemme at him (crack)...oooh, my back.... my back....

AOSHI: (silently help him sit in a corner, shaking his head) I don't need to baby-sit you Okina.

OKINA: Baby-sit me? Why if my darling Misao had been allowed to join this troop she would've taken good care of me...

AOSHI: (cold blue eyes sudendly flare up) This is not a place for my wife. She stays home, don't even think about writing her a letter suggesting that she comes here.

OKINA: Selfish! When we get home, you have her all to yourself while poor old me just get to peak once in a while and.

(Bam! Aoshi hits him in the head. Aoshi walks away, shaking his head leaving Okina in the ground. Meanwhile not far from them...)

YAHIKO: I'm not skinny! I've been hearing that for the past few weeks from you, you drunkard....

KENSHIN: (in a warning voice) Yahiko, he's still my shishou and....

HIKO: I told you to shut up, didn't I?

KENSHIN: Hai, hai! Demo...

HIKO: (tossed him a jug) Go get me some sake boy. Talking with this idiots are making me thirsty.

KENSHIN: (catching the jug) Demo....

HIKO: Now! Or I'm going to...

CHOU: Ah, Himura, don't let him bully you!

HIKO: And who are you? (He asked leering over at Chou)

CHOU: I am...

HIKO: (with a wave of his hand) I don't care who you are. (Turns at Kenshin) well, where's my sake?

KENSHIN: Saitou forbid anyone to bring any...

HIKO: NANI? He forbids? How dare he! How dare he...(walks towards Saitou, but Kenshin immediately stops him) Let go baka deshi...

KENSHIN: Iya! Shishou, you can't start a brawl right here, where almost on our way home and well, we shouldn't be fighting with each other.

SAITOU: What is this all about? (looks at Kenshin and Hiko, takes a long hard drag and blows smoke on Kenshin's face) I knew, you'd be trouble. (looks at Yahiko, Aoshi, Okina, Seijirou and Cho who had lain the equipment they were carrying on the ground) And, what's this? Pick up your stuff men, we need to be in Tokyo before night fell. (looks directly at Kenshin) Kami knows what your little wife had done this time.

KENSHIN: Nani? (his violet eyes widen and look dangerously at Saitou) What do you mean by that Saitou?

CHOU&YAHIKO: Ya! Kenshin! Show 'em who's boss....

(Saitou toss them a death glare and they instantly grab their equipment and haul them over their shoulders)

SAITOU: You mean you haven't heard yet? Himura-san, the little she devil, has gathered all the women, your wives, to be exact and declared that they will abstain from sex unless we sign a peace treaty with the rebels.

Everybody gasps and looks at Kenshin strangely. Kenshin turns red up to the very roots of his hair)

KENSHIN: Ka-kao....

OKINA: Oh, that one. Kaoru-chan is real spunky, don't ya think? (he sighs) But I heard that Misao and Okon and Omasu have joined her too....such tragedy really!

AOSHI: (eyes slitted) Misao? How did you know about that one Okina?

OKINA: I have spies Shinamori. Anyway, I do like the idea. I'm taking it as a challenge. Do you really think that the girls can go on without us?

YAHIKO: Without you, I'm sure they'll be ok.

SAITOU: We'll I'm never surprised at what your women would do, it's just one dammed thing after another.

OKINA: (looking at Kenshin) I'm sure you never thought your wife as anything more than a home grown bother. But now, I can almost hear Saitou calling her a National Disaster!

YAHIKO: Hey watch your mouth!

KENSHIN: Kaoru is never a bother...well, um, sometimes, that she is, de gozaru....but I'm sure she had the best intention in mind. She just wants peace.

OKINA: (puts his hands over his heart) Oh, but what a catastrophe --MATRIARCHY! Is the name of the game!

CHOU: (asking Aoshi) Is he always like that?

