BEGINNINGS

PART TWELVE



Onoril heard the sound of pounding hooves first. He shouted from the path. "They are coming! Glorfindel and Lady Galadriel are coming!" Quickly, the horses passed Onoril by and raced into the clearing.

Galadriel reined her horse to stop just feet away from Eloessa. Erestor moved to help her dismount then led her horse away to care for it. Glorfindel rode up immediately after. An older woman seated behind his saddle gripped him about the waist. Glorfindel swung his leg over his horse's neck and dropped easily to the ground. Then he lifted Calmae from his horse and led her over to where Eloessa lay.

Other riders carrying supplies dismounted a short distance away and awaited further orders from Lady Galadriel. She and Calmae kindly but firmly dismissed Elrohir and examined Eloessa. Elrohir drew aside but only a few feet. He watched their ministrations anxiously. Galadriel and Calmae conversed in voices too low to be overheard.

Galadriel stood and gestured to one of the servants who had accompanied her. He ran over to receive her instructions. He nodded, then moved toward the supplies, calling to the other workers as he went.

Quickly the servants erected a pale blue pavilion over the site where Eloessa lay. It had four walls with a hole in the top at the center so it could be kept warm by a brazier that Calmae now lit. Eloessa was gently moved to a small camp bed that had been hastily assembled for her from the stores Galadriel brought.

Galadriel drew Elrohir outside the tent while Calmae performed a more extensive examination of Eloessa.

"From what Glorfindel told me of Eloessa's injuries, it sounded as if she was too ill to be moved. So I brought the house of healing to Eloessa." Galadriel said. "Calmae is the finest healer of women and most knowledgeable midwife in Lothlorien. For all her sins in this matter, she is the best one to care for Eloessa. She loves her dearly. Together we will do all that we can for Eloessa."

Elrohir could contain himself no longer. "Will she live?" Nothing in the millennia of his existence had ever mattered as much as the answer to that question.

Galadriel was silent for a moment. "I do not know Elrohir. She is far- gone along a path from which few return. We will do our best to bring her back. The rest will be up to her. And maybe to you."

"I love her." He said simply. "There is nothing I would not do for her."

"And what about the child?" Galadriel said. "Would you accept the child wholly and completely, reserving nothing of your love and protection? A child that is not yours?" She insisted.

Elrohir gazed steadily into the eyes of his grandmother. "I love the mother with all my soul. The child will have my heart and my protection. I swear it." Galadriel looked upon him and saw the nobility and greatness of the Noldor in his face, transformed by his love for Eloessa.

"I know what price an oath can exact on the unwary oath-taker," she said. "Think before you swear."

Elrohir knelt before her and held his sword upright before his face. He swore solemnly. "I swear an oath before Manwe and the Valar that the child of Eloessa will always have my heart to cherish him and my strong arm to defend him."

There was silence in the clearing for several moments as if the forest bore testimony to the promise. Then he breathed out heavily and stood once more. "This all supposes that the father is not going to play a part in the future." He looked at Galadriel. "Tell me what really happened to her."

His grandmother said bluntly. "Eloessa was raped in the mountains by a soldier. She managed to kill him while defending herself. We think he was from Dunland. We know nothing else of him yet, except that he was an Atani, a Man. I do not know how or why, but unlike other Elven women who suffered in this way, Eloessa conceived a child."

Elrohir cried out in anguish at this news. "What curse did he cast upon her that she should suffer so? I know she did not desire a child from such a union."

"I believe that. I am glad you do, too." Galadriel smiled a little. "For Eloessa's sake, it is important that you hold her blameless in this."

"But the child was conceived out of an evil and violent act between a Man and a member of the Eldar." She pointed out. "The consequences of that union are likely to be far-reaching. For some reason, I cannot see the end of this road. The child's fate is hidden from me."

Galadriel took her grandson's hand in hers. "Lord Celeborn worries that the child might be turned to the Shadow. The fell influence of the father may be felt far into the future."

Elrohir frowned and said. "You suppose much from the birth of one small baby. Many children have foolish or evil parents and grow up to be neither. I refuse to believe a child of Eloessa could choose to serve the Darkness, no matter who the father is."

"Now," he said, "I want to see how she fares. The rest can wait." Elrohir did not take a proper leave of his grandmother, but turned on his heel and walked back into the pavilion.

Galadriel watched Elrohir walk away. "Perhaps we duel with shadows," she conceded to herself. Then she looked off into the woods. "And perhaps the Shadow duels with us."

