Invading the Fellowship
Part Twenty-Three
"So…er…Leaf, is it? Are you sure this is the way?" Merry looked around. "That tree looks familiar. I think we passed it three times already…"
"Hey, do you guys trust me or not?" Leaf glared at Merry. Ivan was about to say something, but Pippin clamped his hand over his mouth.
"Yeah, we trust ya. Sorry," Pippin mumbled.
"Good." Leaf looked around for a minute as if searching for something. "Oh yeah!" Fluttering to a door, he mumbled something in Tree Breeze. The trees suddenly parted, and a long, winding hall appeared before them. "This way."
"Hey, cool." Merry looked around the hall.
"You there, shorty," Leaf called to Merry. "Keep up! Yous don't wanna keep da boss waiting!"
._.; Riiiiiiiight… Pippin thought to himself.
"You, Hedgestash! Open up!" Leaf hollered in an intercom.
"Yes, sir," a woman's voice came, the doors opening.
"Hey, Hedge-mama, how you doin'?" Leaf floated by. "We wanna see Treebeard."
"Stop the sarcasm." Hedge, an old dying bush, started coughing. "I gotta quit smokin'…anyway, he's having a meeting with George Bush right now. You'll have to wait."
***
"…and this painting over here…" Some Other Guy was busy giving Megan, Draco, and the rest a tour of Faramir's Traveling Museum of Mysterious…stuff.
"This place sucks." Draco sat in a fancy cart while Sam was dragging him around. Gollum was busy sniping out some rats that had snuck in. "I wanna go home!"
"Oh, shut up, Draco." Megan looked back at him.
"Shut up Draco, nyah, nyah, nyaaaah." Draco made faces once Megan's back was turned.
"Draco's making faces at you!"
"What? I am not!"
"Don't make me come back there!" Frodo threatened.
"…He started it!"
"I did not! You did!"
"If you don't settle down right now, I'll turn this Fellowship around!"
"…Sorry, Frodo," Draco and Sam grumbled.
"But he did start it!" Draco added quickly.
***
"Great. NOW where are we?" Renee looked around the forest. "We've passed the same tree THREE TIMES already!"
"Calm down, Renee-sama. One does not gain anything by impatience." Haldir sat down in front of a tree and started chanting.
"Oh, for the love of Gondor…" Renee, deeply agitated, sat down on a nearby rock.
"SASEINAKUKEN!" Haldir suddenly leapt up. He slashed his sword in a weird pattern, the leaves and trees surrendering. Landing lightly on the ground, he sheathed his sword.
"That was LISSE'!" Renee jumped up. "Teach me that!"
"One must learn patience first, young grasshopper." Haldir began to walk down the path.
"Aw…" Sighing, Renee leaned against—a door. It suddenly opened. "Haldir-sama!"
"Ah, the entrance." Haldir followed her in.
"Renee!" Pippin called. "Over here!"
"PIPPIN!" Renee ran over, Haldir behind her. "You guys waiting for Treebeard?"
"Yeah, but he's having a meeting right now," Merry sighed.
"Great." Renee sat at the table next to Pippin. "So, ya miss me, Pip?" She rested her chin on the palm of her hand, her elbow on the table.
"Of course I did. You miss me?" Pippin did the same thing. They sat fluttering their eyelashes at each other.
"X.X Oh, Gondor…" Merry slapped his hand on his face and shook his head, while Dew chewed on his backpack.
***
"What the heck were ya thinking!?!" #6 slapped Dennis.
"T.T I'm sorry!" Dennis started crying, hiding under the table.
"u.u Oh, it's all right…" #8 sighed. "Just get out here and help us go after the Ring."
"Can I wear it?" Dennis grinned.
"…What would the world be like if he had the Ring?" #2 thought aloud.
"HELL!" #3 chucked Dennis on a hippogriff. "Now let's get going. I'm outta shampoo!"
***
"We've got chocolate-covered frogs, chocolate-covered ants, chocolate-covered beetles, chocolate-covered antelopes…" The pimple-covered wizard droned on behind the counter.