HIKO: I knew your wife was worth it. I mean, who else would've thought 'bout that idea. Well, if anything, marrying her is the least of the baka things that you have done. Now I can't wait to see what will happen to you (looks at Kenshin meaningfully)

KENSHIN: Shishou!

SAITOU: Now you fool, speed is the word. To Tokyo on the double! Once we're there, we'll pile the logs and surround them and show them who's boss.

KENSHIN: We shouldn't be too hasty about this. The women are only looking out for our safety.

HIKO&SAITOU: Shut up!

SAITOU: I'll teach those women not to trouble us!

YAHIKO: (pointing at something, getting all excited) Hey look! Isn't that Tae, Sae, Okon and Omasu heading a group of women over there!

OKINA: Oh, my Okon, my Omasu....but where is my lovely Misao?

SAITOU: The last lap of our journey, and I have to greet it with dismay!

CHOU: Heh! The danger does not deter me!

YAHIKO: Danger? How could a bunch of women be dangerous?

AOSHI: (observing the women about to head their way) ....

SAITOU: Alright men, uphill, all the way! And please, would somebody find a jackass to drag these logs to the top.

OKINA: I ache to join the fracas sir and my shoulders are aching to stop. (answers sarcastically) But Yahiko-chan is young and no doubt has strong bones, ne?

YAHIKO: (shakes a fist at him) Why you....

SAITOU: (kicks the logs over at Seijirou and Yahiko) Bring 'em up. Upward and onward men! And keep those firepots burning or we're making this trip again, from the start.

MEN: With a puff.... (pfffff) and a cough (chorus of coughing can be heard)

YAHIKO: (over the smoke) The smoke! I'll choke! Turn it off! Turn the goddamn thing off!

CHOU: Damned embers! It should be muzzled. I bet Saitou is enjoying this. Look at him, he's too tall and he's not in anyway bent from carrying all these stuff, the smoke can never even reach his eyes!

OKINA: There ought to be a law for old men who ranks as hero to be treated with respect. Don't you think so Hiko-san?

HIKO: (with a feral growl) And what do you mean by that?

OKINA: N-nnothinhg. (to Kenshin) He has problems controlling his anger, doesn't he?

KENSHIN: (nods emphatically)

OKINA: There's lave in my pretty eyelashes!

CHOU: My lids are oxidized!

YAHIKO: My brows are braised!

AOSHI: (in his zen-master voice) These ashes are volcanoes in disguise....

SAITOU: (ignoring the complaints) This way men. I just hate it working with a bunch of babies! Don't be stopped by cinders, you've gone through much more than that.

YAHIKO: You can say that again!

ENISHI: (finally appearing from the smoke) Drat the smoke! Enough is enough! I can't see my nee-san! Nee-san! Nee-san....(disappears from the smoke)

Everyone sweat drops.

YAHIKO: That wasn't....

AOSHI: Was that....

KENSHIN: Enishi? I...I have no idea. Saitou, is Enishi part of this troop?

SAITOU: Yes! 4th battalion at Okinawa! You got any problem with that?

KENSHIN: But he...he's....

AOSHI: Strange.

SAITOU: And all of you are not?

(that shut them all)

YAHIKO: Someday, when that insufferable man is too old to even stand up, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind and let him have it.

SAITOU: I'd be waiting boy. But for now, we have to settle the women. They have to be ready to cook dinner for us and wash our clothes. When that does not work, we burn the damned door down and smoke the women into submission.

(Psychotic laughter echoes in all direction)

CHOU: Oh man, the smoke has seeped way into his brain....

AOSHI: Is there a general in the house? We're having logistical problems.

OKINA: You mean psychologist?

HIKO: That seems acceptable. Good. Down with the load....ouch, that smoke! Sonofabitch!

YAHIKO: (snickering) Well, that's score one for me! (hurries into Kenshin's side before Hiko sees clearly again)

(Everyone settle down)

CHOU: That's better. The pressure's off. I got my backbone back.