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Galadriel pulled aside the flap of the pavilion and entered the dim, warm interior. Calmae looked up when she entered, stood and walked over to her. The nurse said in a low voice. "She has bleeding in the belly from the fall. It will be dangerous enough for the baby to be born while she has such injuries. But the child will not come and she is getting weaker. She must wake and fight or we will lose them both."

Calmae watched Elrohir, seated next to Eloessa's bed, kiss the back of the limp hand he held. She looked meaningfully at Lady Galadriel. "My lady, it is time."

"It will be at great cost to her, and to him.I hope the effort will be enough." Galadriel said. She moved to Eloessa's bed.

Elrohir looked up at her in anguish. "Please help us."

Galadriel took the hand of her grandson and laid it together with Eloessa's hand on top of her swollen stomach. "You must find her." She said to Elrohir's puzzled look.

Galadriel chanted words softly in Quenya that Elrohir had never heard before. The words were of such antiquity he had trouble making them out. Something about a journey into oblivion.before the words died away, Elrohir plunged into a suffocating darkness such as he had never known.

The darkness had a physical weight that was intensified by an overwhelming sense of despair and hopelessness. Elrohir felt as though he might drown in it and be lost forever. He struggled to make sense of where he was and what had happened.

"Find Eloessa. Bring her back." Elrohir heard his grandmother's voice. Yes, yes he would find her if he could. But where was she? What was this place?

He wondered if it could be the Halls of Mandos, the place where Elven souls awaited the Final Change of the World. But as soon as the thought occurred to him, he knew it was not.

He had sensed it from the beginning but was only now realizing the truth. He had joined Eloessa in the well of oblivion into which she had fallen in her torment over what had happened to her.

"Eloessa, my love." He called out in void. "Can you hear me? I know the truth and it doesn't matter. I will always love you and the babe.please come back to me." But there was only silence in the darkness.

Then he began to be buffeted by waves of pain and fear so violent he felt he must go mad. He cried out in despair.

Suddenly, he saw glimpses of a dark sky, blotted out at intervals by a leering face covered in a wild beard. He couldn't breathe. He was suffocating. Terror like he'd never known swamped his ability to reason or fight. Then came blinding pain and darkness.

"The legends say it is death for a Man to lay unbidden with an Immortal. Yet I have done this thing."

Elrohir heard the voice in the darkness. Rage, violation, and hate swelled together like a great red tide.

"The legends are true."

He could feel the sword in his hands. He felt its weight and heft, surprisingly heavy. He swung it with vicious satisfaction. Blood splattered across his face and hands. He could even taste some of it on his lips. Vengeance tasted hot and salty.

"The legends are true."

Tired. So tired. Can't think. So don't. Think. Sleep. Sleep forever. Oblivion.

Elrohir was drowning again. Being pulled down in to the well of darkness. It was suffocating, yet peaceful. Nothingness beckoned him deep.

He struggled upwards. Which way was up in the void? He stopped for a moment fearful he was really heading back down. Suddenly he was catapulted violently forward. He was in a room he did not recognize. Everything was terribly blurred. Distorted. A voice echoed around the chamber.

A child. No! Not a child. A shameful secret. A threat and a peril. Dark laughter haunting my dreams. The Dunlending must not win! Elrohir must never know. He is lost to me now. So lost. Help me, I am lost. Somebody, please. Please find me!

Elrohir sensed Eloessa's physical presence in the room, though the surroundings were too indistinct to pinpoint her. He heard the anguish in her voice and his heart answered it.

"Here I am, my love." He said. "You are not lost. We are together."

He perceived no response from her, but he thought he could now see a hazy outline of a figure he took to be Eloessa. He moved toward her. When he got closer, he saw that Eloessa was unkempt, sharp-featured and bent as if she were very old. She rocked back and forth on the floor muttering to herself. But she was not pregnant.

"Eloessa! Speak to me. Can you hear me?" He tried to grasp her arm to get her attention but she only shook him off. When he tried to grab her again, he found his hand was somehow turned aside. No matter how hard he tried, he could not touch her. And all the while she completely ignored him.

The rest of the room remained blurred and distorted. By trial and error he found what he thought to be the door. He tried to go through, only to find himself ending back up in the center of the room. He tried several times and always with the same result.

He slowly came back to Eloessa. He knelt down beside her. The truth finally dawned on him. He had found her. But he was not going to be able to bring her back.

He stroked her face lovingly, or rather as near to her as he was permitted. He smiled sadly. "So we will stay here together, my love. Forever, if that is your wish. I would rather be here with you than anywhere else without you."

