Author's note: Well, here I am writing Chapter 5. There's kissing in this one, yay! It seems as if you all are enjoying my little story, and I'm glad.
Disclaimer: Still not mine, but rather, Jonathan's. Titles are Matt's! Lyrics? Also Matt's! (I kinda butchered and changed them a tiny bit, but he still wrote 'em.) Hurrah for Matt!
Mark's POV
Roger grabs my arm and pulls me out of the hot club and into the night. The cold air wakes me up – I was starting to get drowsy. I'm not really sure why we left though. I thought Roger would want to catch up with old friends – there were a million people backstage just waiting to talk to him and he brushed them all off and left. With me.
I glance over at him. He's half-walking, half-running down the block, a little ahead of me, a big grin on his face. I don't know what could've gotten into him – 2 years ago he never would've dreamed of leaving an after-party to go sit at home with me. First he sang that song for me, and now this. Tonight just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
"Mark!" Roger calls back to me. "Hurry up, I wanna get home!" He looks so excited.
"What's the rush Roge? If you keep going at this pace, I'll be too tired to do anything but sleep by the time we get there." I sound a lot more bitter than I had intended too, but he slows down all the same.
"I just wanna talk to you silly," he grins. "Like old times."
"We've certainly used that phrase enough today."
He pushes me into the side of a building. "When did you become Mr. Negative?" I smile and shrug, and we walk together in silence. We finally get to our building (am I thinking of it as 'our' building again?) and Roger opens the door. "Race you up the stairs," he calls out, and tears up 5 flights with ease. 5 minutes later I reach the top as well, a little out of breath, and he laughs, holding the door open for me.
We walk inside, and quickly fall back into old habits. He sits on the couch and starts picking out a song on his guitar (I recognize it as the song he played for me tonight, and this makes me blush) and I put my camera on the tripod to get it all on film. He looks great playing – even if I never see him again, this will be enough of a happy memory to last me forever. I walk into the kitchen and make some tea.
"Do you still like it with milk and honey?" I ask him. He nods in reply. Did I even have to ask? When I'm done making the tea, I walk over to the couch and sit down next to him. He drinks down the hot liquid quickly and then keeps playing for a minute. Soon after, he puts his guitar down and looks at me thoughtfully.
"Mark?" He looks a little scared, like he's about to say something revealing. "Have you ever…done anything…you know, sexual, with a guy?"
I laugh at him. "You always knew that I swing both ways Roge." He looks at me pleadingly – apparently, this is not enough of an answer for him. "Yea. I've done sexual things with guys." I glance over at him – this answer seems to be enough for him. "Why are you asking? I mean, are you getting interested in guys? Need me to teach you the basics?" I laugh, but he's blushing. Roger never blushes. "Hey, Roge…what's wrong?"
He doesn't respond for a long time. Finally, he picks up his guitar and plays my song again, singing along with the music this time. I'm not sure what to say to him – he never gets like this around me – so I just sit back and listen. The song really is beautiful, and completely unlike anything Roger's ever written. The lyrics are a lot more honest than his lyrics usually are. His other songs are more along the lines of 'Boy meets and gets Girl' scenarios. But this song – well I can tell it's coming from his heart.
When he finishes playing, he puts his guitar down, and looks up at my face expectantly. I'm not sure what he wants me to say. "That was beautiful Roge. It's my favorite. Out of the songs you've written." He smiles at me and puts his arm around me.
"Thanks Mark." He gives me a serious look. "Not just for liking the song. I'm glad you like it though. But I'm talking about everything. Thanks for everything you've done for me."
"Aw, shucks Roger. It was nothing." I'm feigning modesty, trying to brush the compliment off as nothing, when it really means so much. I can't put more into it than what is there. Roger doesn't want to be my boyfriend. He doesn't love me like that.
But then, why did he ask me if I'd ever been with a boy?
Roger's POV
I'm sitting
in my old apartment, on the couch I dragged up five flights of stairs, staring
at my best friend and trying to figure out the best way to kiss him. In all my fantasies about him, I'd say
something like, "So Mark, how's the weather?" and he'd lean in and start making
out with me rather than the other way around.
