Otherworld Year One: Chapter 3
Auron managed to get down most of the broth that the woman spoon fed him, and now lay propped up by the pillows against the back of the bed... reveling in the feeling of the warm liquid in his stomach. He had no recollection of when he had last eaten. Then something suddenly occured to him and he turned his head to look at the woman sitting beside him. "I am called Auron... may I have your name?"
"Oh! I'm sorry, where are my manners? My name is Sahna. Auron is it? That's a fine name." Sahna replied, looking both pleased and embarrased at the same time. "Please, there is no need to apologize, as I believe you've been busy saving my hide." Auron said with a small smile. "I've only done what any decent human being would do for another, and besides I..." She trailed off, not finishing her thought. "I think perhaps I have burdened you enough with my presence, kind lady." Auron spoke, moving to try and raise himself from the bed.
"No! Please wait!" Sahna pleaded, holding her hand up to still him. "You are not well enough yet, and you are not a burden... as a matter of fact, you are a gift." She appeared to be thinking how best to phrase her next words, then continued... "My husband was killed almost two years ago in an accident on the fishing docks, and since then my only reason for existing has been my son. But you have given me a respite from that. Helping you has made me feel more useful than I've felt in a long time. So really, you would be doing me a favor by staying awhile longer." Sahna fell silent then... looking down at her hands.
"My sincerest regret for your loss madam." Auron offered, his words sounding too stiff and formal even to his own ears. "I accept your kind offer, and perhaps it is for the best at the moment... as I seem to have misplaced my clothes." He finished with a crooked grin, lifting up the sheet slightly and peering down at himself. Sahna looked up at him and laughed, tears shining in her eyes. "I'm afraid that was necessary. I'll do my best to clean and mend your clothes for you... although I'm not sure they're salvageable. In the meantime, I think some of my late husband's clothes may fit you, I've kept a few of his things."
Before Auron could reply, Remie called down the hallway as he came in from outside... "Mom? You here?"
"Back here honey." Sahna called back. The boy padded quietly to the doorway and stopped, peering shyly into the room. "Come on in, it's okay. Auron... this is my son, Remie. Remie... this is Auron." She introduced them, smiling broadly as she looked from one to the other. "A pleasure Remie." From Auron, feeling a little awkward. He was not used to dealing with children. "Hi." Remie replied in a small voice. "You'll have to forgive him Auron, he can be shy around strangers." Sahna explained. Auron smiled at that and replied... "And there can be no doubt as to my strangeness, I fear." Remie looked down at his feet, shuffling them back and forth, then suddenly looked up and blurted... "I found your sword and that jug thing." Looking to Auron for confirmation. "Indeed? Then I am truly in your debt." Auron stated in a solemn tone. Remie pulled his shoulders back, as his head came up... clearly pleased with himself.
"I think we should let Auron get some rest now." Sahna said, standing up and gently pushing Remie towards the door, then looking back at Auron... "I'll be back in awhile to check on you, after I've fed this one."
After they had left the room, Auron gratefully leaned back and closed his eye. Just this small amount of exertion had exhausted him. The last thing he was conscious of was Remie and Sahna speaking in hushed tones to one another as he drifted into a blessedly dreamless sleep... "He kind of talks funny doesn't he? Sort of like someone from a storybook." Remie observed. "Yes, he uses what I would call Old World speech. But you shouldn't say he talks 'funny'... it's impolite."
************
Two more days of Sahna's exceptional care found Auron feeling much stronger. He had been able to walk unassisted for the first time yesterday... and that had made him feel almost human. Laying in bed on this day's end, he felt an overwhelming desire to bathe himself. Despite Sahna's best efforts, his hair felt filthy to the touch, and the layer of grime on his skin was becoming decidedly uncomfortable. He gingerly sat up, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Looking down at himself, he had to smile. The thin cotton pants Sahna had given him to wear were at least two-sizes too small... the leg-bottoms only reaching to his mid-calf. What a sorry mess he must look, he thought, as he rose, stiffly, to go into the bathroom.
