Author's note: Hurrah for me, I'm finally updating! Too much schoolwork lately to write, but today we had shortened classes so I'm home super early. As always, please review – I wanna know what you think! Annnd… I promise it finally gets slashy in the next chapter. And, I'm gonna start the next chapter today! Hurrah!
Disclaimer: They're still not mine. As much as I want them, I can't have them. Nope. The boys are Jonathan's all the way. Chapter titles are from Matt songs and so are the lyrics (I took some liberties with the lyrics to Sideways – that is, I changed them to better fit the moment in which Roger is writing/singing the song).
Roger's POV
It's 7:30 and we're walking down Avenue A. The cold air is stinging my face, but I don't care. Dinner was amazing – The Life Café is exactly as I remembered it. Nothing's changed. Even the waiters are still the same. During dinner, I went to the bathroom and finished that song I found on my desk. I wanna sing it tonight I think, at the gig. Maybe I'll sing it for Mark. I always used to sing him a song when he came to watch me play.
Nothing's changed with me and Mark. We're still best friends. It's almost as if I haven't left at all. I look over at him and smile. He's got a big grin on his face, and he's gesturing wildly with one hand about some new movie he's making. As always, he's got his camera in the other hand – he's gonna film my gig tonight.
We walk up 14th and turn onto Irving Place. I see Darius unloading his drums from the van. He waves me over, and I jog up to him, pulling Mark along with me.
"Dude. Where've you been? We were gonna have dinner, remember? To celebrate our first big New York gig…" Darius looks pissed.
"Yea, I know I'm sorry. I got caught up with something and I lost track of time." I give him my best 'I'm your guitarist and singer and you really wanna forgive me so just do' smile. "Did a lot of people go?"
"Everyone went – all CBGB's and Pyramid Club people were there. That chick you used to date…Sandy? She was there too." He looks around for a second and notices Mark for the first time – apparently he's been standing off to the side filming this. "Mark Cohen?" Mark nods. "Fuck! It's good to see you…" He gives me a sideways glance and a wink. "So that's why you were late."
"Yea, I met up with Mark this morning. We had dinner together." Darius gives me a questioning look – everyone in the band knows I'm in love with Mark, and they all suspect that he's in love with me too. I shake my head at him slightly, hoping Mark won't notice, to tell him that nothing happened. As if anything ever would…Mark's not interested in me in that way. "I saw Maureen today too."
"Shit. How is the drama queen?" I shrug and grin. "You should've invited her to the show."
"Yea. She could've kept Markie company." I turn around to find out where the voice came from, and see Dylan, his bass slung over his shoulder. "We gotta do a sound check and stuff before we start. You guys ready to go on in?" He glances at me. "Jared has your guitar, yes?" I nod. He smiles, and adds, as an afterthought, "Hey Mark. How're you doing?"
Mark smiles, a little shy. "I'm alright. You know, same old I guess." He glances down at his camera. "I'm gonna film you guys tonight."
Dylan smiles. "Like old times, right?" Mark nods.
"Let's go," I say, and we start heading for the entrance. I put my arm around Mark's shoulder. "C'mon Markie. You can go backstage at a real rock concert!" He grins, and we walk through the door.
Mark's POV
"Roge?" He nods at me. "I'm going to sit up there, ok?" He nods again. "Sing a song for me, won't you?" Roger smiles and says something that I can't hear.
The opening band is playing their last song and The Well Hungarians are going to go on in a couple of minutes. It's been a long time since I've seen Roger play – I can't wait.
I flip on my camera. "First shot, Irving Plaza. The Used are finishing up their set, and Roger's about to come onstage." I point the camera at myself. "Here I am, sitting and waiting for Roger to come on, just like old times. Everything seems to be pathetically normal once again." I pan across the club. "Hundreds of screaming girls waiting for sexy Roger to come on." The lights dim and the screams are getting louder. "Looks like their wait is over – there's the band." Well, this won't need any more commentary from me. I can just sit back and film.