SAITOU: And who ordered you to take a rest?

KENSHN: Why don't we all take a vote Saitou? That way, there wouldn't be any arguments.

HIKO: I'm glad that he learned something from me.

KENSHIN: (eyeing his shishou) All in favor that we take a rest, raise your hands.

(Everyone raises both their left and right hands)

HIKO: Majority. Democracy calls Saitou.

SAITOU: Fine! You go and rest, I'll go ahead and see what I can do about the women. (pointing to some of the men) You, and you and you. You're going with me!

YAHIKO: Poor guys, I feel sorry for them.

SAITOU: I'm leaving this bunch with you Shinamori.

OKINA: But why him? Why not me?

HIKO: Why not me?

SAITOU: He's almost as cold and nasty as I am. I go with him, but let me just tell you that I do not trust anyone of you. (walks away)

HIKO: Feh! Let him have his way. I am still the greatest in terms of looks and strength (he eyes Okina) and Kami forbid if I hear anything form you.

YAHIKO: Sano's lucky, he doesn't have to deal with men whose egos are as big as Japan!

KENSHIN: He's dealing with Megumi-dono.

YAHIKO: Uh, right. I guess he's not that lucky. Hey, you think busu is still on her right mind?

KENSHIN: (laughs) I guess she had gone to the extreme this time. But, it's not her fault, you know her. She just follows her heart and thinks of what is the best for everyone. And does it in her own style. I can't wait to see her...

YAHIKO: (rolls his eyes) That's too sappy! Excuse me while I go and puke....

(The men starts cooking their dinner and smoke rises to every direction floating towards Tae and the rest)

TAE: The girls' form back there we're really easy to talk with. They have agreed almost instantly.

SAE: And the wife of the rebels up in the mountain had already agreed with us. The men would be surprised. They will never know what hit them.

OKON: What's this? Soot? And smoke as well? I may be all tired and a little out of training, but this might mean fire.

OMASU: Things look dark, girls; we'll have to dash.

(They move ahead, considerably faster pace that the men)

TAE: Speed! Celerity! Save our sorority from arson!

SAE: Combustion and exhaustion.

OKON: Don't let our sisterhood shrivel to blisterhood!

OMASU: We're late girls, Kaoru-chan and the rest are already waiting for us.

TAE: Well, filling my pitcher was absolute torture. The fountain in town is already crowded with the women, it's a good thing we had brought this with us and filled them up again. We can turn off the fire immediately.

(Noticing for the first time the men, still busy at their firepots.)

TAE: Hold it! What have we here?

SAE: They say that you can't catch true-blue patriots red-handed. Well, these are authentic degenerates...male.

OKON: And, oh! Over there is Hiko!

OMASU: (Sighing) Oh, I can see him!

TAE: Girls...

OKON&OMASU: Oh, we understand! (harden their resolves and stood up straight, their chins up and their foreheads proud)

(The men notice the group of men in front of them. They line up, ready to defend their camp)

CHOU: Ooops. Female troops. This could be upsetting. I didn't expect a flood of reserves!

AOSHI: They are no threat to us, continue with you duty men.

OKINA: Ah, my Okon and Omasu! And Sae and Tae too....

TAE: No threat? Really, Aoshi-sama you should know better.

SAE: And we're merely a spearhead Chou-san. If our numbers stun you, then wait until you see all of us gathered at Tokyo.

OKON: We represent just one percent of one percent of This Woman's Army.

KENSHIN: Hello Tae-dono, Sae-dono, Okon and Omasu. How are you?

OKON: We're fine Himura-san, but I'm afraid that you are a member of the men, and well, no matter how kind and polite you are, we should not give you nay special treatment.

KENSHIN: I understand. I chose not to partake in this.

HIKO: (rolls his eyes and bops Kenshin in the head) Baka-deshi. Can't you see that these are our enemies! Ignore them, they don't know what they are doing and they are certainly stepping off the limits. Not a very lady-like thing to do, if I may add.