He scooted closer to her and leaned against what felt like a wall. "Perhaps one day you will realize I am here beside you. You will reach out and let me take your hand. And we will sit here and dream together, you and I." He closed his eyes and let his great weariness overtake him at last. The figure next to him regarded him for a long moment before returning to her rocking and muttering. Unaware, Elrohir dreamed on.

He saw a green hill that looked down on a spot he knew well. Rivendell. On the hill, stood an Elven youth. The boy was tall but not yet fully- grown. He had a serious expression on his face. Elrohir thought the boy looked familiar. He realized suddenly that this boy had the clear light blue eyes of Eloessa, his mother, and the dark hair of his father.

Then the boy turned away from Rivendell and Elrohir saw that he had a pack and was dressed for a long journey. As the boy climbed further up the hill, a faint but steady light shone about him until he disappeared in the distance. Elrohir instinctively knew the light was the love of Eloessa and himself. Somehow he knew this light would sustain and illuminate the boy even when he traveled dark and lonely paths.

He gradually became aware of another figure some distance away. It was Eloessa. She appeared as she had the day he fell in love with her. Strong, beautiful and happy. She smiled at him lovingly. She said nothing but turned away and followed her son up the hill. Elrohir shouted "Eloessa", but no sound came out of his mouth. He could not follow her. "Please don't leave me here alone," he cried silently.

A hand shook him awake. He was back in the room with Eloessa. The room was dim but all the details were visible and sharp. Her hair was tangled and her face smudged, but there was full awareness in her eyes. And she was touching him! He grabbed her close and kissed her.

She returned the kiss but pulled away long before he was ready for it to end. She said, half in laughter and half in tears, "I love you, too. Oh, I do. But we must go back now. Hurry. There is not much time." She seemed to grimace in pain.

Elrohir looked down and realized she appeared pregnant again. And the event looked imminent.

Eloessa took his hand and caressed it against her cheek. "You came and found me. You did not give up even when I did. You were willing to stay even if you could never leave." She said wonderingly.

"I could not condemn you to the oblivion I chose for myself. So I had to come back and live. I want us to be together. You, me and the baby, whatever comes," she said.

Still holding his hand, she turned toward the door. She looked troubled. "You found me, but I am the only one who can take us out of this place."

They crossed the room to the door and Elrohir noticed Eloessa's steps begin to falter. He put his arm around her shoulders. "Is it the babe? Are you in pain?" She came to a complete stop but shook her head.

"I'm terrified of what's out there. I don't want to stay here. Here is only oblivion, a slow death. But out there.what if I cannot bear it? What if the baby does turn out to be the threat they all think he is?" She looked fearfully at Elrohir. "What if you decide you don't want us?"

Elrohir looked at her seriously but with his love shining in his eyes. "We go or stay at your command, my lady. Either way, I will not leave you. Know that and take courage. I have faith in you, little warrior." He kissed the tip of her nose and then stepped away, allowing her to make the choice.

She smiled through her tears and faced the doorway. She took one step and then another. She held out her hand to her beloved and together they stepped out into the unknown.

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Elrohir paced outside the pavilion in the woods along the bank of the Anduin. Glorfindel leaned against a tree and watched with a mixture of worry and amusement.

Something strange had happened to Elrohir inside the tent this morning. When he had come out, Elrohir had been white with weariness but somehow more at peace than Glorfindel had seen him since their arrival in Lothlorien. So the older Elf ventured some gentle teasing.

"Despite the fondness of expectant fathers for this tradition, it has never been proven that pacing helps the birthing process in any way." Glorfindel commented blandly.

Elrohir whirled on his friend and might have said something rude, but he caught the affection and the concern in Glorfindel's face. Elrohir sighed and walked over to stand next to his friend.

"You're right. It's just I love her so much. And we've come so far.and, and what in the name of Eru could be taking so long!" Elrohir turned and began to pace again.

He remembered little after following Eloessa out the door in the dream until he woke slumped next to her on the bed in the pavilion. Eloessa had been awake, too and in the throes of intense labor.

It had been difficult for him to watch. But he noticed that she seemed to strain to hide from him how much it hurt. He told her to stop worrying about him and do what she must to bring their son into the world safely.

Eloessa and Calmae had traded doubtful looks as if they worried whether his delicate sensibilities could take it. He became irritated, but Galadriel said, "He is right. Let him stay and if he can stand it, let him help. If his strength fails him, I will have him removed like so much excess baggage."

