So I Hold on to the Wings of the Eagles

Angel rarely slept on flights. It was too dangerous to. Luckily his flight hadn't been delayed and he would be arriving in New York 20 minutes after the sun was reported to sleep. He knew from experience that the weather-board was hardly ever wrong. The airport was full of people. He hated it. His job allowed him to work at home and on the rare times he had to go into the office there were only three people. He needed all the space he could get for the hundreds of tomes that littered the bookshelves in his private sanctuary; it was the same at home. He didn't like to call it home because it never was home…not anymore. At last he spotted Gunn. He stood there, holding a white board sign with O'Conner written it. His face lit up as he spotted Angel hunched figure heading towards him.

"Angel, my man. What took ya so long?" Gunn wrapped his arms around a stiff Angel in a bear hug. Angel started to feel as if he was coming home and pounded Gunn hard on the back in return. Gunn released Angel to find a huge smile plastered on his face. "So you still smile then my man?"

"Only when around friends." Angel looked guiltily to the ground. "Gunn. About Fred. I'm sorry I couldn't save her."

Gunn clasped Angel shoulder. "Look Angel, I have forgiven you for that. Even if I was angry, 5 years is a long time to forgive a person…Vampire."

They headed out to the car that was waiting for them. The chauffeur opened the door for them and they got in to drive to Gunn's apartment.

"I hope you don't mind staying with me. It was easier to sun-proof than a hotel room. So how did you get over the whole passport thing or do I even want to know?" Angel shook his head. "Well Cordy is still up in the Hamptons with Conner but she said that you can go up there. Consider yourself luck, I've only been up there once when she first bought it but we understand that it is her private sanctuary for Conner."

"How long has she been up there for?" Angel asked, curious as to why Cordelia would hide away like that.

"Just over 2 months now. I mean she doesn't have to worry about Conner's School 'cos he is on holidays but Baby Blue is so smart that he could out do me in a pop quiz." Gunn noted Angel's confusion at the name he used for Conner. "Oh, I call him Baby Blue because his lips go blue when he get angry or frustrated. Cordy keeps telling me off, 'he's not a baby anymore…just my baby.'" Gunn mimicked Cordelia's tone.

Angel felt so left out. He kicked himself. He had given up his son, given up this life he could have had with him. Gunn looked so much more mature and his face had lost the hardness it used to contain before Fred came into his life. Gunn also looked like a man who had defied all odds and became something when he was given nothing to start from.

They arrived at the apartment building on the West side of Central Park. Angel was impressed to say the least. Gunn's apartment was covered in back-out drapes at the windows that would have usually given way to magnificent views of the city park. The apartment was furnished in style, minimalist with enough character and private accessories to make it homely. The living room was open styled with a beautifully fitted kitchen to the left. He could see the pile of cookbooks on one of the shelves and a set of complicated utensils at the bottom of it. Gunn wordlessly showed him through to the guest-room that was roughly the same size as Angel master bedroom in Chicago. It was in warm creams and ivories with dark purple bed coverings and Angel spied an en-suite bathroom off through a door that looked like a closet.

"So what do you think? I decorated myself. Me, Cordy and Conner spent a mad few weeks in here. I think that more paint went on us than on the walls. Well there are fresh towels in the bathroom and anything else just let me. I am going to order take-out. Want any?"

"Um…Lemon Chicken would be great. I'm just gonna…"

Gunn left Angel to it and went to the living-room to phone the Chinese restaurant. He noticed the picture of Cordelia and Conner that had been taken 2 years before. Conner was dressed in a schoolboy uniform and proudly holding up the graduation certificate that he proudly received early. Cordelia was glowing and Gunn remembered that they had gone to Conner's favorite ice-cream parlour, Mr Boni's, and let him eat what ever he wanted. Conner learned the important lesson of not over-indulging. He sensed Angel behind him.

"Yo man I was just gonna order the take-away. Here look at this…" Gunn handed him the picture. "This was taken when Conner graduated from pre-school. He was 2 years early. I don't know where he gets the brains. It certainly isn't from you, you walked away from the best thing you ever had…including the Slayer of your life." Gunn realised how angry he was getting and back down. "Sorry. When I see how much she hurts herself by denying everything. She never once tried to find you. Believe me she wanted to but then she realised that it might put Conner in danger. We didn't know where you were, if you were human yet or even if you were still alive. Cordy has had 5 years of pure worry but she plowed everything into Conner."

"I can imagine Gunn. The last thing I am here to do is to split up Cordelia's family. Does Conner even know about me?"

