Disasterpiece Theater
We have candy corn! Yayness!
We're still taping from the Agianna apartment. Hey, when FOX goes on summer hiatus, so do we. Anyway, Lia's chilling because she's done working for the summer and there's still one last golden week before school.
"Hey there, welcome to another weekend of Disasterpiece Theater. If you haven't already figured it out, I'm your host, Lia. Why must school start before Labor Day? They hate us. They really, really hate us. Oh well, at least I (the actual human being behind the animated girl) only have 180 days and not 240 like the Japanese crew. So…let's get this show on the road. Our fabulous person of the day is…Gatomon."
~*~
Gatomon was snoozing on a sunny patch of carpet, trying desperately to ignore the furious scratching of Miko as he played with the cat tree. Tai and Kari were off somewhere in the house, doing who-knows-what. There was the sound of a kitchen drawer being opened, the brief sound of rummaging, and then…
"WHAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"
Note: That is the exact sound my sister Christy made when
such a thing happened.
"Kari? What is it? What's wrong?" Gatomon asked, getting up from her nap. Tai came running into the room as well, his younger sister in hysterics.
"I TOUCHED A MOUSE! IN THE DRAWER!" she shrieked, clutching her hand.
Gatomon grinned. "Mouse? Where?"
"I don't know! I put my hand in to get the ice cream scoop and I touched it and then it jumped out of the drawer and went Kami-knows-where!"
Tai went into another drawer and pulled out the yellow pages. "Looks like we'll have to call an exterminator. Of all the times for our parents to go visit our grandma."
"I can do it! I can get rid of them!" Gatomon offered.
"Nah, we should really get a professional," Tai stated, flipping through the huge phone book.
"I AM A PROFESSIONAL!"
But Tai had already found one and was dialing the number as Gatomon walked the perimeter of the kitchen.
Agumon came in, after finally paying attention to the commotion. He waddled over towards the sink and stopped, scrutinizing the counter.
"Who spilled the chocolate sprinkles?"
"Agumon," Gatomon sighed. "Those are mouse pellets, not sprinkles."
"Ew! I almost ate mouse poop?"
"Yup."
Tai hung up the phone and grabbed his shoes. "Okay, I'm heading over to Matt's, Kari…um…I don't know, go see if Yolei's home or something. You two can stay here…try to stay out of sight so the exterminator doesn't freak out."
"Yes Tai!" the monsters chorused.
~*~
No sooner did they leave; Gatomon picked up the phone and hit the redial button.
"Gatomon, whaddya doing?" Agumon questioned, watching as their little rodent friends scampered across the counter.
"Hold on a sec. Hi, this is Mrs. Kamiya, I'm calling to cancel the extermination…the problem has been taken care of. Yes, yes, I'm sure. Thank you."
"Why'd you cancel? There are still mice in the house!"
Gatomon grinned Cheshire Cat style. "There won't be for long."
~*~
Gatomon went into a kitchen drawer and pulled out a frying pan. And a colander, a jar of peanut butter, double stick tape, and a ball of string. Agumon and Miko watched as she set up her "traps".
"Hey, uh, Gatomon? What's all of that for?" Agumon asked.
Miko (in cat, this is translated for your convenience) added, "Yeah! I thought humans used those things with the cheese that go SNAP!"
"Well, we don't have those. We have a colander on a string that'll snap down on them when they trigger this thing here…" Gatomon indicated the device. "And a homemade glue trap with double stick tape. The peanut butter is the bait."
Of course, mice are somewhat intelligent and totally avoided a trigger string and a wad of double stick tape. So basically all Gatomon succeeded in doing was create a huge mess.
"Gatomon, maybe you should just call back the exterminators," Miko said nervously, twitching like the neurotic housecat he is.
"No way. I'm getting these mice my way."
She picked up the frying pan and tied a camouflage-print bandanna around her head, letting out a Van Fanel shriek and running after mice, flailing the pan around.
Meanwhile, Agumon was trying to get out of the house.
"Hello? Hello? Joe? Hello?"
The acclaimed toilet poet was speaking into a large mouse, not the phone.
"YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!" Gatomon cried, Xena-style as she attempted smacking a mouse. She slipped in a wad of peanut butter and went flying, crashing into the cleaning supply cabinet.
"Now will you call the exterminator?" Miko yowled.
"Never!"
And with that, Gatomon went back to her drawing board, set up in Kari's room right next to the cat tent.
~*~
Twenty minutes and a phone call later, Gatomon had gotten her hench-cats from Gotham City to drop off a handful of smoke bombs, a hamster cage, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
"Now what?" Agumon asked, watching Gatomon throw peanut butter cups into the hamster cage.
"I put smoke bombs in the mouse holes like this…" she set off the bomb and rolled it into the hole. "…and the mice will run out and into the cage because they can smell the peanut-buttery chocolaty goodness!"
Of course, not everything can go according to plan. Turns out the mice rolled the smoke bomb back out of the hole, filling the Kamiya apartment with smoke. The two digimon and the cat stumbled around blindly. Agumon got stuck in the hamster cage after trying to eat the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
"Curse you, mice! And Ultra Peepi!"
"Who's Ultra Peepi?" Miko asked.
"Quiet, GIR! We must stop Dib…I mean, shaddup, Miko!"
All hail Jhonen and the ZIM.
~*~
The floor was covered in mice now, and the situation was getting tense. Miko retreated to the top of the cat tree, and Agumon had shut himself in Tai's closet. Gatomon continued to ponder how to stop the mice invasion. Then, she had an idea. Mr. Kamiya kept one of those shop vacuum cleaners in the closet for when stuff floods because, let's face it, Tai's not the brightest bulb and he's been known to leave the tub running. Gatomon grabbed the vacuum and switched it on. Mice were sucked up into the tank by the dozens, letting out pitiful squeaks. Gatomon laughed maniacally, as one by one the mice were sucked up into the cavernous pit of the vacuum. But soon, the vacuum grew too full, and in a shower of dirt and rodent it exploded.
"Rats!"
"Gatomon, they're mice," Miko pointed out from the top of the cat tree.
"I KNOW THAT!"
Gatomon got one more brilliant idea. She turned on the computer, logged onto the Internet, and hooked up the ol' digiport.
"Yo, Arukenimon, get your lazy spider bum out here!" she snapped.
"It's Archnemon! How many times must I tell you that? And what do you want, I'm trying to be dead here!"
"I know you have that stupid flute that controls insect digimon, but you think you can do a little Pied Piper of Hamlin bit for me? I'll pay whatever you want!"
Archnemon grinned. "If you can get rid of Mummymon, it's a deal."
So Arukenimon…I mean, Archnemon, hopped out of the computer with her flute. Meanwhile, Gatomon was trying to dump Mummymon off on that Mummies Alive show.
"And just how is the scary spider chick going to get rid of all of these mice?" Miko asked. The Mickey Mouse Club theme song started playing (from that flute of hers) and the mice started following the poorly dressed arachnid. Yup, they followed her right into the digiport, and right to the WB website, where they were left on the Cubix set. (Because really, who names their robot Cubix?!)
"Is it over?" Agumon asked timidly, coming out of the closet.
"You bet your Black Wargreymon!" Gatomon said cheerfully.
"THANK AZULONGMON! IT'S OVER!"
~*~
Tai and Kari came back later that afternoon to find a spotless, mouse-free apartment.
"Stupid Matt, I should've known he'd have the girlfriend over. And both of them beat me at cards."
"Stupid Yolei, I should've known she'd try and take me boy-stalking. And T.K. being the target. I'm in so much trouble now."
Gatomon was in the kitchen, leaning against the counters on the floor when a mouse scampered by. She grabbed it, popped it in her mouth and swallowed it before the Kamiya children took notice.
"Gatomon, the house is spotless! Those exterminators must've done a great job!" Kari cried.
Gatomon pulled a toothpick out from behind her ear and stuck it in her mouth. "Oh yes, they did."
~*~
"That ends another Disasterpiece. I actually got this one from a reader challenge. I'm sorry I didn't put it up sooner, but that's the way the names are drawn. This has been Lia Agianna for Disasterpiece Theater. I'm going back to bed."
~*~
Eh. Another day of
lawn mowing.
