Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0
This land is your land, this land is my land…
The usually white WDR set has been bedecked with American flags and the entire staff is wearing ribbons pinned to their shirts. Lia is sitting somberly in her revolving chair, not fidgeting like she usually does. The rest of the gang is milling around.
"Hey, welcome to another weekend at the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm Lia Agianna. Our top story, terrorist attacks on America. As the animated persona of a real live human being, I only live in Japan to make plot sense. Otherwise, the real Lia was born and bred in the USA…fortunately nowhere near the attacks. Half an hour's ride from Logan Airport, but not near the actual attacks. We send our condolences to the people of New York, Washington DC, Pennsylvania and everywhere else, our hearts and prayers are with you. In light of the recent events, I convened with the cast present and we reached a decision: the Weekly Digimon Reports and Disasterpiece Theater will continue to air. Though this is a serious time, my fellow Digidestined and I feel that a little humor goes a long way to comfort everyone who's scared for our nation right now. It may not be as good as helping on the front lines, or donating blood (I'm too young, anyways), but it's what I do best."
Joe placed a large jar on the corner of Lia's desk. "We're asking that all of you in the audience make a donation, no matter how small, so we can send the money to those who need it most. Right now Mimi is stuck in America as all of the flights are canceled, but she and her family are all right, as are Michael and the rest of the American Digidestined."
A shot pans over to Willis, who's crying onto his clipboard on the couch.
"So, then let's start our weekend. Izzy, a recap, please."
"Right. Takato and Lee/Henry had their hands full today with that playful digimon Culumon…we're not quite sure how they're spelling the dub name yet…the television Lia watches her shows on doesn't have captioning and her sisters hoard the one that does. Anyway, this playful little creature wanted to engage in a game of soccer, and so it painted the fields with chalk lines. Takato and Lee/Henry tried to find a Tamer for it, but were unsuccessful. Kazu, Juri/Jeri and Lee/Henry's sister Susie were their prime targets. It also coerced Guilmon into helping make such a mess, and they ended up having to fight with a Vilemon that bio-emerged. Meanwhile, we learn a little more about Ruki/Rika and Renamon, Impmon makes his grand appearance, and Renamon digivolves to something that we also can't spell after a fight with the second most reappearing digimon, Dokugumon. The first being Kuwagamon, of course. Oh, and Mummymon, Aquilamon, and several other of last season's digimon made attempted appearances in a flashback."
"Thanks, Izzy. Joe, what's your opinion on today's double feature?"
"I think there were definite dub changes this week, but we're still not sure where. As for Impmon, it's decided that he sounds like Veemon minus the lisp plus a bad New York accent. And I still think Davis makes a lousy narrator!"
Davis shrugged, depositing part of this week's paycheck in the bucket up front. "Huh? Don't look at me, I just read the scripts."
Cody walked by with an armload of scripts. "You mean these scripts that I found in my trashcan?"
"Uh…no?"
Lia sighed. "And now, over to Nicki in the psychiatry couch, where she's interviewing Ruki/Rika, I think."
Indeed, Ruki/Rika was swinging her legs back and forth impatiently on the couch, glancing at the clock every two seconds.
"Are we done yet? I have fights I could be winning."
"We haven't even started. Now Rika, why is it your grandmother looks like Nancy and your mother like an older Mimi? Huh?"
"Beats the hell out of me. Why would I want to consort with season one characters, anyway?"
"All right…then why do you look like Misty?"
"Misty? That P***mon drip? What are you getting at? That I'm some sort of rip-off?"
Nicki was pleased. After pummeling Matt last week, angering Rika and three hours of DBZ would round things out nicely.
"And is it true that you're going soft?"
"I AM NOT GOING SOFT! I AM THE DIGIMON QUEEN AND YOU WILL BOW BEFORE ME!"
"And another digiegg cracks," she snickered, tallying off Ruki/Rika's name. "Only two more and I get a week's vacation in Oahu."
"This has been the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm Lia Agianna, standing up for the land of the free and the home of the brave, because I'm an American and I'm damn proud of it!"
The crew would have to get a backhoe to get the donations over to the bank, the money poured in so much.
~*~
Meanwhile, Austin Veemon was on mission in Tamers Wing to drop a brick on his evil twin brother's head and ship him to Beirut.
"He'sh not going to get away sho eashily thish time," he muttered.
Pausing outside one of the dressing room doors, he could hear someone talking to Ruki/Rika.
"Another week and you'll be ready to strike, Rika. The fecking author and her Alliance will not defeat me again, Rika. You will stop her, Rika."
That shounds like Nimoy, Vee thought. But he'sh
dead!
"I will do whatever you want me to, Sir. You can count on it, Sir."
I've gotta warn Davish and the othersh…right after a
double cheesheburger!
~*~
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And crown Thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining
sea.
God bless America and the good people in it.
