Author's Note: Well it's been a while, but I'm finally updating I Can Watch You Dance. It's a good story and it's not done yet, so… yea I'm gonna finish it. Please please please review!
Disclaimer: Mark and Roger still don't belong to me. Neither does Collins. The chapter title is from Matt's song Unaware. And the "each new road leads straight to home" line is also Matt's.
Mark's POV
Ring…Ring…Ring… "Hey, it's Mark. I'm not here. Leave a message." I wake up and hear my voice on the answering machine, but am too lazy to get up and answer the phone. I roll over and see Roger lying beside me and smile.
"Hey Mark." It's Collins! He's finally back from his Buddhist retreat. I roll out of bed and walk over to the phone. "I dunno if you're screening or just not home, but I'm back and I wanted to come by and tell you all about my trip and stuff. So, if you can, give me a—"
"Hey Collins!"
"Mark?"
"Yea. Who else would be answering the phone at my house?"
"Andrew?"
"Andrew…?"
"You know, your boyfriend."
"Oh." Wow, Collins has been gone for a long time. Andrew and I broke up like 2 months ago…he couldn't deal with my 'commitment issues'. "Andrew and I broke up."
"Oh. Yea, I was wondering why you were the only one talking on your machine." He paused, unsure of what to say. "Hey, I'm sorry Mark. You guys were good together."
"No worries." I smile, thinking about the man asleep in my bed. "Hey, where are you?"
"At home. I flew into JFK at 3:30 this morning."
"Well, do you want some breakfast? I don't have much, just eggs and maybe some cereal. But I think you'll be pleasantly surprised when you get here."
"Why?"
"You'll see. Just come over."
"Ok," Collins agrees, and hangs up. I walk around the living room, searching for my camera. Normally, I leave it on my tripod, but last night I got caught up in Roger and was careless. I finally find it in a pile of clothes by the bathroom door. I pick it, set it on its tripod, and turn it on.
"November 27th, 11:17 AM, Eastern Time. Collins is coming over – he's back from Tibet – and Roger is asleep in my bed. I better go wake him up; he'll want to shower before Collins gets her. The last few days have gone by in a blur. I'm not sure if I can recall it all, but the fact is this: Roger and I kissed." I smile to myself and take my camera off the tripod and into my room to film Roger. "He looks so peaceful when he sleeps," I whisper to my camera. "He always has a smile on his face when he dreams. It's a shame I have to wake him."
I turn off my camera and sit on the edge of the bed, gently shaking my musician. "Roge…wake up." He groans and rolls over. "C'mon Roge, get up. Collins is coming over." He buries his deep beneath the covers. Gently, I take them off and kiss his eyelids.
He opens his eyes slowly and smiles. "Mmm…" He kisses my nose. "What were you saying babe?"
"Collins is coming over. Go hop in the shower."
He grins mischievously and kisses me hard on the mouth. "Why don't you get in with me?" He gets up and I slap his ass, but shake my head 'no'. Roger has AIDS. I can't risk getting sick. I can't be careless. I sigh. I can hear Roger singing in the bathroom as I walk into the kitchen. I scramble 8 eggs with some Kraft Singles and make three bowls of Corn Flakes, sprinkling sugar on mine and Roger's. I was my face at the kitchen sink and then go change into some (relatively) clean clothes. Collins will be here soon and I don't want to be too much of a mess.
After I clean myself and the living room up a little bit, I sit down on the couch and wait for Collins to come. What's gonna happen when Roge and I do decide to have sex? We're gonna have to be safe about it. Use protection. I can't afford to get sick because we're too careless to get a condom. But it'll probably be a while before we're ready anyway. I mean, it's not everyday you're thinking about fucking your best friend. And there are so many—
I was startled out of my reverie when Roger put his arms around my shoulders and kissed my ear. "Watchya thinking about?"
I didn't meet his gaze. I didn't know whether I wanted to talk to Roger about the possibility of us having sex. I certainly didn't want to do it now. But then again… 'When else are you gonna do it Mark?' Hesitating, I looked into Roger's eyes, and saw love there. Pure love, completely uninhibited.
"Roge…?"
"What's wrong Mark?"
"I…" I faltered. How do I go about starting this conversation? "Well, I was thinking, about, you know, us. And…I don't want to be presumptuous, so I'm going to refrain from calling us a 'couple'." Roger smiled at this, chuckled a little even. "But, we definitely have a physical relationship. And it's bound to…ah, develop. You know?" I stare at him anxiously, trying to see if he understands what I'm trying to get at.
He starts laughing, visibly relieved. "Mark. Is this a sex talk?"
Roger's POV
I get out of the shower and into the living room to find Mark. I see him sitting on the couch, absorbed in his thoughts, and wrap my arms around his shoulders. "What're you thinking about?"
He doesn't meet my gaze and it looks as though something is troubling him. I start rubbing his shoulders and feel all the knots there. He's really tense, and probably very worried about something.
"Roge…?" he says softly, ending the word in a question mark.
"What's wrong Mark?" I hate seeing Mark hurt. I wonder what could be wrong.
"I…" It seems he's not sure exactly where to begin. He takes a deep breath and starts talking very fast. "Well, I was thinking, about, you know, us. And…I don't want to be presumptuous, so I'm going to refrain from calling us a 'couple'. But, we definitely have a physical relationship. And it's bound to…ah, develop. You know?" He's done and he looks at me, his eyes full of concern. I chuckle, trying to curb my laughter but I can't help it, and I start giggling.
"Mark. Is this a sex talk?"
He blushes and nods sheepishly. "Yea. I guess so." I keep laughing, unable to control myself. Mark starts getting pissed off, which I find all the more humorous. "Hey… It's not that funny." He tries to sound angry, but a smile is playing at the corners of his lips. Eventually he starts laughing too, and we both sit there, holding hands and giggling. I feel like I'm in junior high again.
Once we both calm down, Mark tries again. "Roge, I was serious. We do need to talk about it."
"Ok. What do you have to say?"
"Well. I hate to be blunt, but you have AIDS. I don't."
Duh Mark. Well at least he's not skirting the issue like he was a minute ago. "I know. But we can be safe. Really Mark. I would never put you in danger because I'm horny." He's starting to smile, and so am I. "Don't worry about it. I promise when it comes up we'll be safe."
That answer seems to satisfy him and he leans over and kisses me on the mouth, softly. I deepen the kiss and we end up making out on the couch for a few minutes. The phone rings and Mark reluctantly gets up off of me.
"It's probably Collins asking for the key," he explains. I'd forgotten that Collins was coming and I fix my shirt, although I'm not sure why. Collins has seen me look a lot worse than I do now. But I haven't seen him in months, and I want to make a good impression.
I stay on the couch when Mark gets up to open the door. Collins doesn't see me at first, he's too wrapped up in hugging Mark and telling him about his trip. I get up and stand awkwardly next to the two of them, allowing them to finish their moment. When Collins finally lets go of Mark, he sees me, and his jaw nearly hits the ground.
"Roger?" His voice is full of wonder. I nod. "What are you doing here?" He comes over to me and wraps up in a big Collins hug and I grin.
"The band's in the city. We're working on our second album."
"Yea? I've heard your stuff. It's awesome."
I smile. "Thanks Collins."
The three of us quietly look at each other. We've shared so much, our little group of friends. I can't believe I'm back here with them again. All we need now is Maureen and Benny, and we can pretend that it's six years ago and we just moved into the loft. But it's not six years ago, and I realize that. Choices have been made, and we can't take them back anymore. But…maybe it's better that way. Because we're all together again now. It's certainly true that each new road leads straight to home.