Roger comes on stage, and he's absolutely glowing. "Hey New York!" he screams into the mike. "We're gonna start with a couple of new songs, and then we'll see where it goes from there. We don't like making set lists so… it'll be a little more spontaneous I guess." The applause is insane. Roger looks back at his band, Darius counts off the beat: "1, 2, 3, 4" and they go into a guitar-driven song that I've never heard.
The time goes by quickly. They do a bunch of harder rock songs to begin with, some of them from many years ago. I know a lot of them, and I sing along, recording all the while. Eventually, the band goes off stage and Roger brings out a stool and an acoustic guitar. I used to love his acoustic sets – whenever he fought with his band, he would go to the Oneida Bar and perform there by himself with his beat up guitar. It always got his mind off of things.
"Alright," he says into the mike. "Time for my acoustic set." He starts of with Greenbay, and then goes into Your Eyes. He looks amazing singing that song – he pours his whole soul into it. He sings a few old songs that he used to sing back in the day…songs written for April. By now it's 11 o'clock – almost time for his set to be over.
"Alright…time for one more song, I think," he says. "This next song, I started a long time ago, but I just finished today. I'm not sure about all the lyrics yet, I don't think they're done." He glances up in my general direction, and I zoom in on his face. "Mark. This one's for you. I love you and I'm sorry." I gasp, and blush. The song starts.
"Lost my train of thought around Chicago. Found a little solace where you lay. At least I had your memory to soothe me – it kept me going till the end of May. Lost my patience well before West Fourth Street, then I found a copper coin, it said "Seize the day." And I let the angry audience surround me, hiding as I screamed and sang and played. Now even in this silence there's a thunder, a shred of comfort standing at my door. And at least I've got the sense to reconstruct you and leave me twice as lucid as before.
"Because everything I've ever done, I've done because I love you – silly
you should ask. I'm afraid that I've
spent the better part of last year scared that I might need you. Now I'm back and I feel again. Everything I've ever done, I've done because
I love you... Sideways.
"And you left your mark – you
left your face in the corner of my mind.
You left your mark and you left yourself.
"And at least I've got the sense
to sense what's coming and realize that good things never come to those who
wait too long.
"Because everything I've ever done, I've done because I love you – silly you should ask. I'm afraid that I've spent the better part of last year scared that I might need you. Now I'm back and I feel again. Everything I've ever done, I've done because I love you... Sideways."
The cheering is deafening as Roger gets off the stage.
I'm speechless. He sang Mimi's song for me. It's a beautiful song. I point the camera at myself, and begin narrating again. "That was Roger. Singing the songs that I haven't heard in years. Some were for Mimi, some were for April, and one was for me…? What does this mean? I guess I'll go downstairs and find out."
Roger's POV
As I was getting off the stage, all I could think about was whether Mark liked his song. I can see him weaving through the crowd now, trying to get over to me.
"Hey." I'm trying to be casual – I don't wanna seem too eager because he may have hated the song. Or, been confused by it. The lyrics were very ambiguous, especially because he doesn't know how I feel about him.
"I loved your song," he says. "It was beautiful."
"Really?"
Mark smiles. "Of course, really." I'm so relieved – he loved it. I suddenly want to leave the smoky club and go sit with Mark in the loft, really talk to him. I search the room for the guys, and quickly spot Jared in the corner, drinking a beer and taking the scene in. I walk over to him, and motion for Mark to follow me.
"Hey, Mark…" he slurs. "How've you been?" He's stoned; probably everyone in this room is except for me. And Mark, of course.
"Good," Mark replies, as Jared pulls him into a hug. "You guys were awesome tonight."
"M'yea… Fuckin' awesome man." A girl holding a joint walks by and Jared grabs it from her hand. He takes a pull.
"Jared. Mark and I are gonna get out of here alright?" Mark shoots me a questioning look and I just smile at him. Jared looks at me blankly, trying to figure out what it is that I am saying. "Do you think you can tell the guys that I'm sorry and I'll see them later?" He nods, and I know that he's already forgotten what I've said.
"Let's go," I say to Mark, and we're out of there.
