XV - PROOVING PATERNITY

Grissom leaned in the doorway of the lounge, a small smile on his face, as he watched Sara going over the case file once again. Nick and Catherine were with Greg and Warrick in the lab, waiting for the DNA results to come back from the cigarette filters. They had taken a swab from Nancy not that long ago, after explaining to her what they needed it for. She had just looked at them vacantly, before nodding. "If it will keep Earl from Timmy."

The last 36 hours had been hard on Grissom. He had been forced to re- evaluate himself and the way he interacted with people, especially in regards to the sudden Nick/Sara relationship that seemed to be developing out of thin air. He was annoyed to discover that he was jealous of their easy rapport with each other, and admitted to himself it had bothered him for a long time.

Grissom was not a man who easily revealed his heart. He was a man of intense emotion, but he buried it deep behind 'scientific method' and tried to keep it there. Grissom remembered what had happened the last time he had allowed himself to really feel, and it wasn't a performance he wanted to repeat.

Had Grissom been a younger man, he might have thrown caution to the wind and told Sara how he felt, but age had made him cautious. Once, long ago, he had been able to love freely. He had loved his mother.

He had grown up in a house with a deaf mother and a hearing father, who had loved each other at one time. As his mother's hearing had diminished and disappeared, Grissom had watched their relationship change from one of equality and mutual respect to something different. His mother still loved her husband, but he no longer seemed to love her.

The young Grissom had been hurt by his fathers increasing disregard for his mothers' feelings. As an adult, he could see that his father had resented his mothers' constant dependence on him. As she had lost her hearing, she had changed. She didn't want to go out anymore; she was scared to be alone. But the more clingy and needy she became, the more his dad had pushed her away. His mother was always crying, and his father was always angry. Grissom, who had loved his mother very much, had started hating his father. He had begged his mother to leave him, had promised her he would take care of her, but she had refused.

One day, Grissom had come home from work and found his father beating his mother. Grissom had exploded, throwing himself on his father and allowing all his pent up rage out. He probably would have beaten him to death if his mother hadn't stopped him. Later that evening, she had packed his bags.

"You have to go." She had signed.

"Me? Why? He was hurting you." Grissom's hands had flashed back.

"You have to go." She kept her face carefully blank, and repeated what she had first signed.

"How can you stay with him? He's a bastard." His fingers danced around the signs, jerking and angry. "Come with me, and I'll never let him hurt you again. Don't make me leave here without you, Mom. I love you."

"And I love him. Please go, and don't come back."

And that was the last time Grissom had seen either of his parents. He tried not to think about it that often, but the realization that his mother didn't love him as much as he had loved her had hurt him deeply.

Grissom had thrown himself info his studies and his work, and over the years had tried to cut emotion out of his life. He had become cynical, and everyday, with every crime scene he processed, he became more so. Most violent crime was based in emotion - 'Crimes of passion' - never had a truer phrase been coined.

But there was something in Sara that appealed to the locked up poet in his soul. Maybe it was her eyes, or her smile, or simply her way of being - and Grissom had slowly been exploring and analyzing his feelings for her. He had known for a long time now that he could love her, but he had been scared that she couldn't love him. And now he found himself in the untenable position of watching someone else - a man he considered a good friend - making a run for Sara.

He was startled out of his reverie with the sudden realization that she was looking at him. Her head was cocked to the side, and her glance was bemused.

"Gris? Whatcha' doing?"

"Oh. Nothing, just wool-gathering." He walked into the room, and slid easily into the empty chair next to hers. "Can't really do a whole lot right now until the DNA results come back."

Sara smiled at him. "You seem different somehow. More.involved with this case than you normally are."

Grissom nodded absently. "Yes, I suppose I am. It's just unlike anything I've ever seen before. The things people do in the name of love." His voice drifted off, and he grabbed another stack of papers, skimming through them again, slouching back into his chair.

The minutes ticked by. Sara was singing to herself as she read, tapping her foot softly on the floor.

~Where is this love, that will open the doors, where is this love, to make me cry out for more, where is this love, that comes from above, where is this love, where is this love.~

Suddenly the singing stopped. Grissom looked at Sara, who was worrying her lip between her teeth, brows creased in concentration.

"Grissom. Look at this." She handed him the page she had been reading, and quickly started looking through the file for something she had read earlier. It was a psych evaluation for Nancy. Grissom looked at it curiously.

"What am I looking for?"

"About a third of the way down - it says the family has a history of mental illness. See?" she pointed to the paragraph in question. "Nancy's mother committed suicide."

"And?"

Sara kept shuffling papers, and then smiled in excitement when she found what she was looking for. "Coroner's report on the mother. The coroner indicated here she was into self-mutilation."

Grissom scanned the report, one eyebrow raised. "Interesting. How old was Nancy's mother when she died?"

"Twenty-five. Nancy was just a baby."

"Why did she go to her aunt and uncle? Why not her father."

Sara smiles. "Her father is listed as unknown."

* * * * *

"Hey guys, wait until you hear this." Greg bounced into the room, an excited grin on his face. He was quickly followed by the other three CSI's.

"The DNA from Earl is a match for Timmy?" Grissom asked.

"Well, yes. That goes without saying. This is even better. Want to guess?"

"Greg." Nick's voice held a warning, but he was smiling. Greg looked at him and shrugged, and turned back to Grissom and Sara.

"Okay, okay. So, we get the DNA back, and I'm looking at it. It matches Timmy, but something is strange. Too many similar markers - so, I cross- referenced Earl to Nancy. Earl is Nancy's father, too."

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Author's note: the song Sara is humming is "Where is this Love?" by the Payola$. I thought maybe I would try to create a little bit of a back- story here to try to explain why Grissom is so -Grissom. Let me know if you all think it works. Thanks.