Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0
I made a SCRUNCHIE!!!
Lia was sitting in her dressing room, playing with the scrunchies she made in fashion class, reading yaoi Gundam Wing doujinshi and watching an OVA of Rayearth.
There was a knock on the door, Matt poking his head into the room.
"The audience is getting restless out there. Maybe you should…what's that look for?"
"I'm not speaking to you, Matt!"
The muse sighed. "What did I do this time?"
"YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO THE WB!"
"Huh?"
Lia stopped her movie, and through the will of the author displayed the credits for the Mummy series.
"See, right there? MICHAEL REISZ! You've been brainwashed by that fecking Pikachu!"
"But my voice actor's been on several networks and you didn't have a fit before. And he did something this weekend for Tamers. Calm down, Lia. I haven't sold my soul to the Pikachu."
"I'm still not happy about it. For the love of Wizardmon, you're British!"
~*~
"I wouldn't do it if you paid me to, Davis!"
"Oh, come on, T.K. be a sport. It'd be funny!"
"No it wouldn't be, and my name's…hey wait, you said it right for once."
Davis shrugged. Ken and Kari walked onto the set, looking perplexed.
"What are you two fighting about now?" Kari sighed, wrapping a spandex-coated arm around T.K.
"Davis says Lia saw a Patamon costume in a party store while she was helping her sister find a Halloween costume and he wants me to wear it," T.K. snapped.
"It would be cute," Kari giggled.
"No way! Not on your life, Kari Kamiya!"
Ken ran his fingers through his hair, pulling out a few strands. "Funny how there aren't any girls' costumes, you know? I mean, for P***mon they have a few girlish outfits, but you don't see any for our casts."
"Because Digimon's technically a boys' show," T.K. stated.
"Here comes Lia. Looks like the coffee break is over," Davis groaned.
"Hey everybody! Welcome to another episode of Weekly Digimon Reports. Two all-new adventures for the Tamers crowd this weekend, chock full of moody goodness. So, to get right to the action, let's go to our recap artist, Yolei. Go ahead, Yolei."
"BINGO! Okay, so Ruki/Rika was being all moody and stuff, and she was being followed around with spooky visions, really Ken style, you know? Turns out it was IceDevimon, voiced by a really creepy Michael Reisz, better known as our resident hottie Matt. He wanted Ruki/Rika to be his Tamer because she was so cold, but the boys and Renamon rescued her in the nick of time with a bit of quick thinking by Takato and a little digivolving from Renamon, only to have Ruki/Rika turn around and say she hates digimon, making Renamon run off. The other episode focused on how Lee/Henry hates making Terriermon fight, and Terriermon had to fight Musyamon in order to save a little girl. Culumon/Calamon, Impmon and the Hypnos were running amok, and Lee/Henry's crazy sister Suzie was at it again with her Miss Pretty-Pants deal. Lia?"
"Thanks, Yolei. Let's see…nothing to rant about…Nicki, anybody on the couch this weekend?"
The camera pans over to Nicki's set, where a gijinka Shadowmon was chasing Matt around with a hypodermic needle.
"Come on, we can play Doctor and I can pretend to give you morphine! It'll be fun!"
"I'm Nicki, and you're on the Psychiatry Couch. Our guest today is Yamaki, head of the high-tech team Hypnos. Yamaki, just who are you, anyways? Mafia T.K. or a reincarnation of the BakaYama?"
Yamaki said nothing, flicking his lighter open and closed.
"You don't happen to work for the Men in Black, do you?"
Yamaki continued to flick said lighter open and closed.
"Goddamn, say something! You just sit there and play with that lighter and yell at your flunkeys all episode, tracking down digimon on an IMAX screen and doing something we Americans can't comprehend because we're further behind in the episodes than the Japanese!"
"You're a wild one. Riley! Send out program YUGOTH and destroy this thing before it bio-emerges!"
Nicki shrieked. "I GIVE UP! Shadowmon, we're going!"
The cat-girl stopped. "Where?"
"Cartoon Network. You and me, we're going to spend a little time with Trunks, Goten and Krillin."
"But they scare me!"
Lia banged her head against the table several times. "It's my universe and yet I have no control over it. Goddamn. This is Lia Agianna for the Weekly Digimon Reports. I have nothing left to say except if you're a rabid Matt fan and you don't get your daily requirement of Ishida-ness, I suggest tuning into the Mummy, Saturdays at nine-thirty on Kids' WB. He'll be the British tar working for the dead man in the trench coat."
"What's a tar?" Biyomon asked.
"A soaring soul as free as a mountain bird," Sora replied.
"Huh?"
"It's a sailor," Izzy stated. "Sora was making reference to lyrics from the Gilbert and Sullivan musical."
"We're still lost, but that's okay," Tentomon sighed.
"WAIT!" Veemon hollered, running onto the set. "Don't end the epishode jusht yet! It'sh important!"
"What?" Tai moaned.
"It'sh Ruki…or Rika…whoever she ish. SHE'S REALLY SHPAWN OF JEFF NIMOY!"
"WHAT?!"
"Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God!" Mimi squealed.
"Just like Treize and Mariemeia," Joe muttered.
"Well, we're screwed. Somebody go into the storage closet and get out the fatigues now," Wizardmon mumbled, shaking his head.
~*~
To be worried
about at a later date.
Shutting up.
