Disasterpiece Theater
I'm leaving on a midnight train to Georgia…or a bus to South Carolina
Lia's broadcasting from the Agianna apartment once again, standing by her massively huge duffel-suitcase on wheels, which is bulging at the seams at the moment. Next to it is her equally massive carry-on backpack, stuffed to the brim with CDs, a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, writing/drawing utensils and her Legolas bookmarked not even half-finished copy of Fellowship of the Ring. And she's wearing her lavender girly-Kaiser glasses.
"Hey, welcome to a very special edition of Disasterpiece Theater! I'm your host, Lia, and by special demand I bring to you a special fanfic. My good friend Crayon, who's always around when need her, asked me to write a Disasterpiece entailing the heroic feats of the League of Super Authors, that ex tempore band of justice-disputing fanfic authors left from that Batpig contest. And yes, Super Hurricane, I'm aware of the fact that I haven't done the picture up. Patamon created a mishap and the original drawing got burnt. So, Crayon, here is your fic."
~*~
It was another day of dispensing online justice for the League of Super Authors, making sure that fanfiction.net was a safe place for writers everywhere. With their handy Plot Devices, the incredible foursome of Anorexic Chibi, Super Hurricane, King Weregarurumon and Crayon Person (who can now be officially renamed Crayon Girl) were busy protecting the written word.
"So…got any threes?"
"Go fish."
Okay, so maybe it was a slow day for the League of Super Authors.
Crayon Girl, cleverly disguised as mild-mannered Digimon fic-slinger Crayon, glanced over at the giant League Super Fanfic Computer. The enormously huge and super Supercomputer was starting to gather dust.
"Hey, the Fanfic Computer's really, really dusty," she observed.
King Weregarurumon rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."
"Wait…we're changing my name to Captain Obvious?"
The others shook their heads. It's been a long night of heroics; nobody really knows what they're talking about after a long night of heroics.
"Well, it doesn't help that we haven't written much lately, seeing as how we're superheroes and students who have to keep their grades up," Chibi pointed out.
Hurricane frowned. "I'm not sure if that's it. My story senses are tingling again."
"Wha? Your 'story senses?' Where did you come up with that?" Crayon asked.
Super Hurricane shrugged. "Not my fanfic, not my words."
The Super Authors quickly dusted off the Supercomputer, booted it up, and hit the Internet. Like a magical digiport to the Digital World, it transported them to the fanfiction.net universe, which looks like that white void from The Matrix.
"So…where do you think the problem's at?" Anorexic Chibi pondered, looking around.
King Weregarurumon opened up a randomly appearing file cabinet. "Where else? In Lia's plot universe. This is her fanfic series that we're in, so the problem is going to be there. Let's go, people."
And like that, they were there. Although, there wasn't much there to be at.
"The heck? Is that a wall?" Crayon Girl exclaimed, pointing to the giant slab of rock looming overhead. It was pretty all encompassing and about as bland-looking as steamed cauliflower.
"It looks pretty wall-ish to me," Super Hurricane replied.
"Knowing Lia, now would be a good time for Willis to show up."
No, Willis (or Wallace, so the joke will work) did not show up. In fact, there was no sign of any random anime life fluttering around the fic-verse, just the big giant wall.
"I'm starting to think this isn't a wall," King Weregarurumon stated.
"YOU IDIOTS, I'M NOT A WALL!" shouted the big dull mass.
"Then what are you?" questioned the League of Super Authors.
The lump of stone looked rather smug…well, about as smug as a lump of stone can look.
"I'm a Writer's Block."
"Figures."
Anorexic Chibi frowned. "But what are you doing?"
"Blocking any creativity flowing between the author and her Muse. By doing so, I have effectively halted all imagination. And I will do this until I have systematically choked the creative essence out of every fanfic author on the face of this world."
"We won't let you!" Crayon Girl shouted. "Because we're the League of Super Authors, and in the name of fanfiction.net and creativity we're going to…to…I can't think of a catchy cliché!"
The authors started to panic. This Writer's Block was trying to work its blocky voodoo on them and slowly absorb all of the randomness from their heads like a giant sponge. Or a giant SpongeBob. And it was doing a pretty good job. So good, in fact, that our heroes weren't even able to yank their Plot Devices out of hammerspace to vanquish this fiendish foe. Their Muses were suffocating slowly, but surely. Everything around them ground to a complete halt…
…that is, until the Writer's Block realized it had bitten off more than it could chew, literally. It had completely gorged itself on a group of very active, very vast imaginations, and it wasn't gonna hold anything else. Like somebody who's eaten a really big meal really fast. You've eaten so much in such a short amount of time that your body can't process it and…the Writer's Block spewed creativity as it upchucked characters, setting, plot and Plot Devices alike. Even the Super Authors' Muses were freed from their stony imprisonments, ready to whisper harebrained schemes into their owners' minds.
"Oh, for messing with Super Authors, you're gonna pay, you blockhead! Hey, I can cliché again! All right!" Crayon Girl crowed, pulling out her giant and impressive Plot Device in a well-timed sequence with her co-writers. They fired the devices, and the Writer's Block exploded into a shower of really tiny Writer's Pebbles, which were scattered through out fandom.
"We've saved the day again, Super Authors," King Weregarurumon mentioned.
"And made sure that authors can't be threatened by Writer's Blocks anymore," Super Hurricane added.
"But it makes you wonder," Anorexic Chibi said, "just where that first Writer's Block came from to begin with."
The League of Super Authors thought really hard, making one of those giant thought balloons appear. Inside was a picture of a cube-shaped planet, where a host of Writer's Blocks were standing around.
"Your Majesty, Block #18294736 has just been eradicated by a league of incredibly super authors!"
The King of the Writer's Blocks, signified by the little gold crown, looked very perturbed, or about as perturbed as a block wearing a crown can be.
"We will have our revenge. Beware, authors, beware. For the day of the Writer's Block is at hand! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
~*~
"Yes, it was weird and random! But this is Disasterpiece Theater, what more do you want? Thanks to Crayon and the League of Super Authors, because you are indeed super. For Disasterpiece Theater, I'm Lia Agianna. I'll see you all when I get back from South Carolina. Until then, enjoy this test pattern!"
The Digidestined cast lean into the frame, staring at the test pattern.
"Lia, that's one ugly test pattern," Mimi points out.
T.K. nods in agreement. "Can we change it? I mean, you should have something nicer than a black-and-white test pattern."
"What about the one with the colored bars that makes that annoying bleeping sound?" Shadowmon suggests.
"How about no?" Gatomon retorts.
Matt, being a clever Muse, rips a piece of paper out of a notebook, grabs a random marker, scrawls something, and sticks the piece of paper in front of the camera.
"GTG?" Tai reads.
"Gone to Ghetto."
Ken nods. "It's like those people in the 1800's who would write GTT, Gone to Texas, on their doors and leave because Mexico needed people to come and pop…"
"No! You're not allowed to give the explanation, I am! You know why? Because I'm the genius, not you! Do any explaining again and you'll be writing GTT on your door!" Izzy threatens. And Lia backs slowly away, hoping that somebody with a stun gun will come along and subdue the unruly crowd of cartoons.
~*~
You know, you could've put 'Gone to South Carolina.'
Because it sounds like you're on vacation, which you aren't.
I know, I think I'll end up being on a roof.
You'll end up falling off that roof too.
Don't be mean to be just because I'm going away, Matt.
You're leaving me with the lunatics again!
*grins* And what fun I'll have while I'm away.
