Cliff Notes
All the bishounen that's fit
to print.
We find Matt, our avant-garde host, sitting at the kitchen table in that hideous leprechaun-ish school uniform of his, staring at the ominous pile of books laid out before him. Yes, children, it be back-to-school for this brunette…which means the rest of the cast is made to suffer. Gabumon tiptoes by with a large sack and a cardboard box labeled 'bomb constructing equipment.'
"Gabumon…"
The horned lizard-dog glances up from his hasty retreat, looking as innocent as he possibly can. "Ye-es, Matt?"
"Can you grab that pen on the floor? I dropped it while attempting to figure out the gibberish they call English."
Gabumon winks at the camera, thinking he's in the clear. "Of course, Matt."
"Oh, and if you're attempting to blow up another ice cream shop, I'm telling you now you will die a slow and painful death only Lia can devise. And on that note, welcome to another rousing addition of Cliff Notes. I'm your oh-so-morose host Matt, here with my thirty thousand heavy textbooks, ready to condense another fun-filled chapter of the Keepers saga into a few small paragraphs."
Gabumon sneaks off to God-knows-where, probably to attempt jumping from the balcony, which, we may add, is very high up.
"So…here it goes. Last chapter, we were horrified to discover Gomamon had been royally smacked by the Sha…evil villains, and knocked somewhere into the ocean. As of the beginning of the chapter, he's sleeping with the fishes. Meanwhile, our team of bishounen, geniuses, and Davis…we're not sure where he fits in that category at this moment, are off to find our seal friend. Wormmon is still a little freaked out due to the encounter with the Sin Digimon. Um…at this point the notes get a little fuzzy…I think Lia was drooling on them…something about me, Garurumon, and no shirt. I can only imagine what her kinky mind was envisioning. Oh dear. Yeah, well, Cody and Izzy stay on shore for plot reasons, mainly, because they meet Penguinmon, who eventually explains how there's a thirteenth Digidestined…a girl…and she's apparently Japanese. Hey, I don't write the story, I just condense it."
Gabumon waltzes by again, holding a sheet of white paper.
"We got an urgent email that I'm needed at the Baskin-Robbins three blocks away so…"
"Not on your life, Gabumon," Matt retorts. "Back to the notes…Gomamon comes to, in time to meet a mermaid. Speculation points to the hypothesis that the mermaid is the elusive Oceanamon…and man, did I just sound like Izzy or what? Well, the mermaid actually says less than Trowa of Gundam Wing, so Gomamon takes it upon himself to carry on a one-sided conversation. And wouldn't you know it? Who should show up but another hoard of Shadowmon…oh shoot."
Everyone's favorite kitten-gone-secret agent appears wearing a small shower cap and toting a rubber ducky.
"Never fails. You get into the bathtub and somebody needs you. Wassup?"
"Not you! Another Shadowmon! GO AWAY!" Matt hollers, swatting at her with his geometry book.
"Fine. See if I send you a Christmas card this year."
"You don't anyways," Gabumon points out.
Shadowmon sticks her tongue out and disappears.
"Well, the other Shadowmon attack, and the Seadramon of that blonde mama's boy Michael kicks some serious shadow. After a brief discussion with Gomamon, some swimming, scene jumps, page breaks, etc. the two digimon pick up the new old crests."
Izzy walks onto the set and hits Matt with a grammar book.
"Hey! What was that for?"
"Redundancy. And because Nicki said she'd pay me if I did," the redheaded genius replies.
Matt is heard muttering something unsuitable for the Y7 target audiences' ears and continues his show.
"Okay, there are more other Shadowmon, and another fight scene, which means Joe, Izzy and I pull out the big guns and we end up with Zudomon, Megakabuterimon, and Weregarurumon…who, of course, win the battle. And I, being the optimist I am, get worried about the rest of the gang because Taichi hasn't sent any mail since we parted ways. Me and my weird feelings."
Gabumon walks by again, with a scrap of paper. "The producers called. They want to meet with me about my own spin-off series, so I'll be at the Ben and Jerry's…"
"Nice try, Gabumon. One, the phone didn't ring, and two, nobody in their right mind would give you your own show."
Gabumon gives Matt a depressed look and trudges back to his futon.
"Well, that wraps up another edition of Cliff Notes. I'm Matt Ishida, and Lia, next time don't drool on my notes!"
The omnipresent author appears in a flash of cheesy CGI effects.
"Is it my fault Snodin chose to give me fabulous mental imagery of you astride one wolf thing topless? Hmm? And is it my fault that you're devilishly bishounen?"
"Yes. Yes it is."
~*~
All your
reviews are belong to me.
Snodin, the story would be much better if you included more scenes of Matt sans shirt. Or pants. Even just no socks!
Lia…pervy
author chick.
Ah, but don't you
love me for it? ;)
