Chapter 9

Heero led the way to the shuttle bay. Neither he nor Trowa broke their characteristic silence, and even Duo seemed to pick up on their gloom. Quatre was lost in his own thoughts.

He felt that he had been right in his decision, but he could feel the annoyance radiating off of Heero. He had always been able to feel that, and had never given it much thought, always rather assuming that everyone could do it. But now it was stronger than ever. Perhaps practice had sharpened the instinctive skills.

His recent experiences had suggested that it was possible to find even greater improvements and abilities. He could obviously direct his more painful emotions onto someone else either by choice, or even by accident if he wasn't careful. Did that mean that he could direct other emotions towards someone, like joy to Heero, or serenity to Duo? Both images were hard to imagine, and for good reason, he decided. Heero and Duo were the way they were. He had no right to try and change that. But it was something to remember and keep in mind.

Perhaps he could explore these talents when the war ended. Who knew what other abilities could turn up? Maybe even telepathy? Sarah's first experiment indicated that it was possible under heavy medication. He might find a way to do it without, and imagine the benefits of that!

Radio communication had problems in space; the distances were too big, and even short conversations could take hours while the words drifted between the stars.
"Calling Quatre! Are you there Quatre? Roger!" Duo waved his hand in front of Quatre's face and grimaced. "Did you even hear a word I just said?"
Quatre shamefacedly shook his head.

Duo sighed dramatically then launched into his explanation again. "Trowa and Heero's Gundams are still at the shuttle bay, but I left mine with a friend and I have to go pick it up again. Will you wait with one of the Gemini* for me?"

"Okay, but try to be quick. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. Sarah's bound to be looking for me."

"I'll be as fast as I can. I'll take the communicator with me so I can contact you if I'm running a little late."

Quatre nodded in agreement, and Duo vanished in a clamor of footfalls and a long whirling braid.

"Trowa and I will leave in another Gemini," Heero announced.

"Do you want us to wait with you?" Trowa asked suddenly.

Quatre looked up, startled. "No, its okay. We'll meet up sooner or later. Take care, both of you."

"You too," Trowa said. "You've had a rough past few days."

Heero turned away without a word and began strolling towards their already loaded Gemini. He didn't look back.

"I think that means I'm supposed to leave now," Trowa said, amused.

"Well, at least he doesn't talk your ear off," Quatre answered.

Trowa just smiled and turned to follow Heero. As he boarded, he turned back and waved once, quickly, then vanished from sight. In moments they were both gone, and Quatre felt very alone. He decided to go ahead and get onto his and Duo's Gemini so that he'd be near the radio if Duo decided to call. It also had the added advantage of having a nice comfortable seat in the cockpit. Days of poor sleep and this morning's 5:30 wake-up were beginning to tell on him. He checked on the controls, made a few minor adjustments, then closed his eyes and fell deeply asleep.

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He awoke with a feeling of dread. It seemed to him that Duo had been gone a very long time, though his watch showed that barely an hour had passed. He considered trying to contact Duo through the radio, but sternly told himself not to be paranoid. His chatty friend might have just gotten caught up in conversation with an old acquaintance, and hadn't he said he had left his Gundam with an old friend?

But despite these reassurances, his anxiety only grew as the minutes passed. He had just decided that if another ten minutes were to go by with no sign of Duo, he would try to contact him, when the radio suddenly bleeped at him.

Something in his stomach twisted, and he knew that whatever he was about to hear, it wouldn't be good news.

He flipped the switch and pressed down on the radio button. "Quatre here," he said clearly into the microphone.

"Good morning Cat," Sarah's voice answered him.

Quatre's breath caught and the thing in his stomach scuttled into his throat, but he swallowed it back and answered calmly, "Good morning to you as well Sarah. What brings you onto this circuit?"

"Well, your friend Dewy..."

"Duo," he corrected icily.

"He seems to be in an unstable state of health. He could drop dead at any moment."

Quatre reminded himself to breathe. "And just how many guns do you have pointed at his head?" he asked with forced levity.

"Oh, only one, but I'm sure it can do the trick. However, I am prepared to make a bargain with you, are you listening?"

"This radio doesn't have an off-button. I don't have a choice."

"No, you don't have a choice," she echoed, changing the meaning of his words entirely. "I'm willing to let him go, Quatre. Relatively unharmed. You can grant him both his physical well-being, and his freedom."

Quatre found himself uncomfortably reminded of dozens of bad commercials he had heard over the years. He mimicked one now. "All for the low, low price of...? What, my head on a silver platter?"

