Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

We're back and better than ever!!!

            It has been months since studio 348 Q has been opened. Once used to tape a mock-up of the Super Bowl featuring reruns from the first two seasons of Digimon and Terry Bradshaw, it had been taken over by a pair of renegade fangirls and the cast from their twisted imaginations. It was used to broadcast news reports regarding new episodes of their choice of anime show, the cast running the equipment and doing the reports. The English dubbers, Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz attempted to shut it down, but failed. And now, the studio has been reopened for the first time since episode fifty of Digimon Adventure 02. Prepare for the evolution.

~*~

            The room had been repainted white, the equipment replaced with state-of-the-art machinery, and even the old reliable revolving chair at the news desk was oiled. The audience, comprised of fellow authors and fans, held their breaths in anticipation. The studio doors parted, and a lone figure walked across the empty soundstage, her blue Old Navy flip-flops clacking noisily in the dead silence. She brushed back a lock of long, dark hair and approached the chair. Upon sitting in it, the computer chair rolled back violently, causing the girl to flip backwards and fall over onto the ground.

"OW! Goddamn, I told the interns to oil it, not supercharge the damn thing!"

She clamored up into the well-lubricated rotating chair and leaned over on the spotless white counter.

"Welcome to the Weekly Digimon Reports, Version 2.0. I'm your host, Lia Agianna, and welcome to the age of the Tamer."

The room exploded in an uproar of cheers, and the random task digimon bodyguards had to be brought in to keep the audience under control.

            Lia grinned. "Well, it's good to be back in this chair, even if it is screwed now. As you'll see, the place has changed, and so have the Reports. But there's one thing that will never, ever change."

She hit a button on the desk in front of her, lifting a garage door in the back, next to the bleachers where the audience was positioned. Fourteen figures walked in, their faces solemn.

"That's right, gang! Like hell you're getting rid of us that easily!" Tai shouted triumphantly.

Girls in the crowd started shrieking and throwing panties at various cast members, most prominently Matt and Ken.

Kari, Yolei, and Davis were towards the back, counting out large wads of cash.

            "All right, let's get started. The first recap of the new season of Digimon goes to Matt, namely because he was the highest bidder in the auction. Matt?"

"Okay, here goes. The hour-long special mainly focused on new goggle boy, Takato. He has a sick obsession with Digimon, like most ten-year-olds today. He and his friends have card battles in the park, and watch the show, and make up their own digimon, the usual obsessive fan stuff. Anyway, Takato was heading off to school when he found a blue card mixed in among his regular digimon cards, and swiped it in his card reader, which promptly short circuited. Fiddling with that thing made him late for class, and while he was standing outside the hall, he came up with the idea for Guilmon. The teacher, well, we're pretty sure she's Kari. Yeah, so, later Takato's card reader turns into a digivice and it kinda eats the little notebook he drew Guilmon in and creates a digiegg. He falls asleep and either dreams or sees Ruki, now called Rika, and Renamon in a digimon battle. The twosome win, of course. Meanwhile, elsewhere, there's some weird people in chairs and Lia's convinced one of them is Yolei…who gets a name reference later in the show after Takato dons his goggles. Well, anyway, soon the digiegg hatches and there's a huge flash of light, and Guilmon emerges in a construction site. Takato takes him home to hide, and I'm certain his father knows something, but we're not sure what. And no, he's not Davis. This isn't Davis's kid, or Tai's. Takato's dad runs a bakery, not a noodle cart, and said he knew nothing about digimon from when he was a kid. Well, Takato has a hard time keeping Guilmon still, and Guilmon follows the kid to school where he gets into a whole lot of trouble. It's there that we really meet Lee, now called Henry, and his Terriermon. Takato finds Guilmon and they plan on hiding him in the park, where Ruki and Renamon are waiting for a battle. That's…pretty much it. Oh, except for Culumon, the little koala digimon that has a thing for playing, and this scary girl that has a sock puppet on her arm!"

            Lia nodded. "Perfect. Well, since Nimoy and Buchholz no longer work there, *snicker*, we can't exactly do a 'what's wrong with this picture' anymore. Tai's going to give us his enlightened opinion, though, and then we'll move onto the new segment."

Tai nodded smartly. "Yeah. Hey everybody! Glad to be back, huh? Yeah, so anyway, we're trying to figure out the story here, cuz Lia didn't look much of anything up on the Internet. Like Matt said, we're pretty sure Takato's teacher is my kid sister because hey, doesn't she look like Kari? And that's her voice! As for the Yolei in the chair, we don't know about her. And what's with that scary dude in the shadows? Sounds like a bad cross between Oikawa and Matt's dad. The show's going to be so awesome without Nimoy and Buchholz doing the dubs, there weren't as many goofy puns and there were random people kissing, so…yeah! But, um, you know, since we're not in it the show still kinda sucks."

Sora grinned. "Maybe next week somebody will be playing songs from the Teenage Wolves CD."

Yolei moaned. "No! No more of him!"

Cody snickered, glancing in T.K.'s general direction. "Maybe the guy in the shadows is Mafia Boss T.K."

"Wha?! Are you nuts?"

            "Okay, now, time for our newest segment. Actually, it's just something to keep Nicki occupied and not at somebody's throat. We're taking you now to the Psychiatrist's Couch, with Nicki Sjolin."

Nicki glared at Lia from her cushioned barstool. "Psychiatrist's Couch? What the hell are you babbling about? I'm not doing no…hey, what's he doing here?"

Takato sat down on the couch, leaning back on the pillows. Willis, offstage producer of all things technical, came on over the PA.

"You're supposed to talk with them about stuff. Like an interview."

"Well then why did we call it a 'Psychiatrist's Couch?' Hmm?"

Takato tapped his foot impatiently against the side of the couch. "Can we just do this?"

            Nicki sighed. "Fine. So, Takato, how long have you had this goggle boy complex?"

"Wha? Goggle boy complex? Whaddya mean?"

Nicki sighed. "It's obvious you're trying to be like Tai and Davis. What's the deal?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Big hair, blue shirt, goggles, lizard-type digimon. Well, we're not sure what Veemon is but still…"

"I'm not trying to copy them! It's just the way I was animated!"

"Sure…so then how come Davis is doing the narrating? Hmm?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!!"

Shadowmon popped up onto Nicki's lap. "I figured out why they called this segment 'Psychiatrist's Couch.' It's cuz when you get through interviewing these kids they'll need a psychiatrist!"

            Lia blinked, turning her chair away from the monitor. "Okay, that was disturbing. We may have to cut that segment. Well, that's all the time we have this morning, because I have to run across the hall and do a Disasterpiece. For the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. Keep it here for all your updates. And if you see 'Michael Reisz' anywhere in the credits, gimme a holler! Matt shall never die! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

Joe frowned. "That's the last time any of you give her sugar, understood?"

~*~

            Meanwhile, in the basement of FOX Kids Studios, Seth Walther and a few of the other new dubbers were sitting around a Ouija board.

"If the spirits of Jeff and Bob are present now, give us a sign!"

A bluish light filled the room. "We'll give you more than just a sign, Seth."

"You will not be allowed to stand in our way, Seth. We will get what we want, Seth."

~*~

So…be on the lookout for these every weekend there's a new episode!

I thought you didn't like Tamers!

Well, now that there's a slim chance I'll hear you whispering sweet nothings through the speakers, I'll take anything I can get.

Fecking fangirl.