The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

Whoa…it's been a very long time since I've done one of these.

            Well, we're finally back in Studio Thirteen doing a Report! Lia's not committed to anything hugely huge other than her Missions trip, but that's next week's problem. The four seasons of Digidestined, yes, four, were all chilling in the studio when they realized it might be a good idea to get back into the swing of all that crap they left hanging.

            "So on that note, welcome to the biggest recap of the century! We left off with that IceDevimon episode and the season's almost over, so it's time we finish things up. Welcome back to the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. Since we have been gone for so long, we'll let Shadowmon, the most talkative of the cast members, recap an entire half a season's worth of episodes in good time. Go ahead, cat."

            "Whee! All righty, well, so much has happened so I'm just gonna go. Twelve super-strong Ultimate level digimon wreaked havoc on Shinjuku…okay, so not all of the twelve but that comes later. Those were the Devas. Because of them, Guilmon, Renamon and Terriermon digivolved to their ultimate levels. The Devas consequently got their collective tails kicked…again, not all of them because Antylamon the rabbit Deva eventually becomes Suzie Wong's Lopmon. Jeri partners up with Leomon, who eventually dies. Man, it's like a curse to be a Leomon! Every season a Leomon dies. Yamaki isn't as scary as he used to be, even though he still looks like Mafia T.K., only now he looks like Mafia T.K. on vacation. And Hypnos is pretty much defunct. Because one of the Devas, Makuramon the monkey, kidnapped Calumon, all the kids find a way into the Digital World to rescue him. And when I say all, that includes Kazu and Kenta. And Impmon makes a deal with the Devas that if he offs the Tamer crew, he'll be able to digivolve. Enter his mega form, which Lia is too stupid to be able to spell but knows it looks close enough to Beezlemon. More problems occur, they get separated frequently, we run into a bunch of Gekomon and Otamamon…sorry Mimi, no Princess Karaoke…Kazu gets a Guardromon. The Devas end up taking Calumon to the Digimon Sovereign, who just so happens to be one of the four Digital Gods, the Phoenix one who we're not even gonna attempt spelling. And Azulongmon shows up, but we don't really know if it's the same Azulongmon. And there's a kid named Ryo who runs around the Digital World too and thinks he's so cool cuz he has a bandanna. And now the kids can do this bio-merge digivolve thing that makes them meld with their digimon to make their mega level. And Calumon's in danger. And there's this evil cranberry sauce taking over the Digital World. And I think that's gonna do it."

            Sora glanced over at her Season One comrades. "That was about as clear as mud. Can you make heads or tails of it, Izzy?"

"Well…"

Matt was glowering at the two of them. "That line's getting pretty old."

"Like the tuna salad that's still in your fridge?" Gabumon asked.

Tai took a swig of soda. "Getting bad again, Ishida?"

"Yeah. Sounds like it'll be another Fridge Game Friday at Apartment 202."

Davis pumped a fist enthusiastically. "Fridge Game, yes!"

Takuya, of 04, raised an eyebrow. "Um, as newest goggle boy, I think I need to know what 'Fridge Game Friday' is."

"You don't want to know what it is," Kari stated.

            "Hey, can we get back to the Report here people?" Lia snapped from her revolving desk chair. "In case you haven't noticed, Tamers already ended in Japan and there's not much left of it here in America."

The camera pans over to Nicki's Psychiatry Couch segment, where she's got the *counts on fingers* …seven Tamer kids lined up on the couch.

"All right, because there's seven of you, I'm just doing a rapid-fire Q&A couch session. First of all, is it really necessary for the lot of you to be naked when you do that bio-merge thing?"

"Obviously so," Takato answered nervously, wondering just how many small impressionable children he's scarred with his full-frontal androgynous nudity.

"Next, Kenta, you realize you look like Joe spawn, right?"

"Uh, yeah. And the MarineAngemon I get in a couple of episodes doesn't help either."