Looks like it's not working out that way though. I've been trying my best to flirt with him
all night – I even asked him if he's ever fucked a guy before for Christ's
sake. I figured that would definitely
get him naked, on top of me, moaning, "Roger, that's the spot."
Instead, he's sitting looking
up at me with concern in his eyes. He
probably thinks I'm being weird. And
you know what, I am being weird. Well
fuck weird. I'm gonna keep being this
way.
"Mark." He smiles at me. "I'm serious. Thank you. I really mean it. And I mean the lyrics of the song too – they pertain to you. I love you Mark."
"What?"
"I…I love you."
"Aw, Roge, you know I love you too."
"No Mark, I don't love you like that, I love you like this." I lean over and kiss him on the lips, gently, slowly. His body stiffens momentarily, but then he seems to get into it for a few seconds. I put my hand on his cheek and start kissing him more forcefully, which makes him pull away.
"Roger? Do you know what the fuck you're doing?" Mark looks absolutely terrified. "You're not into guys!"
"Oh, Mark, I know. But I'm into you. Not because you're a guy Mark, but because you're you." Mark's face is softening up a bit, and the corners of his mouth are curving into a smile. "The stuff I'm feeling for you Mark…it's weird. It's a little sideways. But I'm still feeling it. I can't run away from what I'm feeling. And I don't want to Mark, I don't want to."
"I…" Mark's voice trails off.
He looks at me for a minute, and then leans in and kisses me, really soft. I put my hands on his face and kiss him deeper – he starts running his hands through my hair. I begin massaging his lips with my tongue, wanting entrance into his mouth. He quickly grants it to me, and I explore his mouth with my tongue, running it over his teeth and the roof of his mouth. As the kiss deepens, we lie down on the couch, him on top of me. We make out for a while like this, his hands on my chest, mine massaging the small of his back.
Finally, he breaks away from me and smiles. "So. What the fuck are we doing?"
I laugh. "We're kissing Markie. Me and you." I kiss him lightly on the lips.
"Yea. I guess we are." He pauses and looks at me shyly. "Do you think you could play for me for a little while? I haven't gotten to hear you play in so long. I've missed it." He gets up off of me (why did he do that? I felt so comfortable with his weight on me…) and I pick my guitar up off the floor.
"What do you wanna hear?"
"Play me something new. Something no one has ever heard."
"Alright. This song, it's not done yet. I don't know what the chorus is going to be yet either… I just know some of the verses." I begin playing the song, playing around with the chords at first, trying to see what sounds best. Then I start to sing, a little shy at first – I haven't even tried this song out on the guys from the band yet.
"Hold me closer now, make believe I'm someone else. I can't hear but I can listen to your lies. Show me beauty now, make believe you look like you. I can't see but I can read between the lines. Yea, hit me harder now, make believe my face is numb. I can't feel but I can sense you in the air. Now lean in farther now, make believe you're unafraid. I can't speak but I can whisper in your ear…
"Wishing I was there, wishing I could hold the ground that spins around and leaves me unaware. Just say you love me now, 'cos I cannot afford to wait… To deny your heart is to deny me too, and I can start a new religion with the things I don't do. It's not like you're scared anyhow…"
I play the last couple of chords from the song, and look over at Mark. I have a bad habit of singing with my eyes closed – I wish I could've kept them open so I could gauge his reaction to this latest piece of writing. However, it seems I have nothing to worry about – he is beaming up at me from behind his glasses.
"Roger…that was so beautiful." I smile at him, happy he liked it. "When did your lyrics get so personal?"
"When I fell in love with you." He kisses me, and I put my guitar down and get lost in the moment. The kiss goes on almost forever, but eventually we have to break apart. I have to get back to my hotel. I start to get up, telling Mark that I have to go.
"No Roge…stay here tonight. Come sleep with me," he pleads. I can't say no to him, and we head back to his room. He hands me a pair of pajama pants and I put them on. I crawl into the bed beside him and put my arms around his waist, breathing in his smell – so uniquely Mark.
"I love you Roger," he whispers.
"Me too." I can honestly say that I've never been happier in my life.
