The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

Matt, for the last time, quit pulling on my pigtails!

            We're taping from Studio Thirteen as usual, where Lia is hiding under her desk with her finished copy of Return of the King, much manga that's been randomly floating around, and Izzy's laptop, purloined so she could finally download Tobira after a friend on Digimon Kaiser Yamato's oekaki board told her where to find it.

"Hey, welcome to a slightly belated episode of the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm your host Lia Agianna. I apologize for not getting these out sooner, but Mother's Day does take precedence. If you're wondering what I'm doing under the desk, I'm trying to keep Matt from pulling my hair again. I had my sister pull it up into French-braided pigtails since I had to do standardized testing and didn't want them in my way. The fecking muse finds them 'cute' and keeps yanking them. Anyway, two episodes this past weekend that fall under the good old 'shiny new' category. To head the summary is our last known member of the Frontier cast, whiny boy Tomoki. Take it away, Tomoki!"

            "Thanks. With the help of Dobermon's gift, the Tamers got to bio-merge digivolve and went off to take on the gelatin blob again. It's a really, really strong blob of Jell-o. Gallantmon got sucked into the ooze, and it devolved to Takato and Guilmon. Inside, they met up with what they thought was Jeri, but was really an agent of the D-Reaper. Suzi, Kazu, Kenta and their digimon all decide to head out and pitch in their support. Meanwhile Calumon and Impmon go to find the real Jeri, who's been imprisoned in a bubble of that red junk between the Hypnos towers. Actually, it's Calumon and Beelzemon, but who's counting? And later we meet Justimon, the bio-merge of pretty boy Ryo Akiyama and his Cyberdramon. Takato and Guilmon are pulled out of the Chaos by MegaGargomon and Sakuyamon, with a little help from MarineAngemon and Kenta, and they're back to fighting the goo again."

            "Great, Tomoki. Now, you're not going to try and escape from the Digital World again, are you? Because we've already determined it's useless to try, haven't we?"

Tomoki glances around, whistles, then throws a parachute, several sticks of dynamite, and a lightsaber over his shoulder in attempts to rid himself of incriminating evidence.

"Whatever," Lia sighs; glancing around to make sure a certain blonde doesn't give her hair another yank. "Well, Izumi has some sort of segment, I think. Izumi, what are you doing?"

The blonde Mimi-esque Frontier member shrugs. "Honestly, I don't know. Kazu and Kenta…"

Said Tamers shove her aside, taking up the camera space. Kazu grins cheesily, and Kenta waves.

"We're curing Jeri of her moping problem right here and right now!" Kazu declares.

"Yeah, we thought that if Matt could cure Sora of her depression in under ten minutes, we could too!" Kenta adds.

Jeri is hauled out by Tai and Davis, the small girl mumbling unintelligible stuff to her sock puppet as Calumon flies around worriedly.

"Jeri, as chairman of the Fix Jeri Up committee, I present to you this……………………………………."

"Get on with it, Kazu!" Rika screams from the corner, where she's leaning against a wall and filing her nails.

"……Magic trick!" Kazu declares.

            Kenta hands him one of Piedmon's reliquary white tablecloths, which Kazu proceeds to wave around in a Piedmon-ish fashion. The season one alumni groan audibly.

"We've created a monster," Joe mutters.

"We didn't the network executives did. You ever notice how we don't get paid for more than half of those episodes? Highway robbery, I tell you," Izzy adds.

Kazu throws the white cloth in the air and it magically falls as if it had covered a person who hadn't been there a minute ago. He throws back the sheet triumphantly, revealing Leomon. Jeri throws a fit and starts bawling, clinging to the really big, really confused-looking lion.

"I knew you'd come back! I knew it!" she wails.

Sora leans over to Tai. "How'd they get Leomon to come back again? We couldn't even get Leomon to come back again."

"They didn't," Ken answers, overhearing them. "They stole our Leomon since we never used one."

Izzy growls. "You're explaining things again. I'm the only one who can explain things around here."

            "I think that's it for today, for the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. Stay tuned for—AUGH!"

Matt grins evilly and waves. "You saw that coming, didn't you?"

"I'm going to kill you! Oh, you'll be so dead when I'm done!"

Nicki, meanwhile, is playing cards with the rest of the unmentioned cast members and reading another X-Men comic in the meantime.

"You hear they're putting either Doctor Octopus or the Lizard in the next Spiderman movie?" Yolei asks.

"That's nothing. Nightcrawler is going to be in the next X-Men movie. And why are you talking to me? You're an evil little shrew and I hate your filthy guts!" Nicki replies.

"I feel the love in this room," Kari sighs.

"Moumantai!"

~*~

Touch my hair again and I swear to God yours will be wrenched from your head.

You wouldn't!

We'll have to start calling you Krillin.

You'd never!

Watch me. *grabs a pair of scissors and grins sadistically*

Lia, come on, it was only in fun…get those away from me…Lia! Lia!