Elrohir swallowed his incipient outrage and sat back down next to Eloessa. "Hold my hand if you like and squeeze as hard as you need to. Don't worry about me." He offered his hand confidently.

Then the next series of contractions hit. The vice-like grip she wrapped around his hand, and how much it hurt confounded him. And why hadn't anyone told him to take off his ring? He was sure it had been ground into his finger down to the bone. In fact, he suspected the finger might be broken. But he knew he could have withstood that. It wasn't much worse than the time he'd taken an Orc arrow in his leg, after all.

Still, who would have thought a nicely brought up Elf girl knew language like that? That shook his composure a bit. And when she declared at the top of her voice that all men should be gelded with the same rusty sword, he beat a hasty retreat. Nobody seemed to notice his departure.

So for the last couple of hours he had worn a new path along the Great River, hoping for the best and fearing the worst. She had seemed alert, determined and strong, if somewhat out of sorts, when he left the pavilion. Had the healing infusion Calmae gave her slowed or even stopped the internal bleeding as they hoped?

Elrohir came to rest beside Glorfindel once again. "No wonder my parents waited over a hundred years between having children. It takes that long just to recover your nerve!"

"If it's any comfort, your father did not handle the waiting any better. In fact, though Lord Elrond denies it to this day, he got quite faint when he heard he had twin sons. I had to make him sit down with his head between his knees and wave athelas under his nose." Glorfindel chuckled. "I kept some handy when Arwen was born, but he didn't need it that time."

Elrohir laughed. "I'll have to mention that to him when we get back to Rivendell." He said thoughtfully, "I hope he will accept the rather sudden appearance of a bride and grandchild all at once. We will probably marry here in Lorien. I wonder when her brothers will get back." his voice trailed off as he heard a great moan of pain from inside the tent.

He rushed forward through the flap of the pavilion. He stopped and watched in fascination as Eloessa's son made his first appearance in Middle Earth. The baby was covered in blood and a white chalky substance. He had a great deal of dark hair and seemed mightily displeased to be so rudely thrust into the wide world. Elrohir thought he looked wonderful.

Then he looked at the woman he loved more than life. She was pale and her hair was tangled and sweaty. He thought she looked wonderful, too.

Calmae cleaned the baby off somewhat, wrapped him in clean blankets and placed the baby in his mother's arms. Though she had little color in her face, Eloessa seem to glow with an inner radiance as she cradled her son.

She seemed very tired all of a sudden, and lay back on the pillows with the baby beside her. Elrohir thought that was natural. She had worked very hard.

He went over and knelt down beside her, smiling. "So we are a family at last", he said. The baby had stopped crying and was looking up at the two adults with newborn befuddlement. "What will you name him?"

Eloessa looked up from her enthralled contemplation of the baby with some surprise. "I had not thought that far ahead." She was silent a moment. "Dunthalion, I think. Yes, he shall be called Dunthalion." She traced the tiny ears of her son, more rounded than Elf ears. But that did not catch her attention. "His ears are so delicate, I can see the shadow of my fingers through the skin," she said in wonder.

Elrohir stroked the dark hair of his son, marveling at its softness. His son. That sounded right.

He said. "When you left Rivendell, you said you left your heart in my keeping. I'm afraid I cannot give that back because I intend on keeping it forever. But I do have something to return to you." He reached inside his tunic and brought out the little leather bag that contained Eloessa's token. He put the entwined swans into her hand and closed her fingers around it.

Eloessa's eyes lit with pleasure. "My mother's brooch! She left it with me before she went into the West. She said that whatever it's earthly value, its true worth lay in the love with which it was bestowed. She warned me to choose well. But my heart chose for me; unwisely, I feared. I left this with you as a sign of my love, even though I thought it would never be returned." She smiled brilliantly at him. "And now we are together."

"We are even, you know. You have had my heart in your possession for over a century and now I surrender it to you willingly, unto the final change of the world." Elrohir kissed her lips sweetly, for she seemed too tired for passion at the moment.

All at once, she seemed not even able to hold her head up. "Could you hold the baby for a few minutes, my love? I am so tired. I don't want to drop him." Her voice had become quite weak. "Bring Calmae to me. I think something is wrong."

Elrohir, alarmed by her quick decline took the baby in his arms. He turned to find Calmae already there at his side.

"Take the baby to that side of the room. I prepared a large basket with blankets for him earlier. He will likely sleep for a few hours at least." The nurse said, moving to examine her patient.