KENSHIN: I'm sorry shishou, but is it not against your teaching not to fight with hepless women? (shrugs his shoulders and settle down on beside the pot to cook his food)

OKON: Never been confronted with such backtalk, Hiko-san? Can't allow it. Somebody pick up a log and pulverize that brass.

OMASU: Any volunteers?

AOSHI: Put down the pitcher girls. We mean you no harm.

CHOU: Yeah, plus we know what your planning. Let me tell you, you won't stand an hour without our loving!

TAE: Is that so?

OKINA: We know that you are of the weaker sex, and we'll be ready to take good care of you. I small jab would do so much, so lets just be friends and try not to make war...let's make love instead. *wink, wink, wink*

OKON: Then step right up. Have a jab at me old man. Free shot! (advancing to meet them)

CHOU: (advancing reluctantly to meet her) Shut up! Don't talk that way! You don't know what you're asking.

OMASU: I dare you to lay a finger on her.

CHOU: I'll lay you with a fistful. Er...any specific threats?

TAE: I'll crop your lungs and...and reap you bite by bite....

SAE: (gaining confidence) And...and leave no balls on the body for other bitches to gnaw! (turns red)

YAHIKO: Sae! I can't believe you just said that!

HIKO: No creature's so lost to shame as a woman who speaks that way!

OKON: Up with the water, ladies. Pitchers at the ready, place!

CHOU: Why more water. More sedition?

OMASU: Why the fire, you walking boneyard? Self-cremation?

OKINA: We brought this fire to ignite your passion...

TAE: I brought this water to douse your pyre. Tit for tat!

AOSHI: You'll douse our fire? Nonsense!

SAE: You'll see, when the facts soak in.

CHOU: I have the torch right here. Perhaps I should barbecue you.

OKON: If you have any soap, I could give you a bath...

OKINA: (digs deep into his pocket) Oh, I do! I do! Just what I need!

OMASU: Why Okina, no bath for six years...I can tell. We might quell your spirit...but not your smell.

OKINA: (pales, gasps and looks totally heart broken. Yahiko' laughter rings loudly in his ears)

CHOU: A bath from those polluted hands! (jabs in to save grace)

OKON: Hands, pure enough for a blushing young bridegroom.

AOSHI: Enough of that insolent lip.

OMASU: It's merely freedom of speech!

AOSHI: (finally loosing his cool) I'll stop that screeching!

TAE: You're all helpless outside of the jury box.

ENISHI: (From out of nowhere, urging the men) Burn, fire, burn! (maniacal laughter and then disappears through a fog)

KENSHIN:......

(The women empty their pitchers over the men)

SEIJOURO: (uses his speed and gets the hell out of the place)

SAE: And cauldron bubble.

(The men are soaked wet)

MEN: Arrghhhh!

OKON: Goodness! What seems to be the trouble? Too hot?

AOSHI: Hot? Hell, stop it! What do you think you're doing?

SAE: If you must know, I'm gardening! Perhaps you'll bloom.

CHOU: Perhaps I'll fall right off the vine! I'm withered, frozen, shaking....

OMASU: Of course! But, providentially, you brought along your smudgepot. That sap should rise eventually.

(The men retreat in utter defeat. Kenshin is still dry and eating his dinner, everyone glares at him so he offers his food, which Hiko snatched automatically.)

KENSHIN: (to himself) This should be interesting. I really can't wait to get home.

YAHIKO: Fire and Female! Let me tell you, they are a bad combination.

OKINA: (Seeming to get over his embarrassment) Spontaneous combustion of lust! Just you wait and see young boy!

AOSHI: And there is the Gift of Women: Moral Chaos!




ok, that's all the craziness I can think of right about now. I hope there are still people reading this....this....I uh, i can't describe it. Anyway, reviews please! Should i still continue on? chapter 4, anyone?