It took him a few minutes to figure out how the tub faucet worked, but he eventually had the tub filled with hot water... then turned to the sink to see what cleansing supplies were available. A frown creased his forehead as he noticed that a towel had been hung across the mirror above the sink... strange. He moved in front of the looking glass and removed the towel, bringing his head up to gaze into his reflection there.
He did not recognize what looked back at him from the glass. His once midnight hair was now streaked with gray, and his face... oh Dear Yevon, his face. He had aged beyond comprehension... deep creases lining his brow and the sides of his mouth. And most horrifying of all was the grotesque line of ragged, open flesh on the right side of his face, the eye on that side a milky, sick looking thing... floating aimlessly in its socket.
Everything that had transpired came at him in a rush... the senseless death of his friends, the cool smugness of Yunalesca and his vain attempt to avenge himself upon her, dragging himself by inches down the mountain, finding the young Ronso, Rin's kind attempt to save him. But nothing had been saved... everything, all of it, had been lost.
Something in Auron's mind twisted and came loose then, as a low, guttural sound of rage and grief tore itself from his throat. He suddenly pistoned his arm forward, slamming his fist into the glass that housed his ruined reflection... the broken shards flying in all directions, littering the wash basin and floor around him.
Fighting to regain control of himself, he looked down at his bleeding hand in stunned amazement, as Sahna suddenly appeared in the doorway. "What is it? What happened?" She began, her eyes wide, then stopping as she looked from his face to the broken glass. Auron turned his back to her in shame, and looking down at the floor, spoke barely above a whisper... "I apologize... I don't know what made me do that... I..." He trailed off, then spoke again in a pleading tone... "I beg your forgiveness." He turned back around to meet her gaze, his eye filled with the tortured look of a wounded animal. She could see the struggle taking place within him, reflected clearly in his face... Auron was fighting for his sanity.
Sahna understood and recognized grief. She herself had experienced it, in all its soul-wrenching stages, in the past two years. But Auron's pain seemed to go beyond anything she could relate to. Not knowing quite what to say she smiled weakly and said simply... "It's okay, don't worry about it. That stupid looking glass made me look fat anyway." Auron tried to return the smile, but it translated only as a strained grimace on his desperate face. All of Sahna's motherly instincts told her to reach out and gather him into a comforting embrace, but she did not. She somehow knew he was not ready to accept that comfort... and perhaps never would be.
Dealing with such things the way she knew best, Sahna spoke with an authoritative confidence she didn't fully own... "Come and sit on the bed, and I'll fix-up that hand." Auron did not reply, but simply did as she asked... walking back to the bed and lowering himself to sit. His head down, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He did not look up or utter a sound, his face a perfect blank, as Sahna disinfected and bandaged his hand.
"Now then," She said. "Why don't you join Remie on the front porch... there's a lovely sunset in the sky, and I know he'd appreciate the company." Auron raised his head then and looked past her into the bathroom, his eye filled with a dull anguish. She knew what he was thinking and spoke first. "Don't give that another thought... I'll have it cleaned up in no time and then I'll start supper. Go on, off with you." She said matter-of-factly, standing to watch him as he slowly stood up to leave the room. When he got to the doorway, he turned his head to the side and softly said "Thank you, Sahna." Then continued unsteadily down the hallway to the front door.
Sahna closed her eyes and leaned heavily against the bathroom doorway. She had wanted to spare him the sight of himself until she could heal his wound more fully. She was afraid for him, and maybe just a little afraid of him now. But she had committed herself to this... and she would see it through.
Remie, who had heard most of what had just occured, sat on the front stoop with his elbows on his knees, his head propped in his hands... looking out across the glowing water. Auron approached and carefully lowered himself to sit beside him, lifting his gaze to the water and the fiery sky above it. A myriad of hot colors dressed the billowy clouds and melted into the azure water below, the sun having already dropped below the horizon. A cool, fresh breeze was coming in off the water and Auron turned his face up to meet it, closing his eye for a moment, as it flowed against his skin and ruffled through his hair.