"Antelopes! ^_^" Katie squealed. "Link, will you buy me some chocolate-covered antelopes?"
"Yeah, I guess." Link blinked. "You guys take MasterCard?"
"Yeah. We also take Discovery, Visa, Microsoft…"
"O.o Microsoft?" Orli raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, can I have this?" Sami pulled a green rupee out of Link's pocket.
"Um…okay."
"Yay!" Sami shoved it in her pocket. "You have the candy, Orli?"
Yes, love." Orli called from behind a huge stack of boxes.
"You gotta 'nuff candy to last a lifetime." Katie shoved an antelope into her mouth.
"oOo! Chocolate-covered squirrels!" Legolas grinned evilly.
"-.- Um…yeah." Harry appeared and shoved one up Legolas's nose.
"/ Harry, you ditched me!" Katie pouted.
"Oh. Sorry 'bout that." Harry walked off towards the Three Broomsticks again.
"Hm?" Sami picked up her plothole. "Hello?"
-[.x.x.]-
"Hey, it's me." Renee leaned back in her chair. "We're at Treebeard's with the others."
"Yay!" Sami cheered.
"I WANNA TALK TO IVAN!" Katie's voice could be heard in the background.
"I'm gonna get massacred in a minute…give Ivan the plothole."
"'Kay. Here, kid." Renee handed Ivan the plothole.
"Hi." Dew sat in the middle of the table, staring at Pippin.
"……You're creeping me out…" Pippin started to sweat. Dew said nothing, just kept staring. "Stop it, man! You're freaking me out!" Pippin kicked his chair over. Dew still sat there.
"Hey, quiet over there!" Hedge coughed out her spleen. It sprouted legs and ran away.
"SHE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!" Pippin ran and hid behind Renee.
"Chill out, dude. She's four inches tall." Renee huggled Pippin.
"Here. It's Sami again." Ivan politely handed the plothole back to Renee and sat down.
"Thanks. Wha?" A frying pan flew out of the plothole and hit George Bush in the head.
"Sorry, Legolas did that." Sami's voice returned.
"That's okay. We're gonna go see Treebeard now. We'll meet up with you guys at Orthanc in a day or two. Bye." Renee hung up.
"Treebeard will see you now." Leaf Gôte floated by again.
"Finally." Merry and the others walked in.
"Hey, welcome." Treebeard leaned back in his chair. "You come to me on the day of my sister's planting, but what can I do for you, eh?"
"We need to get to Orthanc and we though you might help us." Merry sat down and opened a suitcase of money.
"Hey, hobbits! Shrubbery, get the hobbits somethin' to drink." Treebeard waved. "I like yous guys. All right, I'll make you an offer you can't refuse. How many are in your group?"
"Let's see…" Merry quickly counted heads. "Six, if you include the blue thing."
"Don't you be callin' me 'a blue thing,' bub," Dew spat.
"Hey, a mercuy djinn." Treebeard stroked his beard. "I'll bet you're the one they call Dew."
"Yeah, you're ol' friends with a pal o' mine named Sprite, aren't ya?"
"Yeah, I remember him. He cheated out the Dog Flower last spring! Best in my service."
"True dat, but I don't trust ya."
"Hey, you're like a sister to me! Would I cheat you?"
"Guess not. Just get us the transports and everything will work out fine." Dew kicked the suitcase across the desk.
"I will do everything in my power. Leaf!"
"Yeah, boss?"
"Get them the transports!" Treebeard slammed off the intercom. "I'll direct you there personally." He stood up, ushering them out of the room and to his private airport.
"Look boss! Da plane!" Leaf pointed. "She's all ready!"
"Leaf, you do me good." Treebeard handed him a tip, then went back inside.
"…Guys, we don't have a pilot!" Renee suddenly realized. "Damn! Gollum would come in handy right now."
"I can fly it!" Merry jumped in the cockpit, Pippin following.
"x.x Oh, great."
