Cliff Notes

It's Lia's fault, all of it.

            We find Matt, the inhumanly gorgeous anime bishounen sitting outside of the studio, basking in the revelry of a warm day. Let's rephrase that. A warm day in New England in April. That's about as rare as a tape of Gestalt. Well, a VHS tape of Gestalt close to where the author lives and isn't twenty-five freaking bucks. Let's join said bishounen…now!

            "Hey everybody. I'm Matt, and I'm really sorry that I didn't update this sooner. Lia's had me busy between writing papers, other fanfics, doing stuff for the Alliance, being her music and drama Muse, and just being a popular rock star bishounen in general. So, many apologies to Snodin for being so delayed with this. You can kill Lia for it. Now onto the re…Gabumon!"

Everyone's favorite schizophrenic lizard-dog with the horn stuck his head out from the bushes.

"Yes, Matt?" he asked, still trying to seem innocent. We know he isn't.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

Matt glared at him with utter disdain, pulled a pair of hedgeclippers out of hammerspace and hacked the bushes up. There sat Gabumon with his usual hoard of explosives, blueprints, and a tub of Oreo ice cream.

            "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to blow something up again? Something having to do with ice cream?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Gabumon, I'm not stupid. As punishment, you have to review the past three episodes of the Keepers fic."

Gabumon made his lower lip quiver. "But Lia's notes are choppy and hard to read and you know every time you say that word that damn cat pops up and we have to deal with her and…you're going to make me do it anyways, aren't you?"

"You know me all too well."

            "Fine. You people have your freaking crests; Tai's little party has a cloud. And you, being so high and mighty, decide you want everybody to meet you in Metal-tropolis. Well guess what? That's not going to happen, because Mephismon, this big nasty monster with a goat head and bat wings, he's gonna pop up and attack Tai's group. And just before that, you and Sora have a freaking lovers' tiff! And Wargreymon and Rosemon can't even beat this thing, especially not after he digivolved to Galfmon! And then I come along as Metalgarurumon and we can't even put him out then! Pridemon ends up axing him! And then oh, we have to focus on Ken and have Ken flashbacks as we go to Metal-tropolis, don't we? And we have to meet these Yanmamon things that look like those freaking p***mon, don't we? And Metalseadramon has to be running the place, doesn't he?"

"Gabumon, I really think you need to calm down now."

"Shut up, you quivering mass of hair gel, I'm reviewing! Wormmon's a virus, and the people of Metal-tropolis hate viruses, so Ken and Wormmon get the boot. They hook up with a bunch of Gazimon. The Devas, who apparently work for the big important bad guy, attack Metal-tropolis, even though they're virus and vaccine. Stingmon, who comes back to help, gets wailed on and almost dies…again. It takes everybody's power to revive him, and he freaking warp digivolves to GranKuwagamon. Everybody helps rebuild Metal-tropolis, and we get the freaking Leafmon."

"Gabumon, I…"

            "Interrupt me again and I'll gnaw your ankles off! We go to the fecking woods because we need to get to the fecking beach and Ken goes off to get some fecking apples. He meets up with Lustmon while getting his fecking apples and it starts sounding like porn. Greedmon and Demidevimon are apparently watching. Oh, and Ken's just so important because of his fecking Dark Spore! And Stingmon just has to come and make it better. And 'evil' just has to 'never truly go away!' And that fecking Penguinmon hasn't gone away yet! In fact, he's back! And he's inviting them to a party. And you, fecking human, are fighting with Sora again! And there's a flashback of, quote, 'sweet Yama love.' And then, to make everything all better, we have to meet up with the fecking SHADOWMON!"

The cat by the same name appears once again, this time wearing Lia's lavender girly Kaiser beach sunglasses.

"You rang? I'm helping Lia pack for her happy fun vacation with twenty hours on a bus with her daddy, who's crazier than your daddy, BakaYama!"

Matt stared morosely at her. "Gabumon's blown a gasket, he's gone completely insane."

"Fun! Can I knock him out with a two-by-four and take over reviewing?"

"I wish you would."

            And so Shadowmon knocked Gabumon out with a two-by-four.

"Yay! So, there's a whole lot of CHAOS! But normal chaos, not the cranberry sauce chaos from Tamers. And there's a song! And the Crest of Humility gets lost! Which is bad! But that's okay, cuz we get to go to Mardi Gras and we meet a chick named April! I wonder if she's from the Ninja Turtles. Anyway, Davis and Yolei come up with some farfetched, harebrained scheme to get you, BakaYama, and Red back together while you're dancing in a nightclub. I don't know if it worked, but Greedmon showed up again and you think there's gonna be a big battle but there ISN'T! Cuz Davis cons him and he goes away, and it turns out the chick was Oceanamon the whole time. And get this, you're really gonna love this, it turns out that the girl our penguin (pronounced pen-gew-inn) friend was looking for is……………………………JUN!!!"

Matt fell out of his chair. "What?! HER?! No, this can't be right. This is some evil scheme Lia came up with to mock me. This isn't…where's the story? I wanna read this for myself!"

            The horrified bishounen whacked Izzy over the head with a bottle of SoBe lemonade and stole his laptop, logging onto fanfiction.net and downloading the chapter previously condensed. And then he fell over.

"Ooh! Matt passed out! Hey Lia, can I poke him with a big stick?"

No.

"Oh. Well, I gotta go, pig. I'll see you later."

When Matt didn't respond, Shadowmon got right in his face and screamed, "I gotta go, pig. I'll see you later!"

            Lia emerged from the dark cave she usually hides in and glanced at the unconscious fanfic host sprawled on the ground.

"Well, looks like he won't be closing this fic. For Cliff Notes, I'm Lia Agianna, filling in for Matt Ishida. See you next time. Oh, and I'm considering running a web manga on keenspace.com possibly. I'll have to think about it, because I wouldn't be able to use Matt since he's a copyrighted character and I'd get in trouble. I dunno. Have a great vacation, watch out for bizarre prank callers, do well on standardized tests, and eat your vegetables. See ya!"

~*~

In case you're wondering, I took a standardized test today and had a bizarre prank call.

*wakes up* Ugh. What'd I miss?

Ending the fanfic.

Oh. No big loss. So…if you can't use me in this web manga, who would you use?

I've already done some sketches for a hottie tentatively named Ishi.

Ishi like Ishida?

Yeah, it's gonna be his first name.

…Intriguing. And frightening.