"Nice, isn't it?" Remie said quietly, not turning his gaze from the horizon. "It is." Auron whispered. They stayed together that way, silently watching the colors fade from the sky, until Sahna called them in to supper.
Remie came in and sat at the table, Auron following behind to stand in the doorway... as Sahna set the food out. She looked up at Auron and he met her gaze for a moment, then dropped his head, and walking to the front of the hallway, spoke in a voice completely devoid of emotion... "Please excuse me, I am feeling quite tired, I think I'll retire for the evening." Without waiting for a reply, Auron walked back to the bedroom... his arm trailing against the wall for support, then quietly closed the door behind him.
Sahna looked over at Remie then, to see his sweet little face wearing a heart-wrenching look of sadness... as a tear slid silently down his cheek. She went to him and held him close, stroking his hair. "It will be alright, let's try and eat something, okay?" They both ate in silence, picking at their food, until Remie finally said... "I'm really not hungry mom, I think I'll just read for awhile, if that's okay." Sahna was very close to tears herself, and had to swallow several times before answering. She had never wept in front of her son, and she didn't intend to start now. "Sure sweetie, go ahead. I'm going to check on Auron, then I'll be back to join you."
Sahna cracked the door to the bedroom and looked in. Auron was sitting in the bedside chair, his back to her... hunched forward, holding his head in his hands. Becoming aware of her presence, he straightened up in the chair, but did not turn around. Sahna walked up to Auron's back, and placing her hand on his shoulder, began to speak in her soft, gentle voice...
"Auron, I can't begin to know what was done to you or what you are feeling... and I don't expect any explanations. What you have been through is yours alone, until you decide differently. But I do know how Remie and I feel. We have known you less than a week, but in that short time we have grown fond of you and have learned to respect you. You are a man of honor and humility. You have shown kindness and compassion when you could have shown bitterness. You have exhibited a type of strength and courage that I have never before witnessed in another human being. Your outward appearance means nothing to us... what you have inside you is more beautiful than anything I can imagine."
The silence that followed stretched out for a few moments. Then without speaking, Auron brought his hand up and placed it over hers. Saying more with that small act, than any amount of words ever could.
Auron managed to get down most of the broth that the woman spoon fed him, and now lay propped up by the pillows against the back of the bed... reveling in the feeling of the warm liquid in his stomach. He had no recollection of when he had last eaten. Then something suddenly occured to him and he turned his head to look at the woman sitting beside him. "I am called Auron... may I have your name?"
"Oh! I'm sorry, where are my manners? My name is Sahna. Auron is it? That's a fine name." Sahna replied, looking both pleased and embarrased at the same time. "Please, there is no need to apologize, as I believe you've been busy saving my hide." Auron said with a small smile. "I've only done what any decent human being would do for another, and besides I..." She trailed off, not finishing her thought. "I think perhaps I have burdened you enough with my presence, kind lady." Auron spoke, moving to try and raise himself from the bed.
"No! Please wait!" Sahna pleaded, holding her hand up to still him. "You are not well enough yet, and you are not a burden... as a matter of fact, you are a gift." She appeared to be thinking how best to phrase her next words, then continued... "My husband was killed almost two years ago in an accident on the fishing docks, and since then my only reason for existing has been my son. But you have given me a respite from that. Helping you has made me feel more useful than I've felt in a long time. So really, you would be doing me a favor by staying awhile longer." Sahna fell silent then... looking down at her hands.
"My sincerest regret for your loss madam." Auron offered, his words sounding too stiff and formal even to his own ears. "I accept your kind offer, and perhaps it is for the best at the moment... as I seem to have misplaced my clothes." He finished with a crooked grin, lifting up the sheet slightly and peering down at himself. Sahna looked up at him and laughed, tears shining in her eyes. "I'm afraid that was necessary. I'll do my best to clean and mend your clothes for you... although I'm not sure they're salvageable. In the meantime, I think some of my late husband's clothes may fit you, I've kept a few of his things."
Before Auron could reply, Remie called down the hallway as he came in from outside... "Mom? You here?"
