Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0
We need a new box.
Lia was running around backstage like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to find Ken so he could fix her clip mike. Instead, she collided head-on with Willis, our happy little producer buddy. Well, um, at the moment he wasn't too happy.
"Lia, that mean girl's being mean again!" he whimpered, pointing off towards the Tamers wing.
The brunette girl shook her head in annoyance. "Honestly, sometimes I wonder… Ignore her, Willis. She's mean to everybody. Now, where's Ken?"
Five minutes and a wad of duct tape later, the show was off and running.
"Welcome to another weekend at Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm your host, Lia Agianna. Well, now that Tamers has started up, they've already assumed the old Saturday time slots for Digimon, nine and ten-thirty. I wish they'd just keep the two episodes together, that way I don't have to put the timer on whenever we go out to the mall before the second episode starts. Anyway, let's get right to the recap with our favorite redhead, Sora."
"Thanks, Lia. Well, Takato had his hands full with Ruki/Rika and Renamon, and Guilmon was a serious fighting machine until he was called off. Lee/Henry and Terriermon made a lot of screen time, and both Takato and his digimon really seemed to hit it off with them, forming a fast friendship…which of course can't compare to ours. I mean, these guys are definitely no Matt and Tai, or Davis and Ken. Meanwhile, Ruki/Rika is a real brat and cares only about making Renamon fight. Renamon goes along with it because she has to, but we wonder if that's what she really wants. After a while, Takato and Guilmon met up with Ruki/Rika and Renamon again, in a parking garage and started to have another battle. Lee/Henry arrived with Terriermon, who nearly got blown up. Terriermon digivolved into Galgomon/Gargomon and started a mad shooting rush! That was the end of the first episode. Second episode was mainly Lee/Henry having flashbacks about why he hates making Terriermon fight and worse still, digivolve. It had to do with a computer battle he had against a Gorillamon, which ultimately caused Lee/Henry to become a Tamer, in pretty much the same way as Takato…only he already had Terriermon, just in the computer. Gorillamon bio-emerged in the real world and Guilmon and Terriermon got into a battle, but they were able to defeat him. And that was pretty much it. Back to you, Lia."
"Right. Well, I have a bone to pick with the dubbers, so let's head over to Mimi with a 'What's Wrong With this Picture?' segment for us. Mimi?"
"Yeah! Well, we've already determined Ruki/Rika is a real brat. Terriermon and Culumon are absolutely adorable, and that guy in the suit is to be now known as Mafia T.K. because we say so. However, there's just one little itsy bitsy problem. It's with the Gargomon thing. According to a digimon encyclopedia, 'Gargomon' is a totally different digimon than 'Galgomon,' the true name of Terriermon's champion form. In fact, I think Gargomon is a digi-armor evolution of somebody…Veemon, maybe. The only other thing I'm concerned with is Davis's job as a narrator, and the fact that all the other Digidestined are getting paid because their voice actors are making appearances but not me! Even Matt's making money, and he's not in the show at all!"
Matt snuck off with his wad of cash…wearing a black business suit and a pair of dark sunglasses, flicking a metal lighter.
"Mafia T.K., humph."
Lia leaned over her desk and whispered into the camera. "Actually, I think he's getting paid to do a two-bit role on Medabots, but I could be wrong."
Mimi was still sulking in the corner. "Look at all the cash Yolei rakes in! She's in everything! She's Biyomon, she's herself, she's the Hypno in Tamers, she's Sara from Flint, she's a reporter in Transformers, and probably half a dozen other roles! And what about me? I'm CODY for God's sake! CODY!"
Lia blinked. "Oh-kay, I think we'll be moving onto Nicki's segment…maybe…if she doesn't try killing our guest again."
Nicki was sitting next to her psychiatry couch, waiting for the next member of the Tamers cast to enter. Lee or Henry, whichever you prefer, strolled in with his Terriermon on his head.
"All right, Henry, let's discuss your name first of all. Where the hell did they get that out of Lee? Huh?"
"Actually, Lee isn't my real first name. Lee's my last name. My first name is Jenrya. Kind of like getting 'Izzy' from the last name 'Izumi' rather than the first name 'Koushiro.'"
"All right, then why is it you sound vaguely like the BakaYama when it's not his voice actor?"
"…Because it happens. Like R. Martin Klein doing a pretty good Tentomon after Nimoy took off."
Nicki was getting frustrated, since Lee/Henry wasn't freaking out like Takato did. It was her job to intimidate the Tamers.
"Okay…then why do you look like a re-colored Willis?"
"I DO NOT!"
Willis came flying onstage, sobbing hysterically and clutching his bunny rabbits for all their worth.
"That mean girl said I wasn't a Digidestined and that I wasn't good enough to be here and that Henry should take over for me forever because I'm worthless!" he howled. Lia groaned.
"We're definitely going to have to do something about Ruki/Rika's attitude problems. Somebody go find Boss Reo, he'll calm Willis down. In the meantime…Joe, go get some narcotics and dope her up so she can't pick on defenseless cast members again."
Lee/Henry and his Terriermon were eyeing Willis sourly. "Little blonde knockoff."
"Momentai, Henry," Terriermon mumbled.
"Would you quit saying that?"
"Well, that was another edition of the Weekly Digimon Reports. Stay tuned for another episode next weekend, where maybe Ruki/Rika will nicen up, Veemon can have a crack at his evil twin brother Impmon, and Davis will hopefully stop making stupid jokes in the narration. I'm Lia Agianna. Later!"
~*~
Terri Lei O'Malley was meeting with her group of English dubbing lackeys; including Seth Walther and those other people that did the past couple episodes.
"You're telling me Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz came out of the Ouija board and attacked you with attempted bad dubbing?"
They nodded miserably.
"They also told us something awful about the Rika girl. Something worse than bad dubbing and losing profits from Digimon because all our merchandising is stuck in the first season."
"What?"
And Seth and the dubbers began recounting their horrible tale, while elsewhere, Makino Ruki (or Rika) and Renamon listened in.
~*~
Reviews! Let's get
some reviews!
I really hope
that wasn't me in Medabots. That would be so degrading.
Nah, you'll just be the stuntman for the villain. Hmm, I wonder if I could digi-modify Wizardmon to be a little less overprotective.
I highly doubt
that.
