MAY 17

UNLUCKY WORLD! WHY DO THE GODS HATE ME SO, THAT THEY MUST TEAR MY ONLY SON, THE ONLY ONE I WILL EVER HAVE, FROM ME? LIKE HIS FATHER, HE WILL NEVER COME BACK. I CAN SEE IT NOW. AND WHO WILL STOP THE SUITORS FROM FORCING THEIR WILL ON ME? IMPUDENT BEASTS - I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM.

I DO NOT, AS TELEMACHUS SUPPOSES, REFRAIN FROM MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF LOYALTY TO ODYSSEUS, WHO IS NEVER COMING BACK. BESIDES, HE TOLD ME TO MARRY WHEN TELEMACHUS GREW A BEARD, AND HE HAS. I AM UNDER NO OBLIGATIONS TO A LONG- DEAD MAN.

NO, THE REASON I DO NOT REMARRY IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. ODYSSEUS WAS PRETTY MUCH A PERFECT MAN WITH A KIND DISPOSITION AND MORE INTELLIGENT THEN NEARLY ALL OTHERS. NONE OF THESE SUITORS WOULD COMPARE. NOT ONLY ARE THEY NOT AS GOOD AS ODYSSEUS, THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

I DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED TO ONE OF THEM. THEIR FLOWERY SPEECHES WOULD BE ATTRACTIVE - IF I WERE TWENTY YEARS YOUNGER, AN INNOCENT YOUNG WOMAN. I'M NO MODEST PRETTY FLOWER, EVEN IF MY LOOKS HAVEN'T AGED.

I'M OLDER NOW, AND MORE CAPABLE. I KNOW HOW TO RUN A HOUSEHOLD AS WELL AS A MAN. I DON'T NEED ANOTHER MAN TO WORRY ABOUT. IF ODYSSEUS CAME BACK I WOULD BE MORE GLAD THAN CAN BE IMAGINED, BUT HE WON'T. AND THEN, THERE'S THE FACT THAT THE SUITORS ARE EATING US OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME. THEY THINK IT'S ALL THEIRS, AND ANTINOUS SAYS THEY WON'T LEAVE UNTIL I CHOOSE ONE OF THEM.

I HAVE PUT THEM OFF FOR NOW, SAYING I MUST WEAVE A SHROUD FOR LAERTES, AND WILL CHOOSE WHEN I AM DONE. EVERY NIGHT I UNRAVEL ALL MY WORK.

I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLES. WHY MUST I CRY NOW FOR MY SON, TOO? IMMORTAL GODS WHO NEVER HEAR MY PRAYER, NO MATTER HOW MANY SACRIFICES I MAKE, HEAR MY PRAYER NOW, THOUGH I MAKE NO SACRIFICE. BRING TELEMACHUS HOME TO ME. I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER LOVED ONE SWALLOWED BY THE WAVES. PENELOPE

JUNE 1

I AM CONFINED NOW TO THE WOMEN'S QUARTERS, BETRAYED THOUGH NOT BETROTHED. ANOTHER PERSON WAS LOOKING THROUGH MY DIARY, MELANTHO THIS TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HER. SINCE THE SUITORS ARRIVED, SHE SHIRKS HER WORK AND FLIRTS WITH THE MEN ALL DAY, BEHAVING MOST DISGUSTINGLY AND GETTING DRUNK ON MY BEST WINE.

AND NOW, SHE HAD TOLD THEM OF MY SHROUD, AND I CANNOT GO DOWNSTAIRS FOR FEAR OF MEETING THEM. I MOVE THE POSITION OF THIS DIARY EVERY DAY SO THAT IT IS NOT DISCOVERED. ONE OF MY BEST HIDING SPOTS IS UNDER THE RUG UNDER MY BED. BUT ALL THIS IS TRIVIAL. WHAT WILL I DO ABOUT THE SUITORS? I CAN'T PUT THEM OFF ANY LONGER.

JULY 19

I'VE BEEN OCCUPIED BY THINKING, PRETENDING TO THINK, DESPAIRING, HATCHING PLANS, AND GREETING GUESTS. MY BEST NEWS IS THAT TELEMACHUS IS BACK! HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE ODYSSEUS IS, STILL, AND IS TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED. HE WAS EVEN MORE AGHAST TO LEARN OF MY NEW PLAN.

I CAN DENY THE SUITORS NO LONGER. I WILL FETCH ODYSSEUS' OLD BOW, SO MASSIVE ONLY HE COULD STRING IT (I COULD, TOO, BUT NO ONE EVER KNEW THAT). I WILL TELL THE SUITORS THAT WHOEVER CAN STRING THAT BOW AND SHOOT AN ARROW THROUGH THE HANDLES OF SOME OLD AXES SHALL WIN MY HAND (THOUGH NOT MY HEART).

I DOUBT ANY SUITOR WILL ACCOMPLISH IT, IN WHICH CASE THEY WOULD LEAVE ME BE. IF ONE CAN, THAN AT LEAST THE MAN WHO TAKES ME WILL BE A STRONG ONE, NOT WEAK LIKE THAT FAT FOOL EURYMACHUS.