"Back here honey." Sahna called back. The boy padded quietly to the doorway and stopped, peering shyly into the room. "Come on in, it's okay. Auron... this is my son, Remie. Remie... this is Auron." She introduced them, smiling broadly as she looked from one to the other. "A pleasure Remie." From Auron, feeling a little awkward. He was not used to dealing with children. "Hi." Remie replied in a small voice. "You'll have to forgive him Auron, he can be shy around strangers." Sahna explained. Auron smiled at that and replied... "And there can be no doubt as to my strangeness, I fear." Remie looked down at his feet, shuffling them back and forth, then suddenly looked up and blurted... "I found your sword and that jug thing." Looking to Auron for confirmation. "Indeed? Then I am truly in your debt." Auron stated in a solemn tone. Remie pulled his shoulders back, as his head came up... clearly pleased with himself.
"I think we should let Auron get some rest now." Sahna said, standing up and gently pushing Remie towards the door, then looking back at Auron... "I'll be back in awhile to check on you, after I've fed this one."
After they had left the room, Auron gratefully leaned back and closed his eye. Just this small amount of exertion had exhausted him. The last thing he was conscious of was Remie and Sahna speaking in hushed tones to one another as he drifted into a blessedly dreamless sleep... "He kind of talks funny doesn't he? Sort of like someone from a storybook." Remie observed. "Yes, he uses what I would call Old World speech. But you shouldn't say he talks 'funny'... it's impolite."
************
Two more days of Sahna's exceptional care found Auron feeling much stronger. He had been able to walk unassisted for the first time yesterday... and that had made him feel almost human. Laying in bed on this day's end, he felt an overwhelming desire to bathe himself. Despite Sahna's best efforts, his hair felt filthy to the touch, and the layer of grime on his skin was becoming decidedly uncomfortable. He gingerly sat up, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Looking down at himself, he had to smile. The thin cotton pants Sahna had given him to wear were at least two-sizes too small... the leg-bottoms only reaching to his mid-calf. What a sorry mess he must look, he thought, as he rose, stiffly, to go into the bathroom.
It took him a few minutes to figure out how the tub faucet worked, but he eventually had the tub filled with hot water... then turned to the sink to see what cleansing supplies were available. A frown creased his forehead as he noticed that a towel had been hung across the mirror above the sink... strange. He moved in front of the looking glass and removed the towel, bringing his head up to gaze into his reflection there.
He did not recognize what looked back at him from the glass. His once midnight hair was now streaked with gray, and his face... oh Dear Yevon, his face. He had aged beyond comprehension... deep creases lining his brow and the sides of his mouth. And most horrifying of all was the grotesque line of ragged, open flesh on the right side of his face, the eye on that side a milky, sick looking thing... floating aimlessly in its socket.
Everything that had transpired came at him in a rush... the senseless death of his friends, the cool smugness of Yunalesca and his vain attempt to avenge himself upon her, dragging himself by inches down the mountain, finding the young Ronso, Rin's kind attempt to save him. But nothing had been saved... everything, all of it, had been lost.
Something in Auron's mind twisted and came loose then, as a low, guttural sound of rage and grief tore itself from his throat. He suddenly pistoned his arm forward, slamming his fist into the glass that housed his ruined reflection... the broken shards flying in all directions, littering the wash basin and floor around him.
Fighting to regain control of himself, he looked down at his bleeding hand in stunned amazement, as Sahna suddenly appeared in the doorway. "What is it? What happened?" She began, her eyes wide, then stopping as she looked from his face to the broken glass. Auron turned his back to her in shame, and looking down at the floor, spoke barely above a whisper... "I apologize... I don't know what made me do that... I..." He trailed off, then spoke again in a pleading tone... "I beg your forgiveness." He turned back around to meet her gaze, his eye filled with the tortured look of a wounded animal. She could see the struggle taking place within him, reflected clearly in his face... Auron was fighting for his sanity.