Gunn laughed briefly. "Of course he does. He knows about the Vampire thing, the father thing, what you look like, he knows what happened and he knows everything about the business. Cordelia hasn't kept anything from him, except about Darla. He believes that Cordelia is his mother but it caused confusion when he had an operation and the blood types didn't match. Luckily we had obtained fake birth certificates for him. Conner has a hole in his heart, which tore when he was 18 months old. Cordy wouldn't leave the hospital for the month they kept him in there. She looked worse than Conner when they left but Conner recovered fully and now he leads a normal life. He can even beat me at Soccer."

The catch-up between the two fighters was only interrupted by the take-away arriving and the odd scrape of mental on a plate. Angel retired to bed early and Gunn stayed up, as always, to watch the basketball reruns.

Angel didn't sleep much that night, thoughts of what might be waiting for him. Feelings were now allowed to run free through his head: Relief at Gunn's acceptance of him after everything that had happened. There were butterflies in his stomach, a disturbing emotion for a Vampire, over what would happen when he met Cordelia again. A person that was once his family, his friend and now mother to his child. The Cordelia that he had fell in love with all those years ago and never had the guts to tell her. Angel got out of bed to concentrated his energies on calming his mind. It was no longer essential since the Powers That Be sealed his soul but more out of habit. Tai Chi was something that he had started with Buffy, an automatic exercise so they could both control their dark sides. With Cordelia it was different. The exercises showed their closeness and their ability to move as one. Angel, for the first time, had found Tai Chi...FUN. Cordelia would silently reach over and tickle him just as his concentration was at it's peak. They would fall to the floor laughing and tickling back until they realised how it would look and Cordelia would withdraw away. The number of times that Angel had wanted to call her back, pull her into his arms again were too many to count and he wasn't going to make that same mistake again.

NEXT DAY
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Angel climbed into the shaded limousine that Gunn had rented for the day, and was now on his way to the Hamptons. Angel tried to imagine how Conner looked now but all he came up with was a mini version of Cordelia, which he knew wouldn't be possible. He watched as the city skyscrapers and yellow cabs gave way to the suburbs and then to, what the Americans would call, 'The Country'. This wasn't country to him but very few Americans had grown up in Gallway. Soon he could see the coast through the tinted windows. They made it look stormy and gloomy but his senses were telling him that the sun was blazing outside. In the Hamptons all the houses were different and made to look Victorian or Edwardian or a mish-mash of Gothic verses Neo-classical. Angel hated them. The limousine took a sharp turn and started towards a unbuilt part of the 'island'. The beaches were unoccupied, each one immaculately kept.

Up ahead he could see a little boy playing on the porch at the top of the beach with a giant beach ball. Angel smiled as the brown haired little boy and watched as a tall, brown-haired woman came out and bent down to talk to him, wiping his face with a cloth. A breath, long unneeded, caught in his throat as Cordelia looked up and stared at the approaching Limousine. She looked the same apart from her face. She had grown older but her face still remained beautiful and graceful. Cordeila stayed at the little boys' height and pointed out to the car, the boy's gaze following hers. They were one in the same, their near-raven hair matching, the look in their eyes, and the smiles on their faces as wide as possible. Conner stuck close to Cordelia as if to protect her in some way and Cordelia kept her arm around her sons waist as the car pulled up into the shadows at the front of the house. The beach ball was all but forgotten as the two made their way slowly through the house. Angel was already waiting in the shaded conservatory, his trademark black coat over his shoulders. He looked first at Cordelia and then at Conner's, who's hand was tightly gripping Cordelia's. She bent down to Conner's level again.

"Conner, honey. This is Angel. He's your dad."

Conner turned and looked at his Mommy and drew close to her ear. "I thought he would be bigger." They both sniggered before Conner turned to Angel. "Hello Angel. My name is Conner and this is my mommy, Cordy. Nice to meet you." Conner smiled sweetly at Angel.

Cordelia watched as Angel could do little but stare at Conner all dewy eyed. "Angel, why don't you come in? We were just going to have some lunch." Cordelia looked down at Conner. "No, you can't have Ben and Jerry's." She looked up at Angel. "He has his fathers penance for Ice Cream." She caught Angels quizzical look. "Phfft. You didn't honestly think that you could get away with sneaking Chunky Monkey when you were meant to be trying my cooking."

Angel was touched she had remembered. He felt Conner tugging at his trousers. "Go 'grrr' for me. Ple---ase." Conner pleaded.

Angel looked at Cordelia for help land she just nodded. Angel slipped on his game face and waited for Conner to run away. Instead Conner giggled in that childish way kids do and manage to shout, 'You look funny.' in between the laughs before running into the kitchen.