"You can forgo the silver platter," she answered pleasantly.

He sighed audibly. "Where are you anyway?"

"Near the gate," she began to say, when her voice stopped abruptly.

Quatre clutched both hands to his hand as silent tears ran down his face. He dredged up emotions from the bottom of his mind, and forced them upon Sarah. Anguish and terror clutched at her heart. Sorrow held her in a pitiless grasp. He heard her screams inside his head.

The radio squalled. "Stop it! Quatre! Make it stop!" she howled.

"You have the gun," he sobbed. "You make it stop."

There was an endless moment of complete silence within the cockpit. Quatre shook in his chair. Then an explosion came from over the radio, and he could her it more softly beyond the walls of the Gemini. Her screams stopped, and the radio was wordless.

Quatre pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He pressed his tightly shut eyes into his knees and rocked himself back and forth in that terrible, terrible silence.

The door slid open and Duo dashed in, slamming it shut as he dove onto the other seat. "Death-scythe's loaded," he said briefly. "Things went nuts. She was talking to you over the radio, and the next thing I knew she put the gun to her head and..."

"Stop," Quatre said. "Please, please, just stop."

"But it was the weirdest thing!" Duo exclaimed as he forced the Gemini into an agonized take-off, not noticing that Quatre hadn't moved. "It was like..."

"I know what it was like. I was there. I was in her mind. I tortured her until she found suicide to be a kinder option than life. I used my abilities to murder my own sister."

Duo gaped at him for close to three seconds before recovering himself. "You used your abilities to save the life of a friend. Quatre, you did what you had to do. I mean, it was either me or her. No one is about to criticize your choice!"

Quatre only pulled his arms tighter around his knees and pressed his face more firmly into his legs. His shoulders shook with soundless sobs.

"Quatre," Duo repeated his friend's name again helplessly. "Quatre, it wasn't like you had a choice!"

"No," Quatre repeated softly, "I had no choice."

"It was the right thing to do!" Duo insisted.

"And that's why I did it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't...ache," he whispered.

"I'm sorry, Quatre."

"Yeah, me too. Can you handle this by yourself? I don't really feel up to..." he let the sentence drift as Duo nodded vigorously.

"No problem. Go lie down or something. Take a pill. Get drunk. Do anything, and leave the transport to me."

Quatre nodded. "Thanks," he managed. Then he left. There wasn't really anywhere to go, so he went down into the cargo bay and crawled into Sand-rock, even though the Gundam was lying down, so the positioning was awkward.

Now enclosed in the shelter of a soft (if overturned) chair, and several walls of metal, deep in the belly of a ship steered by the hand of a friend, he searched for the serenity that he usually found within Sand-rock.

Curled up the slight warmth of the metal monster, it was the closest thing one could find to the security of an infant in a mother's womb this side of birth.
He couldn't stop his hands from trembling. He couldn't stop crying either. His nerves felt raw and strained.

"Sarah," he said aloud, and felt foolish for doing so. He twisted around in his seat, trying to find a more comfortable position. In the process, he managed to knock something loose. A rather large black case fell from where it had been stashed under the dashboard and landed on his legs, sliding down to his stomach. Quatre pushed himself back until he was sitting on the back part of the chair, his legs crossed beneath him. He carefully opened the case and pulled out a violin. It was a beautiful instrument, and although somewhat neglected as of late, still in nearly perfect condition. His father had given it to him as a present after his old one had been so mysteriously smashed.

He refused to focus on that, and instead ran his fingers up and down the four strings that lay taut across the glossy wood. In moments he had the bow out of the case and found that his fingers had steadied enough for him to play.

It was a gift of love. A sign of caring. Old memories, warm feelings, kinder days slowly filled the tiny cockpit as he drew a few soft notes out of the instrument. All of it acted as balm on his wounded heart.

Quatre knew he would survive. He knew he would go on. Heroes have the right to bleed, and even the right to cry, but they can't ever give up.

Far away in the cockpit of the Gemini, Duo heard a few distant notes of a song he had never heard. Relieved, he smiled.

*Gemini = a craft that is large enough to hold only two Gundams. I'm not sure if they ever had such a thing on the show, (and if they did, I definitely don't remember what it was called!) so I just made this up. If the show had another craft called Gemini on it, I'm really sorry. I tried to choose a name that hadn't been used, but I never paid much attention to the mech., so I might have missed it.