IN THE MEAN TIME, I HAVE A NEW PERSON TO TALK TO, AN OLD BUT HANDSOME BEGGAR WHO HAS BEEN FREQUENTING OUR HALLS AS OF LATE. HE KNEW ODYSSEUS ONCE. I LIKE THE MAN, WHO IS OLD AND HAS A STORY SAD AS MINE. THE SUITORS TREAT HIM ABOMINABLY, THOUGH. SOMEDAY I SHALL GO CRAZY AND RUN AROUND WITH A BATTLE AXE AND KILL THEM ALL. I FEAR THAT IF I THINK ABOUT THIS I WILL ACTUALLY DO IT. PENELOPE

JULY 21

I SET UP THE AXES TODAY, FEELING SICK. TELEMACHUS OFFERED TO TAKE CARE OF THE CONTEST AND I WAS GLAD TO OBLIGE. I AM GOING WHAT MAY BE MY LAST NIGHT ALONE IN THIS BED. I THINK A GOD HAS SHOWERED SLUMBER UPON ME, I AM EXHAUSTED IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. PENELOPE

LATER

IT STILL SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO ME. I WAS WOKEN, FEELING RATHER GROGGY, BY EURYCLEIA, WHO WAS SCREAMING LIKE A MADWOMAN. "HALLO! HALLO!" SHE CRIED. "GET UP YOUR PADY, LENELOPE, I MEAN YOUR LADY, PENELOPE. GET UP! ODYSSEUS IS BACK, HE'S KILLED ALL THE SUITORS, HE'S LOOKING FOR YOU!" NATURALLY, I ASSUMED SHE HAD GONE MAD. BUT SHE CONVINCED ME FINALLY TO GO DOWNSTAIRS.

AN ASTONISHING SIGHT MET MY EYES. THE HALL WAS CLEAR OF SUITORS, AND THE FLOOR STAINED RED. A MAN MY AGE WHO LOOKED LIKE ODYSSEUS WAS THERE WITH MY SON. HE LOOKED LIKE ODYSSEUS ONE MOMENT, AND THE NEXT JUST ANOTHER MAN, ALTHOUGH A HANDSOME ONE. I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT ODYSSEUS LOOKED LIKE, REMEMBERED ONLY A HANDSOME GOD WHO LOVED ME.

TELEMACHUS YELLED AT ME TO SAY SOMETHING TO MY HUSBAND, BUT THE MAN WHO SAID HE WAS ODYSSEUS SHOOED HIM OFF. THEN I SAT AND LOOKED AT HIM, AND HE AT ME. WHY COULDN'T HE SAY SOMETHING? THE OLD ODYSSEUS I KNEW WAS QUICK WITH WORDS. EVENTUALLY HE SPOKE, IN THE VOICE I THOUGHT I REMEMBERED, BUT NOT TO ME. HE TOLD EURYCLEIA TO MAKE HIM UP A BED OUTSIDE, SO HEARTLESS WAS I.

HOW RUDE COULD HE BE? I DECIDED TO SEE IF HE STILL REMEMBERED ANYTHING ABOUT OUR HOME, AND TOLD EURYCLEIA TO PUT THE BED OUTSIDE. HE BECAME ANGRY INSTANTLY, ASKING IF SOMEONE HAD CHOPPED THE BED APART. HE REMEMBERED! I TOLD HIM TO COME UP TO OUR ROOM (IT WAS OURS AGAIN). I WAS HAPPY OF COURSE, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I THOUGHT I WOULD BE.

AS HE LAY NEXT TO ME, HE TOLD ME OF ALL HIS ADVENTURES. I WON'T WASTE WORDS ON THEM HERE, SOMEONE'S SURE TO MAKE AN EPIC POEM OF THEM. "WELL," I SAID WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM, "I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK." I WASN'T. I FELT THREATENED BY HIM. WITH HIM GONE, I HAD BEEN THE AUTHORITY. NOW, HE WAS TAKING CONTROL AGAIN.

"YOU KNOW, PENELOPE," HE SAID RATHER SADLY, "YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE WHAT I REMEMBER." AND THEN IT HIT ME. THE WAY, WITHOUT HIM, I HAD GROWN APART INTO A MATURE WOMAN, AND THOUGHT OF HIM AS AN ALOOF GOD, HE TOO HAD BECOME AND INDEPENDENT MAN, NOT TIED DOWN TO HOME, WHO THOUGHT OF ME AS SOME DISTANT LOVELY GODDESS. IT ALSO HIT ME THAT I NO LONGER LOVED HIM.

THEN, HE TOLD ME HE WAS OFF AGAIN. AT FIRST I WAS RELIEVED, BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT LEAVING AGAIN COULD ONLY HARM OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD TO TAKE AN OAR, WALK SO FAR INLAND THAT HE MET A PERSON WHO CALLED THE OAR A FAN FOR WINNOWING GRAIN. THEN HE WAS TO BURY THE OAR AND MAKE SACRIFICES TO POSEIDON, THAT HE MIGHT DIE AN OLD MAN AT HOME.