Sahna understood and recognized grief. She herself had experienced it, in all its soul-wrenching stages, in the past two years. But Auron's pain seemed to go beyond anything she could relate to. Not knowing quite what to say she smiled weakly and said simply... "It's okay, don't worry about it. That stupid looking glass made me look fat anyway." Auron tried to return the smile, but it translated only as a strained grimace on his desperate face. All of Sahna's motherly instincts told her to reach out and gather him into a comforting embrace, but she did not. She somehow knew he was not ready to accept that comfort... and perhaps never would be.
Dealing with such things the way she knew best, Sahna spoke with an authoritative confidence she didn't fully own... "Come and sit on the bed, and I'll fix-up that hand." Auron did not reply, but simply did as she asked... walking back to the bed and lowering himself to sit. His head down, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He did not look up or utter a sound, his face a perfect blank, as Sahna disinfected and bandaged his hand.
"Now then," She said. "Why don't you join Remie on the front porch... there's a lovely sunset in the sky, and I know he'd appreciate the company." Auron raised his head then and looked past her into the bathroom, his eye filled with a dull anguish. She knew what he was thinking and spoke first. "Don't give that another thought... I'll have it cleaned up in no time and then I'll start supper. Go on, off with you." She said matter-of-factly, standing to watch him as he slowly stood up to leave the room. When he got to the doorway, he turned his head to the side and softly said "Thank you, Sahna." Then continued unsteadily down the hallway to the front door.
Sahna closed her eyes and leaned heavily against the bathroom doorway. She had wanted to spare him the sight of himself until she could heal his wound more fully. She was afraid for him, and maybe just a little afraid of him now. But she had committed herself to this... and she would see it through.
Remie, who had heard most of what had just occured, sat on the front stoop with his elbows on his knees, his head propped in his hands... looking out across the glowing water. Auron approached and carefully lowered himself to sit beside him, lifting his gaze to the water and the fiery sky above it. A myriad of hot colors dressed the billowy clouds and melted into the azure water below, the sun having already dropped below the horizon. A cool, fresh breeze was coming in off the water and Auron turned his face up to meet it, closing his eye for a moment, as it flowed against his skin and ruffled through his hair.
"Nice, isn't it?" Remie said quietly, not turning his gaze from the horizon. "It is." Auron whispered. They stayed together that way, silently watching the colors fade from the sky, until Sahna called them in to supper.
Remie came in and sat at the table, Auron following behind to stand in the doorway... as Sahna set the food out. She looked up at Auron and he met her gaze for a moment, then dropped his head, and walking to the front of the hallway, spoke in a voice completely devoid of emotion... "Please excuse me, I am feeling quite tired, I think I'll retire for the evening." Without waiting for a reply, Auron walked back to the bedroom... his arm trailing against the wall for support, then quietly closed the door behind him.
Sahna looked over at Remie then, to see his sweet little face wearing a heart-wrenching look of sadness... as a tear slid silently down his cheek. She went to him and held him close, stroking his hair. "It will be alright, let's try and eat something, okay?" They both ate in silence, picking at their food, until Remie finally said... "I'm really not hungry mom, I think I'll just read for awhile, if that's okay." Sahna was very close to tears herself, and had to swallow several times before answering. She had never wept in front of her son, and she didn't intend to start now. "Sure sweetie, go ahead. I'm going to check on Auron, then I'll be back to join you."
Sahna cracked the door to the bedroom and looked in. Auron was sitting in the bedside chair, his back to her... hunched forward, holding his head in his hands. Becoming aware of her presence, he straightened up in the chair, but did not turn around. Sahna walked up to Auron's back, and placing her hand on his shoulder, began to speak in her soft, gentle voice...
"Auron, I can't begin to know what was done to you or what you are feeling... and I don't expect any explanations. What you have been through is yours alone, until you decide differently. But I do know how Remie and I feel. We have known you less than a week, but in that short time we have grown fond of you and have learned to respect you. You are a man of honor and humility. You have shown kindness and compassion when you could have shown bitterness. You have exhibited a type of strength and courage that I have never before witnessed in another human being. Your outward appearance means nothing to us... what you have inside you is more beautiful than anything I can imagine."
The silence that followed stretched out for a few moments. Then without speaking, Auron brought his hand up and placed it over hers. Saying more with that small act, than any amount of words ever could.