Elrohir watched Calmae's face go nearly as white as Eloessa's as she checked under the sheets. Her hands came away bloody.

The next space of time was a blur of Calmae and Galadriel struggling to stop Eloessa's lifeblood pouring out of her. He heard Galadriel chanting and the healing power she invoked pervaded the room.

The baby in Elrohir's arms was forgotten as he watched the women battle to save the mother's life. But had anyone tried to take the small bundle of life and comfort from his arms at that moment, Elrohir would have fought them vigorously.

All of time seemed suspended for Elrohir. He could not believe he and Eloessa had fought so hard to come back and be together, to deliver the baby safely and then to have it all be in vain.

He heard Galadriel say "She put all her strength of self-healing into stopping the bleeding long enough to deliver the baby. She kept none back for herself. But she knew the risks and made her choice."

His grandmother's voice seemed to come from far away. "We just hoped Calmae's infusions of herbs would be able to stop the bleeding afterward. But it was not to be. My heart is laid upon the ground to lose her."

"Elrohir, go to her now. It will not be much longer." Galadriel put her arm around him and guided him to Eloessa's bedside.

Was it just an hour ago they had been a family with a future before them?

Eloessa was whiter than he had ever seen her. Her eyes were open, though, and seemed extraordinarily blue in her pale face. She smiled weakly at him. He sat down on the narrow bed and put the baby between them.

She looked hungrily down at her sleepy son, memorizing his features. "All that dark hair. The young maidens will adore it when it is thick and long. Like I love yours." She brought her hand up as if to touch his hair but could not complete the gesture. Elrohir caught her hand to him and kissed it. He closed his eyes and struggled not to weep.

"I think I first loved you when I knocked you off your horse. You look adorable when you are outraged." She gave a faint laugh. "But I had to grow up some before I appreciated the finer qualities, like your stubbornness and your habit of waiting until the last possible minute to declare your honorable intentions."

Elrohir laughed softly despite himself, and gripped her hand tightly.

Eloessa continued seriously "And your faithfulness, your honor, your deep and abiding love." She closed her eyes for a moment and was very still.

Elrohir cried, "Eloessa!"

After a long moment she smiled and opened her eyes. "I will wait for you in the Halls of Mandos. Do not come until you are ready, but don't be too long. I probably will not be too patient."

He felt the tears escape to run down his cheeks at last. "I will be pounding on the doors demanding to be let in as soon as I arrive."

"If they think your approach too bold and rude, look for a window in the back, high up. You will see me climbing down a rope I have woven of my golden hair so that I might run off with you." Eloessa's breath caught a little and she coughed. But her eyes still twinkled. "You will see. We will be together again. This time I promise."

With a great effort she cuddled her son close to her. "The vision of him on the hill above Rivendell. I shared that vision with you, Elrohir. It made me realize something I should have known long ago."

She looked up at him, willing him to believe and understand. "The night of the attack, I was thinking about you. I desperately wanted to be with you and have a family. I dreamed of giving you a child. I believe Dunthalion is in spirit the child we would have had. There is no evil in him."

She grasped Elrohir's hand weakly. "Can you believe that? For my sake? And his."

He kissed her lips gently. "Yes, I believe that. I have already sworn to protect him and cherish him all the days of his life." He then carefully laid out full length on the bed beside her. He gathered her and the baby in his arms.

She smiled in relief and lay back her strength nearly spent. She was quiet for a time. Then softly, she began to sing to her son.

Find your rest. Find your rest. Sweetest little one. Facing West. Ever blessed.

When you rise. You will see. All of Lothlorien. Riding Papa's knee.

Find your rest. Find your rest. Sweetest little one. Facing West. Ever blessed.

Her voice became fainter and then trailed off. Elrohir took up the lullaby in a clear deep voice.

Find your rest. Find your rest. Sweetest little one. Facing West. Ever blessed.

When you rise. Take Mama's hand. And you will stand. In the Lady's garden.

Calmae and Galadriel watched silently from across the room. Calmae had tears running down her face. She saw Eloessa's hand go limp and slowly fall open, the mithril brooch she held glinting softly in the dim light. There was no longer even the faintest rise and fall of breathing. Still Elrohir sang.

"My lady, do you see.,"Calmae asked quietly. "Do you think he yet knows?"

"Yes, Calmae," said the Lady of the Golden Wood. "He knows."

Find your rest. Find your rest. Sweetest little one. Facing West. Ever blessed. Sweetest little one.