BY THEN, I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO SAY, AND I HAD THE COURAGE TO SAY IT. "I'M GOING." IT TOOK A WHILE TO CONVINCE HIM, BUT I WOULDN'T BACK DOWN. I WAS GOING WITH HIM. JUST THE TWO OF US. TELEMACHUS WILL STAY AT HOME AND MANAGE THINGS; IT WILL BE GOOD PRACTICE FOR HIM. WE LEAVE TOMORROW MORNING. ODYSSEUS IS SLEEPING NOW. I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED, AND I WOULDN'T LET HIM NEAR ME. PENELOPE

JULY 22

WE LEFT EARLY TODAY, JUST THE TWO OF US. WE ARE DRIVING IN A CART PULLED BY THE ANIMALS TO BE SACRIFICED. WE BORROWED A BOAT, TOO, AND LEFT TO GO ONTO THE MAINLAND. WE'D NEVER FIND SOMEONE IGNORANT OF WATER ON AN ISLAND. WE GOT TO THE LAND LATE AT NIGHT, AND DROVE TO MENELAUS' HOME, WHERE WE RECEIVED A WARM WELCOME.

I AM NO LONGER ANGRY AT HELEN. SHE DID NOT LOVE HER HUSBAND, AND SHE FOUND A MAN SHE LOVED MORE. WHY SHOULD THAT BE A CRIME WHEN MEN OFTEN TAKE A WOMAN ON A RAID IF SHE CATCHES THEIR FANCY? WE ARE SLEEPING IN TWO OF THE SPACIOUS GUEST BEDROOMS, SEPARATELY. THIS IS MY IDEA, NOT HIS. PENELOPE

JULY 23

WE LEFT MID-AFTERNOON, AFTER RECEIVING A GOLDEN WINE GOBLET EACH, AS WELL AS NEW ROBES FOR ME AND A NEW SWORD FOR ODYSSEUS. BY LATE NIGHT WE WERE IN STRANGE TERRITORY, AND WE ARE STAYING WITH PEOPLE WE DO NOT KNOW, IN A RATHER BASE LITTLE ROOM. ODYSSEUS WAS WORRIED THAT ALL THIS TRAVEL WAS TOO HARD ON ME. I ASKED HIM HOW HE THOUGHT I HAD RULED A COUNTRY FOR NINETEEN YEARS, AND HE LOOKED SURPRISED, BUT SMILED. "YOU'RE A STRONG WOMAN, PENELOPE."

I SMILED TOO. OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS CHANGED, AND WE'RE NO LONGER NEWLYWEDS. BUT WE'VE BUT TALKING ALL THE TIME, AND I'M BEGINNING TO KNOW HIM BETTER AS WELL AS VICE VERSA. WE'VE BOTH CHANGED, BUT WE'VE CHANGED IN SIMILAR WAYS, AND THAT'S GOOD. AND WE'RE FINDING OLD THINGS TO LAUGH AT AND RECREATING NEW MEMORIES. I SHOWED HIM A FEW PAGES OF THIS DIARY AND HE READ IT CAREFULLY AND WITHOUT LAUGHING LIKE HIPPODAMIA.

JULY 28

I'VE BEEN TOO TIRED TO WRITE, BUT WE'VE FOUND IT! WE WERE IN A WHEAT FIELD AND APPROACHING A VINEYARD WHEN A YOUNG MAN APPROACHED US, SAYING, "HAVE YOU COME TO HELP WITH THE WORK? IS THAT WHY YOU BROUGHT THE WINNOWING FAN?" ODYSSEUS THANKED HIM OVER AND OVER, AND THE BOY LEFT, PUZZLED.

THEN, ODYSSEUS MADE THE SACRIFICES AND I HELPED, INSTEAD OF SHRINKING LIKE I USED TO. THEN, WE WENT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE BOY AND EXPLAIN WHAT HAD HAPPENED. WE WILL GO HOME TOMORROW.

AUGUST 3

WE ARE HOME, FOR GOOD, THIS TIME. I HAVE GONE ON A REAL JOURNEY, AND, ACCORDING TO ODYSSEUS, I HANDLED IT BETTER THAN ANY OF HIS MEN WOULD HAVE. WE ARE A REAL FAMILY AGAIN NOW, AND TELEMACHUS FINALLY HAS A FATHER TO LOOK UP TO.

ODYSSEUS AND I? WE'RE GETTING ALONG BETTER. WE RESPECT, LIKE, AND TRUST EACH OTHER. IT'S NOT EXACTLY LOVE, BUT WE'LL GET THERE AT SOME POINT. I CAN FINALLY SAY I'M GLAD HE'S BACK.

OH, AND I'VE FORGOTTEN TO SAY. TELEMACHUS IS GETTING MARRIED! THE LUCKY GIRL IS NAUSICAA, A PHAEACIAN PRINCESS MY HUSBAND MET ON HIS TRAVELS. SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM, BUT SHE LIKES TELEMACHUS EVEN MORE. THEY DECIDED WHILE WE WERE AWAY, AND SHE'LL MOVE IN WITHIN A MONTH OR TWO. PENELOPE