Gomamon pouts offstage. "Dude, MarineAngemon isn't even my real mega level. It's something else that's much cooler than that Care Bear of a fish."

"Rika, are you really Nimoy's lovechild?"

"Nah, it was hearsay created by overworked FOX lackeys."

"Jeri, you get possessed. Why?"

The overly sweet girl with the puppet thinks for a minute. "Because it's an official rule that somebody has to get possessed and/or plagued by darkness per season. It was my time to shine."

Camera pans over to Matt, Sora, Ken and Kari, our resident seasonal Exorcist candidates.

"Suzie, WHY WON'T YOU FREAKING GROW UP?!"

"Miss Pwetty-Pants says I don't hafta answer that if I don't wanna. And Wopmon is gonna pwotect me, wight?"

Suzie's Lopmon, who's off flirting with Willis's Lopmon, waves her paw in a "yeah, yeah, whatever" fashion.

            "All right, I'm done with this freaking show. I don't even like you people. I'm off to read smutty X Men-Evolution Nightcrawler pairups."

Joe sighed heavily. "We've been traded in once again."

"For Marvel superheroes, no less," Cody added.

"I suppose we're never going to get back on subject. While we're in this mode of idiocy, I might as well say that I got to use the equilibrium joke in chemistry today," Lia pointed out.

"What equilibrium joke?" inquired the Tamers and the Frontiers-folk.

            "It's all a matter of equilibrium," said Davis.

"Wha?" Tai asked.

"See, when you have two libriums and they weigh the same, you have equilibrium!"

Cue the rimshot. (ba-dum ching!)

Izzy and Ken looked thoroughly disgusted at that poor science joke, seeing as how they hadn't heard it.

"I'm glad I wasn't in that episode," Izzy muttered.

"I love you and all, Davis, but that was heinously bad," Ken added.

"Dude, that was a riot, man!" Kazu stated. Everybody looked at him queerly.

            "Okay, so, I guess we have nothing else major to report, since we covered twenty, thirty-something episodes in two pages. Hopefully I'll continue this and I plan on finishing up a long overdue Disasterpiece for you as well. Live from Studio Thirteen, I'm Lia Agianna, and this has been the Weekly Digimon Reports."

Agumon holds up a sign stating, "Brought to you by the letter delta, marshmallows, Sailor Neptune, Devil Ducky and various contributions from viewers like you."

~*~

            "I can't believe you actually cranked another one of these out. I thought they were done for good," Mimi mentioned as the cast scampered off to get supper, which happens to be chicken, again. Biyomon and Hawkmon are sitting Gandhi-style in the corner.

"I know, but I came up with the thought at eleven o'clock last night and then again at six this morning while I was taking a long, hot shower," Lia replied, grabbing a fork.

"Shower?" Matt parroted, eyes going wide. Sora whacked him in the back of the head with a bottle of ginger ale.

"Stop being a hentai!"

"Does this mean you're on good terms with the Tamers now?" Biyomon questioned.

"Heck no! Aside from maybe Henry, they're an annoying lot and I'm glad they're almost gone. But I need them for a few extraneous projects still lying around so I can't get rid of them. Besides, some people actually like them."

"What sort of extraneous projects?" Palmon asked, because Palmon never does much.

Yolei grinned. "Rayearth Two. I get to love Willis to my heart's content!"

Willis paled and started running off, fast. Really fast. Like Quicksilver from Evolution fast.

"Can we just end the fanfic? It's getting boring!" Rika snarled.

Ryo Akiyama, bandana boy, walked over to the Misty clone. "Hey, we're going to hop networks and go challenge the Yu-Gi-Oh cast to some Digimon card gaming. You in?"

Lia just shook her head and shut the lights off on the background. "We're done whether you people want it to be or not."

~*~

Why don't my good friend readers welcome me back with a truckload of reviews?

How about they don't?

Matt, quit being cynical or I'll force-feed you a Peep.

What'll that do?

Get you more sugar high than Gomamon on Lucky Charms.

Heh, I think I'll be going now. Later!