Angel followed them into a huge expanse of a kitchen, beautifully decorated in lime-washed pine. Cordelia had already put a frying pan on the range and was beating eggs in a glass jug. Conner had run up to the counter and was playing with the salt and pepper shakers on the counter. He added in salt and pepper then some dill from the vase of herbs.

"Why didn't he run away from my game face?" Angel asked, till confused.

"Angel, he knows what Vampires are. I mean we have a business in Vampires and not to mention...Uncle Spikey who's party trick is going 'grr'. It's normal for him." Angel watched as Cordelia swallowed 2 pills with a glass of water. "A Zuflux demon spike. Right through my spleen so it's penicillin for me now. Thank goodness for Alex Flemming eh." Cordelia joked.

"Spike said he hadn't seen you in years." Cordelia shrugged. "I had no idea. Lindsey..."

Cordelia laughed out loud. "Lindsey. Don't tell me he told you where I am. I thought he gave up on me years ago."

"He told me that you had been hospital a few times and gave up the combat for Conner's sake. But I never thought it was that bad!"

"Angel, things have always been that bad but we cope. We coped when Conner was ill, we coped when I was ill and we keep on coping. You have no idea how much we grew up when you left and we moved on. Gunn has been through hell and back again and he has the scars to prove it. Angel stop thinking this is your fault. I mean I wouldn't have Conner, Gunn wouldn't have his BMW. I guess you wanna know all about Conner." She took the omelet off the range and placed it on a plate for Conner. He was sitting at the table, ready to eat. "Now be careful Baby, it's hot."

Cordelia took Angel through to the living-room and sat him down on a couch. He looked over to the piano that sat in the corner. All the pictures glinted in the afternoon sunshine, every pose imaginable and mostly of Conner. There were some of Gunn and other people he didn't know but then again he didn't know Cordy's new life. There were pictures of Conner when he was a baby, naked as the day he was born, running away from the camera. When he was a toddler, he was finger-painting and playing in the sea. The graduation photo he had seen in Gunn's apartment and a portrait of Conner, Gunn and Cordelia hung proudly on the wall. They seemed like a real family.

"Well after you left, I sold the Hyperion to a development company. It hurt but it had to be done. We moved to New York, a whole coast away, and I had a vision of Gunn in trouble. We saved each other that night, and decided that the people in the visions still needed help. Well I was always one for helping PAYING clients wasn't I and Gunn helped me set up Chase Investigations. It took off in a big way and we now run it as a run-of-the-mill detective agency but with it's dark side. We had Wolfram and Hart problems here but I fixed if for once and for all. Test revealed that my baby had a hole in his heart and when he was 18 months old, it tore. I have never been so scared in all my life. I really thought I was going to lose him that time. We, me and Gunn, Christened him right there and then. After he came out of hospital we had to be so careful with him, he was like a china doll. Then he went to a good pre-school. He's really smart Angel. Can do the 8 and 9 multiples and everything. Of course, every time I look at him, I see you. He broods and huffs like you do...even has those damn puppy dog eyes where he knows he can get away with anything. He like Ben and Jerry's for breakfast and he likes waffles for lunch and Giles special cheesy pasta for tea. Anything else you wanna know?"

"I wanna know 5 years worth in a few hours Cordelia but I know it can't be done. That's not your fault. I should never have left him, I should never have left you." Angel paused and swallowed. It was now or never.


*Now that the world isn't ending
It's love that I'm sending to you
It isn't the love of a hero
And that's why I fear it won't do*


"Cordelia I love you. I loved from the day of the never ending dreams...even before that. I loved everything about you; your tact...or lack of." Cordelia frowned. "I loved how you filled the training room with plastic flowers so that they wouldn't die as well. I watched how you tried not to crumple when you found out about me and Darla and then helped even though you hated us both. You meant so much to me. I was gonna tell you, you know when Groo showed up but then I lost you to him...or did I ever have you?"

Cordelia looked away. All the feelings and emotions from years past came rushing over her, overwhelming her from head to toe. She saw the signs all over again. Only now she had to decide whether she would walk away again or whether she would stand up and face her feelings, not something she commonly did! She didn't have to decide there and then as Conner tugged at her trousers.

"Mommy can Angel play with my train track?

Cordelai looked at Angel and raised her patented eyebrow. "It involves using your people skills and talking like a child."

"Sure, I think I could do that for Conner."

Cordelia watched in a mixture of disbelief and wonder as Angel climbed down to the fool and played with his son, his blck dust now over the couch. He had finally took of his black duster again: That meant he was staying.

Lyrics - 'Hero' by Chad Kroeger (feat. Josey Scott)

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Someone asked about Wesley...Author says..."Wait and see!!! I have more twists and turns than a twister and I cause twice as much devastation!"