Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0
Catering to your every whim
for ONE WHOLE YEAR!
Lia was sitting in her studio chair, a big ol' throw blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She whimpered, wiping at her eyes as she closed the word processing document on her computer screen. Matt wandered over, adjusting his hair and counting out the bills from a large wad of cash.
"Hey, you okay?" he questioned.
Lia sniffled. "Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm okay. Just that Annie's last episode of her series is super-sad. Where'd you get that cash…I didn't think you were working."
"Michael (Reisz, Yama's dub actor) apparently sold his soul to the WB to be some British guy on the Mummy series. Now get out of that chair."
"Wha?! Now wait a minute! This is my show! You have no right to…"
Matt grabbed the side of the chair and gave it a shove backstage. "Yolei! Make sure she doesn't get loose!"
"GOTCHA!" came the holler as Yolei clamped her arms down on the hostage author, rendering her immobile.
"Hey, and welcome to a special edition of the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm your host for the weekend, Matt Ishida. We're getting right to the action, folks, with our roving reporters Ken and Davis. Guys?"
Ken and Davis quickly put away their own large wads of cash from doing work on Tamers (and Ken has a job as being stunt-double for Koji from Medabots).
"Right, Matt. We actually had two episodes this weekend, both centering around Guilmon and the problems with that circus reject Impmon. First we find Impmon harassing young couples in the park, and winds up getting Guilmon framed. Needless to say, Takato wasn't pleased with his partner. Impmon let a Devidramon out of his Digital Field, and thus it was flying around Shinjuku like…well, a Devidramon flying around Shinjuku. After Takato apologized for yelling at Guilmon, our little red dinosaur digivolved to Growmon/Growlmon. In the second episode, Takato couldn't get Growmon/Growlmon to devolve back to Guilmon. Calamon/Culumon was up to his usual playful mischief and Impmon was up to his usual mischievous mischief…it took a rainbow for things to finally work out okay."
"So will things be okay? And what's with Impmon and how come he looks like Circus Freak Veemon? And why is Calamon/Culumon always around when somebody digivolves? Stay tuned for more Digimon: Digital Monsters!"
Matt groaned and Ken threatened to bean his boyfriend with a
leaf whistle patented by Chiriko of Fushigi Yuugi.
Who in their right minds plays a leaf for a musical
instrument?
A thirteen-year-old boy that looks like an eight-year-old
girl?
"Davis…"
"Right. So now, on to Nicki with her usual Psychiatry Couch. Insane bit…I mean, Nicki?"
"Watch yourself, BakaYama. One of these days I'm gonna beat you senseless…or get Trunks and Goten to do it for me…or get Trowa and Quatre to do it for me…"
Shadowmon sighed. "I am never, ever letting her watch Toonami again. Ever."
"Today's patient for the Psychiatry Couch…Impmon. So tell me, Impmon, what was it like living at the circus with Trowa and Catherine?"
"Lady, it sucked!" our blue, New York accented Veemon with an attitude spat. "Dat Trowa kid says nothing, and when he does say somethin' it's gotta be about his amnesia…or Heavyarms, or how much he loves Quatre. And that Catherine nut? Pouring soup down people's throats? I'd rather live with Wufei and Sally Po any day! Or at least them Mangunacs."
"Right. And what's with the whole mime thing?"
"Dunno. Hey, I lived with Catherine the Soup Nazi and the kid known as the Silent Clown. Whaddya want, eh?"
Nicki nodded. "And you're a pyro?"
"Yeah, sweetheart, I am. Gotta problem with it? Bada-boom!"
Shadowmon hissed. "There'll be no hurling fireballs in my office, you blue bastard!"
"Such words. You oughta calm down, kitty, or else you'll get worms."
"W-w-worms, Nicki?"
"Ignore him. Now, the whole scaring couples thing? Mind explaining that?"
"What can I say? Gets dat author chick outta that there pretty boy's dressing room pretty quick, don't it? Dat love mush is all too…mushy…if ya ask me. Better if everyone blew everyone else up…if ya knows what I'm sayin' here?"
Nicki rubbed her hands together connivingly. "So if I asked you to eighty-six BakaYama, you'd do it?"
Matt quickly motioned to end Nicki's session, sweatdropping. "O-kay, we're moving on now to the special portion of our show. Is everything ready up there?"
"Get your hands off that laptop, Ichijouji!"
"Shut up, Izumi, you're not the genius around here anymore!"
"You shut up! You grow up to marry Yolei and become a detective! I'm at least a computer research-y person!"
"But do we go by those standards here? No, we don't. And your girlfriend doesn't seem to like you anymore, whereas I am still loved by all."
"GUYS, KNOCK IT OFF!" Tai hollered.
"Thank you, Tai."
"No problem, Matt. If you need me to hit anyone, you know where I'll be."
The remaining portion of the cast not yet mentioned appeared, lugging a cake the size of the Trojan Horse. Joe groaned and nearly tripped over the rope.
"You had to go overboard, didn't you, Mimi?"
"But it's so pretty, isn't it? I especially like the sparkly sprinkles!"
Cody went up into the control booth, separated his elder peers, who were engaged in a genius sissy-fight, and lowered the giant screen-y thing.
"Okay, Yolei, get Lia out here!"
Yolei, being Yolei, gave Lia a hard shove, sending her careening across the stage in her chair and ends up airborne before landing ungracefully in a heap.
"I said get her out here, not kill her!" Matt hollered.
"Same difference."
T.K. groaned. "Yeah, well, while Matt's busy having a conniption fit, I'd like to welcome everyone to our one-year-anniversary special. CUE THE MOVIE!"
Lia blinked. "Movie? What movie?"
Actually, it was more of a slide show, as narrated by Matt, because he's the one who planned all this. What, you thought Kari or Sora was capable of grand-scale show planning?
"Here we have a young Lia, engrossed in her first television obsession, Sesame Street. From here she would move to finer arts, like anime."
Said author groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Where did you get that?"
Sora grinned. "Long talk with your mother."
"I hate you, Mommy. I really, really hate you for this."
"And here's Lia, hard at work on her first independent Digimon fanfic, in the beginning of the eighth grade. It was this same year that she first discovered Fanfiction.net and got hooked."
Yolei started laughing at the eighth-grade gawkiness of Lia and Nicki until they beaned her with several shovels.
"Lia writes Batpig Forever back in August, right before her freshman year. She did it as a stupid independent thing, but when she finally figured out how to fill out the author forms at ff.net it was her first fanfic. And nearly seventy stories and a whole year later, she's still writing, still making us laugh, and still completely insane. So, here's to you, Lia."
"Speech! Speech! Speech!" everyone started hollering.
"Oh, gimme a break," she sighed. "Yeah, well, it has been a year since I started here. I didn't quite get to a hundred fics, but I should be able to do that soon. It's been so much fun writing here and making friends with all of you…on a quick side note Monday at midnight is the Batpig deadline…and on another note gifts and such are greatly appreciated…"
"Lia…"
"What?! I was just saying…always down my throat, Muse. Yeah, so here's to a great year and to many more after that."
"And if we can find anything good enough, we may be posting the independent fics never before seen by eyes other than Lia's real friends," Gomamon pointed out.
"WHAT?! No, no, no! You're not…Matt! You get back here! Quit running! I know where you live, and I have your keys! MATT!"
~*~
Kawaii Li'l
Lia: Oct. 1, 2000-Oct. 1, 2001
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